This is the first entry in a two-week long series of hubs written as I make the grueling odyssey up the coast with my family in our spiffy, little Volvo XC60, on our way to Whistler, Canada. I hope my hubs provide insight into the process of road-tripping and I hope you will bear with me as I use these as a venting outlet to keep what little sanity I have left in tact.

I crushed my dog again today. No, not intentionally. This always happens when I haul my bags out of the house and into the car. She runs out, the spastic little potato-shaped dog she is, biting and yapping at my legs in a pathetic attempt to keep me from leaving, and I, clumsy me, invariably lose my grip and accidentally drop the bag directly in her path. Don’t worry, she’s fine. We travel a lot, so she’s used to it by now. Luckily for her, this is a car trip, so I packed lighter than usual. And I never pack more than I can carry with the help of three people. I know it may sound excessive to some of you boys and girls, but I always like to be prepared. When boredom hits (as it invariably does on these grueling road trips), I need a variety of options to prevent me from escaping onto the 101 through the car window using my mom’s LifeHammer. I can’t help that I have a short attention span.

Anyway, to avoid inducing hysterics and increasing my mom’s insurance, I make sure to bring two packs I keep next to me at all times: one filled with electronics, the other with food. Only the essential ingredients for happiness. Seriously, just plop me down in front of a TV with a DVD player, movies, PS3, and stereo and an industrial size bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and I’m good to go for like three, maybe four days. So when I’m stuck in a car, my only option is to pack, pack, pack it all in.

This may be cause some problems if you have a big family like mine. Space is tight in our brand new, terra-bronze Volvo XC60, so I’ve had to resort to drastic (but if I do say so myself, ingenious) measures in order to make space despite the inclusion of my little sister on this trip.

If your siblings are small enough, duct tape works wonders. Simply force them to straddle the top of the vehicle. Next, attach several generously long strips of tape to each limb, making sure that the opposite ends of the tape are pressed down firmly onto the surface of the roof. Tell your siblings to attempt to free themselves from their positions. If they are successful, apply more duct tape before they jump from the roof. When their movements appear restricted and strenuous, you know they’re trapped and you’re ready to go! Use that empty seat next to you to store all of your bags and supplies. And if despite the amount of entertainment you brought with you, you find yourself gnawing at your fingernails and methodically hitting your head against the nub of the door lock, just open your window. The sound of your brother and / or sister’s piercing screams should provide ample entertainment.

When entering a foreign land, people will constantly test you. People will have different customs than you, make pre-judgments, and generally dislike you unless you assert yourself in an aggressive manner. What better way to be aggressive and feel in-charge, than by wearing your most kick-a**, I-don’t-give-a-flying-f*** outfit? I'm in no position to dictate what style you live by, but I must recommend that you ALWAYS wear a checkered scarf. No matter where you are or what you are doing, the checkered scarf is a MUST.

Here are just a few simple words of advice on the issues you are bound to face during the first day of a road trip.

Always pack the night before. Traveling is stressful enough, so, as not to cause any undue stress, all bags should be packed neatly and ready to go by the time you awake. Everyone has had the experience of getting up in the morning, drowsy, maybe a little grumpy, but still excited to leave on their trip, only to realize that their clothes are piled high next to their duffle, and their toiletries remain strewn about the bathroom. It’ll only take an extra few minutes, you told yourself, why bother packing it up early? Chances are, if you have a family who is militaristic in their effort to leave at an ungodly early and precise time as mine is, that you will have to frantically scramble to get everything left out into your bags. If anything goes awry you’ll have to spend extra time trying to fix your packing problem(s), which will replace the time you would have had to do fun things like eating breakfast, checking your email or perhaps starting that new hub on surviving a family road trip. Packing the night before and making a final check the morning of will keep you in a calm, happy state of mind as you get ready to leave.

In my almost two decades worth of experience dealing with my sibling through the good times and the bad, the tears and the bruises on both sides, the path of least resistance has always been most beneficial. Figuring out the seating situation on a very long road trip is made exponentially easier when dispensing brother-sister diplomacy.

Typically, the seats in the front of the car are reserved for parents, which means you’ll have to fend for which backseat you would prefer. Sometimes one side of the car will host prettier, more interesting views than the other, but when you’re on a long enough car trip, you’re bound to be driving so far for so long that your surroundings will change multiple times; if one side boasts great views for a while, wait a couple of hours, and take a new look out your window. So really, does it matter that much which side you’re on? Just try to keep your sibling(s) happy from the start of the trip and you’ll set the stage for a peaceful adventure.

I have another long day of driving ahead of me, so I’m going to hit the sack very soon.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s edition of “How to Survive a Family Road Trip,” where you will here further advice from the vastly disparate minds of Chris1 & 2.