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Dealing With the Verbally Abusive Boss

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By Tom Rubenoff



When times are good and you are young and single, quitting your job to find a new one is relatively easy. When times are tough and jobs are hard to find, especially later in life when you have a family and a mortgage to support, leaving a job is no longer an easy thing. If your boss is verbally abusive, using fowl language and yelling at you, and you cannot readily quit and seek a better situation, you have to deal with it.

Yet dealing with your abusive boss day in and day out is wearing and stressful. We spend so much time at work, it's a shame that so big a percentage of one's life should be so unpleasant.

Here are some strategies you can use to help you get through this difficult time.

The Professional Persona

It is important, not just at work, but in every aspect of your life to realize that no one can make you feel bad with words alone without your consent. People can say whatever they want to you, but your reaction to what they say is your responsibility, and potentially your problem.

Your best defense against the verbally abusive boss is the professional persona. The professional persona is a person that you fabricate in your mind so that you can be that person at work. In other words, you become an actor playing a part while you are at work. When the boss is abusive, it is directed at the professional persona, not at you.

To construct your professional persona, first you have to visualize situations that really bother you at work and think about how your professional persona is going to react to these situations. Think about how your professional persona will act and what it will say. Ideally your professional persona will be friendly, but detached and unemotional. When your boss, let's call him Dick, yells at you and calls you stupid or worse in front of the customers, your professional persona will have a prepared unemotional response that you think will most expediently mollify the situation. The response should be designed to convey to Dick that you agree with his assessment of your worthlessness, but also that you are eager to improve. The response should be delivered completely without sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, Dick. Would you mind if I observe while you do it so that I can learn to do it correctly?"

"Yes, Dick, I guess that was a pretty stupid thing to say. What should I have said? I want to make sure I say it right next time..."

and so on. Pracitce in front of the mirror until you can deliver the line you compose without any emotion whatsoever.

In addition to defusing the immediate situation, this tactic steals Dick's payoff for his bad behavior. You see, Dick wants to degrade you in order to build himself up at your expense. If your professional persona is there, deflecting all attacks with an eagerness to learn and a hair-trigger readiness to admit fault, it is really going to take all the fun out of it for your boss, Dick. Just like any bully, if his bullying is incapable of making you miserable, he will stop doing it because it will no longer be worthwhile to him.

Be patient, however, because Dick is not going to metamorphose into Prince Charming overnight. Your professional persona will have to wear him down over time. Whether or not you can wait this long is entirely up to you. However, if your professional persona is doing its job, you should immediately be getting a side benefit from it. That is to say that since the professional persona, with its enthusiasm for improvement and lack of reaction to abuse, is not you, you should no longer be taking work's problems home with you. You should begin leaving them at the door when you leave work, as you leave your professional persona there as well.

Confronting the Issue

Confrontation is best avoided with an abusive boss, because the abusive boss is seeking confrontation with you. To confront the abusive boss is in some measure to play into his or her hand. However, once your professional persona is firmly established in the workplace, you can use its professionalism to confront the boss's abuse on some levels:

"Excuse me, Dick. Can we keep our conversations professional?"

Dick may have a difficult time arguing with an employee who wants to raise the standards of professionalism at their place of employment.

"Dick, if I may say so, I really don't think it's good for the company for you to swear at me in front of the customers."

Once again, Dick may have have difficulty arguing with an employee who has the good of the company at heart.

You may think you would never dare say anything like that to your boss, but if you deliver each sentence politely, in a calm, reasonable voice, without any emotion at all, you can make a statement like that without incurring his wrath.


Appealing to a Higher Power

If your boss, Dick, is the highest power within your workplace, you can appeal to a government agency if the harrassment your boss is subjecting you to meets certain criteria. In the United States, there are strict rules against harrassment on the bases of many criteria. These fall under the jurisdiction of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). They offer protection for 'whistleblowers', that is, those who inform on their bosses' bad behavior. Your boss may find that even while they are being investigated and perhaps fined or prosecuted because of you, they will be legally prevented from firing you or taking any punitive action against you.

This action may mean that you will want to leave your job in the near future, however, since Dick's desire to retaliate may make you uncomfortable enough to want to leave.

If you work in a company where your immediate boss, Dick, has a boss above him, (let's call Dick's boss, 'Sheila'), then the logical power to appeal to is Sheila. This is risky, however, because Sheila may not offer whistleblower protection as does the EEOC, and Dick may find a way to terminate you for your trouble if you go over his head. Therefore you should only go to Sheila after exhausting all avenues with Dick.

