My restlessness woke up Susan and she asked me what was wrong. In a moment of anxiety and sheer need to disclose my life, all of it, with her. I broke my promise to Momma. I told Susan about Sharon. She appeared shocked by the information and turned on the reading lamp. She asked me if I was OK. I said that I was. I of coarse was shocked by the information and that she had even called me at work. I shared the conversation Sharon and I had with Susan and she seemed anxious but almost excited. She relaxed some as she saw that confused me and explained that she was happy because I said we could still be married. I could understand her excitement over that. She asked if I knew where Sharon was so we could at least send her pictures of Josiah. All I could tell her was somewhere safe. Sharon never did tell me any details. I felt much better after talking to Susan, she was able to offer me some comfort that I otherwise would have gone without. In a few days she would be my wife, and as my wife why should I keep anything from her?

On July 1st, we picked up the keys to our new home. By the middle of the day, July 3rd, we were moved in with the help of professional movers, Peter and Sarah! It felt good to have our own home and not feel imprisoned with a guard living outside your house 24 hours a day! Josiah's Nursery was put back together using the same things that Sharon had picked out. Susan said that it was best for Josiah to keep it that way. She was going to be a good mother to him.

The next day was our Wedding Day! I was looking forward to Susan becoming my wife. She was a wonderful, loving woman and had taken to motherhood like she had given birth to Josiah herself. I could tell that she truly loved him. I knew we were going to be a happy family.

Our wedding day was wonderful. The weather was perfect for an early evening wedding. Susan's dress was beautiful. She looked like an angel as Momma walked her down the isle that was lined with ivy, red and white Roses. I waited for her at the end of the isle wearing my black Tuxedo, white shirt and blue tie! We said our vows in front of a few friends and co-workers as Sarah and Peter stood up with us. Afterward, we had a small Dinner Reception at The Hunter's Place, Banquet Hall. There were only 24 people including the Judge! We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. I had engaged a local Country Band, The Springer Boys, to play at the festivities. They were very good!

Susan, Josiah and I went on a short honeymoon. We flew to an all inclusive resort in Mazatlan, Mexico for four days. It was truly a paradise with it's pristine beaches, flamboyant sunsets, bountiful and scrumptious dishes, and never-ending sources of entertainment. We had a great time!

When we returned, it was back to work for me, and setting up house for Susan. The first thing I did was draw up official adoption papers for Susan to legally adopt Josiah. It would be easy with Sharon's death certificate, no traceable family for Sharon to fight the adoption and our new Marriage Certificate. It should be a fast track adoption.

I got all of the information together and handed it over to Peter so he could do the typing and filing with the Court House. Then I had a few interviews to take care of. We were in need of a second secretary now that business had picked up and I had another Attorney in the office! By the end of the day, I had secured our new secretary, a Maria Markum, she had previously worked with an Attorney in New Jersey. He had retired and closed his practice. She had been with him for the last 12 years! That is the kind of experience and stability I like. She moved to Springer to be near her parents. Judge Daniel King and Mrs. King. Her husband works for Jenkins Grocery Store as a Butcher. Their children are grown and married. She was perfect for the job!

Life was generous now. We were living without looking over our shoulders anymore. I was making a considerable income. Soon Josiah's adoption would be finalized and Susan and I had hopes of her becoming pregnant. We had forged new friendships outside of the Villa and continued to spend time with Peter, Sarah, Anna and Momma.

I was not prepared for what happened next! Momma called me and said we needed to talk. She said I needed to come over, by myself. It was quite cryptic, she told me to make an excuse but to make sure Susan did not know I was coming to talk to her. Momma always had good reason's. I did not like lying to my wife, but I felt I had to. I told her that I had to run to the office and get a couple of files that I forgot. I had to go over them for court in the morning. I kissed her good-bye and told her I would be back soon.

