Could It Be I Need a Support Group?
55Whiners Anonymous. . .
Ok, so I'm not one big for airing dirty laundry in public -- in fact, I get really defensive when I have to go to a laundrymat to wash my clothes. . . However, this endeavor to be involved with "Captain B." on a new set of terms has me shaking in my boots, sorta kinda.
Just how does one go from being in command of their life, their time, their comfort zone to being mindful of another's life, time and comfort zone? Actually, I don't have a problem with respecting the rights or needs of others: I'm having a problem with not allowing myselt to retreat to my own private world in order to establish safe distance between myself and Captain B.
Part of me has, for quite a few years, longed to be in a committed, long term, healthy relationship. I know the angst feelings of solitude I'd get when seeing friends and peers enjoying marriage, co-habitation and new promising bonds and desiring that for myself. I can readily admit it.
Stop. I've had no shortage of pleasant relationships that were on MY terms! I've even prided myself on being committed and faithful to my intimate relationships. However, it seems now that I was more committed to being involved than I was to any one person. . . Sigh.
So why am I whining? Because I'm very uncomfortable with these new feelings of insecurity:
1. Is this guy serious about this relationship or is he just playing the part? At one point this week I wondered if Captain B. had plans to take out a high paying insurance policy on me. . .
2. Does Captain B. have an intimate relationship with an ex, a new girl or some other woman and, again, is playing me? I wondered one day as to whether or not I was his 'trophy girl' while in private he wanted someone else. . .
3. Can I just let go of this relationship now, since I know he's gonna rack my nerves and will never be the man of my dreams? It has occurred to me to keep looking for the 'right' man -- while it has also occured to me that "Mr. Right" will have some flaws that will rack my nerves. . .
This relationship would probably NOT cause me so much giddiness, if I weren't so attracted to this man. Let me confess this: I paid him no atention when we met and in fact thought he was a bit rude. [I was teaching a basic computer class and he had come to the center to use the phone and did not show enough courtesy to what I was doing]. The fact is, I was so engrossed in what I was doing along with my other endeavors, it was nearly 2 weeks after he had joined the class that I happened to look into his face and see exactly what he looks like and how handsome he is! Just goes to show how comforable and solid I've been in my own world and thoughts!
That leads to just what is it that I'm attracted to in Captain B.? Quite a few things about him are extremely endearing: his smile, since of humor, attentiveness, sharing nature, chivalry and overall good guyness. So what's to whine about????
Whew, writing all of this out, clearly shows that I'm having a mid-life crisis. . . Are women allowed to have those? Or are women only allowed to have nervous breakdowns? Hmmmmmm. . .
Now that I've stated so much about my inner thoughts, I do recall having experienced an identity crisis while in my 20s. . . It was a bit more uncomfortable than this BUT I was a lot younger and more able to 'bounce back' from the experience! What if I can't bounce back from being this close? What if I get stuck with this man and the REAL Mr. Right finally shows up? What if Captain B. finds the REAL Mrs. Right? Why do I have to find out now that total self control is just a hallucination for the healthy and a sign of psychosis for everyone else?
The most important quesion [at least for today] is whether or not I can continue to observe my own feelings, address them accordingly and allow myself the yen and yang of being involved with someone -- up close and personal like?
Tommorrow will tell. . . In the meantime, anyone got a number for the Whiners Anonymous Hotline???
YE is Here
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S Lynn Mitchell says:
6 months ago
Honey, Honey, Honey....! Slow down!
First of all, you AINT whining. All of your concerns are VERY valid. When something (or someone) comes along and shakes up the status quo to which we have so comfortably become accustomed, WE GET NERVOUS! It's a fact of life--it's means that you're alive.
Take it slow--enjoy your time with Captian B (I love that name, lol). See where it goes. You seem to have a very strong sense of self--don't lose that! That sense allows you to know who you are and what you want, and it's very important for us Ladies. By the same token, don't allow paranoia to create problems where there are none. I'm a strong believer in evidence. Everything done in the dark will one day be brought to the light, so don't worry. You will know soon enough if Captain B is really Prince Charming or Beelzebub!
I'm not telling you to ignore the tiny (or huge) nagging feeling that may be telling you something is rotten in Denmark. I'm just saying don't get carried away. If you truly see signs that something may not be right, talk to the man. Yes, I know everyone can lie--but trust me. The truth will come out eventually. Trust your instincts but don't let paranoia or suspicion CLOUD your instincts!
You DO, however, have to allow yourself to retreat into your own private world when needed. That's where we store our sanity! We have to go back there when necessary to pick it up. Your "terms" with Captain B has to include time and opportunity for you to do this or you will never achieve the yen yang for which you are striving. You already know that you are in a give-and-take situation. Please know that you are not the only one that should be giving...