Commenting on hubs we cherish
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This hub was inpired by people who usually leave you a comment on your hubs because they are nice, they feel you might need some encouragement, you commented on one of their hubs or for some other reason. But from their comments you can almost always know for sure they haven't read your hub. This is ok for me because these people are well intended and they want to cheer you up. According to William James, founding father of psychology as a science, the deepest governing principle of human nature is the desire to be appreciated. If we are one of those rare people who can satisfy this desire for others we will be probably held in high esteem. James also found it true that if we give our praise to others, they are likely to consider us caring, appreciative and even a bit more attractive. And hubbers know this rule of thumb.
I used to give people direct positive compliments and I used to think it was not just enough but a perfect way to do it. I still find it an ok way to give honest praise, but now I also know that it can be made far better.
Instead of just saying, "You're true professional." "You're a great teacher." "What a nice hub!", we might say something like, "You're a true professional. You're insights on hydroponic gardening are invaluable." "You're a great teacher, because you come over to us and pay special attention to each one of us." "What a nice hub! I've never read so many great bedtime stories in one place." In other words, let's just tell them why we like their hubs.
Have you noticed how much better it feels when someone actually comments on the content instead of just saying it's well-written or whatever. This is true in life too. If we say why we like something instead of just making a statement that we like it, it is much easier for the other person to take the compliment well and feel it was an honest one.
Also, calling people by their name often makes a difference. It lets people feel we addressed them personally and they will give their undivided attention to whatever follows the mention of their name.
Some people tend to reject compliments or diffuse them by saying something like "I just do my job." "I just said this because it's true." This is not because they don't like to be petted on the back, but because they might find it hard to answer the praise. However, we can do some things to make it effortless for anybody to answer any honest compliment. This is done by accompanying our eulogy with a question. We don't have to figure how to answer the praise if we have a question to answer.
Best questions are open questions. "You are a true professional, Debbie. You're insights on hydroponic gardening are invaluable. What do you think a newbie gardening freak like me needs to begin using this method?" "John, you are an excellent teacher, because you address each one of us personally. What do you think our most common mistake is?" "What a nice hub! I've never read so many great bedtime stories in one place. Which ones do you read most often to your children?"
Some essential don'ts when it comes to giving your praise:
- Don't praise someone if you don't mean it.
- Don't give compliments that might hurt someone's feelings. ->
- Don't flood the other person with too much or too extreme praise.
- Don't use compliments to get something from the other person.
- Don't praise ordinary and obvious things.
- Don't return the same compliment.
- Don't be too detailed to explain why you find someone exceptional. They may start feeling like an oddball.
When we recieve compliments ourselves it is a good idea to show the person we are glad to have their appreciation. This also proves we have a healthy picture of ourselves. If we reject a compliment, however, it can be easily misinterpreted and the person is likely to feel that we rejected them personally.
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The Careful Use of Compliments (Isabel Dalhousie Mysteries)
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The Art of the Compliment: Using Kind Words with Grace and Style
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Comments
Haunty! The previous comment was not the kind of comment you wanted to get, was it? (I just couldn't resist though) but I agree with you that we all like and maybe even crave appreciation to a certain degree. Some of us however can also get flustered when complimented if it's not a regular occurance. I think it has something to do with self confidence also.
Now for the right comment to your hub:
Haunty your hub is really well written and it showes that youve put a lot of thought into it. How do you suppose that we can get every hubber to give us sincere comments to our hubs?
Great hub regards Zsuzsy
Thank you Zsuzsy. :) You know that I wasn't talking about myself, right? What I meant was that people who write hubs we want to give them a praise for are the same people who deserve to know we actually read those hubs. I've seen so many people and one particular person (in mirrors) who lacked confidence that if I want to encourage someone I want to make sure I do it right. Because what we say is not really what we communicate. We only get to know what we communicated when the response arrives. Otherwise, I totally agree with you. :)
I forgot to say that I don't always walk my talk, cause it's just as new for me. But I wanna imrove. :)
These are good guidelines to leave comments on hubs. Yes it does make one feel so much better if a person points out something that you have spoken about in the hub in their comment. Personally I have been guilty of what you charged most hubbers with, but I don't leave comments on hubs I don't like or do not interest me. So when I say great hub, i mean it.
