It was about 3:00 in the afternoon. It had been a long hot day so far, it had been a long hot summer really. Today the heat was pressing down on me from all sides. I almost felt smothered by it. I loved it. The cicadas and crickets were in full force. The sky was that deep purple blue it gets when the humidity is high. On the horizon were long dull flat clouds that seemed to hang just above the surface of the earth, nearly touching the ground, indicating a chance of a rain later. If the storm didnt follow the river, as they always seemed to do lately. Clouds of dust and bits of hay floated heavily into the air of the barn every time I walked in with a new load of wood. I set the overloaded wheelbarrow down. Bumping the handle yet again into my upper thigh. Blinking away tears, I start unloading and stacking yet another pile of firewood, a seemingly endless chore. But if I didnt do it, we would have no heat this winter. Wild straggles of hair had come loose from my baseball cap and were sticking to my neck. Bits of dirt and bark, clung to my sweaty foreams. Blisters red and swollen, from the handles of the wheelbarow constantly slipping from my tired grip, throbbed. One more piece of wood, and I will take a rest.

I lean against the wood pile, two rows deep now, the length of the barn, taller then me. I am making progress. I revel in the heat, dreading the fast aproaching winter, but I am proud that we will be ready for it. I stand up and stretch, taking stock of every aching muscle, glad of the pain, it lets me know I am still alive. I sit on a nearby stump, light a ciggarette and take a long thirsty swallow of my beer. It rushes down my dry and dusty throat, refreshing to say the least. Looking out the window at the hazy midsummer afternoon sky, slowly enjoying my nicotine fix, my mind starts to wander.

I think about that old story my mother loved to tell me. It is a strange one. She was in college, before she met my father, when she was still getting high on a regular basis. She was out driving around with her boyfriend. They were pulled over on the side of the road, there was a hill with an old twisted apple tree on it in front of them. They figured they were far enough out of town that the cops wouldn't notice. If they did, they would say they are taking pictures for a photography class, it is a picturesque spot. The best way to get the most out of your left handed ciggarett, is to smoke it in a small car with the windows up, and the heat on. They talked and laughed, and the next thing they knew, a thunderstorm had begun. My mother, obsessed with all things paranormal, ghosts, ESP, aliens ,magik, fortune telling and such, suddenly said...

"look!! I can control the weather!!" they laughed and laughed and her boyfriend said

"prove it!!'

"lighting will strike ...THERE!!!" a wild dramtiac fling of the hand, pointing to the left

BOOM!!!!! Lighting strikes, nearly the instant she said it..

they laughed and laughed, what a funny coincidence!

"and..THERE!!!!" more dramtic pointing to the right

BOOM BOOM!!! closer this time, it looked as if the lightening was coming from her fingertips. She felt alive, tingly and wild...

They laugh nervously and "wow, this is some good shit! Did that really just happen?"

"and for my final act, lightening shall strike THERE!!!" She points at the tree in front of them, the car shook the strike was so close, the tree split in half and started to smoke.

There was no laughing as they drove away, a fire truck met them coming the other direction....

My ciggarette is gone. There is still wood to stack. One last glance up at the sky, I do hope it will rain, my gardens are suffering. I wish I could control the weather. We are going to need that food. I think of all I have acomplished so far this summer. I spent the first month pulling nails out of the side of the house, we are going to get new siding, the old lead painted shingles had to go. The old man before us had used about 6 or 7 nails, per shingle. Lots of people had honked at me, when I was up on that ladder. My arms were still quite bruised from the times I would be pulling on a nail, it would suddenly let loose, and I would bash my arm into the upper rung of the ladder. It had been a record breaking hot summer so far, up into the nintey's even over a hundred some days. Thank goodenss for the pool, for the kid's sake. But I had to wear longish sleeved shirts into town, to cover the bruises. He didnt want people getting the wrong idea...

Today I am in a tank top and short shorts, fuck what the neighbors think The nails have all been pulled, the old, moldey, musty, bales of hay had been cleaned from the barn after that. Fifty years worth of old left over hay. I had been sick for a while after that one, but there was no one else. We needed to put the wood in the barn, the hay had to go. I had strange rashes and more spiders then I care to remember on me then. But he is allergic, I dont want him to suffer. Not after working hard all day...with Kate....

Clouds are rolling in, the air becomes deadly still, no doubt about it a thunderstorm is on the way. Oh God, I hope it rains. I glance to the far field, the girls are playing in the sandbox he built for them. Why am I such a bitch, he's a good man, a good father, I need to get my work done and be happy with it. I am doing this, not for thanks, but to show my love..that's better..I need another beer...he said she doesn't mean anything to him. She works there, its not his fault. A landscaping company, she's going to college to be a lumber..Jill? I guess you call it? Im NOT thinking about this. again. I turn the radio up louder, I stack the wood faster, throw it harder, I am good enough. I need to be. So why does he go to the bar after work, and she's there? Oh, thats right, she's one of the guys, its a free country, he cant tell her to leave.....

"I deserve a beer after a long day in the sun, you don't know how hard it is working out there all day!!"

"Of course you deserve to go out. I do have an idea of how hard it is..."

