Children at Risk -- Falling Through the Cracks
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"Kevin"
Born in a hospital in the then Soviet Union, Kevin was promptly abandoned by his biological mother and subsequently shipped off to an over-crowded, under-staffed orphanage. Left to fend for himself, without the comfort of loving arms to nurture him, he remained until he was adopted and brought to the United States at the age of five.
"Megan"
Megan lived with her brother and parents. Two kids, a dog, a cat and a quiet, lower-middle class neighborhood until a disastrous combination of circumstances resulted in a life that spiraled out of control. Alcohol, violence, neglect and financial instability eventually forced Social Services to intervene. The then six-year-old was placed in foster care until her maternal grandmother won custody.
Rescued?
Two very different children, born a world apart into tragic lives. Both ‘rescued' from certain misery. Both happy endings. But is it really that simple? Sadly, no. Despite the love, the stability and the security eventually offered to these children, the emotional scars left by the trauma of their early years are wreaking havoc in their lives and the lives of their families. Now fourteen, both Kevin and Megan suffer with lingering emotional damage. Megan has become a chronic runaway, Kevin is violent and impulsive. Neither has regard for consequences. Both have problems with relationships. Megan is finally showing signs of improvement; the jury's still out on Kevin. And like thousands of children across the country, they are slipping through the cracks, in danger of losing the help that they so desperately need.
- Troubled teens
Help for parents with at-risk teenagers - Troubled teens info
Help for parents of teenagers - My Troubled Teen
Directory of teen programs - What is a troubled teen?
How to identify when your adolescent needs help or outside intervention
The gap widens
While the government - federal, state and county agencies - are quick to point out the progress that has been made in ensuring the physical well-being of children with improved access to subsidized health care, what about the mental health of these young people? What the majority of us don't realize, unless it affects those we love, is that there exists a huge gap into which children like Kevin and Megan can easily disappear. Many private insurance providers only offer reduced benefits for short-term psychological care. Where does a family turn when a few out-patient appointments with a therapist aren't enough or when a young person becomes a threat to themselves or others? The expense involved in long-term therapy, or in a residential facility, can be staggering, ranging from $2 - 3,000/month and up. An expense which is often simply beyond the reach of the average middle-class family.
Ultimately most of these families turn to the government for help; a difficult decision for many, but nevertheless necessary. All too often however, this avenue turns into a dead end. Many of these families have an income which prevents them from qualifying for Medicaid, yet they risk losing everything they've worked for without some kind of assistance, thereby placing any other children in the family at risk. Although some states have eased their requirements, there are as many others that have not. States that take such basic assets as a home or even a car into consideration when determining whether or not a family qualifies for benefits. Desperate parents have been forced to sell their homes in an effort to qualify, only to find that the proceeds from the sale is considered annual income and puts them into a position where they now fail to qualify on the basis of income rather than assets. In the meanwhile, the monthly bills for the troubled child's therapy continue to accumulate...$24,000...$30,000...$40,000 annually. Where does a parent turn?
Many of these young people are removed from treatment programs early, due to the family's financial strain or by the facility due to non-payment. Quite often these children wind up heavily medicated or are regularly in trouble, both at home and at school. Still other parents are forced to give up custody of their children, thereby making them wards of the state in order to qualify for benefits. This option allows treatment to continue but eliminates the parents from the decision-making process in many instances. Many of these children ultimately land in more economical facilities where coming in under budget takes precedence over quality of care. In an ideal world, neither of these scenarios would be an option, but sadly this is not an ideal world and these difficult choices are being made by thousands of families every year.
So what's the answer?
There must be another answer. Although there is presently a $28 billion surplus in the Medicaid budget, to be disbursed over three years, the federal government has introduced legislation that would make matters worse by lowering the cap on Medicaid spending. All this during recessionary times when even more families are in desperate need of assistance. And yet, by the year 2000, 39 states had failed to spend all the funds allocated them for the 1998 fiscal year and were therefore required to return those funds to be redistributed to the remaining eleven states. Money that could have been used to supplement the existing Medicaid programs to include better care for emotional issues. Money that these states will be hard pressed to win back in the form of matching federal dollars.
This is an issue that deserves our attention. Desperately needs our attention. The solution is at hand, we simply need to reach for it. We need to encourage Congress to reach for it. And then, once we've reached it we need to grasp it and use it - to seal up the cracks before Sharee and Kevin and the thousands of children like them, slip through those cracks into oblivion. Before these bright and promising young people of today become the muttering homeless or the criminals of tomorrow. While they still have the hope of a normal, productive and happy life. While they, and the families that love them, still have hope.
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Comments
Thanks. It's a tough one for me, too -- it's a hard situation and sometimes there's no way to win. It can all come back and bite you when you least expect it. The very system that's supposed to protect these children needs to realize that sometimes the children need to be protected from themselves -- and the families that care about them need just as much help.
I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.
For what it's worth, the young woman in the middle of the last photo is my daughter -- she was fourteen when we took that picture of her and two of her brothers; she ran away a month later. She was brought to an ER a month later and I was informed by the social services representative at the hospital that there was nothing they could do to help her unless she was suicidal. She took off again four days later. We haven't seen her since.
Pray for her.
Oh Elizabeth,what a great hub--people do need to be made more aware of the damages being done to children. Children are our future! I am VERY strongly opiniated on this subject. God gave us children, lets treat them like their from God!
