Communicatively Challenged People: Makes Me Want To Holler!
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It is unfortunate that very few people actually communicate in our society. We spend more time talking at people from our perspective in an attempt to persuade, win, fight, kill, and/or accomplish our own agenda, rather than simply interacting with one another. We have more tools than ever before to assist us in the communication process, i.e. cell phones, fax machines, chat rooms, forums, computers, laptops, audio books, regular books, television, sirius radio, mp3 players, social networking sites, etc.; yet we still haven't improved our natural and free communication skills. It seems that seasons have hit the accelerator and we do not have the patience to hear each other… process what has been stated… and engage in as a willing participant, the subject at hand. The movie, “CRASH”, depicted this dilemma quite effectively, as well as the book by Mitch Albom entitled "Tuesday’s With Morrie”. We worry about things that really don’t matter once you are headed to the graveyard and we tend to ignore people, concepts and ideas that do - simply because, in some cases at least, it doesn’t fit into our individual schedules… it takes too much time to hear you and rate what you have to say as being worthwhile. To illustrate this point, is a true story that was experienced (and is still in motion), in great frustration, by yours truly. This is sure to be a lengthy hub and for that I do apologize in advance.
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5 months ago
Five months ago, I fell down the stairs while at work and amazingly enough I only injured my hand; I used the word "only" because obviously I could have acquired much worse and more severe injuries resulting from the tumble that I took… but I didn’t. Immediately my left thumb puffed to supersize, turned deep red, I could not move it, it was extremely painful and it was discolored over the joint. Also, I did notice when I tried to get up… my thumb (left) kept giving out and could not support my weight and when I looked at the hand I saw what I will describe as my bone trying to find the right spot so that it could function as it always had in the past. My assessment of my injury was that either I’ve broken my thumb or knocked it out of joint. My Supervisor had me fill out the bureaucratic red tape of worker's compensation paperwork (that's a different hub with a different subject) and sent me to the doctor. The doctor, of course, orders an x-ray and after he examined the x-rays he stated that it is not broken, it is simply a sprain. He demanded that I move it, by telling me it is not broken (almost like a faith healer)… and I put forth my best effort to comply… but I honestly could not move it; not because of the pain but just because it wouldn’t move. He then wrapped my thumb, wrist, forearm and elbow in a thumb immobilizer, gave me a bottle of Motrin (the miracle drug), some Biofreeze (Pain Relieving Gel) and directed me to the Physical Therapist’s office.
One of my physical therapy treatments... this one felt great! ... but I'm not sure what it did for my thumb... hummm-
The Beginning of Sorrow
At the physical therapist office - on the first day of the injury, my left hand is placed in this mitten that circulates ice water on the outside of the mitt… it is like an ice pack on steroids… how does it feel… horribly painful (the coldness from the pack was so glacial that it made my arm, my arm pit, the bottom row of my teeth, my neck and my head hurt… all on the left side), but the physical therapist was verbally proud of the equipment and was thrilled to be able to finally use it. “This “thing-a- ma- jig” is used by athletes when they have an injury to their joints”, he stated with a grimlin grin. My reply was simply, “I’ll be sure to tell my dad – only he’s dead right now!” The Physical Therapist then gave me another tube of Biofreeze and a small tub of putty, two blue gel packs (one to freeze, the other to microwave) and directives on how to use these items … then sent me home for the rest of the day to return to work the following day… I still can’t move my thumb. In an attempt to speed the story along... after approximately 3 months of going back and forth between the doctor and the therapist, a total of 3 X-rays and an MRI, weeks of cold shock therapy and paraffin wax treatments, I walked in the doctor's office and he proudly proclaims, I know what's wrong with your thumb... you have Gamekeeper's Thumb!
