In the dating game most women will put up with almost anything to find Mr. Right, even if it means trying to transform Mr. Wrong to Mr. Right. Some transformations take place, others do not, and some... you never knew what you were dealing with to begin with. Most women have dealt with a cheater, a liar, a married guy, or even a drug addict, all are horrendous individually, but sometimes a decent woman will try her hardest to be a "good" woman and try to save him or forgive him. Hell, women have even accepted the guy who went to jail for one thing or another in his past, and she will be there for him and stand by her man... no matter how dysfunctional he may be.

My best friend, MJ, was dating Mr. Right for about eight months before his true-self was unveiled. It all seem "too good to be true" and frankly, it was. His name was Andy and he was very handsome, had a brand new car, a nice apartment adorned with expensive taste, a great job and spoiled her rotten. She thought she had hit the jackpot! Until she found out he was married with a newborn son. Somehow he talked his way out of it all and explained that he was separated and he was not happy with her so he left her. MJ understood and continued on in the relationship.Even though he slapped her around when she confronted him about it. The relationship continued on a destructive route after news broke about his little secret. She began to wonder what else he was keeping from her if he was able to hide his marriage from her so she began doing some research on him.

What she found was very upsetting, she had learned that he was a registered sex offender, but when she began questioning him about it he turned violent and choked her. She had enough and tried to walk away from him but he apologized and romanced her with gifts and false promises, and explained that it was because he dated a girl that was 17 when he was 19 and her parents didn't like him so they pressed charges. When she realized he was moving back in with his wife he still wanted to pursue her so she tried to play hard to get. When she went to get her things that she left at his place she found another woman's belongings and he thought they were hers, when she got upset and tried to leave, he slapped her around again. She ran off and vowed never to return, but he talked himself back into her heart once again and she agreed to be "just friends." It was bad enough that he was married, then cheating on her, and a registered sex offender, but she still loved him and believed that he loved her too. It seems that women will believe anything so that they don't have to be alone.

MJ and Andy continued being friends and little by little he pulled her away from her family and friends again, no one wanted to see her get hurt so everyone encouraged her to stay away from him and she was tired of the sermons. She knew he had been to jail before, but since he was a dope dealer, she figured it must have been because of that. Andy was a serious meth abuser and she would care for him when he'd come down from the drug because she had struggled with the addiction herself many years ago so she knew what he was going through. A few months passed and he confessed that he had made a mistake getting back with his wife and wanted to move out and get an apartment with her. She was really excited but was very hesitant about making such a big move. To remedy her doubts, MJ decided to do more research on the man she loved so she went to the court house to find out exactly what was on his record. What she found was not only heart breaking, it was disturbing.

The court documents revealed that he was convicted for child molestation, the child, his 11 year old niece. At the time when his sister pressed charges, he was 19 (he is now 31), when her daughter came forward and stated he had touched her 7 times and exposed himself to her before she came forward and told her mother. They lived in a home with his mother, grandmother, siblings and nieces and nephews. A cousin then came forward and told the family that she had been forced to have sex with him, she was also underage. His younger brother came forward and accused him of physical abuse but it was not clear if it was sexually related. Andy was convicted and in prison for 3 years. MJ sat in front of the documents in complete shock as the truth stared back at her, no words could accurately describe how she felt at that moment. She continued reading the description of what took place, the niece stated that he would fondle her and masturbate, that she didn't know what to do or say while it happened and that it didn't feel right, she knew it was wrong and couldn't keep that kind of secret from her mother. I asked her what kind of relationship he had with his family and she said that he stayed away, harldy talked to them and only kept in contact with his mother and grandmother, she thought it was odd, but afterall, not everyone is close to their families.

MJ began researching psychology books that described child molester's behavior and he was completely text-book. She found that most CM's act on their impulses by the age of 19 and they usually target a family member, but don't normally victimize their own children. They get married to seem normal and to stay off the radar but their relationships are dysfunctional and don't last. They date women their age but prefer women who look young or youthful and use descriptive words like "pure" and "innocent." Things began to click for MJ and she was ready to confront this monster. When she did, he was completely mortified, he tried to talk his way out of this one but to no avail. He asked her not to tell any of his friends, she promised, because he was a gang member and she feared that he would manipulate his friends in to believing his innocence and she worried he would convince them to harm her. As much as she thought she loved this creep, she realized she had no choice but to let him go because no matter how hard she tried to rationalize the situation she couldn't.

As she shared the news to a couple of her closest friends she started to make the oddest connections. She has a very youthful look to her, many mistake her for being much younger then she is. He would constantly demand that she shave her pubic hair, preferred that she did not dress so revealing and not wear make up because she looked so pure and innocent without all that makeup on her face. His jealous and controlling behavior was always an issue, but he did have a sweet side, he would make her bubble baths where he would bathe and dry her off and have dinners ready when she got off of work but would only allow her to drink milk because soda was bad for her. MJ assumed that Alan did these things to be sweet to her, not realizing until now that they were in two totally different relationships, she thought he was her prince charming, and she was his adult companion to which he could act out his fetish and fantasies with. He would checkout young girls coming out of school when they would pass by and she thought he was doing it to maker jealous, the truth of the matter was that he was a pedophile.

Other things began to make sense to her, such as his plesure from fondleing her before they would have sex, other things made her sick to her stomach like when she recalled him trying to get her pregnant so she could have a little girl that looked just like her. She assumed it was because he already had a son with his wife and now that she knows the truth about him she feels blessed that that never happened. Andy would always have candy for her and other little things that now seemed more like he was really in his own world with her as his sexual toy. She then began to make small connections like why his neighbors always looked at her funny and it was then that she realized that the signs where there with red flags everywhere, but now she could see the skull warning her of this dangerous prediator.... he was a devil.

The reason I decided to share this story with my readers, primarily women, is to warn you that just when you think you know someone, and you put up with some of the most despicable acts from them out of "love," you may find that you never knew them in the first place. MJ dated this man for over a year, she never pried in his business until she had noticed inconsistencies and erratic behavior on his part, even then, the blatant signs that her physically and emotionally, did not prepare her for the truth that was eventually present. Regardless of how much she hoped he could change and really love her, this was the final deal breaker that she realized she could never overlook or accept. If you are dating someone that has a record or is listed as a sex offender, it is to your benefit to do some research to find out what really happened. Ladies, there is NO limit to what you can do to protect yourself and your family, especially if you already have children form a previous relationship. There is nothing wrong with being a little nosy if it will ultimately keep you out of harm's way. If you have any suspicions or suspect anything, it is ok to get a background check or see if the man you're involved with has a criminal history. It is your right to know the truth about the person who holds the key to your heart.

For more information on background checks, sex offender registries, or to see if you have a sex offender close to your home:

http://www.abika.com/Reports/Freebackgroundchecksandverifications.htm

http://www.sherlockrecords.com/

http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/

http://www.sentrylink.com/web/loadCriminalReport.do

http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/cac/registry.htm

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

http://www.sexoffender.com/