Cheaters and Cheating - Why Infidelity is Becoming Commonplace
76Is He Cheating? Is She?
What Sounds Worse
The statistics on infidelity these days are staggering. Whether you're married or in a monogamous relationship, infidelity should be a very real concern. So today, I've decided to examine infidelity, some of the causes therefore, and options as to where you should turn and what you should do if you're a victim thereof.
It's becoming commonplace for society to 'sweeten up' infidelity by removing all negative connotations from the phrases we use to describe it...For example, you rarely hear the term 'adultry' any more because it conjures images of accountability. Now people say things like "unfaithful", "extra-marital" and the like. The terms "cheat" and "adultry" sound bad, and that's why we're pushing them under the rug.
Since the dawn of time, people have avoided being held accountable for their actions. We want to be right - even when we're wrong. It's human nature...So, what's the difference between today and 50 years ago? 100 years ago? What has happened in the last several decades that has catapaulted us to the CHEATERS HALL OF FAME?
Well, I honestly blame our current infidelity epidemic on a combination of things that include; a lack of religious faith, women's liberation, and greed.
Now, before you get all up in arms, hear me out...
First of all, national statistics show a decreased interest in the moral guidelines as set forth my organized religion. For example, as a Christian, I am well aware that, biblically speaking, I am my husband's help mate, he is the head of the household, and I am to treat him with respect and let him have the 'final say' when it comes to life's decisions. I am living proof that this approach works quite well as my relationship with my husband is wonderful and our 'bedroom life' is still, well, hot. However, I can also acknowledge that it's often difficult to surrender my 'power'.
This leads us right into women's liberation as a catalyst for cheating. Women, over the years, have sought out equality. Shows like Sex in the City depict women as sexually empowered as men and now, more than ever, women will use sex - even casual sex- as a means for validation as an equal. Women are now asserting themselves in and out of the bedroom. Basically, if a woman is not happy at home, and has no 'faith' driven consequence to her actions, she will readily cheat to get the affection she craves.
Likewise, a man will cheat if he feels he is not respected at home. If a woman emascualates her man on a regular basis, he will begin to seek respect elsewhere.
And finally, greed...we are a greedy people...we want what we want and we want it now. For some people, a lack of satisfaction is the only prerequisite for cheating. If his or her partner isn't "giving" enough, out of greed they will seek that satisfaction eleswhere.
Cheating doesn't have to be sex...in fact, adultry and infidelity ca be achieved with NO sexual contact. In most cases, a woman will consider simple hand holding or flirting to be cheating...Lord knows I do! If my husband were to even give that eyeball to another woman, he would automatically become a dirty cheater!
So the big question is, "how can you prevent cheating?"
Well, sadly, there's no guarantee...but there are things you can do...first of all, maintain a moral compass. Consider the other person's feelings before you make any decision. Showing that kind of caring and concern will help to prevent straying...after all - loyalty breeds loyalty.
Secondly, Take care of yourself. It's all too common for people to 'let themselves go' when they get settled in a relationship. Well, that's a big mistake. If you're hoping to keep his or her attention, you should remind yourself of what he or she was attracted to in the first place. I'm not saying you should kill yourself to stay a size 2...but you shouldn't neglect yourself. Caring for others required caring for yourself. Self care will also breed confidence, with is an automatic attractant.
Put forth a physical effort...make sex, affection, words of affirmation, dates, et cetera, a priority. If your partner responds to a particular approach more readily than others...do THAT...even if it's not your favorite (abandon your greed and be a giver). You don't have to sacrafice all the time, but you should be willing to see things from your partner's perspective.
TALK... believe it or not, there's more to a relationship than sex. Taking time to talk to your partner will open physical and mental lines of communication. When you're not in the 'act', discuss your desires and your fantasies. Getting it out there will get you more of what you want you'll feel less inclined to stray.