Since Sheila most likely knows Dick better than she knows you, she may look for ulterior motives in your actions. Also, Dick's behavior is somewhat of a reflection on Sheila, so she may be somewhat defensive. Clearly, to go over your boss's head is to step into a minefield, yet you might navigate that minefield successfully if you are skillful and lucky.

If you decide to approach Sheila, you must make your reluctance clear from the outset at doing so, and make clear also that your motivation is on behalf of the company. Dick's behavior is unprofessional and is bad for the company. The problem is this: if you are a whiny little shirker complaining against just chastisement, you are wasting Sheila's time; if you are a diligent worker approaching middle management with a problem you have been unable to solve with your supervisor despite your best efforts, Sheila should (and may) take note of your complaint and decide whether she needs to have a serious conversation with Dick.

In all of this you must make sure you are correct in your complaint and are not, in fact, a whiny little shirker upset over punitive language you deserved, because if you are, your actions will only serve to expose your poor attitude and performance and likely result in your immediate termination.


Revenge

If you work in a small company where Dick, your boss, is the undisputed king, and you enjoy the work, there is another avenue you could pursue.

If every day Dick is bad-mouthing you in front of the customers, make sure you take extremely good care of the customers. Go the extra mile for the customer at every opportunity. Work with enthusiasm, learning everything you can about the business. In a very short time, the regular customers will realize that Dick is an idiot and that you are a find, and they will shun Dick and seek you out, because they know that you will take care of them. Continue to do so for as long as it takes for you to save up a six months' or a years' salary. Make whatever sacrifices you must - work an extra job if you have to - until you have accumulated this money.

When most of Dick's customers are depending on you because you are simply the best, that money that you saved can serve as the equity you bring to the bank to get a small business loan.

Arrange to meet with an attorney. Tell the attorney you plan to open a business in competition with Dick and send out an announcement to everyone who might need your product or service, including Dick's customers. The attorney will let you know what you have to watch out for.

In my experience, this is what you have to watch out for. First, don't make a list of Dick's customers. If you do, you will be stealing proprietary information, and Dick may sue you and win. Do not solicit Dick's customers specifically, but solicit them as part of a blanket solicitation from a list of similar potential customers you make using the Internet, Yellow Pages or other public resource. Dick doesn't own his customers. he only owns his personal list of contacts, be it kept in a Rolodex or in a Microsoft Outlook address book. So stay away from his Rolodex and his computer, but unless your attorney tells you otherwise, his customers are fair game.

After you leave and things get really, really quiet around Dick's shop, maybe he'll have time to reflect that he should not have been, well, such a Dick.

Comments

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goldentoad profile image

goldentoad  says:
8 months ago

Tom, I hate my boss and I had it out with him on Friday but he's worried that if he fires me, his whole company and clients are going to turn on him. Sometimes, they think for a second but once they are a dick, I have not problems being a dick right back.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Good for you. Too many people let it eat them from the inside out. I'm not gonna tell anybody to do that because it's no economy to lose a job in these days, but a good, get in the boss's face session is sometimes not a bad thing.

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet  says:
8 months ago

Most of us have had at least one boss from hell! Insecurities show up in various ways and some take recourse in being verbally abusive. It's a good idea to remember the old adage...sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. Or perhaps that's easier said than done?

mayhmong profile image

mayhmong  says:
8 months ago

Thanks for the advice! Funny how some boss are named Dick cuz they sure act like it! Some times I can take but so much of his foul language and walk out and leave him be for the rest of the day there. I can't quit just yet, and he can't fired me cuz we're short handed. Oh well...

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

It's just hard having a boss, anyhow, Feline! But all the worse if the boss has to be abusive besides. Lots of times - probably most of the time - the cause is the boss's insecurities as you say.

I feel your pain, Mayhmong. It's a standoff. I hope it gets better for you.

Elena. profile image

Elena.  says:
8 months ago

Hi Tom!  I think you're giving out good advice here, here's a thumbs up, but I admit to having mixed feelings about hubs that deal with bosses and paint them under such dickey light :-)  Not all bosses are abusive but it's pretty much all I read about here at HP. I'm one of them bosses and I feel bad about everyone badmouthing me!  Laugh!

I wish you'd read a hub I wrote on bosses and managers and other species, but I'm not shamelessly posting the link ... got more class than that (ahem...) just to prove that bosses can have it in them too, to be fair people!  Laugh!

