Coping With A Loved One Who Has Lung Cancer
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Who Would Think
Being married for 15 years one would never think that the time would come when you are informed that the person that you are with has been diagnosed with lung cancer. At first you are in denial and do not believe what your ears have heard. You look at them and you can see that they are ill but believe it has to be something else. A misdiagnose perhaps, someone else's test results and when you see the name written all over in so many places you realize it is the truth. How do you explain this to a child, when you find out that you and your husband have been informed that he only has six months to live and there is not a guarantee that chemo-therapy would help? A million things run through your mind, you become angry knowing that you have told him a thousand times that he needed to quit smoking. Did he listen? Absolutely not. Can we blame it on the cigarettes , pollution or is it merely coincidental that he just happened to be one of the many who got it and there wasn't anything to blame it on? You ask yourself," How are you going to be able to cope if and when he leaves this earth?" "What do you tell your son?" Are things in order? Not only have I had to contend with a person stalking me, the recession and a death but now I have to deal with being prepared when the time comes when I have to lay my best friend, my husband and my heart to rest. How do I cope? I cope with knowing that I have God on my side, I have family support and I have friends who I dearly adore. I realize that I cannot change fate , nor jump in and tell the doctor what should be done but I do understand that the last months have to be memorable ones. My escape is Hub pages where just for a little while I can try to laugh and not cry, forget about the pain that is eating away at me and remember all of the people who have remembered me. I was away for two weeks not only trying to deal with a very sick husband but the computer went down and I did not have an escape. All of the things I have endured this year are just a tiny particle of dirt compared to what I am now coping with everyday. Sharing this part of my life with the world is a complicated one, but if I can let one person know who is going through the same thing that it is o.k. to cry, it is o.k. to laugh and it is o.k. to have some joy for awhile I know that I am accomplishing something. If I do not publish 30 hubs again in 30 days that is alright, there is next year. If my score dips below 90 who cares, I have been here so long I know that it will rise again. If people have multiple personalities on Hub pages I don't care, more money for them, many a writer or a book that I have read seem to have names that are pen names. If Obama says shut up and listen we should you see life is so short and we never know what tomorrow brings, so we have to live it for today. All of these silly little things sometimes seem important but are they really? To me they are not I may express my opinion however many things do not bother me anymore, I have to focus on what is right now without any regrets. I am coping by taking one day at a time and not letting anyone or anything around me distract me from what is important and that is my family. The forums are a place to get away for awhile but is all the arguments really important? If the doctor told you that you or a loved one had six months what would you do? Think about the question and decide for yourself what is really important and what is not, you may find your answer to be very interesting. For now I will continue to cope as my mind and soul is numb, I deal with death everyday but this is something that can be sometimes complicated to deal with. If your wife, husband, significant other tells you to quit smoking please do they are not nagging they are simply trying to save your life, that cigarette really isn't worth it.
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Smoking is bad for you. You already know this. Therefore, I’m not even going to mention the usual suspects like cancer and emphysema. Why should I? You figure those things are too far off to worry about.... - How I quit smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day
For some 28 years, I had been hooked to smoking like a furnace, and smelled like one too. Back then, in university, it was real cool to smoke. Almost everyone did, and those who didn't were 'not in'. I... - Ways to Quit Smoking
You may want to be a non-smoker one day. Maybe that day is today... Well have you thought of all the way, tips, and tricks to stop smoking? Natural methods, patches, gum, hypnosis, and acupuncture. Set your mind to it, and go for it.
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((((((((((Aevans)))))))) Somehow when one reads of total stranger having this disease, one feels perhaps a tug or not, but when one reads or hears of a friend, family, online friend or a hubber whom we have connected through our writings and comments and such, it really pulls at the heart. I am so sorry you husband is dealing with this, as are you and your son. I hope, he becomes one of those who have had a spontaneous healing, because they do happen.
Your message is so clear-we need to focus on love, what's important, not the silly things that we often do as humans to sabatoge our own happiness.
Much love to you and your husband, I will be adding my prayers for healing and strength.
Love and hugs,
Marie
That so sad to hear Aevans. I remember you telling me about your husband not keeping well. I hope GOD gives you enough strength to overcome your problems. BTW a very thought provoking hub. God bless.
AE, you're a brave and wonderful person...and you have friends who care. Hold that thought...
Dear AE, Thank God that you are a nurse - one of the very best people around, I should reckon. Your husband will have the best kind of support, because you really love him, and because you will know how to take care of him. I seem to remember a certain person saying that he would write a hub to honor nurses. Well, I will have a chat with him, and ask him to get cracking! For now, you have been saluted! If you follow the rabbit trail, then you will be able to collect your salute. Enjoy the "paperchase." Hope this brightens your day. Praying for you and yours.
