Compromise

Compromising is the key to any happy relationship but it's easier said than done. Learn how to give and take for a happy balanced relationship!

Compromise is to relationships as a sail is to a boat. Without it, you have a relationship that goes nowhere. There are people who feel that compromises rob them of their individuality, or take them as a sign of weakness but that's not true. Compromising is not easy because it means meeting each other half way and that might mean giving in to certain things that you feel passionately for or gotten used to. And that's why compromising is a skill to learn I

The Psyche of Compromising

Compromising is defined as the behaviour of an integrated adult and it is that part of you that is emotionally mature and emotionally literate. Your integrated adult is wise, rational and loving, and you can trust your decisions, communications and behaviours when they are sourced from that part of you. Dr. Jackie Black, an internationally recognised relationship expert, educator and coach, explains that the art of compromising requires that two or more people combine the qualities or elements of different things and reach consent by mutual agreement. Compromising often means an accommodation in which both sides make concessions and is often a middle way between two extremes. He further explains that compromising can only occur when you honour and respect your thoughts, values, needs and wants, and deem them legitimate. You must also be able and willing to ask for what you need and want, and are able and willing to receive what you have asked for.

It hard Work but it Worth it

Anything worth doing is hard and that goes with putting compromise into practice. To make it work for you and your relationship, both parties need to be willing to make the effort. This will allow you to understand how compromise affects you both. If both you and your partner can compromise on most issues, then your relationship can go far beyond the bounds of normal play and end up with a love worth singing about I

Talk It Out

The best way to embrace and understand compromise in your relationship is to talk about it. An open dialogue is important for both parties. Keeping your feelings bottled up doesn't do anyone any good. The lines of communication need to be open. You need to share how you feel about the compromises you both are making for the sake of your relationship. Find out how they feel about their position and try to understand the need for balance and fairness.

In the end, compromise usually means that you win some and you lose some but you both get to come out ahead - together!

Why Compromise?

If you are able to manage compromise, can open up the dialogue and master it with your partner, your relationship will soar!

Compromise helps build a stronger relationship - one based on mutual understanding. The best life partners are not the ones that will walk ahead or behind you. They are the ones that walk beside you. The stronger you understand of compromise in relationships, the longer they will last. A strong and a long happy relationship is usually the best kind.

“There are people who feel that compromises rob them of their individuality, or take them as a sign of weakness but that's not true.”

You Win Some, You Loss Some

Before you compromise with anyone about anything, create some "ground rules" that each person agrees to and will honour during the conversation regarding what you are trying to compromise on.

Below are a few pointers you might want to adapt into using:

• It is unacceptable to all parties involved that anyone will experience a substantial loss. This means that compromising is not solely one party sacrificing his or her needs.

• It is crucial to the success of the compromise that each person trusts that the other will not take advantage of him or her.

You and the other party have to know that neither is trying to "trick" the other person into a deal.

• It is a mutual agreement that each person involved commits to as close to a win/win result as possible. This process is painstaking but it's well worth the effort.

• Neither person will agree to a compromise if they think or feel they can't live with the compromise. Be very frank with each other, because simply promising for the sake of keeping peace will not work in the long run and the issues will still remain.

• Do it with a willing heart - in other words, it's not enough to just keep your word for a compromise; you must do so happily as well because there is no point if you are doing it with a bitter attitude. Ask that God will show you how to first change yourself before attempting to change your partner. When you successfully change yourself, your partner will follow suit!

Compromise Redefined

C stands for Communication. The key to successfully compromising and arriving at a mutually satisfying conclusion is to communicate. What one person thinks is a big gesture; the other may not, so talk it out.

O stands for Open Minded. Be sure that you are being open minded and inform your partner that you respect their views and explain that their ability to look at things from your perspective will help you both to understand each other's needs.

M stands for Main Focus. Always keep the relationship as the main focus and weigh out the issue requiring the compromise. If the compromise one party is looking for may actually compromise the relationship, it may not be worthwhile and sometimes accepting that some issues may never get compromised is the greatest compromise.

P stands for Promise. Promise one another that no matter what, you each come first in each other's life and you each must make some compromises to maintain a healthy relationship, but neither person should ever feel that they have compromised too much!

R stands for Respect. No matter what the issue is, one must always respect their partner. If your partner is asking you to compromise, look for the deeper meaning.

O stands for Optimistic. Keep a positive mind. Happy thoughts' and happiness should follow right behind. Everyone has bumps in the road, but if you keep close at heart the happy memories and the way you fell in love and found each other in this world, it may just jumpstart that spark!

M stands for Magic. If your life is full of compromise with each other, work, chores and the kids, it's no surprise that the magic may begin to disappear. To maintain the magic in your' relationship, do something pleasant, surprising or out of the norm, to peak each other's interest. That will be all you need to get that loving feeling back for good!