To Make a Long Story Longer
I arrive at the doctor's office and he states that he has referred me to an orthopedic specialist. I may need surgery to repair the torn ligament due to the fact that there is also a piece of bone protruding through the tendon and that is why it is not healing properly, why it is still not moving and still has swelling. I arrived at the Orthopedic Specialist office to meet mediocre staff who to this day has not made eye contact even once and has a personality that would make a burnt piece of toast look interesting. Alas, I meet the specialist very personable and confident of my diagnosis. Informs me that he has already studied the MRI and is not sure why I had one done because anyone could see that I have a text book case of gamekeeper's thumb; He states that his front office staff will be calling as soon as worker's comp. has given approval to set an appointment date for surgery. I left... I waited... two weeks later I had in my hand approval from worker's comp... I waited... another month went by and I didn't hear from his office; So I did what any normal human being would do... I called. The receptionist answered and stated that she was just getting ready to call me and my surgery is scheduled for _____ of 2008. I thanked her and reminded her of the holiday on that day... are you guys doing surgery on a holiday? She stated that it doesn't matter if it is a holiday do you want it or not? I said ofcourse I want it. The receptionist states that she will call me back by Wednesday. Wednesday went by and now it is Friday morning and I am scheduled for surgery on Monday. I have not received any directives, I do not know what hospital to report to... so once again I call and I am met by a PO'd receptionist on the other end of the phone. I'll call you when it is time for surgery... we can't have it Monday it is a holiday.
I Can't Hear You... There's a Banana in My Ear!
The same scenario went on for about 3 weeks. I finally get a surgery date and the proper information of where it will take place, the time, etc.; Because they want to do the surgery out of town, an hour away to be exact, I have to get up at 5:00am... (by the way I am not a morning person) for a surgery that is not to happen until 10:00am... they decide to do my labs the day of. I am in pre-op... they did my labwork... the surgeon goes over his plan with me... and all of a sudden a nurse runs to the doctor and yells, She can't have surgery ... she's pregnant! ( I could swear that everybody in the room looked at me, patients, doctors and nurses)... I'm cool, calm and collected because I know that I am not pregnant. The doctor walks over to my bed, he repeats the erroneous information and i... with a bit of a chuckle... simply state that there is no way I could be pregnant because 8 years ago I had a total hysterectomy due to an ovarian cancer scare.... I went further... I have no ovaries, uterus, no nothing... okay... You can call my Primary Care Physician, the surgeon who performed it, or you can simply examine me and let's move on with the surgery. The doctor told me that I would need to get my own records proving that I had a hysterectomy and that he would not do the surgery! Well, as you can imagine I was not a happy camper. My mother was in the waiting room ... waiting for the surgery to be completed... they wheeled me out and she ofcourse was confused because I hadn't been back there long enough ... they told her I was pregnant... She started laughing because we both had the same surgery for the same reason; She tried to explain to no avail that even if I was the looses woman on the planet there is no way that I could possibly conceive anything.... Well, I came home with my thumb imobilizer - it is still in the brace by the way and I still haven't had surgery! I am frustrated, angry and convinced that there has to be a law suit in here somewhere!
A Perfect Example
Most people listen only long enough to hear what they want to hear, wait only as long as it takes to honk the horn, and see only as far as their own personal schedule. Very few people are able to reach past their own agenda to provide for, take care of, see the perspective of another individual. We are living in a self-centered society and it is every monkey for himself. As I thought about the above scenario as it stands right now (I will update you as circumstances change) I see where I could have handle things a little better and they could have also. Why wasn't it? Simply stated, I wanted what I wanted and they wanted what they wanted... so it became a war of wills, who has the most power. I would like to challenge every reader to take the time to try to see through the other person's spectacles and perhaps we will be able to find a happy medium this week; Let's make a conscious effort to not shout at each other or talk at each other; but to invest the necessary time to communicate with each other...knowing that every individual has something to offer, something to bring to the table...this self-centered, self absorbed agenda is not working towards a united society at all.
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Comments
I agree that this is a growing problem. People simply will not listen. There are no doubt many contributing factors ... TV has reduced our attention span ... and the number of distractions seems to expand on a daily basis. Add to that our a growing self-centered society and you experience exactly what you described. No one listens anymore. Our focus is on too many things and as a result we only pay attention to the surface details.
Poor communications cost us relationship, money and careers. Yet we never listen.
OMG!!!! One screw up after another. Sometimes I wonder if some of the doctors out there cheated through med school :(
I recently went to a doctor to get advice about a growth on the top of an ear.