Hello AE. There are some who say the easiest disease to cure is the big C. There are so many similar reports all over and the Internet and other media and favorable testimonials to support these reports too.
I wish you the very best and I strongly hope you will find the total solution very soon, I am sure you will.
GOD always creates the solution first.
You have become a dear friend and my prayers are with you and your family always.
Many hugs, me
God speed you through these days of trial, his love be with you all the while
My heart goes out to you,AEvans!
God teaches us great things,gives us hope & faith & love-makes us stronger in our trials.May God give you the courage & strength as you go through this trial.
Your Hub has touched me deeply. Today, with your words in mind, I will again make an effort to stop smoking. My prayers are with you and your family.
Dean
I admire your strength in this great struggle. You have the right attitude and mind set to make it through. Just remember that when times are so hard and you need someone to talk to, everyone here that is your friend can be a great outlet. If you need anything just call on your friends. Take care and stay strong. Wes
Your hub teared me up AE.I wrote a similar one a couple of years ago. I try to believe that God does not bring you to something if he does not give you the strength to cope with it...it has sort of keeps me going. My prayers are with you..I think it is even tougher for someone from the medical profession than for a lay person who may not understand what exactly is happening.
Very heart-felt hub. My husband smokes too,I will ask him to read this.
AE, my heart goes out to you. I hope and pray for the best
Focus, this is one of those challenges, you have been there before; you are being tested. I'd say be strong but you are... You have a strong will and you will prevail... I wish the best for you and your family; it is their test also, you must guide them through it. God speed through this gauntlet of life...
You write meaningful content that is needed for understanding and enjoyment... Never stop...
Hi AE,
I've been wondering how you've been doing and I'm glad you wrote this Hub even though it's a difficult subject. John 14 is one of my favorite chapters in the NT.
whiteorchids: I am in agreance with you and sometimes we do. :)
VioletSun: Thank you so much for your prayers we do need them right now and thank you for being a friend. :)
jayb23: The hardest thing sometimes is talking about it, but the only outlet I have is putting it on paper. Thank you as well for the prayer. :)
Feline: I certainly will. :)
Diligen: I am looking forward to that hub and I hope he writes about it. There have been times when I want to open my mouth however that area of medicine is not my expertise, the more I learn about it the more passionate I become. The pic up there is mild considering what we had seen on the X-rays and scan his entire lungs were darkened and there are spots everywhere. I can only pray and take one day a at a time. Thank you for your prayers. :)
quicksand: God certainly does and I believe Miracles can happen so I am patiently waiting. Thank you for the prayers. :)
Candie V: You are a dear friend to and by the way your scarf and photo are on the way. I gave him a what for this weekend and he apologized. :)
Hmrjmr1: Lovely poem and I will tuck it in my heart. :)
PurplePerl: I need all of the strength I can get and I am feeling very loved by everyone. For each prayer makes me stronger and I know we will get through this one way or another. :)
Dean77: Please try to quit, your life is not worth that cigarette. When you light it think about what I am experiencing and how many people do not want to see anything happen to you, me included. Try Nicorette or the patch you can do it I know you can. :)
wesley: I wake up every morning with faith on my side and pray not only for my husband but for everyone who is going through something in there lives. Everytime a prayer request goes out I sit and pray for those who need it. I realize some of my hubs do not reflect my belief however that man upstairs is what gives me the strength. Thank you as well for being a friend. :)
diana: It is much more difficult especially when you know the terminology and or have a strong inkling to poke your nose into the situation but cannot. You end up becoming demanding and question each word, the hardest part is denial and anger and I have gone through that. My husband is on acceptance and I am now on fear, I certainly do not want us to be apart I could not imagine life without him. :(
eonsaway: I hope he finds the strength to put it down I certainly do not want you to go through what I am going through now. It is painful. :(
eovery: Thank you bunches ((Big Hugs)) and thanks for the prayer.
ioua: Thank you and I hope that my test ends soon, I am patient and maybe just maybe I can save one life sharing my story.
To all who smoke if you can for one moment look at the person you love and remember what I am going through maybe just maybe you can find away to put that cigarette down. I will pray for all of you who are finding it hard to break the habit. :)
Don: I will read that chapter as I need to focus on God's plan. But I am here and you are to kind to stop by, thinking always of you and yours. :)
Hello again AE, here is something topical from a fellow hubber known as Einron. If you missed it out, I would encourage you to check it out, please ... http://hubpages.com/hub/godsfoodbroccolicurescance
quicksand: I will definitely do that right now before I head off to work. :)
"The very best we can give each other is our Love; Not our advice,and certainly not our judgement"
I have no idea who wrote this but have always remembered it.
