Celebrity Sex Tapes - Paris and Kim tell all!

Sex tapes are the new vogue in young Hollywood. They're rare enough to be distinguished from regular porn by the fact that the participants are at least somewhat famous for some other achievements. (Assuming that by 'achievement', you mean being born rich, or having rich friends who already made a sex tape or something.) The most notable and high profile sex tapes of late have been that of Paris Hilton, and her once friend Kim Kardashian. That's not to say they made a tape together, rather that they both had individual tapes released. Sure, it has been a few years since Paris' tape was leaked onto the net, but the ripples are still being felt. Would anyone care about Paris's little jaunt to jail if it weren't for the sex tape? I doubt it.

What we tend to forget however, is that the people in these sex taps are real people. They have feelings, and opinions, and they deserve to be expressed.

When I pretended to interview Paris and Kim, Paris was upbeat and dressed in a Chihuahua skin bikini. Kim spent most of the time in the corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

What impact did the sex tape have on your life?

Paris: The sex tape was the best thing I ever did. It made me really famous and got me lots and lots of money. Money is good because I can buy more Chihuahuas. I keep loosing mine under car tyres and things like that.

Kim: I wear tight dresses, but stay away from white, urine stains white clothing. Oh god, so warm and yet so humiliating.

What was the most embarrassing thing about having your sex tape released?

Kim: The urine, definitely the urine.

Paris: Embarrassing? It was totally hot!

Do you feel that your sex tape has caused to to be more experimental sexually?

Kim: It burns if you get it in your eyes, you know.

Paris: Yeah totally! I'm hot! I have pictures of myself all over my walls, and a stripper pole in my lounge. I'm so hot!

What would you want people to know about you?

Paris: That I am hot. I am totally hot. I even looked hot in a prison suit, and I have totally learned my lesson. From now on, I will get one of the dogs to drive, oh my god, how cute would THAT be! Someone buy me a kitten!

Kim: (Was just rocking and crying softly by this point. She appeared to be wearing a diaper under her clothing.)

See folks, they're people. Totally real people.