Thanks, cashmere. You know, I don't critisize anybody. This are just some thoughts, and a reminder for myself. :)
Durn it, Zsuzsy stole my comment. I like the shorter 'great hub' or 'nice hub' but that's better, sometimes, than nothing. The thing about a really useful comment is that it does take some thought to express your opinion of a particular hub without just babbling.
Yeah, I tend to spend more time on some comments that on my hubs. :)
I read all the hubs that I comment upon, sometimes I read hubs , where the comments are so many that my thoughts would just be duplication, in those situations I give a thumbs up and tell the author that I have done this. Well written Haunty
I know that, Alison. Thanks.
Very good Haunty. I think what you are getting at, is that you want justifications. I think this because....
... I can't see anything outside of myself. :)
Hi Haunty, there's a lot of insights here to reflect on. I particularly liked the one about calling people by their names (even if it's just the nickname used here), being specific about what they liked and makes you feel good when you know they actually read your hub. LOL Thanks for the reminder. It helps to check on where I am now in my commenting. :-)
There are a million sarcastic remarks I could make, so much material here. :) But alas I found it insightful.
nice hub, well written.
LOL Haunty, you are invaluable...j/k again... seriously, though. I liked it and I loved the pic with the sun. LOL It does make a difference when it seems as if the commenter actually read the hub. I agree :D
unoriginal hub.
Thanks ripplemaker and Janetta.
Randy - I'd be glad to receive those sarcastic remarks. Maybe I could answer them. :)
GT - unoriginal comment.
When I first saw yiour first comment, I said out load, "No way". Glad to see it was a joke@! I for one am guilty for that, I always give a thumbs up but I am not sure if that helps or not. Sometimes, honestly, after reading a hub that touches me deeply, I have no comment for I am deep in thought. Maybe we should make a mental note to come back. We all want to be appreciated, I know I certainly do.
Ignore GT, he hasn't taken his meds.
Hub Love
dori
Thanks, dori. It's the same with me. Commenting can be hard if the hub touches you deeply. I usually simply state it and thank the person. :)
I think GT was just trying to do the exact opposite of what I was writing about in the hub. :)
Haunty.... your sweater looks as if my Grandmother made it. Never been to Ferndale have you?
Haunty - catching, I'm catching. There's a fair bit of value in what you say. And yes I read it and got it but you know, i just have this urge to say what I say. I'm not a great thinker - maybe you know that :) I got a nice comment today. Something along the lines of abuse. Pretty pointless. I'd rather an individual said WHY (sorry can't insert italics) they didn't like something than leave a bit of useless vitriol. I guess you can't educate carrots.
I happen to prefer folk not to say 'ooooo you're great'. It makes me a little uncomfortable. Now - if I was re-inventing bread, I'd nod and agree. Anyway. I liked how you put your opinion across and one line tickled me an awful lot. " ... They may start feeling like an oddball ..." No explanation Haunty. It just did.
Oh. And you are perfect. Grammatically. As you always are.
Thanks frogdropping. Of course, I don't want to tell people how they should comment. :) I just do the hub, I leave the commenting part to them. :)
These thoughts just occured to me when at the time. I tried to focus on how to make responding to comments easier.
Haunty
Good insight. I am a skimmer and read a lot of hubs that way - and I have a lot of people that I feel I have connected with - so many times my comments are because I want to encourage, but I am with you -I don't want to comment on something and not mean it. I like what you had to say about questions. It's a good way to say I want more. There are also those hubbers that absolutey move me with their writing or challenge my thinking and I definitely dive into those and respond in like manner
Thanks, coffeesnob. There are so many good hubs and nice people here. :)
Well, Im late to the party. I loved that you mention using a persons name. My kids call me mommy, and hubby usally doesnt call me anything, occasionaly 'honey' or something. I always feel shocked and happy when someone uses my name, like...hehe, you like me enough to remember my name?!! I never knew other people felt that way too. I thought I was just wierd.
Really, all this hub advice is amazing for face to face convrrsations too.
Thank you, Justine. :) I too feel that way. There was one time when I was virtually shocked and ,of course, happy when someone I hardly every meet (maybe 1x every five years) used my name in such a friendly tone as if we were boon companions. :)
Zsuzsy Bee says:
8 months ago
Haunty! Nicely written hub.
regards Zsuzsy