Find A Wife or Husband: Be Your Own Life Partner Matchmaker

How to Find A Wife or Husband

If you are reading this you are curious about how to choose the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life. This can be scary to say the least, that is if you take commitment seriously. With a high divorce rate, you have your work cut out for you to stay together the rest of your life.

The way I put my mind at ease as with most things is by changing my perspective. I am 26 years old, so if I live to be 80 years old, I have already lived about a third of my life. If you believe in an afterlife that is eternal, which I do, then what is a measly 50 years to be married?

There are some things you can do to help you make a decision. First of all what stage are you in for selecting a mate? If you are dating and selecting from the masses of candidates, then you may want to look for a mate at an appropriate venue. For example, you may not want to look for your mate in a bar when you know that you do not like drinking and bars. Do yourself a favor and look in appropriate places. Most people meet their spouses in school or work, but this may be because we spend the most time at these places.

Now that you have increased your chances of finding a good one, ask yourself a few questions.

• Am I ready to make a commitment?
• Is he or she ready to make a commitment?
• What are this persons beliefs, goals, and values?
• Does this person's behaviors match their current beliefs, goals, and values?
• How does the person communicate love?

Find out if your candidate is interested in a lifetime commitment. If not, move on. You can not change others, but you can change yourself. The reason beliefs, goals, and values are so important is that they are what will allow you to respect him or her. Also these are characteristics that are long lasting and generally don't change as much as general interests that you may have in common. Ask yourself if you can respect this person for thier religious beliefs, their life goals, and the values that they spend time on. If the answer is no. You may want to move on.

You should learn how the person communicates love and likes to recieve love. For example you may want to have someone spend time with you to show you love. Or you may want someone to buy you gifts. Gary Chapman determined five love languages that are common. Find out what yours is and how to speak you mate's.

Look for a person who will be a good partner by thinking of the person as a business partner. I know it isn't romantic, but infatuation can come and go. Think about your life goals and the life goals of your candidate. If they match up and you have a different skill set, then you may be a great partnership for efficiently doing life togeher.

Finally, get some premarital counseling together before problems arise. Learn to manage conflict early. And learn to communicate assertively, collaborate, and compromise when necessary.

You can use these first date questions to break the ice, as well as really get to know a person on a first date.  These questions will allow you to keep from wasting time with small talk.  Find out the true character of your date.  This may sound silly, buy you should prepare questions in advance of your first date.