Your daughter is in my prayers,God WILL protect her in one way or another--Hang in there-I put my Mother through the same thing. See my hub Froggy's World
Thanks.
There are so many kids out there who need help -- and so few truly viable resources. It's just wrong, on so many levels.
Thank you.
My prayers are with you and your family, Elisabeth. Having a daughter kidnapped and not returned for 6 weeks, I can identify with your pain. I must apologize for such a lengthy post. I had no idea it was so long until I came back to it. I guess since I never talk about it that once I started, it just kind of took over. Thanks for allowing it to remain.
Froggy, my prayers are still with you and yours as well. Hope justice is served soon!
Bonnie
No worries about the length of the comment, Bonnie. You needed to say it, I'm happy to listen. It really does help to talk and sometimes it's easier to do it this way. The words come when and where they come.
We took in my husband's niece for a while when she was younger and her parents lost custody of her and it is traumatic. You try and you do everything you can and it isn't enough and, when you try to get help for them, for you, for your other children -- for your family -- you find that it just isn't there. It's frustrating and it's painful and it's unconscionable.
Hopefully our daughter will realize -- and soon -- what she's doing to herself. We've exhausted all the avenues we have and we're digging up more all the time. You turn over every rock and then you have to start turning over the pebbles.
I guess I am just really frustrated at not knowing what I can do to help change this so that future parents and children are not faced with these types of decisions. never give up on her, Elisabeth!
Bonnie
Not in a million years, no matter what. She's smart and beautiful and talented and generous and loving.
We'll get her back -- I know we will. I just hope that when we do, we're able to get her the help that she desperately needs. And I hope she doesn't get herself in any further over her head in the meantime.
It's scary. It's beyond scary. I know you know.
Thank you.
Life is hard. I survived by the grace of God and the strength of my Mother. I can not help but believe that what we learn in the first 7 years of our lives is what is going to stick in the long run. I think I have seen most of the ugly roads, walked slowly through some of them... We seem to forget that lifei does not come with a warrant on survival. Sounds harsh? I do not mean to but, LIFE is harsh. The one thing we often forget to teach are children is the pure instinct of survival in a cruel world. We sugar coat everything with our TV commercials and everything handed to our children on a silver platter and then we wonder why they go the wrong way.
I lost a parent at 11 years old. I was thrown out of school at least 6 times. I did all the wrong things you do not want your child to do. There was no Govt. help. There was Mom. She was tough and she made us all into survivors before the world tested her parenting skills. I am not judging anyone else. It is very sad to see children who fall through the cracks. Realistically speaking we are not all meant to survive. It is the laws of nature at work.
Hold on to what you have while you have it. Always try to do your very best at whatever you do. Leasd by example. Have faith in yourself and whatever your greater spirit might be. But in the end, it is what it is! Who knows why? Count your blessings and that is about all you can do. Think positive and share what you have with someone less fortuate.
UPDATE
Our daughter is home. Tattooed and auburn, but she's home and safe and that's what counts. She's enrolled and back in school and even joined orchestra.
That is amazing news. Congratulations. You have me in tears for you!!
Awsome news! You must be so grateful to have her home safe! I am so thrilled for you both!
Bonnie
We're thrilled...it was a little scary at first since we had to pick her up from DYC but that was a conscious choice on our part.
Still...
BUT...she's home and beginning to settle in to life and school and 'stuff'.
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Bonnie Ramsey says:
4 months ago
Elisabeth,
This hub cuts into my heart deeper than you can imagine. I went through this with my husband's step-son after we married. After his mother's death, he had gone to live with her father, who physically and sexually abused him. When he was done with him, he just threw him away like a sack of garbage. In order to keep him out of foster care, we took him in.
We soon learned that he was into drugs, alcohol, he was violent and clearly a threat to us all. I begged for help! I called everyone I could think of to get him help. The problem with therapy was that he was VERY intellegent! I mean to the extent that he could fool the therapists that had treated him into saying that there was nothing wrong with him. We knew better. When he stole a gun from my parent's home (along with their wedding rings and other property) and took the gun to school, he was expelled. We went so far as to call the police ourselves in hope that they could do something to help. What did they do? NOTHIING! They called my husband and told him to come pick him up at the police station because they were realeasing him into our custody!
At this point, he threatened our lives and to be honest, I was afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of my two daughters as well as ourselves. Not knowing where else to turn, I called children's services hoping that they would take him out of our home and place him somewhere that he could get 24 hour care. After talking with him the social worker warned me that he was a very dangerous child and that we should be very alert. DUH! She said that, unfortunately, there was nothing she could do because in order for her to have to remove him from our home, he would have to be either abused by us or someone in our household or badly neglected. She said that their laws were designed to protect the child from the parents, not the other way around. Her advice to me? Kick him out on the street at 15!
I knew that this was not something that my husband would be able to live with if he had it to do. But I knew that he would in order to protect the rest of us. Therefore, with the support of his grandmother by my side, I DID IT!. I knew that as hard as it was for me, it would literally destroy my husband. Today, I still live with that but feel that I had no other alternative in order to protect my other two daughters, now teens themselves. I have no idea where he is today or what has happened to him. Last I heard from him, he was 18, living in crack houses and God only knows what!
Where do parents turn for help when the system so sworn to help children just turn their backs and tell you to throw them away? Thanks for writing this hub! This is a subject that well deserves any attention we can give to it!
Bonnie