A few years ago I, hubby, son, sister and her kids went on a four-day cruise.

I don't know if you've ever seen cruise ships, but they are huge!! Seattle is a port for several lines, and I can watch them come and go on weekends. They're like massive floating hotels/cities. My mom's a travel agent and knows her boats. She got us three rooms with balconies. Fantastic! My dad was so excited for us, they drove to the Seattle waterfront to watch the boat leave, then he followed us up the Sound, as close as he could, for about 15 miles. We could see their car every now and then. We just shook our heads and laughed.

Every cruise has to go through the normal.. "this is what we do in an emergency evacuation" procedure. Standing there wearing a (and i should add...very unattractive) flotation Device (aka padded toilet seat supreme-o).. it was hot and you could feel the apprehension from the other passengers. It's very unsettling being on deck with 1500 people in life jackets, being shown which life boat you're assigned to. Visions of "Titanic" go through everyones thoughts.

One couple says proudly.."We came all the way from Florida to take this cruise! Where did you come from?" "See that red house on the shore? We live right up behind it" I guess the further you come from the more excited you are to be there. It might be true, we were in our own back yard.

So I say rather loudly (to my sister's dismay, which added to my enjoyment no end) "Is there anyone here from outta town?" It was instantaneous laughter. People started to talk to each other, "Hi, where are you from, don't we all feel foolish, do we really have to do this, when do they serve martinis" etc etc etc.

My sister was horrified. Only because she didn't think of it first. She really is the one who lives to visit with people. I think I like doing that a bit too much and she offers me lots of opportunities I can't pass up! Don't tell her I said that.

The cruise was a blast. The salad bar was amazing! Did I say 'amazing'? Overwhelming, Insanely huge, They call it a "salad bar" but it's more like "everything in the world bar" Massive amounts of anything and everything your little heart desires. My nephew is a 'mashed potato and gravy-holic' and he was overwhelmed. It's "all you can eat 24/7" and for free. We would get back to the room and there was a pile of pizza boxes outside the boys' room. They were amazed the housekeeping gals could make their towels look like elephants and dolphins, and pick up and fold all their clothes. Even the dirty ones. Don't look at me, I'm not doing it for you!

You tend to forget you're on a boat. We live in Washington State.. Earthquakes happen. The boat did a little "bump" and I yelped "earthquake!?". "No you are on a boat, reeeemmemmberrrr?" "oh. um. sorry."

Then there is a middle-of-the-night-all-you-can-eat Chocolate Buffet.

Does this make sense to anyone? Feeding 1500 trapped people massive amounts of sugar and caffeine in the middle of the ocean in the middle of the night? We could have taken over the boat, forced it to take us to the Caribbean, and no one would have blamed us. True they're hoping you'll go over-sugared to the Casino and loose massive amounts of money, but, really.. Buzzzzzzzz.. Most of us just walk around with a strange dazzed look in our sugar-reddened eyes.

The cruise lines have thought of everything.  Adults need their time alone, and kids need their own adventure.  This ship broke up their kids' programs into 3 year spans.  My son and niece were in the 9-11 year group.  The first night their leader (he was from Poland and the kids liked him a lot) had them running all over the ship on a scavenger hunt.  One day they donned lab goggles and smocks and made bouncing balls from white glue and boraxo soap. One day they took polaroid pictures of themselves, put them in a computer program and morphed the pictures.  Star Trek has nothing to compare with the picture Adam did of himself.

The last day of the trip I was in the jewelry shop and the 3-5 years olds went through. They were singing "We are the pirates, the mighty, mighty pirates!."  They had spent 4 days decorating t-shirts to be 'piratewear', had on full pirate hats/swords and were trying to take over the ship.

The Spa treatment. Don't get me started on them! "Heaven on earth!"

Every ship has their "Broadway musicals" and singers in a special auditorium. Some boats have surfing pools, ice skating rinks, and rock climbing walls that are waaaayyy up on the 'chimney'. There seems to be a bar everywhere you look, and a casino that is really nice...But it's the live, goofy, stuff that happens all over the boat that made it fun!

The last day of the cruise was raining. I know, right! How odd for the Pacific Northwest! (Why didn't we get this boat to St. Thomas?) So we are all stuck in the solarium pool and there is this waitress on roller skates pretending to serve water while doing all matter of splits and spins I cannot do barefoot. There was another gal dressed in maintenance overalls pretending to spray plants, but spraying passengers. They ended up in our area. One sloshing drinks, one spraying and wiping the people. I say to the cleaning lady that the plant behind the man at the next table looks dusty. She proceeds to spray his head and wipe it while doing the same to the plant. He was in shock. During the ensuing mayhem I get up and run to a far away table, occupied by a group, and has an empty seat. May I sit? Sure... Ok... We all laugh at the mess being made across the way... **pointing** **laughing** What poor people! Sad!! Shame!! Then I see my sister's head spin around. "WHERE DID SHE GO?????????" Who me??? (who is she yelling at???) (looking at my new table-mates *shrugging my shoulders*) Like it's all MY fault. Ok, so, well, part of it was.........small part....... very tiny..... I've never seen her head spin around like that! Impressive!

Our room was on the 8th floor, not too far from the stairs, right between the 12th floor dining and the 4th floor jewelry store.  We ran up and down the stairs for everything.  The elevators are stunning, all glass, 13 floors of view.  Not to mention I have a fear of heights.  So when all was said and done and eaten, I lost 2 pounds!!  Yeah for stairs!!

So, take a cruise. At least once in your life. Call my mom, she's an excellent travel agent.

Eat sugar. Have some drinks (you aren't driving), Have a blast!

And take me with you!

It took me a week after being at home to stop wandering around our tiny house looking for the salad bar.

Wishing I had a housekeeper.

And wishing the Housekeeper would fold my towels into elephants and dolphins.