Dating Above Your Rank

"Love has no boundaries".

Maybe love does not, but dating and relationships certainly do.

Even though we like to think otherwise, we almost always date people who are from the same social rank or class as us. Most of the people that I have dated share the same education, religion, political affiliation. financial status, and social status as I do.

Indeed this "relationship caste system" is normal and built into the dating process. Frequently, we date people from school or from work, and those institutions already do a good job of filtering out those who are different.

Furthermore, we are more compatible with those who are similar to us, and there is a higher likelihood that we will be attracted to them. After all, these educational, religious, political, financial, and social choices are the choices that we have made for ourselves, so presumably we think that they are better than the alternatives.

Even online dating sites, which have participation from a wide variety of people have match criteria that help you pick potential mates who are from the same dating rank as you.

** All virtual images in this page are generated using Poser and Daz models.

When you consider dating from a rational standpoint, it makes sense to date within your class.

After all, if you date below your class, then are you not selling yourself short?

Everybody has a mental model of their own intrinsic value that is probably based on beauty, intellect, money, fame, charisma, social skills, technical skills, and much more. These are the attributes that we consciously or unconsciously use to evaluate others as well.

Different people will have different priorities as to which attributes are the most important, and indeed some people may apply different priorities to themselves than they apply to their chosen mates.

However, for a dating transaction to succeed, both parties must agree on the price, and that is why most people date within their own rank.

Dating within your rank need not always mean that you and your partner are equal in all attributes.

You can trade off one attribute for another. For example, older, successful men often date younger beautiful women. In this case, the man is trading off success, for beauty and the woman is trading off beauty, for success.

However, even in cases where these trade offs are equitable and successful, one is still open to much criticism when perceived to be dating outside of one's rank.

"She is just an air-head and a trophy wife; not at all worthy of a successful man."

Successful men are a success because they are good at making effective life decisions, so I would not worry about their decision making capabilities with regards to their choice of women. They are getting something in return for what they are giving up. It is just a difference in priorities.

Our priority of attributes for a suitable mate may change as we get older, and as our own circumstances and temperaments change. For example, many men go through "mid life crises" that temporarily or permanently change their relationship priorities.

This is sometimes why people divorce, cheat, or break up. Their priorities of valued attributes have changed, or their own attributes have changed and they no longer match their partner in dating rank.

Since we are opportunistic beings, we will always be looking to date above our own rank.

In fact, the more we date above our rank, the better our ability to raise our own dating rank in the future. But since both parties in the dating transaction will generally be trying to accomplish this...

Is dating outside your rank even possible?

Indeed it is. A transaction, including a dating transaction, is never equal on both sides. Each side has imperfect information about the other. Each side may be in different emotional states, which can affect their decision making process. Proper marketing and communication can also do much to inflate your perceived dating rank.

However, dating outside your rank is always a risk, because it is generally predicated on an artificial dating rank of one or both parties.

The factors that contribute to these artifical dating ranks may change quickly, even in the short term, and this will lead to difficulties in the relationship. Your partner may discover more information about you. Your partner may get over his/her previous bad relationship and may no longer feel as vulnerable. Your partner may discover that you are all talk and no action, all shell and no substance.

If you continously date outside your rank, and continuously fail, this may seriously affect your self esteem, which will cause a fall in your own dating rank.

It is interesting to consider that you have both a societal dating rank (how society values you), and a personal dating rank (how you value yourself).

Certain attributes, including money and fame are more valued by society. Physical attractiveness is also valued, but perhaps less so than the other two. Some societies value virtuous women, others value obedient women, and some value women a lot less than men.

When dating, it is difficult to totally escape from the societal standards around you.

When I was growing up, my personal priorities were on assertiveness and intelligence. Unfortunately, those priorities were not shared by the society or culture around me. Obedience and compliance were more the order of the day.

In such an environment, it is difficult to get a suitable mate, because most of the people live by those same societal standards. Even if there were some who did not, they would be facing enormous social pressure from their family, relatives, and friends to conform.

In such an environment, my societal dating rank would be much lower than my personal dating rank.

That is one of the reasons why I have chosen to live in a different society and culture. One that is a closer match to my own personal priorities.

Dating rank is based on many attributes but they all can be grouped into three key categories - what you have, how you look, and who you are.

The more resources you have, the higher your dating rank. You can increase your dating rank by getting the education and skills needed for acquiring these resources. When you are younger, you generally have fewer resources, which results in a lower dating rank.

Once you finish school, and get a nice-paying job, your dating rank increases significantly. In fact, some professionals who marry early will leave their spouse after a time, because their dating rank may now be much higher than that of their spouse. Marriage laws in certain countries help to mitigate this disparity.

"Don't judge a book by its cover". We shouldn't; yet many of us do. We can't help it. It is in our DNA.

The more attractive or beautiful you are, the higher your dating rank. Part of how you look is based on what you are born with, but there is much that you can do to either enhance or degrade what nature has given you. That is why cosmetics, clothes, dieting, and cosmetic surgery are such big money making businesses.

Finally, what is on the inside also matters, including personality, charm, and charisma. This is also an area where you can change and improve. Positive communication, self confidence, and tasteful humor will all help to raise your dating rank.