Momma was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in the house. She had a Kleenex in her hand. I could tell she had been crying. She said we needed to go in the den. She shut the door behind us and hen she told me to sit down. Momma sat next to me and took hold of my hand. Her words were as sharp as a knife, " Jonathan, Sharon is dead. There has been a breech in the CAGC. Someone on the inside, leaked the news that Sharon was still alive and her phone call to you was traced back to her safe house. She was watched from far enough away that no one noticed until they found a weak moment in her security when she went to work. She was shot in the head on the way from the car into the building. The suspect was shot by her security guard but it was too late. The wound was fatal. I'm so sorry." I was in shock, I knew that this was real, Lisa was gone forever. What made it more shocking was the realization that it may have been my fault. I told Susan! My God, my wife may be the inside leak! I had to tell Momma.

I told Momma what I did. She was disappointed and dismayed that I broke my promise and explained to me that when she tells me something, I have to listen because someone's life is on the line. I learned the hard way this time, and tragically I learned it at the cost of Sharon's life. Momma told me that I had to keep my knowledge of Sharon's death a secret. I had to keep my suspicions of Susan a secret, while she was being investigated by the CAGC. If my suspicions were correct then she would be prosecuted as an accessory to murder. My wife, may be charged with killing my wife! What a horrible situation. I could only pray that I was wrong and that the CAGC could find nothing to connect Susan with Sharon's death.

In the meantime I would have to pretend that everything was fine. I was a happy newlywed. God, help me! God, help Josiah! How could I love her, hold her, kiss her and feign all of this, without her picking up any hesitation? How could I go to work and leave my son with someone who may have helped to kill his mother? I was living within an illusion once again! A horrifying one!

I got home and brought a few file folders that had been in my car with me. Josiah was soundly sleeping in his Nursery. Susan was sitting in the living room with a cup of hot tea and reading a book, Mich Albom's, Tuesday's with Morrie. She closed the book when I walked in and lay it on the coffee table and walked over to me. I wanted to run, but I had to relax and respond to her hug and kiss. She then went to make me a cup of hot tea. She said I felt tense and would need to relax if I was going to be up reading cases for a while. I told her that I had been angered by a drunk on the road, but I was fine and a cup of tea sounded great! She said she prayed he got off the streets before he killed someone, as she walked away from me. It was so hard to imagine that this woman, who appeared so caring and loving could be involved in Sharon's death. But, I was quickly learning that they could be anyone, anywhere! Just like we who were hiding from them!

I finished my tea and pretended to be immersed in my files as Susan was reading her book again. I told her that she needn't wait up for me, it might be awhile before I would be able to come to bed. She smiled and said she didn't mind, she was enjoying her book and she would take a nap with Josiah tomorrow. I felt trapped, suddenly. I broke into a sweat and I was noticeably shaking and felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest was pounding, and I felt like a ton of elephants were sitting on it and the pain was tremendous. The room began to spin.

When I woke up, paramedics were attending me. Susan was crying and said that she feared I had a heart attack. She saw me clench my chest and pass out right before I hit the floor. She called for paramedic aid dreading the worse. The paramedics said that my blood pressure was high, but my heartbeat was stable at the moment. They wanted to transport me for further evaluation to rule out a heart attack. With the tremendous stress I had been under, I had to agree that it was a possibility, so I agreed. Susan had called Momma and she was taking Josiah home with her. Susan was extremely upset and wanted to go to the hospital to be with me. How could I say NO? She was my wife and did appear genuinely affectionate and afraid that I had a heart attack. The way any devoted wife would. But what was she devoted to? I was exceptionally confused!

After spending several hours in the Trauma Unit undergoing test after test, the determination was that I had an Anxiety Attack. My blood pressure was indeed high as well, 230/125 and did need to be treated. I was going to be fine as long as I watched my sodium intake, took my blood pressure medication and took it easy! I thanked the doctor, took the prescription for my BP medication and had Susan take me on home.