Finally - and my number ONE --- Go to God...developing a relationship with God...whether married or single, is the best way to guarantee relationship success...Don't get me wrong, Christians have problems too - we screw up just like everyone else...we're still PEOPLE...but the Christian always has HOPE...which is more than the 'world' can offer. Especially in today's times.
In a future hub, I plan to talk about HOW TO TELL IF YOUR MAN/WOMAN IS CHEATING...
I also have a short interview planned with a marriage counselor...I will ask all the questions most people are scared to ask!
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional counselor and the advice herein is based solely on information I've heard over the years or applied to my own relationship.
*This is the reason I plan to do the 'counselor' interview...that way, we can ALL hear from a professional!
Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater
Put in Your Two Cents
Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
See results without votingPrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
a relationship with yourself is the key!!! if you have that and self confidence... when they cheat it makes it easier because you know your worth more than that.. and moving on isn't so hard
Bill and Hillary
Infidelity isn't any more prevalant today than 1000 years ago. You just hear about it more often.
I feel sorry for you. Married or not, no one should ever have the "final say" in your decisions but you. Thank God my husband lets me be me... oh, and neither of us cheat.
I think because it's easy :D
First, I agree with what Jess said, times have changed whether we like it or not and a man does not own his woman and get to make all the decisions in a relationship. That was how things worked in the past, but society HAS learned to give women the respect that they deserve, finally! Sorry to say but your views sound a lot like your husbands views and not your own.
You are a beautiful person, a wonderful individual and I hope that you never have to deal with infidelity...knock on wood I've never been a victim of that (to my knowledge).
I've grown my own relationship with God and he can and will aid you in making the right decisions, but sometimes you have to make the decisions on your own.
Nice hub, thanks for the info:)
HaHaHa -
No, the information I passed along here came from two primary sources - my Christian background and a prominant bible study on marriage...
And no, I make NO major life decisions without first consulting God's word...that is my own approach and I find it comical that I would find critique in that stand. I expect to be 'persecuted' for lack of a better word, thanks to my decision in using the Word to guide my life...but come on - don't be rediculous. Making decisions on my "own" without thinking about God's will would be s a recipe for disaster because people, overall, are of the flesh and prone to sin. It would be trying to put out a fire with a match...it just doesn't make sense.
Please - don't pitty me, because I have naught to be pittied over...
You must understand, the subjects on which I Hub are typically 'hot button' issues in the media or society for traffic reasons and nothing more.
But the bottom line is, embracing the 'societal whole' is how we got so jacked up in the first place. Whether you agree with my sources or not, looking to "society" is NOT the best approach.
All I can say is this...Walking the walk has worked for me so far...plain and simple.
Honey, I thought you meant that you don't make decisions without your husbands okay, not Gods. That is totally understandable, God is the one person we can all truly count on.
Didn't mean to offend you, I appreciate this hub and your feelings on the issue.
Hi,
Good article.
I think there is another part of the equation. It is the notion that we have inner evil and we must control it at all the time. While we in fact have a certain set of instinct, we do not need to fight them. They were set in place for a reason. We just need to learn to understand them, and they will help us be happy.
Unfortunately many people are trying to fight their instincts. This battle can not be won, and eventually they get too tired of fighting and give up - cheat.
Went out w/ girl for 4 months, only to have her suddenly stop communicating & refuse to talk about what's happened..
- finally after 4 days saw her Google chat tagline read "wearing a beautiful dress & a smile to match just for you"
..pretty sure she's not doing that for me, but really sad how she hasn't even given an explanation as to what happened.
Guess cheating was an way easier out than having real conversations. Real shame is that maybe before I might have been open to friendship or something else if things didn't work out.
Now there is little to no chance of that. Then again, I guess that's probably what she thinks of what we shared, which is also a shame - why waste these past months then??
I totally agree with tabruh - in the past I'd blame myself for what happened.. go over & over again about arguments, mistakes that were made.. analyze and re-analyze each moment - try to figure out what went wrong.
Yet in the end the answer was always the same - yes, I did my share of things that went wrong. But I was with someone who didn't value my time enough because I didn't myself.
