Confessions of an As Seen On TV Junkie - Part I

One afternoon as I was groping through my bag for my keys in a hot parking lot, my 4 year old son, Jack, decided he'd had enough.

"Mom, come onnnnnn. If you had the 'Buxton Organizer, we wouldn't have this problem," he whined.

"The what, sweetie?"

He cocked his head and looked at me like I was an idiot. By now, the contents of my diaper bag were dumped in a pile by the car. Clearly, I was.

"Duh! The Buxton Organizer. It fits all that and more (gesturing toward my pile of crap). It can even hold 2 cell phones, three bottles of water, and all of your credit cards. Plus, it comes in three fashionable colors."

Huh. It can hold all this and more? Three 'fashionable' colors? I wondered if it really worked.

That is the appeal of "As Seen On TV" products. It's the "What If Factor." What if the thing being advertised could actually work? What if it made my life simpler, easier, more convenient, better organized? What IF? I just have to find out, and my kid provides the nudge I need.

The "As Seen On TV" marketing execs are brilliant. I know that one day it will be exposed that kids are being gently brainwashed by the sheer repetition of the ads on the kids TV networks. In turn, they parrot the info back to us, this becoming part of "As Seen On TV's" invisible, unpaid, underage sales force.

Fast forward a few weeks. I am swearing into the open refrigerator, angrily willing it to make a dinner suggestion.

"Mom, you know what we need? It would make life so much easier at dinnertime?."

"What, buddy?"

"The Big City Slider Station. It's so easy to use, dinner is ready in a snap. Just combine your meat and other favorite ingredients, use the included scoop, and you have 5 miniature sliders in just a couple of minutes. Dinner rolls make the perfect sized buns. Plus, clean up is a snap!"

Huh. A snap, he says? Sold.

So, that's how it started. Last year Jack's favorite birthday gifts included Aqua Globes, Debbie Meyer Green Bags, and his very own Buxton Organizer (which I would not allow him to take to school, lest he get his lily ass beat up). He nearly lost his mind with excitement.

We take a lot of crap for being As Seen On TV Junkies, and that's cool. We're okay with it. We notice that from time to time one of the friends doing the laughing will say "Soooo, does that thing really work?" MMmmm hmmm. Laugh all you want, amigos. The fact is, you are dying to know if the Pedi Egg really is worth the $9.99.  Well, I'm about to tell you.

As a public service, here are my reviews of some popular As Seen On TV products.

 My dad was the first sucker in our family to purchase one of these, and he swears by it.  The idea here is that you insert your little tomato plant upside down, so the leaves are pointing toward the ground through the hole.  Next, you fill the green bag with soil, and water.  Heat from the sun supposedly "creates a mini green house effect" (my kid's words, not mine) stimulating the root growth and producing gargantuan tomatoes.  I have seen it work well for my dad.  For me? Not so much.  I tend to forget to water these things, and put them where they don't get enough sun.  It's a nice product, though.  Probably worth the $9.99 if you have a small  patio garden, or if bending over presents problems.

This is our most recent As Seen On TV acquisition. It is AWESOME! I love the Slider Station. My son talked me into it (that kid should make a commission, really). It does exactly what it says - you mix up your meat and seasonings, use the included scoop to portion out your sliders, and use the grill press plate to cook. They cook up in about 3-4 minutes, which is pretty fast. I spray the station with olive oil before I use it, and I wash it by hand. Also, you can melt cheese on the burgers right in the pan.

I use dinner rolls for buns, and they are the perfect fit.

 I HEART THE PEDI-EGG!  As I have mentioned in other Hub posts (see "Welcome to the Jungle" link, below) there are not enough hours in the day for a busy mom of young kids to handle her standard workload, plus keep on top of personal physical maintenance the way we once did (think waxing, manicures, etc). 

The Pedi Egg is an awesome between-pedicure option.  It's like a mini cheese grater for your cracklin' callouses.  You just rub the thing across your nasty feet, and the disgusting dead skin cells are trapped in the egg.  You remove the bottom, and dump the yucky stuff out. Next, you use the piece of sandpaper on the Pedi Egg to smooth everything down.  I was amazed - literally - when I first used this thing.  Side note: my husband got one in his Christmas stocking from Mrs. Claus, and he also likes it.  Please don't tell him I told you.

 What a piece of crap this thing is.  Don't even bother.  We ordered these a while back as a solution to my son's jumble of DC's, Vans, and Crocs always being piled in the corner. I called and ordered it, and I even upgraded the material, which would supposedly make it more durable.  When it came, it was so flimsy.  The plastic cover was thin, and the dividers, instead of being cardboard or plastic like you would expect, are material, and fall over.

P.O.S.  Do not buy.  I got an old fashioned over-the-door shoe rack, and that's what works best for us.

 I suppose when paired with a pair of elastic-waisted pants and a polyester blouse this looks nice.  However, for most of the rest of us, this thing is just plain ugly.  If you don't care about the "ugly factor" and cramming as much crap as is humanly possible into your ugly ass bag is more your speed, look no further than the Buston Organizer.

We ordered one of these as a joke for Jack's birthday last year.  When it arrived, we opened it and the cheap leather smell hit us like a Tijuana leather goods shop in mid-August.  My husband actually opened our kitchen door to air out the pungent chemically treated rawhide aroma.  Yummy.

Inside, the Buxton  is lined in a cheap nylon, and the pockets are many and varied in size.  There are also some net pockets for additional crap.  Our son shoved this thing full of PSP games, Hot Wheels, snacks, crayons, paper, and all the other stuff no kid should leave home without. 

I wouldn't really recommend it.

 Tune in to my forthcoming hub titled "But Wait, There's More!" 

Obviously there are so many more products to talk about (should I be proud that I've road tested these?  Hmm. . .)

Coming Soon:

-Mighty Putty

-Bendaroos

-Moon Sand

And sooooooo much more!