Susan urged me to take a few days off work to relax. How could I tell her that it was being around her that was giving me the anxiety? Work was what I needed! I told her that I would reschedule any court appearances for the rest of the week and just do paperwork and legwork. She agreed that at least it would lessen my stress and said she wouldn't push the issue then. She also told me how much she loved me and was so afraid that I had a heart attack. She said the thought of losing me seemed unbearable and not to scare her like that again! Then she held me in her arms and kissed me. I so wanted the moment to be real. It felt real. I could only pray that Momma would have an answer for me soon!

As the days passed, I used my Anxiety Attack and stress as a reason for my offish behavior. I used the last year and a half of running and identity changing and finding out that Sharon had pulled her "death" disappearance on Josiah and me again as the reason for everything. That seemed very logical. I told her that I was happy that Josiah and I had found her at the end of all of the restlessness and were finally settling down and were a family now. My heart meant every word of it, but my mind wondered if she deserved it! She had given me life again. Could she have taken all of it away with leaking the information about Sharon?

After several weeks, I was returning to a stable stress level again. It is amazing what a person can become used to. I was able to let Susan hug me and kiss me without flinching. I was on automatic pilot as the loving husband! I was having ritual sex, while she was making love. I began feeling hollow inside. I had begun losing that desperate hope that Susan was a victim of suspicion. That she was all that I had once known her to be: a loving and giving, wife and mother to Josiah. It was always at the back of my mind now that she was the reason Sharon was dead!

I went to work each morning and immersed myself in my work until the end of the day. I had lost my zeal for life. It was even showing in my work. I lost two clients because I had not responded to them in a timely fashion. I lost a case as well. One that I should not have lost. It was due to sloppy preparation. The client was not happy! My friend, Judge Harding gave me a call later that afternoon and said that we needed to talk over lunch, I agreed. He chewed me out, gently but I knew I had been chewed out. He had to rule in favor of the defendant since I had prepared such a sloppy case and did not deliver accurate and complete details. He could tell something was wrong. He asked me if I was having problems with alcohol! I had to laugh at that. I told him, I wish it was only that easy! I told him that I could not elaborate on marital problems but that was the issue. He said he was sorry to hear that especially so soon into my marriage and hoped we could work things out. And warned me not to let it continue to affect my work!

I had not realized that my change in demeanor and attitude had become so transparent. But if the Judge could see that there was a problem, everyone could see it! I had to do something to change the spiraling downfall of my future and fast!

The first thing I did was call in a favor! I asked a secretary at the Court House to find my sons adoption papers and stop them before they reached the Judge for his final signature. I could not have someone responsible for Sharon's death end up as Josiah's mother. The next thing I had to do was to fill out the paperwork to file for a Divorce. I could no longer pretend to have a loving relationship with my wife! I would type these up myself and file them myself, I did not want Peter and Sarah to know until after Susan had already been served. Finally, It was time that Josiah and I moved on. No more Springer, CAGC, or them. I certainly knew how to disappear. I had learned from the best!

A few days later, my friend Jennie called me from the Court House. She said that the adoption papers were in her hand. I told her to put them through the nearest shredder! She said she would, if I was sure that is what I wanted. I told her that I was positive.

Later that day, I went to the Court House and filed my Divorce Papers. All I needed to do now was to have a process server, serve Susan with her copy. I planned on exactly how I would have this done, and when. I was going to take Josiah out for a father and son day on Friday. The Court House would be closed so I would take the afternoon off! I did not care if Susan stayed in the house that was fine. I had rented a small apartment near the Court House and I was taking my son there with me. I had prepared a new Nursery for him and hired a new Nanny. One recommended by one of the Judges that Marcus knows. I knew this would be a shock to Susan, but not as shocking as me finding out that my new wife, killed my old wife!

Friday came and I dressed Josiah and prepared his diaper bag. I put the picture of Sharon with him in the bottom of it. I made sure to bring his favorite blanket. I told Susan that Josiah and I were doing the daddy and me things for the day. She smiled and said, "How cute, I think that will be good for both of you. Don't get to spend that much time together." Then she leaned over and kissed me goodbye and said, "give mommy a kiss goodbye Josiah." And he did. He was waving goodbye and saying, momma, as we went out the door!



