A few years ago, I slammed into the Empty Nest Syndrome at warp speed. I knew it was coming, I had taught classes about it. Ha! I knew nothing. Life has a way of humbling us. I was ignorant. Knowing what to do, is not the same as doing what you know.

After retiring from foster care, I thought I had put kids I didn't recognize behind me. One morning, I woke up to a living room full of graduated teens, none of whom seemed familiar at first glance. I could not tell which full grown bent and sleeping bodies belonged to me. My home had been taken over by grown kids.

Sighing inwardly, I picked up discarded food cartons and bottles, caring not if I stepped on anyone in the process and made a decision. The next weekend, we went condo shopping and found the perfect place on a nearby lake. Of course, being Florida, it was infested with gators, but at the time they seemed less bothersome than a house full of adult kids. The condo had a long glass wall that faced the lake. It was glorious.

Wthin weeks, we were moved out of one place and moved into the other. As we made our last trip out of the "house of boys," we hugged and patted them on the back, ignored their somewhat shocked expressions, and drove the 2 miles to our new place. The boys were all working and could share the rent for the house.

It was the best of both worlds. I had my space and the kids came for frequent dinners. We cooked, they ate, and everyone was happy. Empty nest was not so bad, what were people talking about?

Until, gradually, their busy lives brought cancelled dinners and visits dropped to "occasionally."

Then, our dream home dissolved. Within a few months, our job transferred us to a location 2 hours South. Days full of hard work fell into lonely nights and the silence of the evening roared loudly in our ears. My husband was of little comfort; he was as upset as I.

We were a mess.

With no friends in the area, I had to pull myself up by my "bootstraps" as my dad would say. I knew what to do, but depression freezes you.

I took some action and my efforts involved:

• Shop: Fun, but expensive. How much stuff does one need? My great aunt was fond of saying "Never accumulate more than you can carry on your back." Her ancestors came to the Sooner State in covered wagons which made her remarks sensible. However, over the years she had managed to clutter her life with a large assortment of knick knacks.

• Write: I write. Sometimes I think about writing. During the night, I dream about writing. When people talk to me, and my head bobs up and down, I'm writing inside my head. While driving, I write beautiful hubs, which never make it to paper because I forget them when I arrive home. I'm buying a small recorder, if my phobias about talking on them don't take over.

• Make New Friends: ...."but keep the old...." Remember that old Girl Scout Song? Old friends were out of state, and new ones just didn't happen. At my age, most people already have their circle of comfort. It's a nice thought, but our acquaintances just didn't turn into friends unless you counted other site managers who were just as tired in the evenings as we were. Our job forced us to attend evening functions, but after making nice for 2 hours, several days a week, we weren't motivated to do more.

• Read: This one I've always loved. I spent hours re-visiting Barnes & Noble, and discovering Books A Million. There, I found an author who became a source of great joy. If you haven't read any of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books, I suggest you do. She made me cry, laugh and need to go to the bathroom, all at the same time. Her sarcastic wit was a perfect fit for me. Well, I don't think I'm a Janet Evanovich, but I can dream.

Her main character, Stephanie Plum, is my kind of woman. As a self taught bounty hunter, she shoots a 40 caliber glock while running backwards as she jumps over fences, and that ain't easy. I've found virtual bullets completely harmless and so-o-oo comforting.

In the middle of danger, she remembers her gun and digs for it only to find she's left it at home in her cookie jar. She survives the moment by popping wisecracks with funny sidekicks. Her more than strange relatives make mine look like choir boys.

• Think Positive: This is always a good choice when facing tough issues. I'm a pretty positive person, and most people don't even know when I'm sad or upset. See how well it works? Even though it's hard to find a positive when you're in the middle of the swamp, and yes, I mean Florida, I remain entrenched in the philosophy that our solutions lie in our mind.

• Find new activities: Now, we approach the reason for this hub. Lately, I have been attacked by weird cravings and self indulgent desires. I don't even feel guilty.

May I introduce you to EDY's All Natural Frozen Grape Fruit Bars? They are Fat Free, an excellent source of Vitamin C, and made with Real Fruit. This is not a commercial for them, but it could be. Are you listening EDY's?

Their 100% Recycled Paperboard box is environmentally friendly and adds to my guilt-free experience. At a price of 3 bucks for a box of 6, it's quite a find. What more could a girl want? Grape is the flavor of choice, trust me.

I won't tell you how many of the precious boxes I purchase in a month, lest you think I need therapy.

My attraction to them is quite withiin normal limits, if you don't count the recent time when my youngest son was here on a visit. He reached into the freezer and pulled out a Grape Edy. Just because I raised my hand while holding a paring knife is no cause for alarm. Hey! I was peeling potatoes.

I don't know why he put the bar back in the freezer and chose a plain ol' popsicle. Perhaps he's a quick study. He also whispered to his dad "Hey, what's with Mom? She's acting weird." Lynn shrugged. He's also a quick study.

