Daddy's Sacrifice

Daddy's Sacrifice

"Julia Sta. Maria"

"I don't know where to start..."

"How can I express my feelings..."

"All I know is that..."

"You've conquered me..."

"And I think..."

"I LOVE YOU"

"Love - Jervie Long-legs"

One by one, I'm reading every line of the message as it was printed in pink ink at a black paper, posted beautifully on the wooden lintel of the catwalk. I was hurrying badly for my early morning class but I was struck to see my name! it's my name, my precious name with such romantic words from this guy named "Jervie Long-legs?" It shocked me and I'm almost breathless when I finished reading it, wondering who this guy who was falling in love with a naïve "Julia". "Hey Julia! Who is this Daddy Long-legs of yours? Should I call you Judy Abbot then?" my friend giggle as she tap my back. "I don't know him! Excuse me, I'm not Judy Abbot!" I insisted as I start to go red. People passing us give me a light smile and it feels like they're telling me something. To my embarrassment I grabbed my friend hand and we walked fast. "hey Julia, wait! Why are you hurrying?" she complain but I didn't answer. I was rushing her upstairs to the sixth floor of the building. I was running out of breath when I reach the floor as I waited for my friend to reach upstairs too. "Hey Julia! You're such a ninny! You've tired me! You mess my looks!" she complain as she was running out of breath too. She was the kinds of girl who always goes with the fashion in terms of her outfit but not with her personality. "I'm sorry." I repent "I'll accompany you to the comfort room." When we were walking, I was silent. Even though Aileen keeps telling how romantic those posts were, I was still in havoc. I was thinking who "Jervie" was. His name sounds familiar but was it his real name? The name "long-legs" was for sure a nick name or some sort of it. "Hey, let's go Julia!" she shouted from the door looking peculiar. We walk back again to the west wing of the building. I was still conscious who Jervie was. Is he handsome? How does he look? I was stunned when Aileen scream in merriment as she calls me! I didn't notice I was walking slowly. "Hey look at this Judy Abott! Read this!" she smiles at me with teas as her point to the post on the white wall.

Julia Sta. Maria,

Hope I didn't mess your day. I didn't mean, but I was so much attracted with you. I want to know you more. I want you so much that it makes m insane.

Jervie Long-legs

PS: I'll wait you Julia beside the west cubicle. I don't want to look odd to you. Take care sweetie.

I want to faint as I finished reading it. No one did this to me before. I was touched, but who is he? My heart pumps faster. I don't know what to do. Aileen giggles to its romantic effect. She grabs my hand and hurries me to the place. I'm blushing a lot and feel faint as we came near to the place. There sits a man, dressed in black shirt, well-trimmed hair and medium in built. As he turned and face us, I was amaze and gawk to my surprise even Aileen. I was holding my breath as he came near holding a white rose and his black iris is staring at me showing lots o emotion. "Did I look odd to you? Are you alright Julia?" he has a genial voice and it soothes inside my nerves. "Rose for you" I gasp and get the rose with courtesy as I feels my cheeks starting to get red. "I'm Jervie. Jervie Cruz." as he extends his hand to me. Ailen was silent then and feels like she has been in a spell. "I know you! Thanks for the rose and the posts. But you've shouldn't do that." I insisted, shunning his genial voice. "Don't do it again, please!" and I turn my back on him leaving him in an embarrass way. I know I was fib when I told him not to do it again. But I grapple with the romance he shows because I know who is and never dreamed him courting me that way. He is not ugly, I know it. A little bit masculine, 5"8 in height I think, much taller than me by three inches, tan in color, having a perfect shape of nose with his thin long lips. How can I forget him? He is my classmate in College Algebra last semester looking at me so strange. What makes him worst to me is the fact that he is an activist. I hate activist a lot! My eyes were gloomy now and Aileen was still silent.

