Could You Abandon Your Child ?
77What is going on?
The everyday struggles that families are enduring are great. We have the economic problems, housing crisis, bigger grocery bills, jobless numbers growing, and so much more. The one thing I keep seeing on the news that disturbs me more than these issues are the number of kids, teenagers, who are being abandoned in Nebraska. Watching CNN this morning,I saw that the number of teens being abandoned by parents is up to thirty four. Parents have driven from Georgia and Michigan, along with other states to abandon their kids at hospitals. The oldest was seventeen.
I have to ask myself what type of society we live in that makes it okay to just get rid of your child because you can't handle them anymore. Most of the parents who dropped these teens off gave behavioral problems as their excuse for not wanting to take care of them. I have listened to the interviews with the some of the parents who said they told their child how much they loved them before they took them to Nebraska and left them.
When we make a decision to have children, we take on the responsibilty of their care. It is our job as a parent to guide them, to take care of them, to feed and clothe them, to make sure they go to school, and try and help them grow into accomplished young people. We do all this because of our overwhelming love for them.
I have to ask myself what must be going through these teens heads as their mother, father, or both parents are driving away. I imagine that they must thinking how a parent who loves them so much, could just walk away, throw their hands in the air and just give up.
What are they teaching those kids?
They are teaching them that when the going gets tough, walk away. Abandon whatever it is that you are dealing with and forget about it. This in turn leads to a group of young adults passing that same lesson on to their kids. It will probably also lead to serious relationship and job problems. A group of young adults who just give up on everything. A circle that keeps going round and round from generation to generation.
Disturbing even more to me is the thought that there must be other parents out there who want to abandon their child and just haven't gotten the courage up to do it yet. People who think that is the best alternative than holding their ground and actually being a strong parent.
Parenting doesn't come with a book but it is a choice you made
Parenting doesn't come with a book or a direct list of instructions. You don't get a chance to look into the future and see what kind of child your child will be if you decide to have one. When you make the choice to have children, you don't expect to have perfectly happy days every single day. You know from your own life experience as a teen that you had times that pushed your parents to the line on more than one occasion.
My thoughts on this is that people bring kids into this world and it is their responsibilty, no matter how tough it is, to raise these kids. Not under any circumstance throw thier hands up in the air and abandon them.
Part of the problem
The problem with todays society is that some parents are afraid to discipline their child. When I say discipline, I don't mean beat their kids.I personally am not one for hitting kids. There are many ways to get control of your kids. Many ways to put your foot down and make sure your kid has the utmost respect for you. It doesn't hurt anyone to ground and take away that ipod or television, driving privledges and cellphone.
Kids don't have respect anymore and learning respect starts at home. Too many parents now a days, want to be a friend more than a parent. You don't have kids to make friends, you have them to be your children and therefore you raise them to respect you and to do what they are supposed to do.
Above all else, as a parent, you don't throw your hands up and abandon them. You tough it out, thats your flesh and blood, your responsibility.
To Learn More About This
For anyone who wants read more information on this growing issue, check out sites like CNN and USA Today. You can also do a basic search finding tons of information on this subject. It is very sad to see and hear that people are coming from all over the United States doing this. I do not feel sorry for these parents, I do not agree with them at all. I feel sorry for the teens who have been left behind. Nebraska started the safe haven law in July. Since July, currently 34 teens have been dropped off. That is an amazing number and a scary number. Could you imagine what the number would be if more states had this law. What an awful and terrible thought.
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Comments
That's so sad, I can't believe that a parent can raise a child for 13+ years, live with them and get to know them, and then just leave them at a hospital and drive away. They are part of their lives; part of them. Granted I haven't got a teenage child and I don't know how I would cope if I had one with behavioural problems, but I know that I would not abandon my own child, no matter what.
This is a great hub for highlighting this problem, and I agree with what you've written about the repercussions of these abandonments on the kids themselves and on society. I've two more comments/questions which I don't intend to belittle or make fun of this serious problem, but which came to mind when I was reading your hub. Firstly, a child is for life, not just for Christmas. And secondly, why are parents driving all the way to Nebraska to abandon their children?!
People are abandoning their kids in Nebraska because Nebraska started a law ,in July,that would allow parents who didn't want their babies ( up to 3 days old) to be taken to one of their hospitals without any legal repercussions. However the literature in the law made it easier for parents to skirt the baby age and they took in upon themselves to start dropping their teens off there. Nebraska is currently working on restructuring the law they put into effect in July to something more stringent so that teens can't be dropped off there.
Thank you for your comments.
I discipline my child and I would never ever consider abandoning him, your are correct we are responsible for our children, not matter what age and a teenager being abandon, I believe becomes very angry and does not feel loved but lost it is a crisis and it is a shame. :(
Can't imagine abandoning any child for any reason. Still I think it's so complex to be raising kids today that I don't envy young parents and am very glad to just be the grama. I can see where some parents could get overwhelmed when their kids are teens. I had five teenagers from 13 to 17 in age all in puberty at the same time -- talk about overwhelming -- every day was a crisis. There has to be a better way besides walking away.
