Being a new year and all I just want to get some things off my chest so I don't drag the negativity with me. Not important world-changing things, just some pet peeves we can all relate to. So bear me and thank you for indulging me. Then we can all gain proper perspective.

Why can’t people take responsibility for themselves. It’s always someone elses fault. It’s maddening. I’m sure I do the same thing. I mean it’s hard to accept blame, hard to be a grownup. But come on, whose fault is it really that you spilled hot coffee on yourself? Why should the rest of us have to suffer for something dumb you did? How about those people who cross four lanes of traffic to make a U-turn because they missed their turn? The rest of us slam on our brakes because someone else made a mistake. You know what I do? I turn when I can and double back, I accept the consequences of making a mistake and go around the damn block. I know its cliché to complain about traffic in L.A. and road rage in general but isn’t that part of our everyday commute just one example of our inflated sense of entitlement?

Why can’t we just say, I’m sorry, my mistake. But when we do get an apology it’s often from long-winded public politicians overdramitizations which is really just calling attention back to themselves again. (Look how big I am!) I don’t need it. Just a nice, simple, sorry, won’t happen again would be nice. Part of the problem is that we don’t like to feel stupid and mistakes make you feel really stupid. But get over yourself already. It’s part of life. And by the way, an apology is really letting go of the need to be right.

You know, it really is your fault you’re late. You should plan ahead and if it’s an “Act of God,” well nobody’s going to say anything about that. But don’t blame me when you’re late. I don’t need the anger face. We all have bad days but own up to it. At least once in a while, anyway. Hey, I’ve done the “he made me do it” routine too, but ultimately doing something stupid was really my choice. Or just dumb luck. And if it’s an accident, it’s still your fault. Granted there are different degrees of blame. But even if you didn’t mean to do it, you’ll still get a fine. Or something. It’s like a law of nature. There are indeed consequences to your actions. Or there should be anyway.

Enough already with the space invaders. People who step right inside your personal space, who don’t respect that fact that you are currently occupying the space they must have right NOW. They press against you in line, everywhere, at the grocery store, at Disneyland, even when you’re wearing a backpack. My backpack, by the way, is still taking up space you know, it’s not a vacuum, you can’t materialize through it, so please kindly back off. A line is designed to accommodate us one at a time so whether or not you push me, you’ll still only get served after me so calm down. You can’t possibly be so wrapped up yourself that you don’t see me right in front of you. Or maybe you can. Hello, I’m here! We’re kind of all in this together, you know?

Why do bathroom stalls open IN? Why can’t they open OUT? How hard would it have been to change the screws or whatever? Do they want to torture us? And don’t even get me started on why the womens line is always longer than the mens! What’s everyone doing in there? I know what I’m doing. At least Disneyland made enough bathrooms and water fountains. But they might be the only ones. And while we’re on the subject, why do WE have to break open a new toilet paper roll? You know when the new one pops down and its CEMENTED together, like, a code you can’t crack? Would it be so hard to just build them a little looser to begin with? But really, I just want to walk in and out of a bathroom stall without tripping over myself, especially in an airport with all those BAGS. Too much to ask?

Now with all those weighty important affairs of state out of the way we are free to worry about things that matter. Like who left the toilet seat up. Or feeding the homeless and maybe even solving World Peace. Happy New Year!