The next day, new posts were on the lintel of the catwalk but I give a damn. I glanced at it but grapple and I know I should. Even if his words tickle me, I choose to be numb thinking he might stop if I didn't give him a damn but I was wrong. His gusto was really admirable that everyday he always post new messages. Two weeks have passed and my name was in the hot seat of the campus. Everyone smiling as they read his daily messages. I heard the people saying, "how lucky this Julia was" or else some obloquy "she is so demurring not to give him a chance". I don't feel any comfortable going to school anymore reading his posts and hearing criticisms. He needs to stop or else I will burst out.

It was Friday afternoon, the place cooling from early hotness of the temperature. I hold my temper as I get near to him. I know where to find him. He was seating at the same place where he fess to me. He looks at me with those wonderful smiles and glittering eyes with love. "Hi Julia" he speak gently as he run his hand to his head. "I.... just don't know... how can I make you.... Speak to me..." before he finished his words I speak up. "I came here to say stop doing those things! I don't make comfortable anymore! It's irritating actually!" I raised my eyebrow to show him I'm mad. To my surprise he smiles to me tenderly. "Can we talk one time? I just want to know you more. I'm sorry if it makes you that way." His eyes were really expressive. "If you accept my invitation, I will stop the posts." He smiles again. I was shock and can't figure out my words. He is blackmailing me but if I refuse he won't stop. In the other hand, if I accept, it's against my will. My head was arguing a lot. I think a little further and sigh. "If that will make you stop those cruelty, I'll accept it but promise me you will stop those post." I looked at him elusively but he responds to me with his tender smiles melting me.

It will be my first date. My first date that will be spend with an activist whom I really hate! I never expect it to be a wonderful one but things change on that day. It was Saturday afternoon with the cooling temperature at the Quezon City Circle. I refuse his invitation to go to the mall for I want an ambiance with such a nature one like this. The green lawn, trees, with some fresh air, and flowers. I'm a nature lover. I sat on a bricks bench with my faded style jeans and printed white blouse as my long hair flew with the air as it blows. As my brown iris gaze with the place, I feel odd as the people around me gazed at me. Suddenly a little boy came near me. "Hi Judy Abbott!" he smiled at me with the rooting teeth. "Daddy Long-Legs gave this airplane to me and said I give this to you." He held me the paper airplane and before I could speak paper airplanes of different color flew from different directions. I was amazed how romantic he was. I look at the paper around me and I get a piece of paper airplane and open it. "Julia thanks for the chance" as it was written on the paper. I get one again and read it, "I LOVE YOU Julia." As I gather the pieces of airplanes that was scattered, he stands in front of me, holding some of the scattered pieces. "Hello." He smiles to me tenderly again. "I'm sorry for embarrassing you always. I just can't help showing you my emotions." He said gently as he offered me a hand to help me stand. "It's alright. I was surprised. Thanks!" as I grab his hand and smile to him. He got rough hand just showing how hardworking he was. I try to hide that I'm blushing as we sat on the bench. That day gives a crux to my life. I never expected him that so much. I feel comfortable at his side as we talk. His masculinity can be seen in his quiet tight shirt and blue jeans he is wearing. He asked me to have a ride on the bicycle he rented. My hair flies as we move leeward. My lips were glut of happiness. He got a different sense of humor. I giggle with his jokes. I found myself not grapping anymore with my feelings. It's funny how embarrassment turned to be a rainbow. I enjoy the moment and didn't notice that it was getting dark until he said we need to get home for my lola might worry for me. I smile secretly to his gentleman attitude.