My Prayers to a wonderful lady and my tears flow for you also...it is a tough road, but He won't ask more then you can handle...I really am at a lose for the right words right now as I have family suffering the same fate and it is so difficult,just know you can always count on me...:O) HUGS & PRAYERS G-Ma
I am so sorry to hear this news, as I have known you and your husband for years. Prayers are with you, I am also so sorry, that I have been so busy, and keeping in touch, if you need anything, I am here to support you, as you have been there for me and my family. Love ya, writing does help with the stress.
Stay in the Word my friend. Philippians is comforting
My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours. I am so sorry. Christ will strengthen you. A reminder of how fragile life is. A reminder each day I need to live as if it is my last. My Blessings to you and yours. In his name. With Love, Patti
This is terrible news for anyone to hear. I can't so that I've lost a member of my family that I can remember, but have lost a good friend of mine eight years ago. He was out walking his dog one night when he was attacked by five people. He died at the local hospital due to internal bleeding. He had just gotten engaged and had his entire life ahead of him. Tim was only 22 years old. I often think about him and wonder if he's watching over me. I can only shake my head in defeat. Not all things are fair in this world.
I wouldn't know you if the two of us passed on the street or if the both of us were waiting underneath a red light, I wouldn't know you by looking at you. But none of that really matters, because in you, I see a friend who is going through an excruciatingly troubled chapter in her life and could use some empathy and encouragement to move onwards in life. You, your son and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the strength to endure your hardship. I appreciate you opening up to all of us.
With all my heart,
Dohn.
NewLife: Thanks bunches and we are taking one day at a time. :)
skye2day: That is also a must read and I will definitely read that tonight, thanks so much for the prayers. :)
Dohn: Thank you so much and I see you as a friend too!!:)
Oh AE- I am so very sorry, And I understand what you are feeling. It is hard to deal with. When we had found out my dad was sick it wasn't very long after that he passed. I hope the best for your hubby. Hopefully the chemo will help him.But be prepared for the worst just in case.I will email you more about what to expect. Love ya truly chica and I am here for you if you need a friend to talk to. God is with you sweetie! And I know you are a very strong woman of faith...... ((HUGS))
AE I cannot properly express how deeply sorry I am about your situation . All I have to offer Is my sympathy and my prayers and my friendship . You are the first person I had Interacted with on hubpages and the first I formed a regular online friendship with here, so I can only say I deeply care and will be praying for you HARD !
Your Pal Tony
I just found out my great aunt has lung cancer....sucks....
Pachuca: Thank you and your prayers I am grateful for, I am strong even though my hubs may sometimes be a little off key I know he is with me. Talk with you soon. :)
Tony0724: Thank you so much and I am also glad we are friends your hubs have so many times made me laugh your sarcastic humor is such a delight. Thank you for your prayers , your friendship and your sympathy , when there is a will there is a way.:)
AsherKade: I will also pray for your great aunt , and seeing what my husband is going through I know what your family and your aunt are going through. ((Big Hugs))
LOL!! WOOHOO!!! I'll check my mailbox every single day!!
I am sorry to read about your husband. As I read your hub I could feel myself getting teary-eyed. I have gone through losing a loved one two years ago when my father died unexpectedly (although he had diabetes and he was getting old). The hardest part was nobody among us, his children, were around him when we died because we all lived in a different place, far away from him. That was one of my biggest regrets and I still find myself missing him every day. If I could turn back the time, I would have gladly stayed with him and taken care of him. Hang in there AEvans. You're a strong woman. Your husband is very lucky to have you.
I am so very quiet after reading this hub. Julianna, I am stunned and I have to shake myself out of my silence in order to write a comment. I will explain why and I will email you when I am able to put my thoughts into words. For now, I send you and your husband and son my loving prayers. Hugging you dearly. Much love and light...