I'd try to "save her," worrying about why she was upset or how I can fix things. Instead, I needed to deal with my own feelings.
So, while lots of dating / relationship gurus talk about giving to another, "you can't give to others what you don't give to yourself."
Amen sister -- tell it like it is. You are SO right, and I'm glad to hear that you are living out your Christian principles in the home. And it seems you are reaping the rewards.
It encourages me as a single woman.
Thanks
No offense taken...and you're right - I do consult my husband on major decisions - but that doesn't mean I don't do my own thinkin' :) ... because we are "one" means he's a part of all my activity - nonetheless...I am still my own woman, and as Proverbs 31 tells us, that's just the way it should be !! :)
And you're partially right too HILLCEO - However, infidelity among the ancient civilations took on a different social connotation. We, at the dawn of modern society, 1800-1900 experienced a dramatic decrease in the instance of infidelity as a result of the church being a major part of law (think the Scarlet Letter)...that lull continued throughout that time (with rises and falls of course) throughout the industrial era...The instance of infidelity raised sharply in the 60's in the 'free love' era and has continued on the rise...just as scripture said it would ;)
Yes, infidelity has been around since forever - there are several instances thereof in the Bible itself...be we've also been a fallen people since that time.
However - today, sexual immorality and infidelity is at an historical all time high...I find it interesting that even this is predicted in the Bible.
To me, that' just too cool.
Thanks for the comments guys, I love this stuff!
Very intersting Hub on a subject I have seen from the other side. I was married to a lovely man but still fell in love so deeply with another that I left my husband to be the 'other woman'.
Maybe you could check out my article and give me some feedback?
CHEATING ISNT WORTH IT!!!NOPE
I used to worry about someone cheating on me in a relationship but then I stopped for a two main reasons.Worrying stops you from enjoying the relationshipIf they are cheating eventually you will find out as long as your head is not under a rock.
Nice hub. There are a lot of variables to consider in a relationship and they scare me!
while reasons for infedility were discussed i didn't see any point beyond the trivial stated here...
how about long hours in the office affecting home life. Simple thing, but probably one which is affecting relationships most, that people are losing the time and the drive to work on their relationships...rather focussing their energies on work
amongst a few ones which are to the context of the times and may actually require ponderance
hi T.L.Eaves, i would like to first thank you for this interesting hub, and would also like to let you know that i have been faithful to my wife for all of our 15 years of marriage. one of the worst problems that i have seen in relationships it that when a woman has a child naturally, she is stretched out past the limit by having a watermelon passed through her vagina. also to make matters worse, the doctor does not close up the gaping gap, so when the man of her life gets to finally make love with her again he is disappointed. as you well know, most men are not hung like a horse, and even a man with a normal sized one is lost in the void. i feel that our doctors are to blame for most of the cheating done by men and women, by not tightening things back up to where it was before the watermelon came out. men love the sensation of having something hot & tight wrapped around his joy stick, and women love having a joystick that fills her up so she has the same wonderful sensation. i have had so many of my friends get divorced just because they could not please their wife anymore, and the same with the women, because her husband does not satisfy her any more. you can do all the touchie, feelie, caressing that you want, but in the end when you enter the bottomless pit all of that is lost. i hope that the women will forgive me for being so blunt, and will consider suing their doctor for destroying their marriage, and for the women who have not had children yet, when you do, demand that the idiot puts you back like you were before the watermelon came out.
Roger - I speak from personal experience...having had two children naturally, my "parts" are even BETTER than they were before...and from the medical point of view...that part of the woman's body is designed to expand and contract - to it's original size mind you...and having experienced childbirth will increase blood flow to the area thereby improving response. If you're having as dramatic a problem as you're describing, there may be more to the issue than childbirth...It does take some time for the 'parts' to go back to normal...but it's a medical certainty, unless something else is wrong...I mean, from the female perspective...if your "stick" is like the little pencil they give you on the golf course, it won't matter what the doctor does...