I was home and laying on my bed and the moments was a big portrait on my mind. His voice registered on my memory as he told me his story. He became an activist because of his lolo. His lolo when he was young, he used to be an activist fighting for "freedom" just how he connotes it. One thing I don't like about him is the fact that he was an activist. I hate him being that way! Why? My mom died because of that damn mobilization! I and my two younger brothers became an orphan because of the tragic death. My mom was a news writer of a national publication and at that time he was covering the on going mobilization happening in the busy street of Morayta. The tension between the activist and the military where getting bad and unfortunately my mom was hit in her head with a shield and fell down and died in head whip and stampede that takes place after she fell down. I was pathetic at that time until now as I recall the bitter past. One week after her burial, my dad feel sorry for his self as I saw him in his desk sobbing with pathos. With so much pressure and depression he ended his life and committed suicide. We found him hanging on his room, running out of color with his eyes open and his tongue was out of his mouth. I'm missing both of them so much and I know my brothers feel the same way too. Its five years already but the pain and wound were still fresh. I sob on my pillows and tears falls on my eyes. And now I'm living with my 58 years old granny whom takes good care of us. My story was quiet the same as Jervie's story. He is the only son of his dad whom passed away when he was 10. His mom needs to leave and work abroad to sustain their needs. Now he was living with his lolo whom he really loves. He have a hypothesis that his mom have a family abroad that's why he doesn't have any contact with her for 5 years already. As I recall how he told me his story, there's a gist of his life that tells him he needs to be strong.

Days flew and we always have a good time with each other. He always visited me at home. Jervie still amused me with his sweet surprises but keeping his promise not to post a message again. He always has a good time with my sarcastic lola and my two stubborn brothers. His spirit was warm and it makes me smile.

One Thursday afternoon, we waited for me patiently to finish my 6pm class. The same smile was the smile he always gave me. We walked down stairs towards the Mabini Circle and seat beside the bushes. I notice the change in his smile to seriousness. He gasp and sigh. "You know what Julia, I never expect things will run this way. I mean, you will allow me to know you more" he told me as he was looking on the full moon with his arms supporting his weight. "On those times that I thought of giving you up and stop the post, lolo always told me not to stop and continue doing it. He says things should be done with perseverance and action." I was staring on his eyes that were sparkling with sincerity. "It's almost a month already and I was falling on you so much" he sighed again and stared at my eyes and holds my hands. "Julia, I love you! Listen to my heart and hear what name this heart was shouting..... its yours. I love the simplicity in your eyes, the goodness of your soul. I love you Julia. I love you" his voice was so romantic that soothes in my heart. He was staring at me with scrutiny on my face. Do I need to grapple with my feelings again? Lola told me that she wants Jervie for me and not to loose him when he fess to me again. Aileen told the same thing to me. But am I ready to give my precious heart? I know I was fib if I say I don't like him for I know I'm falling for him also. Was this the moment that I need to fess my feelings to? "I'm a fib if I say that I want the way your doing with my life. I love the way; you surprised me and make me feel that I'm a special for you. I love the way you get involved with my family which gives and advantage. I never feel this special since you came and I was thankful that you came. Honestly, I'm missing you when your not around and longs to have your company again" my eyes starts to swell and tears fall. "Jervie , chit pa te! I told him gallantly that makes me cry in joy feeling the freedom of my feelings for him. "Why are you crying? I don't want to see tears in your fragile eyes my Julia" as he touched my cheeks and wipe the tears. "Chit pa te my Julia! Jet' aime my Julia! Whatever language of heart it is, I love you dear. I love you my Julia!" he smiled at me and hugged me tightly. It feels like my world stop revolving and it's me and Jervie alone as the statue of Mabini looks at me with great love. Lolo and lola were both happy when they heard the news of crux of our life.

I was a sweet start for both of us enjoying every moments with him. I love him so much day by day. Time runs fast and we spend a month with each other. He invited me and my family to his house to have a dinner. I never expect that day to be a wonderful 1 month celebration for the two of us. It was dark inside and when we enter to the door as it was open, the lights turn on and the stereo play a mellow sound. Jervie was standing in the middle of the living room holding a red rose in his right hand. He approaches me and asks me for a dance as lolo accompany lola and my brother to a seat as they giggle on us. My eyes get watery as Jervie stares at me. I sob on his shoulder and enjoy the romance that fills the place. On he dinner table, lolo and lola were teasing both of us that makes me blush. I can't explain what I was feeling then. How I wish this will never end.