Oh AE I am feeling for you so darn much I am nearly beyond words. My heart is beating faster as I feel for you and your family, my heart is right there with you. I love you heaps and if you need me sing out buddy. xox
Dear J, I think I have already conveyed my thoughts and prayers with you, but again, I know what it is like and am fortunate enough to have been pulled back more than thrice. It does have a way of changing one's life and it gives one pause to ponder the more important things in our lives. So many things are just petty compared to what you now are facing. I know your faith will guide you and help you through this more than anything else as well as having the son by your side. My thoughts are with him as well. My mom was married 17 years before dad passed, she never remarried and focused on raising her children of 7. May god bless you with the strength to carry one dear. CC hugs
Candie: I knew that would mae you smile. :)
emievil: I can also feel your pain and know that I am certain that your father understood. I am hanging in there with all of my strength, so my many prayers have gone out I know that I can endure this. Thank you so much for the positive comment it touched my heart.
ripplemaker: Much love and light to you too!! I always look forward to reading your e-mails. (((Big Hugs))
blondepoet: hugs and kisses xoxoxox right back writing this took sometime to do, I had it saved and unpublished and finally felt it was time to let everyone know what was happening. Some choose to be silent about who they are or what they have experienced but for me sometimes sharing the pain could save a life. My husband told me just yesterday that I reminded him of Princess Diana always helping and sharing with the people. I had to laugh and then I sat back and realized that what he said was from his heart and that is his perception of me, that made me cry. :(
ralwus: You are my friend through think and thin and yes I recieved your e-mail and responded, thank you so much for the blessing and so many comments have made me so emotional. I wish I could just reach out and have a group hug!!! ****Hug****** there hopefully you and everyone caught it. :)
I am so sorry to hear this.My Prayers are with you
AEvans, my thoughts and prayers go out for you and your family at this difficult time.
Lgali: Thank you. :)
Journey: ((Big Hugs)) and thank you prayer works so many miracles I believe in them.:)
AEvans,
I am very sorry to hear this. It upset me to hear it and
. . . well, I don't really know you. But your sweetness shines right through your words when you write. And now this. A belly punch. The hair is standing up on my arms thinking about your situation and your pain. I will pray for you and your husband; for healing and comfort. :(
James A Watkins: That is so sweet through good or bad we will weather the storm. Thank you for the prayer. ((Big Hugs))
Sorry to hear about your situation. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
My grandfather ded of lung cancer. Yes, he smoked all of his life.
Betsylckes: Thank you and here is a good example of what can happen I hope someone out there will listen. Thank you for the prayers.
So sorry to hear of this tough news as I've been on both sides of this kind of diagnosis. Sometimes, the only way to get through it is minute by minute and hour by hour. Death is something our culture just doesn't teach us how to prepare.
When I learned to accept it I found it quite freeing and then that new awareness made it possible for me to set new priorites as you have done here. The next high hurdle is using your will to calm the fear of the human animal body that is so very terrified of death. That's where your spirit comes in to direct and conquer that fear.
During this time, whether it plays out as the doctors have said (as they go only by statistics - and there are always the folks who beat the stats like me, causing doctors to shake their heads and throw up their arms not knowing how to explain it) - this is a time to figure out how to empty out any fear and grieving from the past. This kind of cancer is spiritually tied to grief and sorrow from past experiences.
How I healed was to attack the cancer from the spiritual level and it's an extreme sport because you have to fight your own cultural conditioning, examine all from the past and will a strong change of heart and habits of living. It can be done.
As you go through this spiritual growth process, hang onto Jesus for sure, because He will constantly fill you and your husband with the strength to heal on many levels and give you insight into the next level to understand. Many times we get these kinds of diagnoses to shock us into doing something about an area of our lives long ignored or compartmentalized. I'll be praying for you and your husband's success - and spiritual and emotional comfort - minute by minute. You are not alone...
Denny: You are a survivor and have giving me even more hope. I feel so blessed that so many are praying for him I cannot explain what I feel. I believe it can be done and you are right I have to shake of fear and allow God to take control. I will do it and thank you so much for the prayers and support. :)
Your hub is heart-rending. I am sorry. May God hold both you and your husband in his palm.
Reading this has really saddened me as I regard you way more than most on here, I care about both you and your family. My thoughts are with you AE and take both my virtual arms around you for a big hug, you are always on my mind.
Art x
Badco: ((Big Hugs))) back I am trying to keep a positive attitude. :(
you tell us all you are married all the time, you don,t flirt...... you don't deserve it.... aw i am so sad for .... what can i do...... you are in my thuoghts and prayers.... we are all here for you
We will think of you and your husband....we will pray....hugs from Ohio. Tom and Tammy.
Brenda: Thank you prayers have been working lately. :)
Tom: ((Big Hugs)) back to you and Tammy and thank you for your prayers the are beginning to work . :)
Sorry, AE... I had kind of heard that your husband might be ill, but I didn't know about this. It has got to be so difficult...sorry.
My little sister still smokes. I will keep harping on her to quit.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I won't say I know how you're feeling, because I cannot. But, what a powerful hub this is, how important to perhaps jump start some people into quitting.
I simply cannot imagine the pain, and I know you are a mother as well. I hope you have a warm community holding you up now. So sorry for all of you, my thoughts are with you.