If you're using childbirth as an excuse to cheat -there's more wrong than you may think...first of all - your "reason" should NOT be a reason because it's unrealistic....if you truly have this problem, it's time to stop making excuses and look for ways to fix the problem...
I suggest kegel exercises (wonderful for toning this 'area') and if your problem is extreme, there are surgical procedures that can take care of the problem...
Other than that - you may want to examine OTHER reasons why your STICK isn't bringing any JOY...something tells me it has less to do with childbirth than you think.
WOW..... I totally agree with Eaves!!!!!
hi Eaves, first, if you have read my comment you will note that i have never cheated on my wife, and do not ever intend to, second, i have been endowed with a stick that is larger than most, but not to much to handle, third, i do not feel that you are correct, about it going back to the way it was, i have been with several women that had children before i got married, and i can promise you it is not tight, not like the first time, it is loose and sloppy after you get going, and forth, my wife had all of her internal women parts removed, and it is like a void, it feels like you taking your index finger and thumb and wrapping it around your other index finger at the base, then wiggling the wrapped finger, it is totally in the air, no sensation, and my wife has said the same thing. i am happy you and JMSmith are having no problems with your husbands, keep up the good work, and i will ask my wife to try the Kegel. i hope you and JMSmith have a wonderful day, keep Kegeling.
Hi again Roger,
First of all, I'm not accusing you of cheating...but you sited it as a reason men cheat...I'm saying "you" collectively, not "you" specifically...also, I fear your problem may be more psychological than physiological...as a hysterectomy does not remove any of the 'organs' that make up the 'experience' in the bedroom. The uterus and the ovaries are never touched by the 'joystick' as you call it, and thereby have no bearing on 'satisfaction'...Also, comparing hysterectomy to childbirth is not cohesive...it's like apples and oranges...a horse of a different color even...I suggest you check out these links - the first is a medical study showing the improvement of female 'response' post hysterectomy as opposed to before, and the second is more of a response article.
http://www.umm.edu/news/releases/hysterectomy.htm
http://surgery.about.com/od/proceduresaz/ss/Hyster
If you're making, even unbeknownst to you, your wife feel like a hollowed out old pumpkin, she WILL FEEL like a hollowed out pumpkin...unless, by cancer or some other tragedy, she has had to have her 'pleasure parts' surgically removed...they are still intact and functioning normally...
Please see http://staging.womans.org/admin/img_upload/Image/C
As you can see, the lower region and the upper region are separate...if the upper region is removed, the lower remains intact...including the cerv.x, as it is designed to protect the internal organs from, well, everything.
Again, unless something is horribly wrong...kegels should help tighten up the muscles down there...as will regular exercise...I've been doing them since before ever getting pregnant in the first place, and upon discussion of this session with my hubby, was informed that there's no difference now than before. I know it's better for me than it was...
As far as the changes of childbirth, consider this ... it is medical fact that some, reiterate SOME women experience permanent changes in their 'area' after childbirth...however, this is not true for ALL women...in fact, the majority of women will contract back to normal or near normal and never notice a problem...again, kegels help...however, if you feel you have a severe problem, consider vaginoplasty...plastic surgery for the "area" in question.
I wish you luck in your quest for satsifaction, but I suggest you examine the psychology behind your problem... if indeed your problem in THAT severe, you are not part of the majority and should consider medical intervention.
Please note, I'm not a doctor...but I'm not a slouch either and I do have a background in health and anatomy...aside from that, being a woman...I pretty much have a handle on what's going on down there.
Thanks for the comments!
Very good advice to keep your partner from cheating on you.
I am a "serial cheater" I have never been able to be with only one man. I don't do it for the power, money, or for asserting some feminist concept.
The reality is more simple than that, temptation is too big, life to short and the pleasure too much to deny myself from it. Having multiple relationships at the same time has become a lifestyle even when I do love the men I am with. I suppose it is because different men fill in different needs.
Very good read!
Mrvoodoo says:
8 months ago
Only 13% said yes, I thought it would be higher, I suck!