Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Dirty Dozen Greatest Episodes

12) Affirmative Action

~ Season 1, Ep 9

Cheryl has a bad rash & Larry needs to get her prescription filled after meeting with Lewis. Unfortunately, he handed her 'script' to the maitre d' at the restaurant instead of a $20 bill and now she needs a new one fast cause she is really itchy. Oh wait, Richard Lewis knows a dermatologist! Unfortunately though, that is the same black doctor he insulted earlier in the day with an 'affirmative action' joke. So now, if he goes to the black doctor's house to get the new prescription, he has to interrupt a dinner party! Unfortunately one of the guests is a line producer he didn't hire for his film Sour Grapes that thinks he and his show Seinfeld are straight up racist. Comedy, they name is Larry David. Richard Lewis' guilt-trip about always having to initiate things in their friendship makes me laugh so hard.

11) The Shrimp Incident

~ Season 2, Ep 14

Julia Louis-Dreyfus guests stars as herself and she and Larry are pitching a new show to HBO. However executive Allan Wasserman is in charge and he and Larry have some history. You see, Larry bailed out on HBO for the comedy special he never performed. (which we know became the pilot for the series) Get it? If not, no worries, all you need to know is that Larry's fake stepfather may play a role in this one. The scene that makes this one a classic however happens during the poker game at Julia's. Not only does Larry some guy a 'c u next Tuesday' but he says it over and over. Then he is called a misogynist by a dentist who also witnessed Larry fake-beating Cheryl outside the poker game.

The meeting walk-out over stolen Kung Pow Shrimp! Too funny.

10) The Doll

~~ Season 2, Ep 17

This is a pretty simple one in terms of plot twists but it is a classic nonetheless. At a party, a young girl asks Larry to help her by giving her dollie a haircut. The Judy Doll is apparently priceless and now the kid's crying because she thought the hair would grow back. This little commotion causes Larry to forget that he was watching the unlocked bathroom door for his wife Cheryl. OOPS! In order to remedy the doll situation (the girl is the daughter of an executive at ABC) he and Jeff go to Jeff's house to steal the head off of his daughter Sammy's doll collection. They are busted by his estranged wife Susie and she demands the head back. They bring back the haircut version and chaos ensues! Cheryl pays Larry back by leaving him unwatched in a theater ladies room.

9) The Bowtie

~ Season 5, Ep 42

Jodi Funkhouser may or may not still be gay but one things for sure, Larry is a 'friend o' lesbians' as Mayin Bialik guest stars. Larry is also in the market for a private investigator after possibly hearing his dad say "You're adopted". Enter guest star #2 Mekhi Phifer as the muslim p.i. who's bathroom key keeps getting stolen by the non-handicapped Larry. Handicapped? Normal? Later, when Cheryl starts a conversation with "We gotta talk", Larry ends up in more trouble for not caring enough when he assumes she wants a divorce. Did I mention that the David's have also gotten a dog? Guest star #3 Wanda Sykes believes they got the dog at a clan rally as "Sheriff" is apparently a racist. We also run into guest star #4 Rosie O'Donnell and she assures Larry that his insensitive remarks to Jodi's new/ex boyfriend have placed him back in the lesbian bosom.

8) The Nanny From Hell

~ Season 3, Ep 24

One of the investors at the chef-less restaurant, Hugh has a pool party and Larry decides to bring a sponge cake from a bakery that is going under. Jeff loves it! Cheri Oteri plays Martine the nanny at the party, who actually lets Larry use the in-house bathroom when she shouldn't and gets fired thus winding up on the David's doorstep. Back at the restaurant, Larry would like everyone to know that apple sauce is a very underestimated side-dish and then tells Hugh that his "kid's got some kind of penis on him, pretty good." So Martine is in the living room and when his wife wants to know why he said something to Hugh about the penis, he responds, "I..uh..I took a risk." But did Richard Lewis coin the phrase "the ___ from hell"? Doesn't matter because Larry & the porn baby are having a shushing contest and this culminates into the catchphrase, "Fu@& Hugh!" but it's spongecake to the rescue when the Looney Tunes attack!