Laura
Lita: It is o.k. if you can get your little sister to quit please do. I told my husband so many times and he did not want to hear it, now what he is going through he wishes he would have quit. He is fighting and I am fighting with him but it is so hard. Thank you for your thoughts but I did not mean to burst anyone's bubble I just want them to think.
Wordscribe41: Thank you as well and I have family, friends and many friends on HP who have given me the strength to keep on going. My moods are up and down but we as a family will get through it , I know we will. I do hope people will find it and read it and if I can save people from this fate I will be so happy.
First of all I give all the Glory and Honor to Our Lord Jesus Christ! Your Hub touched my heart, for my dad died from Lung Cancer. Hold on to God my love, He will take you through all of this, I promise you! He want leave you nor forsake you. I pray for PEACE for your whole family and if you need to talk, I will be here for you with LOVE!
Oh J, I'm heartbroken. I thought I'd drop in to check up on your work and I have to say this was the last thing I was expecting to read. My uncle had lung cancer. He hung on just enough for us to come back to Perth and see him (my dad was working overseas). You're in my thoughts and prayers my friend...I do believe in miracles.
marcofratelli: Thank you and I believe in Miracles too!!! Thank you as well for the prayers. :)
drcarlotta: Thank you so much and also for the prayers. :)
I came to take a look at your hubs and this was the first one I saw. I lost my husband to lung cancer in November 2006. It was a very difficult time and almost three years later, it is still difficult, I will not lie. Is it better to know or not to know? I have spent countless hours thinking of that and I think it is better to know. In our daily lives, we tend to forget that which is so important to us. When we know, we take the time to slow down and our loved ones know just what they mean to us. Still, life does bring us miracles and we never gave up hope of receiving one. Ultimately, though he died, I think that our miracle was having known the love and respect of each other for the time God gave us. Not everyone is that fortunate in life. My heart aches for you and your family and I will be sending prayers your way. God bless.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Losing a loved one to cancer is terrible, I know my mother died of a brain tumor. I wish you all the strength in the world to deal with this awful time in your life, you know you will come out the other end being a stronger person.
Connie: Thank you and it is a painful time I find myself trying to smile through the pain. Not eating right because of stress and having hope that he may get through it. Only God knows and I do believe in miracles. I have a husband you used to be so loving and now is sick and mean he cried the other night because he told me he was scared. I cried with him in my arms, it is so hard but I know that these moments have to be cherished because it is going to take a miracle for him to over come this. Thank you for the prayers.
Uninvited Writer: That is so sad Connie lost her husband to lung cancer and your mom died of a brain tumor. All of you are giving me the strength to get through this as I include so many of you as an extended virtual family. Everyday is making me stronger and only time will tell.
My heart goes out you. My prayers are with you. My request is that you remember to eat and take care of you.
Raven King: Thank you and food has been complicated for me, I am already thin so I have to be careful but I am eating and trying to keep it down. Thank you for your thoughts.
Hello AE, we were so sorry to read this. Pat's mother died of lung cancer several years ago, and Tricia lost a very dear friend more recently. People who smoke make us very angry, but probably those who do smoke simply cannot believe that lung cancer will happen to them. Tobacco is a intently addictive drug - and possible affects some part of the brain (in our unscientific opinion).
We'll pray for you.
2patricias: It makes me mad to some listen and some do not I am at the angr stage because I asked him years ago to quit,but hopefully he will be a survivor and not a statistic. I can only love him and be supportive but I wish this upon nobody. My heart goes out to bot of you as well. :)
Hi I was wondering how all is going with you and your hubby. I know it can not be easy. I have kept you and yours in my prayers. I know when I feel I can not take another step I tap into the Holy Spirit and I get renewed. The HS is an amazing friend and guide that Christ gave us before he assended to heaven. Tap into his power girlfriend.
My Blessings. Sending hug your way.
skye: We are seeing some improvement but he is not out of the woods yet. I am trying to tap believe me my faith is beginning to be renewed. ((Big Hugs)) back. :)
My heart and best wishes go out to you and your family.
Tom: I thank you so much :)
My prayers for your husband and your family. It can be hard to take such difficult news, but these challenges will just make us stronger. Miracles do happen,and we need only wait for our prayers to be answered.
kuirq: That certainly is truthful and thank you for your prayers. :)
My prayers for healing for your husband and strength for the family are with you.
anglnfit4ua: Thank you! :)
Coping With A Loved One Who Has Lung Cancer in the News
- Health happenings: Dec. 15Bradenton Herald4 days ago
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whiteorchids says:
4 months ago
This is so sad, you are right we should not take anything for granted.