Suspecting your spouse is cheating on you can create a hole in your heart and a sick feeling in your stomach. You almost don't want to know, after all, what you don't know can't hurt you, right? Wrong. What you don't know you will eventually find out, and if your spouse is cheating on you you deserve to know the truth. Marriage is supposed to be built on honesty and faith. You owe it to yourself to be sure your spouse is upholding their vows.

First of all, if you suspect your spouse of being unfaithful, ask them. You need to find the right words to say at the right time, but if you truly suspect infidelity, you have every right to get the truth directly from your spouse. If you are unable to do this, or unsure of the honesty behind their response, then there are other steps you can take to uncover the truth.

In the age of computers and cell phones, it is difficult for anyone to hide much from someone who is monitoring them. If calls from an unknown number are dialed or received, or websites such as chatrooms or personal pages you do not recognize show up in your computer's history, these may be signs your spouse is cheating, or at least hiding something from you. If this is the case, you should be on the look out for changes in their schedule, appearnce or behavior, as these may also be sure signs of infidelity.

A new hobby or interest could be a sign that your spouse has taken up an interest in another person that he/she shares this new hobby with. It is completely acceptable and healthy for partners in a marriage to have separate interests and to pursue those interests on their own. But, if a sudden new interest is shown, and it makes the other feel threatened or alienated, the proper thing to do would be to try and include your spouse in this new activity with you. Failing that, you have every reason to voice your concern over the time your spouse is spending on this new hobby and away from you.

Often when spouses cheat, they will take on a new appearance, almost as if they are wearing a new identity. Men may make more of an effort to tone up and women may dress nicer or wear more make-up than usual. If your spouse has begun to take more interest in their appearance, ask them what it is all about. You may be surprised to find out they want to look nicer for you.

The last sure sign of cheating is a change in behavior. If your normally loving spouse has stopped showing affection, if they no longer hug or kiss you, there is a reason why. If they have begun to treat you differently, you deserve to find out why. It may not be infidelity, but there is something going on to prompt this change in behavior.

You need to communicate with a potential cheater. Marriage is built upon honest and open communication. If you are not satisfied with the answers you get, trust your instincts. They will normally guide you to what is true and right. You need to also be open and honest with yourself. If you really believe in your heart that your spouse is cheating, you know you need to take action, and do it sooner rather than later.

Did I see it coming? Looking back now, I have to say I probably did. My friends and my family tried to hint at his infidelity, some less tactfully than others, but I couldn't admit it to them or to myself.

I was so desperate to be loved by someone that I just ignored most of the signs of cheating... and all the classics were there: the strange phone calls, the secretive conversations, the abruptness, the change in attitude, the radically different work schedule. I tried to make myself believe it was all in my head.

Maybe he wanted me to know. Maybe he wanted a way out of our relationship. Maybe it was his way of telling me it was over. I should have just left and never looked back. Whatever it was, he made me feel like I was not good enough for him.

Looking back, what I should have done was get help and get out right away. My best friend's sister pointed me to a book called "Beating Cheating" that was available online. She had gone through the same thing I was going through and she said the book really helped her. I should have checked it out sooner; I could have moved on faster with my life if I did that. Maybe even found found someone else. Still, once I got it, it really helped me out of a bad situation.

I was insecure. What if there was nobody else out there for me? What if this cheating, lying man was the best I could get? Who would care about me? Would I spend my nights and days alone and bitter watching TV? Actually, I did spend my days doing just that. While he was out on "business", I would watch TV and try not to think of him.

I know, you're asking yourself what I was thinking. Heck, I ask that too. Why did I waste so much of my life with him?

Even when we were together physically (and that's not what I mean), he would be distant emotionally. There was an emptiness in his eyes even when we would kiss or hold hands. It was like he was not completely there. He would lavish me with gifts in an attempt to make up for the real gift... his emotional presence.

Once I found out the truth and gathered the courage to leave him, it became the best decision I ever made. I felt like I had once again taken control of my life. I was free. Sure, it was hard at times to be alone; sometimes I even thought about him and if we could have made it work, but I eventually gave that up. The feelings I had had for him for so long were slowly melting away, like butter in the hot sun. I was finally able to admit that he was just a man I once cared about.

Just a couple years ago, he emailed me, asking how I was doing. He said he was fine, engaged to a girl, but it didn't work out. I felt no qualms in pressing that Delete key.