Cougar Traps - The challenges of dating younger men

I have to tell you that I had never even heard of the term Cougar until about a year and a half ago. I certainly wasn't on the prowl, but the term was actually explained to me by a young stud himself. The term Cougar is associated with women that prey on younger men...But as it was explained to me, the guys are not exactly feeble little victims. I was told that a lot of younger guys like the stability that comes with maturity in women. We become more confident with who we are and are hopefully more emotionally balanced. As we mature we tend to become more sensual. These are all attractive qualities so while we may have to work a lot harder to avoid the effects of gravity, there are some very positive off sets.

But this article is not about Cougars and whether or not you are active in the game. It is about if you do get "bagged" so to speak what you can expect from the relationship.

I have to admit honestly, that I was never in the game stalking my prey. I certainly liked window shopping but never in a million years thought I would end up in a controversial May December romance. I think that is my first word of caution is that just because you think they are too young, guard your heart. When you don't take a friendship seriously you are in grave danger of getting the surprise of your life.

For me personally, I never saw it coming. I really enjoy playing golf and tend to be athletic, so an invitation to play around,...of golf that is never caused me to think twice. But probably through the innocence of a real friendship as the foundation I soon realized that this golf buddy wanted a little bit more.

I have always been a little too worried about what other people think so for me to step out and openly date a guy that was 20 years younger was a huge stretch. I guess a pro would be that I did learn that it doesn't really matter what other people think. If your actions don't hurt anyone you should follow your heart.

You also have to get a thick skin. While it is physically possible of course to have given birth to this guy, the first time someone asks you if he is your son...it twangs some sudden emotions of embarrassment. But if you are willing to deal with an occasional comment like that you will eventually just smile. Men have been dating younger women for years and while they may hear the same type of comment when their young son is confused for their grandchild it has never slowed them down.

The negative in having a relationship with someone so young is probably pretty obvious.First of all, is he mature enough to know what he really wants in life? I will tell you that this is a huge vat of quick sand. While they may tell you over and over that they are absolutely certain they know what they want and where they are headed. I can profoundly state from experience that can change quickly. But how many people really know what they want and where they are going before you get into your 30's. Some of us take longer than others to figure out exactly makes us happy. It does change for most so you can't just blame youth.

Secondly, what if in 10 or 15 years he suddenly gets that parental urge? Could happen. So what then? Then there is the financial side. Their focus is to make their mark in this world. Proving to themselves that they can be all that they have imagined. And that takes a lot of work and commitment so when you are ready to kick up your heels because you have accomplished your goals, he will just be clicking into first gear. And if I am to be completely honest here, I have to mention that my teenage kids were not all that pleased about it to begin with. However over time, they built their own relationships and it actually worked out fine. But in the beginning they were very defensive. If a woman dating older is a gold digger what would a guy be? A miner? Anyway, when they understood that was not the relationship and their fear that i would be taken advantage of dissipated. It got a lot better.

In fact a pro would be that this guy fit in to our family very easily. You see young guys generally travel pretty light. They don't tend to drag around a steamer trunk full of left over baggage from broken relationships, ex-wives and children. Don't misunderstand, I love children and I have the greatest step-daughter that still calls me mom after years of being divorced from her father. But it takes a lot of energy and patience to successfully blend a family, so the fact that your young stud may not be bringing children and their mother along may be appealing to you.

Now here is another consideration; I am honest enough to admit that probably my most concerning issue when the relationship got to be more serious was the vain aspect of aging. What about in 20 years from now? I know that the modern woman has the advanced technologies at their disposal and 60 really is the new 40. But would that bother me? When your stud reaches his peak potential in his 40's and is being attacked by women of all ages, would you have the confidence to know that the strength of the relationship is deeper than simply external beauty?

And someone would certainly point out that I missed what most people think is the main attraction, the physical. Yes, awesome and out of respect that's all you get. But what I also found in this relationship was the openness of intimacy. The barriers of social and cultural repression simply didn't exist. The younger generation, yes I know how that sounds, but I can't think of another way to phrase it; don't have the hang ups that a lot of us were raised with. And for the record I am talking about intimacy not sex.

I think it is also worth mentioning that as a career woman, I have had to deal with men that felt they had to compete with me both in position and earnings. But a younger guy has broken the cultural cliches of a women belong at home. They have had successful women that they can relate to and respect. I never felt like I had to apologies for my accomplishments with a younger man. That is definitely a bonus.

So here we are, what more can I say. While I have "officially" ended my relationship and am no longer a Cougar, my heart is still wrapped up in his. I am grateful for having had the experience and I am a better person because of it.