7) Opening Night

~~ Season 4, Ep 40

There's little time left in Larry's quest to cash in on his 10th Anniversary present from Cheryl but when Jeff tells actress Cady Huffman that LD has OCD, his chances improve dramatically. The entire tipping thing is getting out of hand as far as Larry is concerned and now he owes tickets to the show all over New York. Between fellatio teachers who prefer men who eat spicy food and finding / losing David Schwimmer's lost watch, it is a helluva day already. Guest star Stephen Colbert plays the overzealous picture seeking tourist who tries to curse Larry by saying..."YOU...WILL...FAIL" with a mean stink-eye going. Speaking of guest stars: Nathan Lane, Paul Mazursky, David Schwimmer, Anne Nancroft and Mel Brooks are all here and throw in cousin Andy a/k/a Richard Kind who absolutely kills me. Larry chases a purse-snatcher who returns the favor and this act of pseudo-bravery gets him into Cady's dressing room. She assures him that he is going to be great and he replies, "Why are they gonna like me? People dislike me intensely." ROFL. Just when it looks our boy is about to score, he sees a picture of George W. Bush. When he confirms that she is a republican he is turned off completely and I am howling! The lobby watch-wrestling match followed by Cheryl and Colbert is one hysterical scene. "The Producer's" on broadway, can LD pull it off?

6) The Anonymous Donor

~~ Season 6, Ep 52

The double meaning in the title refers to a wing donated by Ted Danson at the NRDC building and an unfortunate stain found on a blanket in the David's new home. We open to Cheryl, Larry & the Blacks moving in to the new house. Larry approaches new arrival Leon Black about the stained blanket and then tries to explain it at the dry-cleaners, both squirmingly funny moments. Gina Gershon plays the dry-cleaner who lost Larry's classic Joe Pepitione jersey and explains the rules to him. He is displeased and explains that he does not subscribe to the rule that you win some and you lose some at the dry cleaner and he actually brings it up to the Senator. Then we find out it was Jeff who did the deed during Passover. Cheryl bans Jeff from the house which leads to another classic moment where Susie balls Jeff out saying, "You have brought your semen outside our home. That's adultery." Then Larry tries to chime in, is told to "shut the fuck up" and is immediately banned from her house too. Leon then jacks a couple of guys trying to retreive LD's jersey, one of which is an NRDC director who threatens to change Larry's name to anonymous. "Larry David is anonymous!" Brilliant writing for a twisted story. The last really great one.

5) The Corpse-Sniffing Dog

~ Season 3, Ep 27

The David's are having a make-up dinner with the Braudys who are in the market for a new dog. Larry mentions that he might be able to help as Jeff's allergic to his daughter's new dog. Stu pays the check this time instead of going to the bathroom and they all have a laugh UNTIL...Susan Broudy decides to press Larry into a "Thank You" and you know how that'll go. Later Jeff's dog Oscar is visiting at the restaurant and catches the scent of death near the kitchen. The cops arrive and you may be pleasantly surprised to know that "Meredith Palmer" a/k/a actress Kate Flannery from the US television show The Office plays "Cop #2", but I digress.

Now Larry, Ted Danson and Michael York are all faced with a delay in their opening but that suits our hero just fine as he's been pining for splash guards between the urinals in the bathroom anyway. Plus it turns out Oscar's such a good bra sniffing dog that Jeff's own daughter Sammy chose the german shepherd over him. So Larry intervenes and sits down with Sammy for some wine and grape juice. The best parts though are the one-on-one showdowns between Larry & Susan Broudy at the front door of her house. A screamer people!

4) Chet's Shirt

~~ Season 3 Ep 21

Larry finds the ultimate shirt for him at a grieving widow's house. Ted Danson is throwing a Wizard of Oz themed birthday party looking for volunteers. Larry throws garbage in a stranger's garbage can, denounces kabobs at the restaurant meet and greet, and claims superior knowledge of the Bartlett pear. Larry also thinks bells on the tables and miltary uniforms are great ideas for a new restaurant. The dentist has also been snubbed in all this thanks to Burt Bondy and that's a problem because Ted's daughter Jill knocked Larry's two front teeth out playing pinata. His Chicklet temporaries are hilarious. It ends with the picture below and a mad dash to the last surviving shirt! Too bad for Ted though cause he throws his half of it in the crazy guy's trash can.

