How do you handle conflicts? Are they something you consciously or unconsciously seek or is it something you'd rather stay far away from and perhaps is afraid of? Maybe conflicts are necessary. Are there healthy conflicts? Conflicts that creates clarity and cleans the air? The crux is how to tackle conflicts. How are you doing with them, and how to handle them.

Necessary Conflicts

If conflicts are necessary - both in relationships and at workplaces and among nations, this view can be argued from the following: It provides variation in daily life. We learn to appreciate what there is. We see new sides of the (stuck) perceptions and of people. We live to learn and we learn more and faster than through the success and ease ... I know people who consistently seeks both conflict and drama. One reason for their position may be that they learn to know themselves best when there are quarrels and problems. I know other people who avoids conflict and will do anything to avoid them. They walk in a big circle around the confrontations and discussions. Could this behavior be due to previous bad experiences with conflicts? My own experience is that conflicts are healthy when they are handled appropriately.

Children

Conflicts in relationships with children, teach them that it is possible to have arguments and to disagree, and then become friends again. It is especially in post-conflict situations that I feel that I have come even closer to my own children. We solve the problem together. If we - regardless of age - never experienced conflicts, we would not know how we would later face a new and perhaps different challenge. If you are experiencing conflict as something that triggers violence and harassment, it is a rather inadequate experience that will affect you the rest of your live. Unless ...

How to handle a conflict?

1. The best way to handle a conflict is to be responsible. By responsible I mean that instead of blaming others who do something wrong then find out what you can do about it. How you have created or attracted the experiences you face.

2. Talk about yourself, eg "I feel / felt / feel that ....". Never use the following three terms in the same sentence: "Always," "never" and "you". These three words are a very dangerous and harmful cocktail.

3. Feel yourself, and note what you will be involved in and what you need to say "no" to.

4. Trust and have confidence in that you and your opponent will get through the conflict. It is possible that you in the middle of the conflict feel that life is ending or a divorce or the dismissal is close, but Trust that you probably come out stronger from the unpleasant situation.

5. If you live in your very emotional violence and easily becomes angry or feel aggrieved, it would be a good idea to work therapeutically with it (along with a psychotherapist), so you can get trained and strengthened the "muscle" called emotional memory. You will discover that it would be a relief for you both to feel your feelings, and have an overview of life and remember what has gone before.

Conflicts are an important part of life. Learn to make the best of them!