Months run so fast. It was never an easy start both of us as time goes by. I always visit lolo when he was busy in his political organization. Sometimes I feel that Daddy (as what I call Jervie), doesn't have time for me anymore. But lolo was always there to comfort me. "Hija, you looked so sad. Any problem my dear?" he asked me as he tap my shoulder as I was looking outside the panel of the window. "Lolo, does Jervie still loves me?" I asked him with gloomy eyes as lolo giggle. "Of course he does! He really loves you. My dear, Jervie was busy for you." He explained to me. Jervie was busy for me? Did I hear it right? "He is busy for you. He was out the street for you Julia. I admire how gallant Jervie was." He told me as he joins me looking outside. "He was shouting on the street, like a numb with the heat of the sun for your future. He is fighting for your future. He wants a happy future for you" he explained me full of enthusiasm. I was flattered how lolo make me realized those things. Flattering it was to hear that he was fighting for me.

That night when Jervie arrived, he kissed me and looks for lolo afterwards. When he came back from lolo's room he sat beside me in the couch. "Mommy, I was as hot in Morayta as we shout at protest there. It was polluted and a total mess! Police men always put there shield to cover them selves from us while we, we don't have anything to protect ourselves. It's funny that, those who are equipped with armors are covering themselves from us who are not armed" he smiles cleverly just like telling a bed time story to a girl as he looks at me. "Mommy, hope you understand me. I love you mommy and I'm doing this for our future family that we will built together. I'm taking all the danger to have a better future. I don't want our siblings to suffer a lot" he explains to me staring at my eyes. I was wrong to doubt his love. Now I know why he needs to. I was flattered to hear "our family to build.... Our siblings..." Does it mean he wants me to be with him forever? I love you daddy, I whispered at my mind as he embrace me. Thanks for that my Daddy.

Months go years and we are approaching our four years. How funny that we reached this far. It's a thorn and roses for our relationship. He was holding me firm and I hold firm on him too.

One afternoon on the last month of January, while we was watching "The Notebook" at the living room, when lolo feel a quiet aching in his chest and can't breath. We rushed him to the hospital. Daddy looks livid while we were rushing to the emergency room. I know he was struggling with his emotion. I was poignant and afraid that lolo might die and leave us. Daddy tries to be calm as we wait for the doctor on the wooden bench. When the doctor walks near us with unexplainable mood, I saw the change in Jervie's face. "He is under observation but he is quiet alright. For the mean time we will transfer him to another room" the doctor insisted. I felt gratis on my breath when the doctor leave but Jervie was still quiet. When lolo was transferred to another room, Jervie was still in his side holding his hand. I was so upset to see my Daddy and lolo on that situation. Suddenly, Daddy sobbed at me crying. He is like a bomb that waits to explode. "I don't want to loose lolo. I love him so much" he cried at me. My tears were falling to see my Daddy like this. We were both weak by the moment lolo got his consciousness.

It's almost two weeks already that lolo's condition is struggling. Third week of February, daddy needs to go to the street for a big mobilization. Great oppressions and unlawful event were taking place at those times. "Lo, I will leave you for a moment. There's a big mobilization and today we will change the future. I'll promise to be safe.... I'll promise." He kissed lolo on his forehead as lolo nodded then turned to kiss me before leaving. I know, lolo was always worried as well as I am. But I and Lolo Andong manage to be strong for him.

It was 3pm that day; I was buying medicines for lolo when the flash report aired. The streets of Morayta were on a great tension. Militaries were equipped with armors and the tension was building. It makes me ghastly to see some bloods on the face of both parties specially the militants. I've hurriedly take a ride to Morayta. It was so disgusting that few jeepneys were passing by. Maybe they were afraid of the tension or the big traffic ahead. My eyes were gloomy as I decided to take a cab. I was worried and horrified as I was sitting silently at the back of the cab. "I need to see my Daddy" I keep telling my self as the cab gets slower. I've decided to walk when the cab stop moving because of the build up on the streets. As fast as I pay my fare, I run fast as I could. My hair and eyes feels heavy as I run under the hotness of the afternoon. For almost half an hour, I can now see the place. Big tanks, lots of military were around the place. I run double times and I was struck when a loud explosion was heard. "BOOM!!!" I was terrified as I put ,u hands to cover my mouth I thrill. "Daddy!" I shouted and run again. My hair was flying and my tears merge with the dust. I was crying badly to reach the place.