Don't touch my Edy's.

Along with nightly cravings of Edy's Grape Bars, I have developed a love for worthless information. With the whole world tipping slightly at an angle, I've fallen in love with snooze news and discovered untold joy in wacky things.

Let's look at a few of them:

1. Sometime before 1996, the Air Force spent $94.6 million to buy 173 fax machines designed by Litton Industries. The machines cost $547,000 each, but since they can survive nuclear blasts, that's a steal, wouldn't you agree?

I was comforted by the comparison shopping that a Democrat Senator from Michigan, discovered. The Air Force had rejected fax machines built by Magnavox at a mere cost of only $15,000 each. Considering there won't be any people around to send a fax after a nuclear blast, I find this purchase perplexing, but what do I know?

2. At another time, hopefully not in the same year, the government spent $22,000 and flew two Air Force officials in a military aircraft to Washington, DC for a quail breakfast. They were accepting a social invitation.

See, we all knew the military has really been busy engaging the enemy. Besides, it's probably ok, because Cheney was not the one who shot the quail. I don't think.

3. In keeping with food safety rules and regulations, a month before Thanksgiving in 1993, the Department of Agriculture conducted unannounced inspections of turkey processing plants, deciding to announce their findings AFTER Thanksgiving. I guess it 's ok if you get sick and die after Thanksgiving and before Christmas.

I'm switching to Ham. It's safe, isn't it? Just don't cook it with tomatoes or cilantro. Or green onions; and maybe not parsley. Or spinach. I give up.

4. Opened your Xerox machine's door lately? In the Cannon House Office Building, a Xerox, costing $93.000, was found to have been cleaned out of it's insides by rats. An employee opened the copier's door to find out why it wasn't working, and discovered banana peels, corncobs, and a Hostess Twinkie still in it's wrapper.

But don't be distressed. It was replaced. The machine, not the Twinkie. They found a great bargain with a $10,000 trade-in. Then, the replacement machine only cost the taxpayers an additional $97,000.

Well, gee, where do you keep your Twinkies?

5. If you're one of many, who are stuck comparing apples and oranges, consider this: You might have thought their main concern was going into outer space, but The National Aeronautics and Space Administration thought enough about apples and oranges to conduct an experiment. They sponsored a team which commpared Granny Smith Apples and Sunkist Navel Oranges. These fruits were dried in a convection oven at low temps for several days. Then, they were mixed with potassium bromide and ground into powder. 100 milligrams of the powders were then pressed into a circular pellet. Guess what they discovered? Apples and oranges were similar. Very.

"Let's see, is the apple the one on the left, or is it the right?"

6. This one is my favorite. Over 1 million dollars was given to Trenton, New Jersey for a new sewer line bypassing a 100 year old sewer that had been declared a landmark. The historical landmark sewer is 25 feet underground. It has been visited by 2 people in 23 years.

Well, I don't think it would be high on my tourist list, either. If I find myself in Trenton, New Jersey, I'm skipping the sewer tank, going to look Stephanie Plum up. Janet Evanovich swears she lives there in the Burb. I'd love to see that glock of hers.

7. If you've found yourself wondering if our Executive Office is playing with a full deck, this one should remove all doubt: The Department of Air Force spent $59,000 for decks of cards to be given as souvenirs to visitors aboard Air Force Two.

I think that gives new value to a simple game of Solitaire, don't you? I'm not picking on the military, I come from Navy, Air Force and Army people. These expenditures just don't seem to mix with looking for funding for our vets.

8. Let's play baseball and pick up this bat, if you can. The Works Progress Administration spent $100,000 to construct a 100 foot baseball bat. What kind of a ball is anyone going to hit with that? A batty expense if I ever heard of one.

9. Here's some Nun-sense for us all: The National Institute of Health spent over $1 million to explore the incidents of cervical cancer in women. Well, that sounds worthy, until you see the two groups involved in the study: Nuns who were virgins, and Nuns who were sexually active.

Huh? I thought Nuns, were, uh. Oh, never mind. Any study that will help eliminate cancer in any form is ok with me. Still, are you confused, or is it just me?

10. Take this FDA test by signing on the dotted line, but you can't because you'll be dead. Still, you probably won't be faced with that decision because the FDA at one time, refused to approve a pump that could save the life of a heart attack victim. Even though the device was successful in Austria and France, and is now a mandatory piece of equipment on their ambulances, our FDA did not approve it because they wanted the pump makers to get the informed consent of any patient on whom the pump is used.

That's going to be kind of hard to do, since at the point where the pump is effectively used, the patient is clinically dead. "Uh, sir? Can you please wake up and sign this form so we can save your life?" Sigh. Don't you just love paperwork and the FDA? (This information could be outdated, but did occur before 1996.)

I'm Marisue. I live in the Land of Odd, and I write..