He didn't want to discuss the pros and cons. He just wanted to know whether I wanted it removed or not. When I challenged him again about the pros and cons he refused to discuss it further. All he would say was "Do you want me to take it off?"
I won't go into more detail, but I found out after some research that "...taking it off." was usually less successful than treating it with the proper meds.
I called and canceled the surgery. The fact that I am a pharmacist made it easier for me to find the information I needed; and, to make my own decision about my treatment.
What about patients who aren't pharmacists?
What do they do?
Bob
WOW! FIrst off, I admire your patience not to have blown up at any of your "doctors". Secondly, communication and understanding would be a lot easier if we could learn to shut up sometimes and instead of trying to get our point heard, listen to someone else's point.
Sorry about your ordeal - and I can completely relate to the lack of listening and communication skills by medical people. I've learned the hard way when dealing with my sick child many years ago, to just go with your gut instinct. Sometimes you just have to TELL the doctors what they need to do!!
I have found that the problems with communication you are refering to go's both ways. The kind of people you are talking about listen to peoples innane questions and comments all day , so they sort of drown them out. The cure for this isnt a drastic overhaul of societies value system, Though wouldnt that be nice.
The answer I have found that cures most of this is assertiveness. I know there is a fine line between getting what you want and need and being bitchy and making people mad, but if it is important to you assert yourself. As soon as you assert yourself wether you are right or wrong , they will snap out of there lulled existance, not always in the best mood mind you.Keep insisting that your questions or problems havnt been adressed. Call 5 times a day if you have to . The worst that could happen is the person might get peaved at you. So what ,at least you got what you needed. Eventually they will have to either prove you wrong to shut you up or concede that there is an issue that needs to be adressed. The only other option for them is to exclude you from there clientele , wich most business's would not do off hand for any reason.If they do then you really dont want there service's anyway.
This works with most people. Even if they are irritated at you. If you end up being right, They will get over it pretty quickly. If they dont thats there problem .They still have to deal with you despite there bad attitude.
Great hub -- you detail a trail of professional deafnesses with real eloquence.
You said it all; I can't say it any better. I'm just going to add that people don't read just like they don't listen. Good luck to your poor thumb! Sally
Hey Everybody, Thank you for taking the time to read this saga and taking the time to communicate in the form of comments!
Ananta, I'm sorry that your wife had to experience such incompetence while in pain, but it is not just the medical profession that struggles with communication from time to time... Unfortunately, people are the common denominator.
John: I agree with you that it is a growing problem - not sure of the cause other than the ... I'm in a rush and into what I am doing syndrome.
Creative: lol... now that is a scary thought and an excellent idea for a hub... cheat to get through medical school...hmmm
Diamond: Patients who arn't pharmacist ask their pharmacist ... just like the commercial tells us to :) ... good thing you looked it up ... I looked my little woe up and it appears that because of the length of time from injury even with surgery it is unlikely that surgery will help it.
Talented:I did lose it momentarily ... right after the doctor took my hand (the right one that is not hurt) and placed his other hand on my right shoulder and told me that I was going to have to roll with this (meaning the pregnancy)... I told him that I am 42 not 12 and that if there was a possibility that I was pregnant I would be totally thrilled! Then I went into the exclamatives in my vocabulary! Fortunately, I could pull out of it before it got too bad.
Pam: thanks and I'm sorry you experienced that with your child... but please note that it is not just the medical profession that has these issues ... it is society at large.
Twisted: I agree... whatever works to get what I want... but doesn't that make me just as bad in the communications department as "they" are; They might be saying something valid that would change my want... just a thought (playing devils advocate)
Teresa: thanks for the compliment
Sally: I agree... because reading takes even more time... people for the most part "skim" when forced.
Thant is why I am suprised at the response that I received for this hub... you guys read and write... :) I'm part to be a part of hubberville and to be included in the hub family!
O you're right, ceounlimited. The inability to listen and communicate is not limited to the medical section. And we should acknowledge that communicating in fact IS difficult and we all make mistakes.
