I care for my 96 year old mom. She was having difficulty in an independent living community, and could not handle it on her own. She broke two bones in her foot. She needed us to help her. We rented a larger house and we determined to help her and give her the dignity she deserved after having been independent for so many years. So two years ago she moved into our home.

My mom is a smart lady, and she doesn't miss much. But she has had great, great difficulty actually making the transition to a place of being dependent. She cannot see well and the macular degeneration she has has added to her problems with emphysema. She is a fighter, and while I appreciate that at times, I find that she resents us regarding her need for us.

Not only does she resent us, but she was a spotless housekeeper, a perfectionist, and rarely had to work outside the home. She is certainly not pleased with our lack of perfection, and although our house is nicely kept, she is not respectful of us. She was better than the neighbor lady who had to work and now she is better than us.

The sheer fatigue that we feel regarding this relationship has been even more difficult on my wife and daughter than me. I am a pretty patient sort. I don't see the point of challenging her on every issue, knowing that she will not change that much.

You are probably reading this and saying to yourselves why would you not just let her spend her money down and go into a nursing home. While that would be a viable option, it is not in her case. I feel that she is simply too mentally alert for a nursing home. I hate to see alert seniors being placed into nursing homes. My mom has home health nurses when needed, though she doesn't keep them for long. She is still too independent in her own mind to keep them around for long. Certainly she hurts our feelings, with the lack of respect. But she is not ready for a nursing home.

Do I wish she were as easy going as me? You bet. I would think that nursing home workers would not take kindly to her. She has been lectured by nurses after her hernia operation and lectured by another nurse at another time.

The big issue with my mom is that she wants to be independent but dependent at the same time. She is too proud to ask for help, yet too dependent to rely on herself. That creates all sorts of tensions that I had no idea existed both for the rest of my family and myself. But I feel it is the right thing to do, to take care of her, as long as she is mentally alert.

Basically, I am writing this hub because I want to share my thoughts with others in my place, and give you a chance to vent your frustrations at the comment section below. All I know is that it is a noble thing to do, to help your elderly parent. But the ones who fight that help make it very difficult. They expect you to read their minds. No one can do that.

So, here is your chance, folks, to comment on my situation, on your situations, and come to an understanding about how to better care for our parents.