Anyway, off my soapbox now!  Thanks for the read!

pgrundy profile image

pgrundy  says:
8 months ago

Tom great advice! My last supervisor at the bank was verbally abusive and repeatedly inappropriate. One week she had us all shouting HOOA! which means 'Head Out of Ass' to 'help' us get our sales up. She had been complained about so much that most of the other supervisors were on a death watch waiting for HER to get fired (it was a huge corporate environment). No one liked her because she was petty, mean, not smart, and didn't even know the job.

She used to come up behind me and give me unwanted back rubs, and every review  was a major "You suck and here's why" session, yet SHE HAD NEVER DONE OUR WORK. Her previous job was as a manager at a McDonalds.

Anyway, I was told by other supervisors to report her to HR not the department manager. I lapsed into the 'professional persona' almost immediately after being assigned to her team. Nothing worked. All of it just caused her to get uglier because "someone here is complaining about me again." If you tried to be professional with her, "Could I watch you do it?" she'd just come at you harder about how you should already know. She didn't understand the job, so if you needed anything she got mean.

The week I quit, she called the man I live with three times a day but never called me. He didn't talk to her, he just got all these messages--"I need to talk to you about Pam."

I work for myself now. That job literally made me sick. I'm going to have to be pretty hungry before I take a 'job' again. Seriously, I've had enough. Great article!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Hi Elena, I knew you had class. I'll post it here myself later.

Great story, Pgrundy, adding a lot to this hub. Working for yourself is definitely the best.

donotfear profile image

donotfear  says:
8 months ago

I certainly relate to this situation. I endured 9 years of abuse from an dogmatic manager. You know, it's amazing how I allowed myself to become a victim without realizing it. It's the same scenario as an abused woman by her violent partner. His apalling behavior increased over the years. By the time I left the company, he was at a peek (or so I thought). The other employees said he became even more anal, micromanaging, and demeaning after I left. He knew in his heart my true reason for resigning, though I'm still good on paper with the company. The whole situation finally blew up about a year or so after I left. His behavior was so bad that some employees reported him to headquarters (a large company). An investigation was done, but he was not let go. Then 3 years later, the office coordinator resigned' at the same time, writing a long letter to human resources and the president telling them all the unethical and abusive things he had done. He's still with the company. Sometimes, things never change. But I learned that being under his influence, I had developed a defensivness in my attitude that I was unaware of. It came out later in another position in a new career. It was horrible to learn I was actually 'turning people off' with my responses because I had become so accustomed to the berating of the abusive boss I automatically became defensive when questioned, even about little things. I had to work on this....I ended up in therapy and on Prozac but I now know and understand how negatively this 9 years of abuse affected me. I have a good reference with the company, and am friendly with the old boss when I see him somewhere. PROFESSIONALISM. He knows in his heart he's abusive, he just doesn't know how to stop. I'd like to encourage anyone in this situation to follow the advice of this article, keep your chin up, keep your temper checked, and look for other employment!!!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Thank you so much, Donotfear, for sharing this story. I worked six years for an abusive boss. What saved me was the fact that I was a service person who did most of his work outside the shop, as well as the fact that all the customers like me better than him!

When emerging from an abusive situation, you teach us we must examine ourselves for instinctive reactions we have developed in our own defense that have no place in normal circumstances. Thank you again.

fishskinfreak2008 profile image

fishskinfreak2008  says:
8 months ago

Was Dick Cheney truly abusive or was he just inept? Interesting ideas. Thumbs up

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Hi Fish! I just think Cheney is a mean, ornery-looking guy, suitable for symbolizing someone abusive, or really whatever evil one might imagine. Thanks for stopping by!

jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076  says:
8 months ago

Great read Tom: Cheney was a evil politician with a lot of power. I would not be surprise if he ran for president in 2012 to complete what Bush did not finish!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Ya, scary guy! He might be still running the shadow government right now!

shibashake profile image

shibashake  says:
8 months ago

Very good advice on a very good topic. I have never had outright abusive bosses, but sometimes the subtler kind are even more deadly. I have had many bosses who encourage an environment of dislike or even hatred among coworkers so there is more competition and presumably more productivity. I personally think that this chaos/everyone out for themselves model is outdated and not as effective as the positive reinforcement/cooperative methods that some companies follow today.

