I was once a very confrontational person. I could argue you down to the wire. Today, I choose my words (and my fights) carefully. Although I am very Christian, I refuse to engage in religious debates—mainly because I believe that everyone worships in their own way, but also because we have gotten to a point where we have become so judgmental of people who don’t believe as we do that the message gets lost in the melee. I prefer to spread love and encouragement in whatever way that I can and let God handle the judgment.

I posed a question a few days ago that, I was sure, would get some mixed reviews. It has only been a couple of days, but I did get one response. This response mentioned “Muslim wackos” and another religious slur that I can’t recall right now. I was pretty offended by it, especially since my questions did not reference morality or religious views in any way, but also because I refuse to promote or encourage any response that degrades someone’s religious beliefs. It’s a free country, say what you want—you have the right. But don’t expect me to cosign it.

I then found myself perusing through Hubpages, at which point I found another question/post/whatever that mentioned the Bible says that women should be seen and not heard. HUH????? On what planet does THIS guy live?? There are many situations where if women were seen and not heard, families would go homeless and hungry. Did I fall off the train somewhere and land in Stepford???? I can recite the Bible front to back (nearly) as I have been a practicing Christian for over 30 years—and no where in there does it say that. Yet another poor person twisting the words and teachings of the Bible to fit their agenda. It happens all the time. I’m glad my husband doesn’t feel that way…

I exposed these examples because, sadly, both of these posts belonged to men. The first post, which was an attempt to answer my question on promiscuity, compared having one partner to “eating at McDonald’s every night.” I was offended by how he trivialized my question by trying to make it seem like I was condemning those who chose to have more than one sexual partner. Good grief, I live in the real world! I know this happens all the time between consenting adults—who am I to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong?? My question had to do with women (it WAS in the women’s section) who indiscriminately sleep with whomever shows them the slightest bit of attention—usually racking up more sexual partners than years they have been on Earth—and what this activity may indicate about their view of themselves. What in the world does that have to do with eating at McDonald’s???

Of course, in my critical thinking, my mind was driven to the differing ways in which men and women may view the same situation. I have, on many occasions, told my male counterparts that I was going about the business of encouraging my sisters in any way that I can. I am even working on a book to that effect. I am often met with some sort of dismissing statement or reaction. Why is that so? Don’t these men have mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, and other family and friends that they want to see succeed in life? Is a woman with a strong mind, heart, and sense of self that frightening? Do men see women empowerment as the end of civilization as we know it?

I know this is not the general consensus of all men, but quite a few of them seem to just “wave away” our journeys of self-discovery, our struggle to understand the world and our role in it, and our desire to have our life mean something in every way possible. For this reason, I had to approach the topic of the male perspective.

Sorry to say this, and I know someone is going to come at me guns-a-blazing, but there are some narrow-minded gentlemen that agree with my second example above that women should be seen and not heard—that we should shut up and take whatever is thrown at us while continuing to be good wives and mothers. I whole-heartedly disagree.

There are too many of us that are forced to stand on our own two feet whether we like it or not. For that reason, I believe a woman should do everything in her power to be seen and heard. Her presence should be felt the moment she steps into the room. Her energy should emanate immediately, inspiring an intense desire of onlookers to want to know “Who is she?”

Unfortunately, these men are correct. If you are mentally and emotionally battered continuously, eventually you become a product of the environment. Your spirit will get defeated and you are unable to fight any longer.

These men don’t necessarily have to be husbands or significant others. They can be “friends,” brothers, co-workers, perfect strangers, or even fellow hubbers. This is where your strength truly shines through, because you have to know when to filter out the garbage and take with you only the information that is useful.

You can take a certain situation and show it to a man—he will get one interpretation of it. You can show the same situation to a woman and, nine times out of 10, she will get a completely different interpretation. This is the sum-total of this whole discussion. The sexes see things differently. What a woman sees as mental and emotional empowerment and survival, a man sees as rebellion or even man-hating.

I have heard many women say, “I don’t need no man.” Upon hearing this declaration, many men will rise up almost in unison declaring, “Women always say that. Yes you do,” citing certain examples like “try to make a baby without a man” or tossing out statements like “well, you must be gay, then.”

I’m going to keep it real. When a man sees his position being threatened or compromised, he will come at you with any ammunition possible. He will try to degrade you and make you feel inferior. He will attack you in any way he can to stop your progress. Don’t get me wrong—many of us have kind, loving, wonderful husbands, brothers, and friends in our lives who support our decisions and encourage our growth. But some of us are living with the “oppressor” who will launch and attack of mental (or physical, in some cases) warfare against you like he is facing the enemy.

I realized that my quest for women empowerment and the accompanying declaration of such translated to “I don’t need no man.” This is the perfect example of the difference between the female and the male perspective.

My quest is pull some sisters up and tell them that they don’t have to live in the proverbial valley anymore.

My quest is to encourage self-examination allows my beautiful sisters to identify what they love about themselves and embrace those things while changing those things that they don’t like about themselves.

My quest is help ladies be the best women they can be in whatever roles they play—and live a satisfying life in the process.

HOW DOES ANY OF THIS EQUATE TO “I DON’T NEED A MAN????”

But unfortunately, that is what I have seen. And most often, because I speak so much on women empowerment, just about anything I say is translated into an attack on the male gender, a conspiracy to eliminate male influence altogether, and a call to arms for the development of the new breed of “Amazon Women.”

Let me make something perfectly clear. I AM MAKING A CALL TO ARMS TO ELIMATE INFLUENCE! I am trying to get women to understand that the first person that should influence her views of herself is herself!!! No matter what ANYBODY says, you have to be happy with you first—the rest will come after that! Stand up and start working on YOU. Stop being concerned what other people think about you to the point that you cannot make your own decisions—those decisions that make you happy. Nobody can live your life for you, and nobody completes you. YOU COMPLETE YOURSELF! Yes, we are happy with mates and friends and family, but YOU define who YOU are, nobody else!!! If that translates into man-hating, well THAT’S YOUR PERSPECTIVE!