"No. I dont think you do. You wouldn't be all upset if you did. What do you want me to do?"

"Come home, spend time with me. She gets you for 10 or 12 hours a day...We have beer here."

"No. She doesnt 'get me'. I work with her. I can't help that."

"You can help sitting next to her at the bar. You could invite me, call me when you get out, tell me where you are, I would meet you there."

"How rude would that be? Im not going to get up and move, besides we are friends. You cant tell me there is anything wrong with me having a freind!! JUST FRIENDS..get it..I havent done anything worng!! Your going to have to deal with it. And NO, your not going into a bar. What? Do you want me to have to get into a fight? Some guy would look at you, and I would have to knock him off his stool..."

Just friends, ok. I get that. But, why does he have something to say about her, every day..Kate is so funny, Kate is doing better at weed whacking..shes so tiny..I cant believe she can handle a chainsaw...at the begining of the season, he told me he knew she was up to no good. She's a flirt, and trouble, and "don't you worry. Im on to her!!" I WAS nervous, because of the Brandy thing, that had happened a few years ealier. She had trapped him in a freezer, pressed herself against him, cried and said.."but your wife will never know!! Just come out, after shes in bed!!" did he say, I dont want to? Did he say, I love my wife and wouldn't hurt her like that?

no. He said...I can't. I have children.

"what difference does it make? I told you, and I didn't do anything. Dont you trust me?"

"Well, yeah, im glad you didn't do anything, but....you made it sound like you wanted to. But you just couldn't, cuz of the kids. I wish that you would tell people you love me."

"Well, I do love you. I dont need to tell the whole world."

Damn. I am NOT thinking about this...sit back down on my stump, watch the blue grey smoke drift out the door. Focus on the fact hat he does love me, I need to stop thinking about this, he's right. Plenty of people have friends of the opposite sex. It just sucks that she is so cute, and tiny, and has long shining blonde hair, how he looks at her, when he didn't know I was there...how he dropped his sandwich that day, when he thought he saw her pulling into our driveway. The look of fear...How for weeks now hes been getting home later and later, doesn't want to talk

No. Im not doing this. Im making myself crazy. I trust him hes my husband, he loves me. I am going to stop freaking myself out. Shes a sneaky bitch, and I will just have to be better then her. I will get the wood stacked, I will be clean by the time he gets home, and dinner will be amazing. I see clouds rolling in faster now. My stomach is churning and I feel like I could fight., I wish I could punch her in her stupid homewrecking face. I yell to the kids, "time to go in!! I think its gonna thunder!!"

BOOM a loud crack splits the air, the sky is now black, the girls scream and run for the house. My beer isn't finished, and I want another butt. "your ok. go on in and have a snack, I'll be in soon, and Ill make dinner" they laugh and wave from the saftey of the front porch. I think we are really going to get this storm. The wind has started in earnest, I can feel the electricty in the air. I have had just enough beer on just little enough food, that I feel crazy, I want the angry thoughts to stop, and they wont. It starts to rain as I light my last ciggaretet. The thunder grows closer, and I think I can feel it in my soul. I wonder, are they outside? Trapped in the rain?Did they run for the truck? Is she laughing, shaking the rain from her long, blonde, perfect hair? Her shirt wet, slightly clinging....I know she knows what happens when a shirt gets wet..she would be using that to her full advantage, large blue eyes looking up at him, "oh I am afraid of the thunder"...

Hatred fills my viens. I am tired of coming in second, every single time. I think, I cant take anymore. The wind is howling, the rain is coming down in sheets, my whole body aches and my soul is tired, and I scream.."I wish that bitch would get struck by lightening." Tears streaming down my face, I hurl my beer bottle outside against the wood that remains to be stacked, as it shatters, lightening strikes nearby. The ground shakes. It was close, it looked as if it had come from my finger tips. I pull myself togehter and go inside. I need to change into clean clothes and cook dinner. I feel remorseful for ever having wished something so awful on a person. It was wrong of me. I think, wow, its really not this girl's fault that I feel insecure. What's come over me?

I am exhausted, aching muscles, tired heart, regretfull of my attitude, and he walks in. The love of my life, my best friend, I smile wanely and say

"Hi honey!! How was your day? I made you a steak.."

"That was some storm we had. Did it hit here? It looks like it did."

"yeah, the kids didn't belive me at first, I was stacking wood and yelled for them to go in, lightnening struck pretty close, they went in them. You should have seen thier faces!!"

"Kate was struck by lightening today."

I can not put into words how my heart stopped, my stomach fell, I froze.

"what?" I didnt really mean it..oh shit...

"the storm had just started, she was inside talking to Justin, her hand was on the doorknob, and there was a large puddle leaking in thru the door. I have told them they need to do something about the drainage..anyway...lightnening struck the parkigng lot, and it travelled thru the puddle, and she collapsed. Shes ok, they rushed her to the hopsital, Im sure it hurt like hell, but she is ok."

"oh." gulp, breath, is this possible?..."I hope she really is ok?"

"Oh, she's tough, sure she's fine. Can I have more mashed potaotes?"