When you've not been on the dating scene for a while - it can be hard to know how to act, what the rules are and what to do.

The simple answer is that if you are yourself, you'll be fine. People say this all the time - and it sounds like such useless advice - but i want you to think about it.

Firstly - if you are yourself, you will make sure you only attract people where you will have a healthy relationship. It is not healthy to play a 'role' in a relationship - to not be who you truly are. And if you are playing a 'role' - what happens to the relationship when you grow out of that role. It's just not sustainable.

Secondly - when you are OK with yourself - you radiate an energy that is alluring - either sexy, playful, fun, cute, naughty, intelligent, whatever and however many of these you are. Think about the last time you met someone who was totally at ease with themselves. You were probably attracted to them - or wanted to be around them more. It's something you can't fake.

So what about the more tangible advice? Here are 10 pointers for women - I'll do some for men later.

1. Flirt

Do you know how to flirt? When was the last time you flirted? Get comfortable with the art of flirting. Flirting is not just giving compliments! it's about being playful and sometimes challenging the other person in a playful way.

2. Look your best

Goes without saying - but I mean something a bit more here. Pay attention to your posture, and wear things that you are comfortable in - I don't mean go in sweatpants, but just wear something that makes you feel like a million bucks. Something you don't have to adjust and wont be self conscious in. You must be both comfortable as well as look good.

3. Let them pay if they offer.

A friend of mine had trouble with this idea - and I used this analogy to explain it to her. Imagine you were going to a birthday party for your friend. And you got her a present - that was special and you wrapped for them especially. Imagine turning up and going to give her the present, and they tell you not to worry. they say you didn't need to and then reject your present -and refuse to accept it. You know it's coming from a nice place, but it feels wrong. When a guy offers to pay and you let him, you're telling him you like him. This does depend on where you're from culturally but you can also use your gut to know the right thing to do.

4. Take your time and dont judge after the first date.

We often look for a 'spark' after the first date. And if we don't get it, we write that person off. I think this is a mistake. Think about if you've ever had a work crush with someone you normally wouldn't take a second look at. It was probably the shared experiences that allowed the feelings to grow. So give it time. The worst thing that could happen is you become friends and this opens up another social circle for you.

5. A kiss on the first date is ok - if it's a light one.

Lots of books and articles will tell you not to kiss on the first date. I think it's ok - even nice. But don't let it go to heavy petting! And definitely no sleeping with them on the first date. But a word of advice, if you do end up going further, never utter those words 'I don't normally do this'. Men automatically think you do this all the time if you say that. I will write more about 'the Game' and techniques men use to get women into bed by famous 'Pick Up Artists' so you can avoid these.

6. Smile

Everyone looks great when they're smiling. It will relax you and your date. Don't hold a frozen smile the whole time! But a relaxed smile is a great tool to immediately relax you as well.

7.Build rapport

Find out the things you have in common. We like people who are like ourselves. If you're meeting in a bar, also use techniques of rapport building like mirroring and matching so that you can connect. I will write another hub on building rapport quickly.

8. Make eye contact

When you speak to them, make eye contact. I don't mean stare them down, but it's very attractive if you do make eye contact when you speak. It shows confidence, and ease with yourself. It also makes the other person feel like they have your full attention.

9. Ask questions, but dont make it a job interview

One of the biggest bits of feedback men give is that they feel like they're in a job interview when they're on a date. Where do you work, where do you live, do you want kids, what are your 5 year goals. Don't laugh - I've actually heard these questions in a 3 minute speed-date! Show an interest in the other person's interests, but don't fire off question after question. If you can, ask some more unusual questions that will perk up their interest.

10. Match them.

Women tend to be one step ahead of men - they're thinking about where you'll go to dinner that night, you're planning your wedding. Match their pace, and it will take away the sense of urgency on the outcome. The outcome is not important, enjoy the ride.