You thought you were going to sit down and have a nice discussion about your future. Puppies and flowers and houses and white picket fences... That was until they started apologizing and said the dreaded words, “I cheated on you.”

Before you flip out, before you say something you might regret, before you say anything at all remember this: There are worse ways to find out! How about dropping by their place and catching them with their fling? What about seeing them making out in a parking lot? Oh, don’t forget about finding out second-hand! At least they respect you enough to be honest with you despite their obvious stupidity in other areas.

So what do you do? Well, just because they’re honest doesn’t mean you have to trust them, forgive them or even stay with them for that matter. But because they were man (or woman) enough to tell you, you might want to reconsider immediate dismissal, unless that is what they want, in which case the decision shouldn’t be hard to make considering a loss of trust this size is hard and painful to recover from.

In any case, if they don’t want to break-up you’re definitely going to need time to digest the information you were just given and they should be respectful of that. I suggest not asking too many pointy questions, “Were they better than me,” “Were they more experienced,” “Did you like it?” If they’re stupid enough to answer those questions it will only drive you crazy and cause endless heartaches.

The following is a list of questions you SHOULD ask:

• How long has this been going on?
• Were you both tested?
• Did you use protection?
• Did you tell them it was over?
• Have you done this before?

Since it is better to be safe than sorry, be responsible and get tested to make sure you are clean and suggest they do the same. If they care about recovering a small amount of the trust they just lost, they’ll have no problem giving a little blood in the process (if they put up a stink or have any objections drop them, they aren’t worth getting an STD).

Now what to do? That decision rests solely on your shoulders. Is this something you can move past or will you obsess about it every time you see them? Is it something you can trust them not to do again? If you DO forgive them and take them back it is not an excuse to throw it up in their faces every time you get mad. You took them back; you better mean it when you say “I forgive you.”

Before you say those magic words, however, you need to take some time off to be by yourself and make sure your decision wasn’t reached in the heat of the moment. You also want to make sure that any information they gave you jives with the time line they may have described. This is a time for you to evaluate the relationship and if it’s worth the sacrifice you’re going to have to make to get past the feelings of anger, betrayal, disappointment and hurt. That doesn’t mean you ignore their existence, but keep your distance until you’ve digested the situation and know how you want to proceed.

When you feel ready to talk about the situation without screaming at them or immediately bursting into tears, you’ll want to sit down and have a nice long chat. Again, if they care and if they really want to make up for their betrayal, they should want to spend the time to help you talk it out. Tell them how you feel, make them understand that the only reason you’re talking with them now is because you care. This mistake is a deal-breaker for most relationships.

If they are a person of integrity (which is debatable considering what they just did), then maybe this will make them realize how lucky they are to have you. If they aren’t, don’t be blind-sided again! Get rid of them! Think of this is their last and final chance, if there are any red flags what-so-ever (and make sure they know this), if you get so much as a suspicion that they’re being dishonest don’t wait around for another ‘talk’, jump ship NOW. They’re lucky to have gotten a second chance, don’t give them an opportunity to ask for a third.