Blood was scattered on the place. Some people are running bloody, screaming and crying..... in short it was a hell. Slippers, newspapers and streamers were messed in the place. It was mucky. Dead bodies' is seen in different direction. "Where's my Daddy?" I was screaming every now and then as I can taste the saltiness of my tears. I was loosing hope and feel fainted but I need to see my daddy. I fell down on my knees sobbing on my lap with disgrace. My daddy.... Where's my daddy? As I raised my head, I saw a man and he looks familiar. He was lying on an army shield. His arms were bloody. His shirt and pants turned to crimson. He looks like my Daddy! I stand up fast and run quickly to him. He is my Daddy! My poor Daddy! "Jeeeeerrrrvieeee!" I screamed in terrible and bend down on him lifting his head upon my shoulder. My daddy was breathless! I was crying but no sounds can be heard on my mouth. My world falls down. I close his open eyes and mouth. I was afraid that this time will happen. "My Daddy!" I looked at his face, I was bloody! On his shirt, printed in white, stained with blood, "I'M FIGHTING FOR MY MOMMY AND LOLO." On his right hand is the streamer "BETTER FUTURE FOR PHILIPPINES! JUSTICE FOR FILIPINOS!"

I wipe his face and just like a fairy tale asking for miracles, I kiss him. My daddy was gone! He died for me and lolo! I was so livid and I faint.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my Lola was sitting beside me. I could see the pity in her old eyes. I was so weary that my tears began to fall again remembering my Daddy was gone. How I wish I had died too. Lola embraced me tightly and she was crying.

"Dear... Lolo Andong... passed away." Lola cried to me full of sadness. I was shocked and stared at her intently. What a curse this was! My Daddy and Lolo were both gone! I sobbed in the arms of my Lola and cried like a little child. How sad it was for us - so terrible. How can I stand again when my whole world has collapsed around me? I can taste the bitterness of the moments and my eyes were full of tears just like 5 years ago. Later that night, the doctor gave me some medication to help me fall asleep. I was so upset that it took me a long time to relax and sleep..

The next morning, I woke up early as 5 am. I sat on my bed looking outside the window. It was quiet and dark outside and it was raining. I recalled the pitiful scene of Daddy covered with blood. I could imagine his face visible on the wet window panel.

My tears ran down my cheeks like a waterfall as I saw his face smiling at me. I covered my mouth to keep from crying out loud. It seemed that he was telling me something. I lay down on my bed exhausted and fell asleep again with my heart full of sorrow. In the midst of my dream, Jervie appeared to me. He was smiling and telling me, "Mommy you need to be strong." He kept telling me I need to be strong.

It was almost 12 noon when I woke up and saw my two brothers at the couch teasing each other. As I watched how they teased each other, I wished I was a child too, never bothered by the pains of the world. I was about to start to cry when I recall Jervie's visit in my dream. "Be strong Julia!"

Be strong! I stopped crying and sat on my bed. I fell into a deep silence as I tried to gather feelings together. This time I need to be brave! How much Daddy and Lolo had sacrificed for me! So many people are willing to sacrifice their lives for a better future for other Filipinos! My mom died to people the reality - that there is a better world and a stronger future for us all. Lolo died and lived for a better future. And my beloved Daddy, he died for a healthier future. I guess it is my time! It is my time to make my own sacrifice! I need to motivate myself, for my Lola and brothers and for the welfare of other Filipinos..

Tears fell from my eyes again. But these tears were not those of sadness and regret but the tears of new decision... a new life to see a better horizon. And I know I need to sacrifice for this baby in my womb. Seven months to go and this baby will see the world and I must believe in Daddy's plan - a better future for the next generation. For my baby to have this wonderful tomorrow, my SACRIFICE must be put to action!

As I wipe my tears and call my two brothers. I hug them so tightly ignoring their resistance. I smile as I embrace them, seeing Lolo and Jervie smiling and bidding goodbye.