Could I abandon my child? Never! I know how it feels and that's just the reason why. I discipline my children and want them to respect others, including me. My sons call me strict but fair and honest. It's hard sometimes to be a parent, but when you chose to be one you're responsible for the children.
I think in society today we are all taught to do what we do, blame our parents or the society at large, and go on about our lives. This is very sad. It goes to show the lack of basic education not being taught so that we can function with trying times and how to hold up with all the pressures in life.
Thank you for a well done hub!
Very moving and powerfully written :-)
I am 25 years old now and my mother did abandon me when I was 13. Left me to fend for myself. It has devestated me beyong belief. I go to a therapist once a week and it still doesn't stop the hurt. I have a three year old and I'm 5 months pregnant. I would NEVER ever want to make my children feel like that or go through any of the horrible things I went through. I don't understand how someone like your mom who's supposed to love you no matter what doesn't. That really makes you have no self esteem and no worth. If your own mother doesn't love you why should anyone else. I'm just now getting over this and it makes me sick to my stomach that any woman could do this to her children. I just know that instead of repeating a horrible ugly cycle I want my son and son/daughter to know I'm always here for them and love them no matter what.
Here's how you abandon a child...I have a 12yr old son who kills and tortures animals, who attacks small children with deadly weapons with full intent to commit harm, who writes in his journal how he fantasizes about killing his family and how he would do it in great detail, who urinates and deficates in his room daily because he gets angry, these are just a few examples of my daily life with my son who has been diagnosed as a sociopath. He has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals until the insurance runs out. I have asked the state for help, the law for help, the foster care system for help...and nothing. I do not see him as my child anymore, i see him as the monster he has become and feel nothing for him. He has a 75% chance of growing up to take a human life, did i mention he is also homicidal? I'm sure Jeffery Dahmer was a sweet child once too, but do you think his parents ever thought he would grow up marinating penis's in his closet and storing human heads in the refrigerator?? Come on here people...you do not know the circumstances of the people dropping off their children so do not judge! I would drop this monster off in 2 seconds flat if i had known there was such a place to do so!!! I will bring this too a close...i need to pack for my trip to nebraska!!!!!
If your still not convinced, imagine if it were your 5 daughter/son/relative that my son hit on the head with a LOG because ''he wanted to'' or he choked your 2 yr old so hard it left marks? There have been many instances like this with him..in each case, LUCKILY someone happened to stop it before he killed someone! So again think before you speak!
Everyone has their circumstances, when the thing comes to you, you just don't know how to do. This man make me pregnant and took my son away, I call him many times, he said he don't know me, and he teached my son to call someone else mom, he took him away without any contact, I was regret why I leave my son to him. But nothing can solve my pain, I will say who will not feel pain when this thing happen, I feel sorry to you and myself too.
I came so very close to being abandoned. I was having alot of problems in school. Mostly with bullies. The school had a policy about fights, "if we didn't see it, it didn't happen". However they always seemed to catch me defending myself. I was punished for locking a boy in the school's time out room. The whole time that was going on, I was grading papers for a teacher. The truth was the kid went in the room, closed the door and kept throwing himself against the walls. When the staff member came down the kid came out the room with a bloody nose and said I did it. I was punished for something I didn't do. I hadn't even left my chair. When I got sent home for defending myself, my mom would call the hospital and tell them I was suicidal. That would get me a 3-7 and sometimes a 14 day stay depending on what she told them. There was one day where I had gotten sent home from school for defending myself. Again the teacher didn't see anything. My mom called my dad to pick her up and take me to the first hospital she admit me to when I was 10. She tried to give them the same "he's suicidal" story. This time, it didn't work. They found me to not be suicidal. So then she asked them to place me in a group home. The whole time the socal worker was on the phone my mom was sitting next to me on a bench telling me how good this will be for me, and how much I will enjoy it. Meanwhile the whole time I am scared out of my mind and hurt that my mom would try to get rid of my while my dad said and did nothing to stop what my mom was doing. Infact, I don't think he said one word from the time he picked me up during the whole situation. About 2 hours later, the social worker came out and told my mom that I didn't meet the requirements to be placed in a group home. I was thinking "thank god". So she starts putting on this act crying and stuff. So the social worker tells her to go to the department of childrens services (or child protective services in other areas). We got there and and my mom told them that I was beating my mom and bother and that they were scared for their lives. I never touched my mother, I was terrified of her. And my brother, we always got in fights over one thing or another, but never to the point of serious injury done to him or me. Everything was signed and I was about to be taken away to some detention center because she told them I was violent, that I couldn't be placed in a foster home with others. Then the paper came out for my mom to pay the state child support for my care in the sum of $600.00 per month. She didn't have that kind of income, and that was