I can only imagine what happened when the process server arrived later in the day. Josiah and I were long gone and establishing ourselves in our new home. Over the last week I had bought clothing, furniture and any thing else we needed. I asked for the return of personal items, including Sharon's Jewelry box in the Divorce Papers and full custody of Josiah as Susan had never adopted him legally.

Nanny Victoria was at the apartment at 6:00pm Saturday night just as I asked her to be. I wanted her to get to know Josiah before Monday morning when I went to work. She was in her early 50's, her husband had died several years ago in an automobile accident and her own children were grown and had children now. They lived in Texas and Arizona. She saw them on major holidays. This worked out fine with me. I agreed to have her come Monday through Friday, 7:00am through 7:00pm. She wanted to keep her own home. She had lived in it for 26 years and had already paid the mortgage on it. She worked now to pay the property taxes, utilities and other living expenses. I agreed to pay her $700.00 a week to take care of Josiah, do light house keeping and cook dinner. She was very pleased with our agreement. I also told her that under no circumstances was she to let anyone know who she worked for or where I lived. I explained that if she needed to reach me she could call my work and use a code name, Martha, and say she was a client. I told her I feared that my ex wife would come and take my baby and she did not have custody. She agreed.

Monday morning my phone was ringing off the hook, I had to have Peter hold all of my calls except for client calls. I told him I was sorry to put him in the middle of things between Susan and me but if he still wanted to work for me, that was the way it had to be. He liked his paycheck I guessed. He dealt with Susan, Momma and Sarah. I did not speak with any of them.

I had already decided to give up my office at the end of my six-month lease. My Divorce would almost be final by then. I had to decide where Josiah and I would go.

Susan came to my office on the third day after she had been served, Peter had been instructed to tell her that if that happened at any point she was to be told I was in court at the time. My office door was closed and I had taken to parking behind my building instead of in the parking lot.

It was mid October now and three weeks since I had filed for my divorce. Josiah was doing well, he was starting to walk and the new Nanny was working out fine. We were adjusting to life without Susan.

We were due in court for the divorce in late October. I filed on the grounds that Susan and I had irreconcilable differences. I didn't believe she would argue with me. She would be too hurt and angry by then.

Two days before my divorce hearing Momma came to my office. She told Peter that it was an emergency and she saw my car behind the building. She wasn't taking anything but yes for an answer. I had a client in my office at the time so she waited until the client left. She was not happy. The first thing she did was tell me that I was not supposed to have acted on the information that I had been given. I could have jeopardized more than just my marriage. That I was told that Susan was only a suspect and an investigation had to be done to find the leak. She said that the CAGC had contacted her this morning with their results. Most important, she said that Susan was innocent! It was Alexandra Simmons, the Attorney I had hired to work in my office! My God the leak came from my own office.

I had misjudged my wife and ruined our marriage. I was speechless. Momma told me it was time to tell Susan everything and plead for her forgiveness. Where would I even begin? I had been calculated, indifferent, and uncompassionate. Susan had never shown anything but love and support for Josiah and me, yet I never gave her the chance to be proven innocent!

I wasn't expecting what happened next. A Marshall and a representative of the FBI came in with a warrant for the arrest of Alexandra Simmons. I was presented with a Summons as a witness in the case. Momma said that everything would be fine. The entire case against UC Avis Medical Research Center, the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, and the Office of the Secretary was cinched tight and now televised in the media. Those that Lisa had been a witness against had already been found guilty and were awaiting sentencing. Now, the trickle down effects were taking place and the accomplices were being picked up. This entire infamy was about to end!

I picked up the phone and called my wife. I didn't know what to say, where to start. I asked her if Josiah and I could come to the house. She was confused but welcomed the chance to see Josiah. I left the office, picked up our son and we arrived on Susan's doorstep. I was completely at Susan's mercy. I knocked on the door and she didn't procrastinate, the door opened promptly. As soon as Josiah saw her he raised his voice in excitement, "Momma." And he reached for her. Tears sprang from her eyes as she engulfed him in her arms and covered him with kisses. I had no idea that Josiah had missed her that much, but I should have known what the separation would do to her!

