Dementia is probably one of the most misunderstood diseases. Coping with dementia is hard because people change in behaviour and in intellect. feelings of frustration are not uncommon under caregivers of people with dementia. They don't fully understand the disease and by that, don't know how to give care for the ones the love. There is a lot of information on the Internet about what dementia is and what happens to the people who have it. But it often lacks a detailed advise how you give care to them.

As a psychologist i have many years of experience in talking and giving advise to people who have to care for loved ones who have dementia syndrome. I am surprised how little people really know about the disease. Although caregivers often understand that there loved ones have dementia, they don't seem able to connect the behaviour to the demented person. They get angry and frustrated when the person doesn't understand them, seems not to be listening or is asking the same question over and over again.

A big problem with dementia is that the person itself is not fully conscious of the fact that he has the disease. In fact he will start to get angry and annoyed when you remind him that he is sick. You can compare this by me calling you a liar although your not. You will probably become angry on me as i call you a liar and a person with dementia will get angry when you call him sick. This is called self preservation and is often nothing the person can control. It is a way the brain uses to survive and go on.

The main question I often get is how to cope with the person. The following advises are the most common I give but as every person is different, it may not fully be useful to your account.

Read more about what Dementia is.

The person with dementia is often impaired in orientation. He will talk about the past as it is the present time. As the demented person is impaired in memorising events his consciousness will slowly move back in time. He could talk about people who past away for some time now as if they are still alive. because he sees himself as a younger person he will also think his children and friends are younger than they really are. Often they call their wife mother and there children could become their friends or wife. This could be very painful for the caregivers of the person with dementia.

Coping with dementia is very difficult. When people are in the beginning stage of dementia I often advise to keep them orientated with the present time as it will help them. As a person is at a later stage of the disease i advise to go with the subject the person is speaking of. He could be talking about how good of a football player he is and that he has a game on Sunday. You should pick this moments to let him speak of what he wants to say. Ask question what game it is and what his position is. This method is called Validation and is a very popular way in communicating with demented persons.

The last advise i will give here about coping with dementia are behavioural problems that some persons with dementia have. Because people stop understanding many things, even their own emotions, they sometimes show difficulty behaviour. As I wrote before, they could start to get angry about nothing, get aggressive or sexual harrash people. What you should keep in mind here is that these are symptoms of the disease. The person you love is changing into another person cause of his sickness and this is what many people forget. They blame the person (unconscious) for the fact that they never say thank you, don't show interest like they did before, ask the same question a hundred times, don't know how the coffee machine or even the toilet works. These are the hardest problems to cope with for caregivers and also reason number 1 why they just can't take it any more. Understanding is the key. Motivate the person in what he does right. If he can make coffee, let him do it as long as he is able to do it. A big mistake many people make is taking care of everything for the demented person as if he is a little child. Treat the person with respect and if he fails to do something, just act if it is nothing important.

What often helps is talk about it to another person. Someone understanding you often relieves the burden the same way as you are trying to understand the demented person and that is the key to cope with it for as long as possible.

Imagine yourself being out with some friends of yours. It happens to be that they are all highly intellectual stockbrokers and they are talking the entire time about things you don't understand. When they do this for some time you probably get distracted and you stop following their conversation. This is exactly the same thing that happens to people with dementia. When family comes by and all start talking to them, they can't concentrate on the people who are talking at the same time. The have lost the ability to fully concentrate. Eventually they get distracted and start doing something else. How to remedy?

You should always talk one at a time to someone who is demented. You should also speak a bit slower than you are used to. It helps to look at the person, talk slow and clear. If you have doubts he is understanding it, try it again or use some other words. People with dementia often have speech and understanding impairment and by that they will not understand all what you are saying. If you keep this in mind it probably helps coping with dementia.