Conversation Starters

First of all, put yourself in an environment where people are ready, willing and able to talk. Places like fairs, bbq's, farmer's markets, and chamber of commerce mixers are some likely spots.

One thing I often say to people is, "You look like someone with a question on your mind."

They are often looking for the bathroom, or directions, or the sign-in desk. I help them if I can, and often I'll run into them again when they are wanting to chat with a familiar face.

I also try not to start conversations under false pretenses. That's what I call it when someone starts a conversation with me just to sell something to me, or to get me to sign a petition or something annoying like they are trying to pick up any woman in the room. Then I just feel used.

Sincerity is the key to a good conversation. If you really like their outfit, say so. But don't say it just to give false flattery. It's perfectly fine to say things like,"I've always admired your work," or "I see how well behaved your children are." True sincere statements are perfect conversation starters.

Learn not to leap right into a controversial topic. This often ends badly. For example, a first date is not the time to mention how many children you want or that your biological clock is ticking or your last husband is doing time for assault.

If you are trying to start a conversation in a business environment, best to steer clear of overtly sexual topics. Asking someone where they got their shoes is fine. Asking them what color of panties they are wearing is not.

Do you best not to speak too quietly or too loudly. If you find your audience leaning in trying to make out what you just said, you need to speak louder. If they are cringing and backing up, you are probably shouting at them. Remember not all people hear as well as others. Be observant and adjust to your environment.

Also, avoid questions that are too personal. Asking where a person lives is fine. Asking them for their address is not. Ditto with asking how much they earn or what their net-worth is. If you happen to be talking about finances and they offer the information, that's fine. But to just outright ask is rude and isn't going to win you any brownie points.

Make them feel important. Don't grill them. It's not 60 minutes. I've occasionally had to ask people online if they are interviewing me or interrogating me.

Be a good listener. If you're not, you'll find yourself in short conversations as your audience wanders off to find someone that will listen to them.

Practice fishing a conversation out of a pregnant pause. You can always says, "It seems like we've covered that subject. What would you like to talk about next?"

Learn how to end a conversation. I like to say, "It was nice meeting you. Perhaps we can talk more later." That gives them a graceful chance to exit. Don't hold them prisoner. They may have been on their way to catch a train or make a pit stop when you started your conversation.