Maybe this is all happening because of the world of on-line dating, or maybe it is the on-line dating world that is happening because of us, the aging and the newly single baby-boomers, and while we are waiting for the answer to this chicken-and-egg dilemma, one thing is for sure: our attitudes towards commitment in relationships are undergoing a profound change. An arrangement such as "friends-with-benefits" has become a ubiquitous practice, no matter how disappointing it may turn out in the end - especially for women, and, potentially, for both sexes. Dating multiple partners while deciding with whom to establish "exclusivity" terms is also common. Long distance relationships engendered by the on-line connections of geographically challenged parties are in a similar category of tortured states. All three varieties of what I call half-assed, or quasi-relationships, have one thing in common: the uncertainty factor.

If there is a greater torment than knowing that your current partner is "not all that into you," it is the NOT knowing whether she or he is into you, or not. The three aforementioned types of "relationships" where both parties abide by a tacit, or a verbalized agreement not to question the relationship status (at least, for a while) create anxiety and insecurity at least in one of the partners who is semi-involved, or agrees to such an arrangement.

In all of the above categories of human bonding, there is a key element present - lack of information, which, in turn, leads to a lack of trust. And, without trust, there can be no real relationship.

If this is a long distance relationship, the partners are unable to witness each other's moves on a daily basis, and, even if the distance does not presuppose cheating (in fact, it may actually make a relationship more intense for a while), it does not allow for the true "knowing,"  for any deep learning about the person with whom you wish to spend more time than you currently can.

In "friends-with-benefits" arrangement, there is usually a clear benefit for one of the parties who wants that quasi-relationship for sex only, while the other pretends to her/himself for a while that such conditions of accepted emotional detachment suit him or her, but eventually the agreement becomes unsustainable, unless the party who is benefitting the least, is used to not being honest with him/herself. Often the FWB arrangements are made between the two people one of whom is married, or otherwise unavailable, and the lack of information is apparent to the person who is secretly hoping that the unavailable partner will eventually become available, while getting messages about impending divorce (which rarely happens) or other empty promises. The anxiety and uncertainty in this type of arrangement are caused by false hope in the partner's potential availability, and by "filling in the blanks" through imagining the other party making love to someone else (such as his or her spouse).

In a situation when one is dating multiple partners, unable to choose "the one," that person is never fully engaged with any of the persons he or she is dating. I have heard from many different people of both genders that they are not good at dating multiple mates simultaneously. I am not capable of it either, however, it is a very common and accepted dating practice nowadays, and I am just not hip enough to catch up (insert an ironic smile here). The anxiety- and jealousy-provoking factor here is obvious: refusal to be monogamous until a decision is made to become "exclusive."

It is clear that the Golden Rule does not apply to the postmodern dating sphere, and, perhaps, it has never belonged there anyway. The desire for equity and fairness, and honesty, and COMMITMENT (yes, the "C" word) had always applied - until now, or, until very recently. I am not talking about some kind of implementation of the Golden Rule when it comes to dating - Heaven forbid! Nor am I a prude, far from it (insert a shy, mischievous grin here). I am just sayin' - just sayin', OK? - that things are no longer the same. I am not even talking about the reality and potential of things being fair (all is fair in love in war, as the French would say) - I am emphasizing that the very desire for COMMITMENT has become illegitimate!    

This is not to say that committed relationships no longer exist - far from it. However, finding someone at the outset who wants a committed relationship is becoming more challenging, because of the moral legimitization of non-committal arrangements.