Dating Advice that Helped Me Find True Love

So much dating advice doesn't really help you find true love. After all, if you've been dating unsuccessfully then simple tips on where to meet men probably isn't enough to help find the right guy. I know. I was there. That's why I offer the following relationship advice to truly help you find love. For more dating tips, visit DateYourTrueLove.com.

This is my story: I spent many, many years dating the wrong guys. I thought ~ like many women ~ that there just weren't any good guys out there. Of course, I knew that wasn't true because my friends had relationships with great guys. So why couldn't I find one? I dated a lot, but it always turned out the same...me alone on a Saturday night.

After years of disappointing relationships (or non-relationships, really), someone gave me some dating advice that changed my life. She said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

A light bulb went off. If I kept dating the same kind of guy, I was going to keep having the same kind of relationship. They guys weren't the problem; I was.

At the time, I was in my late 30s. I had a rich and full life, but I wanted a healthy relationship. I wanted to be loved and to love somebody. So I set out to change what I was doing. Here is exactly what I did...and it worked.

Step 1: I started writing down my dating stories. The good, the bad, the funny, and the ugly. (Later I turned those stories into a novel, "Confessions of a Frog Kisser".)

Step 2: I pulled out Excel and created a spreadsheet. In column A was a list of every guy I'd ever dated. Then I had columns for things like drinking, smoking, family relationships, ex-girlfriends, how often they called, etc. I was brutally honest about the little things that matter to me and how the guys rated against them.

Step 3: I looked at the data to see my own patterns. What I learned is that I was attracted to extremely fun, outgoing alcoholics with huge commitment phobias. They simply weren't capable of giving me any sort of emotional relationship, and there was no way I could change that.

Step 4: So, I paid very close attention to signs of the character traits I needed to avoid in the guys I was meeting. I made myself run away from anyone who fit my old pattern. It was difficult because I was still drawn to them.

Step 5: When an interesting guy came along who did not fit my old pattern, I dated him. (In times past I would have dubbed him "too nice"). It was hard. I'd never dated someone who wanted to give me the commitment I craved. It was very scary. For the first few months we dated, I seriously had to force myself to say "yes." Mind you, I was very attracted to him, thought he was funny and smart ~ he was the total package. But I was scared and I knew it. But I refused to sabotage myself.

Step 6: I let this great guy love me and I loved him in return. I was honest with him about my fears, and because he was great he worked through the fears with me.

Five months after we started dating, we got engaged. We were married almost exactly one year from when we met. And it's wonderful.

Because I went through that process of figuring out my role in my bad relationships, I was able to find someone who accepts me exactly as I am, and who I accept unconditionally. We respect each other, genuinely like each other, and have fun together. Marriage is better than I ever thought it would be.

One other note: all along this journey, it was never my goal just to be married. My goal was a healthy relationship. I think that is very important. I had a wonderful life before I met my husband. I had tons of friends, many interests, and a great social life. I was complete. I believe that is one of the keys to finding true love ~ first loving yourself and knowing what you have to offer. Being in a relationship just because you think you should be is a sure fire way to end up with the wrong person. I know!

Looking at your own role in failed relationships isn't easy. But it is worth every difficult minute.