We went into the living room and sat down on the couch. It was not long before I began telling Susan the entire sorted story of what had happened to Sharon and that I had suspected she was the CAGC leak. I could not find enough ways to tell her how sorry I was to have ever thought that she could have been that kind of person. That I doubted her genuine love for Josiah and me. That I had let this entire mess with Sharon's involvement with the CAGC and all of its changes in my life, change the inner person I was. I explained to her that I still loved her but understood that I had not shown that.

When I was done, I informed her that I would not keep Josiah from her and that I would not go through with the divorce unless she wanted it. And then I asked her if she would like to keep Josiah for the night. Susan had sat speechless the entire time I spoke. Her face had gone through changes, but she didn't utter a word. Everything was quiet except for the noises coming from Josiah who was playing at our feet. I stood up and said, well I have said all that I can. I will leave you and Josiah alone now, if you would like to keep him.

I bent down to kiss Josiah goodbye and Susan finally began speaking. "It is hard to know what to say, I have so many feelings. I am angry, hurt, confused and I feel betrayed. I also love you very much. I love Josiah. Jonathan, I know what you and Sharon have gone through living a life of changing identities and having to move from place to place and always worrying about being found. I know you loved her and worried about her safety, I know that you worried about Josiah's safety. I know how much you were hurt every time you were told she was dead and then found out she was alive. All of that had to take a toll on you. I believe that you love me Jonathan. This last few weeks has been devastating. I want it to be over now. We cannot continue to live under this kind of stress we have babies to think of."

I was crushed believing she was referring to wanting our marriage to be over now. My guilt was so strong that I was not understanding what she was saying, I didn't even catch it when she said, babies! I stood back up to leave, my face mourning the loss of what I had stupidly thrown away! Susan spoke again, "Jonathan, did you understand what I just said?" I said, "yes, you want to go through with the divorce. You want it to be over now. We have to think of the baby, he doesn't need a life of stress." She laughed and said, "No Jonathan, I want this nonsense over with. I want you back home. And we have two babies to worry about. I am pregnant!" I couldn't believe it! I was being forgiven after all I had done to Susan and I was going to be a father again.

I took Susan in my arms and held her as we cried together. Momma said that everything was going to be okay. She was right as usual! I moved back into the house with Susan but we decided we would keep Nanny Victoria and adjust her hours to five hours a day, Monday, through Friday. We were going to need the extra help for sure when the new baby comes. This gave Susan time to care for her OB needs, do the shopping, put together the new Nursery and have some time to rest during the day. The nanny was fine with it, especially since I only cut her pay by $100 a week. She was still getting better pay than she would find anywhere else.

I hired a new Attorney for my office, this time one with a little less than perfect resume! I was not wanting to fall into another trap again! Momma assured me that we were safe now. But I was not wanting to take any chances!

The newest member of our family was born in late March, we named her Faith Lisa Thomas, her middle name was Susan's idea. My wife was truly amazing. She said that the family would always have Lisa with them in their hearts and that Faith would someday be proud to carry that name!

Sarah and Peter were doing well. They were finally given the all clear, in February of the next year. They too could finally live a life without Security Guards and worrying about every person and shadow they saw being someone who could harm them. They moved out of Momma's and into their own home in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We still see them as often as we can. I miss Peter, he was a good Legal Secretary and friend!

Momma has since moved in a new batch of CAGC protective's. As always, we don't know their stories, but they seem like decent people. We visit Momma often. She is an integral part of our family. I never did find out what happened to Ollie and Neeko. I have a hunch they are with Peggy and Tom somewhere. I don't buy that they were killed in the railroad and semi-truck incident! I may never know for sure, but I can hope!

I will always watch the shadows and beware of strangers! It is my nature now, and I know that there is certain to be someone out there, angry over Lisa's part in breaking open the government scandal. They are not above getting even with Lisa, posthumously!