By Cabodavid

Not long ago the press here in Cabo San Lucas described a new sex oriented resort hotel development planned for Cabo. If it arises (sorry) - this erection (oops again) will dwarf all development projects to date by its sheer grossness.

Proposed are topless bars, nude bars, restaurants with naked wait staff, swingers hotels and condos, nude swimming pools, Sexy massage parlors and houses of ill repute to boot. A local city council person was quoted as saying the community would benefit not only from the additional tourist business it would surely generate, but also by relocating the existing fleshpots away from their current location one block off the waterfront. He was serious, but obviously paid to say that.

Bored after catching my twenty-fifth marlin of the week, I decided to research the story by catching a show at one of the local gentlemen's clubs.

The club is full of losers like myself. Guys who can't get dates or are sneaking away from the wife. "Going fishing," is the biggest fish story of all. The runway dancers are bored. They sort of just hang there, figuratively and literally. Most of the "ladies" pass the time by cruising the tables offering to do private table dances in the back room for twenty dollars. Business is good for them tonight. Or was until I noticed in the mirror - seven guys dressed in black carrying semi-automatic rifles entering the club.

My mind is reeling. But I quickly console myself by thinking that whatever happens, I'm not in it nearly as deep as those missionaries from Utah sitting nearby.

The music is turned off, and the DJ is on the mike: "Everybody relax, this is just a routine police inspection. The police are looking for illegal weapons and drugs, so just be calm, remain seated and cooperate." Since I'm not packing a pistola, drugs or have an illegal lobster in my pants pocket, I relax.

The men in black secure and post the exits. Their guns are huge, like tank busters. The team proceeds to pat down and use handheld metal detectors on the patrons. The scantily clad girls along the wall giggle, waiting to see some macho guy get busted. After about ten tense minutes, the cops wrap it up and begin to leave. There is an audible, collective sigh of relief.

The swat team exits and the music comes back on. The girls are back prowling the floor and I head for the exit, having had enough of sex, guns, and rockn'roll. The missionaries silently gave thanks in their sodas while I tried to imagine how´d they react to a nude gay waiter offering to stir their drinks.

Note: Subsequent to writing this story, Walmart built a mall on the property the local government had approved for the new Zona Rosa. Leave it Walmart to ruin what was going to be an exciting new tourist attraction.... But be not dismayed - as a swingers hotel did open in the beach hotel zone in nearby San Jose del Cabo. Among its many amenities is a 30 person rooftop clothes optional jacuzzi. Look for Desire Resort and Spa in Cabo on the net, then call me about medical treatment for that lobster sunburn you're going to get.

2nd Update: A multi-story condo was just built adjacent to the swingers hotel - sooooo, Desire is said to be closing soon. But they have their sights on another more private location. Stay tuned.

Cabodavid (David Mandich), has been living, and writing in Cabo for 10 years and usually writes restaurant, hotel and spa reviews, about dental and medical tourism and other activities more mundane than Gentlemen's Clubs.