When I read the Hub request "I would like to know how can a while man seriously date an Indian woman?" my reaction was mild but immediate anger. It's the danger of communicating in text: without voice or other context, the words had a racist connotation for me.

Even the explanation, perhaps due to lingering annoyance got a snarky response.

"I do understand if he loves her and she loves him but how do they get around alot of the cultural issues that will be brought up by her parents/family."

By both being grownups?

Yet the less judgmental, more sympathetic answer is virtually the same. Let me explain...

At the risk of giving too much information, I like men. I don't mean that in a relatively-well-adjusted heterosexual sort of way. I mean that if I like the personality, if their soul and mine can make a connection, I don't much care about the packaging. So I've dated short and tall, rather plain and so gorgeous I couldn't imagine what they saw in me (but I'd never let a little thing like bad self-image get in the way of enjoying someone company). I've dated black, white, Latin, Asian, and I've seriously crushed on others. I. Like. Men.

Early on, I learned that there could be real problems with interracial or cross-cultural dating. Usually, the problems are just with dirty looks or snide comments. Don't underestimate those! They can really hurt. But worse is the threat of disapproving family cutting the couple out of their lives. Worst still is the violence that can erupt. A guy I dated was attacked at knife point when another young man decided he should not be with me.

This is where both being grownups comes in. Each potential partner needs to make a very adult decision about how much they like one another and if pursuing the relationship is worth the possible consequences. In the statement given, the word love was used. But people use love sometimes when they mean "really like". If they love each other enough, it's worth dealing with snide comments. If these people are in the sort of love that leads to a lifetime together, it may even be worth letting go of the family that refuses to accept their relationship.

Of course, before telling would-be in-laws to take a hike, the couple should make every effort to reason with them. The "Indian woman" should make it clear that this is where her heart lies and she seeks their blessings (but won't let him go just because the blessings are withheld.) The "white man" should make it clear that he loves her and honors everything about her, including her culture.

They won't be the first people from different backgrounds-including this particular combination-to get together. Give the family a chance to get used to the idea, and see what happens.