Wow, that's scary... what you have something terminal and they make you wait that long? It's so true, people just don't listen past the first sentence, and they assume they know everything about you from that. Good hub!
great hub! I know exactly what you mean. My mother had a way of dealing with those kind of people...she refused to be bullied, ignored, or talked down to, and she was always remembered.
There is a fine line between being assertive to get your needs met and being a bully. That's where people get confused. I have two hubs on my to do list dealing with "dealing with people". Here's the short version of one of them.
I called my doctor's office because I felt sick after taking the medicine they gave me. I made several calls to them, over the course of three days, while my delirium and temp were rising, and each time was told there's a bug going around. At one early point I said, "You didn't give me bactrim did you? I'm allergic to bactrim." The nurse said, "no you have the flu. Take your meds and get lots of rest."
I'll add here, before I look TOO bad, that I was barely in my twenties and have toughened up since then! :-)
My parents were so confused by a phone call I made to them that they drove down 2 hours to check on me. I was out of it by then. They took the medicine away and within hours I was improving. I went to the doctor the next morning and he yelled at me, (in angry Indian accent) "1 more day and you would have been dead! You are allergic to Sulfa, it says so right on your file! What is wrong with you?!" I just started crying... I was still a little sick and coming out of it realizing I had been home alone in a blur for 3 days was very scary.
Two weeks later I received a bill for the office call. The office call that wouldn't have been necessary had his office not nearly killed me!
Can service and communication get any worse than that?
Unbelievable story. Makes me want to holler too! Thanks for sharing.
I think everyone can identify with your story. Most people would have faced such moments - particularly with medical practitioners - at some point in their lives. Problem is not that they are communication-challenged. But the root cause is that we are building a society where doctors and others in the medical practice have learned to profit from people's pain. So, it is just not in their interest to put people out of their misery! It's a 'sick' world out there!
This reminds me.. When I moved in with my grandmother, she got a phonecall from the church she used to go to.Someone asked her if my grandfather still did go to church,because they hadn't recieved paymends in his name in a long time.Sure they didn't because my grandfather died a year before.My grandmother told this to the other person at the other end of the line.
After two days another call came in.Again the church administration. And again they asked my grandmother about my grandfather and again she told him, he died. When she put the phone down, she cried.
Another phonecall a few days laters.And yes, church administration. They didn't get it the last time they called and they asked if they could speak to my grandfather himself.This time I answered the phone. I Asked them if they were stupid.They asked again, slightly irritated. "Did he move?"I got tired of this and told them. "Yes he moved" I gave the adres and phonenumber of the administration of burialground and the number of his grave and asked them to say hello when they reached him.They never called again.
This is a story about such situations which we face regularly in India.Certain problems are universal.
But, communication is a two way process.If the listener is non-responsive, one has to be assertive ... a good point made by 'Twisted..'.
Great hub. I agree with you 100% that we as a society are stuck in self first, first gear. It really is sad. With all of the so-called time saving gizmos most of us carry, how much time are we really saving? And how much time are we pilfering from more important relationships? I can place myself in the guilty as charged category on more than a few occasions. My job is in sales. The best time I spend is actually talking and listening to people. Nice work.
I love your perspective, and I tend to agree with the societal trends you have pointed out. The online revolution of social media is certainly putting empathy versus self-centeredness to the test. In this day and age, every person has an immensely greater ability to express themselves, their thoughts, their ideas to the masses. Each person also has the ability to learn about the thoughts and ideas of others. I wonder...how many people are using social media and social networking opportunities online to actually learn about the world around them? I tend to be optimistic about the subject (it is one of the cruxes of our company after all!) So I hope it is more than we might think. If people only post or blog just to get their ideas out there, they are missing such a vast amount of enriching and educational content created by so many others.