the only reason I wasn't taken away. All the sudden I wasn't a danger and I wasn't hitting anyone anymore. However the social worker there told my mom if I hit anyone or there was any problems the social worker would send a police car to arrest me. My mom used this to control everything I did. If I started to do anything she didn't want, she would pick up the phone and start dialing. I was scared of her with that kind of power, that one phone call and I would lose my brother and my home. So I started going to griffith park in Glendale where I lived at the time. From the time I got home, I left on my bike and would come home 3-5 minutes before bed time. At school, I just let the kids beat me up because I didn't want to get sent home and her get angry and make a call. I didn't give her the chance to have a reason to call. That went on for 6 months till the case closed. That was one of the major incidents that occured that fueled me cutting her totally out of my life. The last straw was when I called her one morning after a nightmare of being in one of the psych hospitals I was hurt in. She told me it was my fault (for getting sent home from school for defending myself/fighting)and how she didn't feel guilty for anything she did. I was hurt by what she told me and told her never to contact me again, that she was dead to me. I haven't had contact with her now in almost 2 years. I live with one of my best friends now sharing a apartment. I don't care how bad a child is, or how bad my future children will be. I will NEVER get rid of them. That is a promise you can take that to the bank. I know what it feels like to have your parents try to throw you away like your old clothing or something. It hurts to your core. And sure it effects your self esteam. How can you feel good about yourself when your own parents don't want you anymore. It's a horrible thing to do to a child. If people don't want to deal with your kids, DON'T HAVE THEM!
-Stanley
What do you do then when you do discipline your child, you do have consequences for behaviors, what do you do when youve kicked thier butt every step of the way to make sure that if they cant behave at least they will be educated?? what do you do when a teen is so volatile and verbally abusive that he scares the younger children so bad that they have no quality of life,,,,,,,,what do you do? Are you a terrible parent because you choose to let one go to save the others?/ What if this teens behavior is so out of control that eventually the younger ones start to rebel because of the amount of violence int he home? What do you do when your younger children witness your teenager verbally and physicaly abusing thier mother and they have to sit by and watch,,,,if i allowed my husband to treat me this way id be a bad parent because i allowed my children to watch thier father behave in this manner,,,,,sometimes its damned if you do and damned if you dont,,,,,,,seriously though,,,what do you do when your teenager makes these choices for himself because he can?? How much sacrifice can a parent be expected to make at the risk of her other children??
My 17 yr old son,,,,,,6'4 310 lbs, Is a bully, hes mean spirited and violent, and no im not a crappy parent, i have 3 other children who do well in school they are polite, well behaved and respect us, and they respond to discipline,,,my 17 yr old doesnt, i took him out of high school because he was constantly being kicked out, sent him on a 30 day wilderness program,,,had to drive to daytona and pick him up because they just couldnt handle him iether, as i picked him up they said they are sorry and good luck,,,,,forced him to choose,,,military or job corp, if hes going to act up hes going to do it with an education,,,he got his ged and started selling drugs, so i brought him home, enrolled him in college and hes 1year through. in 1 year,,,,,1 year this boy could be making 60k a year out the door,,,,im not kidding,,,,so today the police bring him home for selling drugs,,,mind you they drop off a very hostil very high teenager and my younger kids are home, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what about them??? what about he saanity of the entire family at the risk of 1 person,,,i love him and no matter what i will always be there for him but i cant do it for him here while he is terrorizing all of us,
To kelly who wrote this blog,,,it is a very welldone piece but i have to say, after reading your profile you have a stable life so far, its really hard to read stuff like this from someone who has never ever walked int hier shoes, its all situational, one of those we can judge others but never know how we would truly act until we walk a mile in thier shoes,,,dont get me wrong,,,,,i have a friend who just walked out and left her children because they didnt fit into her life, they have suffered greatly because of it,,,,,but there are families who do struggle every single day with abuse, drugs, and other stuff from thier kids,,,,,,im not saying its the right solution but because there is a lot of crappy parenting out there and people who dont want to work with thier kids, identify the problem and find solutions, the police and dcf units are so overwhelmed that when you get parents who truly need help its not available to them, its such a scary place to be in,,,,,,,,,,,,,as i write this i am so livid with my teenage son, he has walked out the door saying he refuses to stay here and i did not sk himt o stay, im so releived he left, I know he can take care of himself,,,its not the life iw ant for him but i dont have the fight anymore,,,,he will be 18 in a few months and as my husband points out,,,,whats the difference between being 17 and 18 in a few months, what changes in that small span of time , why is it so horrible i kick him out now as opposed to a few months down the road????
parents need more help,.........if you discipline your child they can turn on you especialy when they find out you are powerless to do anything about it
Ray Saunders says:
13 months ago
That's really the first time I heard of there being a rise of parents abandoning their children. I really don't understand what goes on their heads to do something like that.