Cougar Talk

Hi, I'm Isabella,

It seems that my friends are determined to make me share the experiences I've had with the younger men in my life. I was blissfully ignorant of my rising stature in the world of cougars. The word used to bother me as I felt it had the connotation of being predatory, but I've since come to terms with it. It is what it is, a name and let's face it, it's an attractive animal so why fight it. My 28 year old companion informs me that he is a cub so I'll take his word for it. And yes, before you start, he is a little younger than I am going to recommend. But there are exceptions for every rule and he is an exception.

It is not that I came to be this icon of cougarism, it all happened very innocently and without forethought. Women in my age group know the unfortunate truth. Good men our age are rarely single and if they are they either have issues with performance/endurance, are selfish, have no humor, live with their mothers, have addition issues, are workaholics with no time, and most importantly usually make less money than me. This usually translates to a range of reactions from outright hostilility or fright to them having a vague sense of feeling uncomfortable. If they are as financially successful, as I am, they want a trophy wife or mistress (by definition very young).

Believe me, I've been to enough of those Executive Retreats with all the VPs etc. running aroung and checked out the women. They were a few long term wives there, but mostly it was a sea of young blondes with very large breasts. So the question becomes, do I sit on the sidelines hoping for the perfectly appropriate man by society's standards or do I get in the game. For me, I found that the traditional online dating sites brought out the younger men and although I didn't actually take up very many on their offers, it did open my eyes to a whole world of adoring men out there that want a chance to be with a quality woman who doesn't play games, bring drama into their lives and have so much to share with them. There is more than one young man out there that has become a successful and polished businessman because of how I helped develop the best sides of themselves. It isn't just about the good sex. It's about having someone by your side that truly admires you, encourages you and brings out the best in you. In return, they have a champion to build their self esteem, polish their image with a healthy sheen of sophistication and give sound career advice. There are no losers, especially if you have the proper expectations. I'm not necessarily talking about finding a husband or even a companion for the rest of your life, although there are many instances where this is what is found - take Demi Moore for example. But instead, making a friend of your lover and sharing two different worlds and finding a new one together that melds the best from both.

I will be updating this hub or new hubs with detailed stories of my funny, sad, eye-opening, sometimes humiliating but always real experiences and hope I can impart some insight for both cougars and cubs out there. For the rest of you, enjoy and live vicariously through my experiences. You're bound to snicker and laugh and occasionally raise your head in disbelief ad call out: "hey honey, you're not gonna believe this one...".

I thought I should share my first experience with a much younger man. It might give you some perspective on both the positives and the negatives. And yes, despite the negatives I did not make it my last.

I had a normal match.com account to which a very young man responded. I got the email on one of those days where the world was bleak and I suddenly wanted to throw caution into the wind. I find that although I get many inquiries, I'm really somewhat of a hard catch. I love my solitude and my own company and it takes a lot to get me out of my shell. Don't get me wrong, my co-workers, employees and friends will tell you I'm the life of the party. But when it comes to dating I'm very careful and at the time could take it or leave it. Work was so all consuming that quiet times were a welcome retreat. But sometimes you just feel spunky or adventurous, and when I feel adventurous - watch out. So I met this young man. I'm embarrassed to say he was a mere 24 years old, worked for the airlines and was just so so hot to meet me. We met at a local sports bar. Lots of people, always trying to be safe, I ventured inside and he spotted me almost immediately. To say he was feeling amorous is quite an understatement. He had real trouble keeping his hands to himself, and I'll admit I was flattered. It was nice to feel that attractive and desired. I will also grant that we probably didn't have much in common. His level of sophistication was very low and honestly there would not have been much hope for improving it anytime soon . Oh well! What he lacked in sophistication he tried to make up in enthusiasm. His confession, months later -that he was the most envied man at his workplace, is probably accurate. He apparently conveyed his experiences in detail to his co-workers much to their delight. Frankly, he was energetic and wanted to prove he was worthy. He literally would call me and beg, "please let me come over again, I promise I'll try to keep up this time".

Sure - it didn't last long, but it was a learning experience for myself and obviously for him. I ask myself frequently why God would design us in such a way to make a woman her best after 40 and men their best at 18. It sounds like a cosmic joke.

Be it as it may, that's reality and we have to come to terms with it - each in our own way. I've learned a lot since that first experience. Primarily that you can find true quality experiences with a younger man that transcend the more obvious advantages.

I have, however, found a lot of other pitfalls that I want to warn you about. The primary ones are as follows: The stalker, the Conman and the younger man at work. I haven't had experience with the latter one because it violates one of my golden rules, but I have enough third pary stories to curl your toes,

And the controversy begins.....

Well, I certainly didn't anticipate the heated discussions that would arise at my household when my last post was published. And it was about the most unexpected topic. It appears my cub (his term) disagrees vehemently with me about the "sexual peak" of women vs. men.

It is his firm assertion that men do NOT hit their peak at 18 but are at their peak anytime later in life (not including those who have physical issues) and hit it anytime they have someone in front of them that they want to have sex with again. In other words, it is all mental, if they want to impress a woman they can perform anytime, anywhere and with all the impressive vigor or finesse required to make her want to come back for more. Furthermore, their lack of impressive performances later in life is purely a symptom of boredom with their wives or partners. They sowed their oats when they were young, tried all the various exotic twists and varieties and therefore have very little that excites them at that point other than perhaps a hot, young nimble thing that they can lust after. Women (ladies), on the other hand, are handicapped early by the norms of society and are not usually inclined to engage in the free sexual explorations that they might like to because it would stigmatize them as "sluts". Furthermore, with age they become bolder and care much less about what society has to say and can finally make up for lost time. Finally, women are now in a unique position to do as they like and get away with behavior that, as he puts it "if I did that, I'd be labeled a pig". It's a cool trend now, according to him, to be a cougar or a cub.

Now I really thought I was on firm ground, medically and psychologically, when I made that "sexual peak" comment. I still believe it, but I have to be open to the possibility that his argument could hold some merit. I mean, I see major holes in that theory but one has to give pause and ask yourself "Do men really think this way?". Is this just a minority opinion? Or is this a pervasive impression that men have? I'd really like some feedback on this. Could men just have trouble with the thought that most of their lives they are losing something while women are gaining? Or is that just a self serving concept for women?

This conversation led to an interesting follow up discussion regarding how the young men who are attracted to older women rate them. There are apparently distinct characteristics that are considered more attractive to these men and I've tried to pull them all together in a cohesive fashion for your review. Feel free to disagree, I love the input and am always looking to refine my data. If you're interested in How Cubs Rate Cougars please go to the following hubpage: http://hubpages.com/hub/How-Cubs-Rate-Cougars. or are you wondering about those really bad moves to avoid when dating a cub, then check out: http://hubpages.com/hub/Dos-and-Donts-for-dating-a-younger-man.

Stay tuned for more adventures and tales from the cougar.