Poor communication has become an underlying phenomenon for years now. It didn't used to be that way. Growing up, neighbors would actually get to know one another, and doctors weren't as bogged down to reach a self-inflicted quota. Maybe it's just we've all grown accustomed to an "ADD" way of life. :(
I can't believe you have lasted this long with such incompetence, one of my pet peeves. I was in a workshop one time and got a something in my eye. I felt it go in and my eye immediately started to water and I could barely open it. By the time I got to the eye doctor (1 hr later) he couldnt find anything still in there. The diagnosis: PINK EYE! I explained what happened again, but to no avail. I was sent on my way with cunjunctivitis cream and eye drops. I refused to use the pink eye cream, because I didnt need it. A night of rest and all was good as new the next day.
This kind of stuff happens in every area, but it is especially frightening in the medical field where our lives and health are involved. I hope you finally get some relief for your poor thumb.
"Twisted: I agree... whatever works to get what I want... but doesn't that make me just as bad in the communications department as "they" are; They might be saying something valid that would change my want... just a thought (playing devils advocate)"
Um no. All you are trying to do is get them to actually listen to you. You have done your part in the communication by listening to them and then telling them that what they are saying isnt addressing your issue.
If the issue is that your not sure if your right or not ,then you need to beleive in your self a little more and not worry so much about being wrong. If someone isnt actually listening to what you are saying and just dismissing you off hand then they are the one with a communication issue, Namely they are not listening any more. Even if what you are saying is wrong all you are trying to do is to get them to acknoledge your concerns. They can then show you why you are wrong, soothing your concerns or they are wrong and can fix the issue.
To make it possible to do this you have to stop caring so much about what people think about you and more about getting what you need. This is totally possible without being a bully ,right or wrong.
Hey Twisted, point well taken! I get you... If I hollar at the right time to the right people... I don't have to write a hub about it and I get what I want. Now there's a concept. I have to laugh at myself sometime. I really do get what you are saying... be firm, be assertive, ask for the right people until I get what I am entitled to... which in this case to be treated like a human being. Thanks for the deposit.
Thanks again to everyone that has shared their ugly experiences with people who refuse to remove the fruit from their ears long enough to communicate with people. It just goes to show you that we are never alone.
Wow, this article certainly touched a nerve, including one of mine. I have an unusual first name and it feels like I have spent my life saying "No, it's not Karen, it's just one syllable." The most common response is a glazing over of the eyes and some incomprehenisble, "Oh, uh-huh,mmm" to indicate that they will never call me by my real name. Now, I give them one shot to get it right before I make up my own name for them and insist on using it whenever possible.
Hi Ms. Cairn,
I understand what you go through with the name ... to me that is one of the most obvious means of disrespect.
Peace
Ceounlimited--whatever happened? Did you have your surgery? How is your hand? Great hub and great way to channel your energy.
Hello Minow and all of Hubberville,
The grand update on my thumb... is no change. The second doctor decided that there was too much scar tissue and since the thumb joint was completely frozen instead of sloppy he ordered physical therapy to get range of motion back and to see how the joint will be. After a couple of months of parrafin wax treatments I still have no range of motion, I'm still wearing a brace, popping pain pills and he still will not perform surgery. In fact my last round of physical therapy was denied. I am so frustrated... I try not to think about it... but I do. Thanks for asking Minnow! Peace
Ananta65 says:
12 months ago
O, I can relate to this story. Especially medical people do simply not know how to communicate properly. My love is suffering from (quite severe) pains in her upper legs, so two weeks ago we went to the first aid of an academic hospital. We arrived there at 18:30. First some assistant ‘helped’ her from the chair she was in onto the stretcher. He did this without paying any attention to her condition inflicting a lot of pain in the act.Then came doctor #1. Asking a lot of questions, obviously. What had happened exactly, what did she feel and where, how long? And in the mean time he examined both legs, pinching, feeling, moving. Necessary I trust, but painful. He ordered her blood to be examined and came back an hour later. Since he couldn’t really come to a diagnosis, two neurologists entered the stage. They asked the same questions, they examined her legs, again. After a while doctors (actually they were still assistants under training) appeared and as you can guess: they asked the same questions and did similar examinations.Now when drs #6 and #7 arrived and started those same questions, I got slightly mad. I told them that if I had known, I would have recorded the answers on my cell phone, so that I could play them back for them. You won’t believe how insulted these clowns were!
People often hear what they want to unfortunately, I agree…