3) The Car Pool Lane

~~ Season 4, Ep 36

Larry wants to go to the big game at Dodger Stadium and his friend Marty Funkhouser has season tickets. Marty normally goes to the games with his recently deceased father and Larry is trying to find a way to get into that empty seat. Little does he know that Cheryl is going to surprise him with tickets. He is facing major traffic if he wants to make the game, unless of course, he uses the car pool lane. Enter Monena. Ready to rip a titty out at a moments notice and she has the chronic hook-up too. Good thing, because the shwag that Larry bought from "Hurley" from Lost is gone. Marty Funkhouser's having a bad day. He refuses to let Larry sit in his dad's seat but then his car breaks down and he needs a ride. Larry uses this advantage to get finally the "golf tip" and then Marty gets arrested at the airport. Meanwhile Larry, his dad and Monena are toking on that good shit. Special guest star Ken Howard a/k/a The White Shadow as the snobby representative for the racist Country Club.

2) The Grand Opening

~~ Season 3, Ep 30

First, Cheryl asks Larry to please pick her up some colon cleanse at the market. While there LD runs into his newly hired bald chef who is (gasp) wearing a toupee! He is promptly fired for being a bald-faced liar. They now have to break this news to the staff who are stuck in the mire and probably some muck as well. Did I mention that Larry broke restaurant critic Andy Portico's thumbs during a pickup dodgeball game at the school. Larry is sent to apologize to Portico and actually ends up feeding him his lunch. Seemingly grateful Andy offers Guy Bernier as a quick chef replacement.

While taking Cheryl to a make-up lunchdate with Susie Greene, Larry gets stuck in a car wash. Cheryl who is feeling the after-effects of the colon cleanse is now panicked to get out of the car while it's still stuck in car wash. Later the staff figures out that the new chef Guy has Tourette's syndrome and that they have been double-crossed by Portico. Larry however is compelled to open his heart and do something special for the cursing chef.

The final shot which has to be the greatest series ending shot in the history of television. Every person saying delightfully crude obscenities in a show of solidarity for Guy Bernier.

1) Krazee-Eyez Killa

~~ Season 3, Ep 28

We open at a party for Wanda and her new fiancee / rap star Krazee-Eyez Killa and Larry engages Krazee in some lovely conversation. After Larry is done popping bubble-wrap they also discuss their cunnilingual habits as well. Later he arrives at the Greene's new home and when he refuses Susie's house tour he is once again kicked out of her house. When he tries to apologize and comply she responds "I'm done. I'm over it. I'm turned off."

He goes home to find out that Cheryl threw out his jacket which he needs for the reshoot of the Scorsese film he's doing. She tells him where he can find a new one and he finds the last one but then insults the owner over his expert folding techniques. When he returns home without the jacket he finds a note on the fridge from Cheryl saying she's out drinking with Wanda!

Panic-stricken that Cheryl will spill the beans about Krazee's extra-curricular cunnilingus, he calls information looking for the address of Mr. Killa. Then he rushes over to Krazee & Wanda's house where is again offered a house tour. This time he wisely accepts and in turn finds the lost jacket is also in Krazee's collection. "Yo Delicious get my man a tissue." The exchange between Larry, Cheryl and Krazee-Eyez in the David home later is priceless, complete with Larry's cover blown by those damn bubble-wrap sheets. In the end the jacket is a moot point because Larry's got a public hair stuck in his throat! Poor Martin Scorsese.

When we look at the Dirty Dozen episodes chronologically...

1. Affirmative Action ~ Season 1

2. The Shrimp Incident ~ Season 2

3. The Doll ~ Season 2

4. Chet's Shirt ~ Season 3

5. The Nanny from Hell ~ Season 3

6. The Corpse-Sniffing Dog ~ Season 3

7. Krazee-Eyez Killa ~ Season 3

8. The Grand Opening ~ Season 3

9. The Car Pool Lane ~ Season 4

10. Opening Night ~ Season 4

11. The Bowtie ~ Season 5

12. The Anonymous Donor ~ Season 6

5 of the 12 Best are on Season 3 so if you want to get just a little taste of Larry in your DVD collection, I recommend it highly. This is so often the case with a shows arc. Flashes of potential early--gaining steam in the second season and peaking in the third one followed by a steady but steep decline.