Really liked the professional persona thing too. I always did that, but the nastiness still ate at me on the inside. Really staying emotionally detached is very difficult to do especially if you have to face the situation day in and day out. Having nice people in the workplace to counter the nastiness always helps, but eventually all the nice people leave because in an environment of dickishness, only the dickish can survive.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Hi Shibashake, I learned to be emotionally not there, and I found it greatly comforting to think of ways to use my circumstances to my advantage wherever possible.

mayhmong profile image

mayhmong  says:
8 months ago

Holy smokes, this request I made sure brought a lot of heat in here?! LOL I guess we all have our share of experience.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Yes, mayhmong, there is a lot of anger out there.

Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett  says:
8 months ago

My boss says.....you're fired!

I say.......you can't fire me!

My boss asked.......why not!

I say.......because I am a Gay Native American with a mental disability and my lawyer is a woman with canine teeth bigger than your p***s!

My boss says....I didn't know you were Native American, much less Gay?

I say.......You should know more about your employees....were not just machines.....and by the way, that tie just kills the color of your suit!

Boss looks nervous, backs away and says.....maybe I was misinformed about your work....sorry to bother you, Tom, isnt't it.

I say.....You can use my Indian name..."Wind Worker" or just BJ....have a nice day! :)

Great Hub TOM!

Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung  says:
8 months ago

I have had great and not so great bosses. The former were great for my ego. The latter were even greater for my sense of reality. When I look back, I wouldn't have made it without either.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Ha, ha, Tom, very nice. Thanks.

Very true, Dr. Yeung. I guess I wouldn't be the same without the guys who hazed me mercilessly in high school, either. A little persecution is good for one's character.

Pest profile image

Pest  says:
8 months ago

I am retired...I am my worst boss ever!!! Tom you have been added to my profile page...

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

I was my own boss for a while, Pest, buddy. I was the worst slave driver I ever met! Glad to be a hoser on your profile page. Honored, and rightly so.

donotfear profile image

donotfear  says:
8 months ago

This article has certainly set off a lot of dynamite. I think the hardest thing to do is to remain professional in such a hostile working environment. I remember staying agitated all the time. I just couldn't take it anymore. The agitation and unfairness became more than I could handle. Some people can brush it off, but each one is different and handles in their own way. I, personally, realized my mental health was suffering (as I discussed in my previous post). This issue needs to be addressed. Thanks again.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

It's a lot easier to deal with jerks when you're young and don't have much to lose. Now that I'm over 50, I work hard and I really can't tolerate a lack of minimum respect, either. But if I had to do it to survive, of course I could do it. Not being able to feed my family would be a lot more stressful than dealing with verbal abuse on the job in my opinion. Of course others may feel differently! It is a matter of what one can tolerate. It's up to the individual.

Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom  says:
8 months ago

Excellent advice, Tom. I like your various options, from least invasive to most risky. I agree, going above the boss's head can be very dangerous and almost always backfires (even in companies that supposedly have whistleblower immunity policies).

It's really a shame that when interviewing for a new job the applicant doesn't get the opportunity to call "references" for his/her potential new boss as the boss does for the potential employee! By the time you figure out you're working for Dick it's usually too late to accept another job offer.

With times being what they are right now, my guess is more people are sucking it up and just trying to keep their noses clean. Sad.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
8 months ago

Thank you, Linjingjing!

ontheway profile image

ontheway  says:
7 months ago

Dealing With the Verbally Abusive Boss

it Was very well written, I support you, welcome to my hub

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

One spam per customer, sir.

What about the Hemhorroidia class?

someonewhoknows profile image

someonewhoknows  says:
7 months ago

If,you really want to know more about our former vice president  Dick ,google "the unauthorised biography of Dick Chenney" i'm not sure I spelled his last name right ! In any case ,there is a video online that was produced by the canadian t.v. show "The fifth Estate."Dick was a football hero (quarterback) and an "A"; student in high school ;avoided the draft five times until he, was twenty six,and officially too old to be drafted.He went to Harvard ,and failed twice.Then he was appointed to assistant to defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld,during the Nixon adminitration.and wrote a law that made it illegal for colleges to allow anti-war protests.Then he was a congressman for ten tears.then became secretary of defense for George Hertbert Walker Bush,during Gulf war number one,and was then asked to pick the next vice presidential cadidate for George w. Bush number two! I'm sure all of you know about that ! What is so,interesting about the unauthorised AUTOBIOGRAPHY is all the undisclosed information the major media should have televised in the unitedstates,also about Dick's unpatriotic action's that got us into gulf war number two. Talk about bosses,even some military types think Dick was named after his stiff upper lip. (pun intended)

dawei888 profile image

dawei888  says:
7 months ago

I especially apprecaited your name for the imaginary boss - Dick - very funny. Agree that confronting the boss will do the employee no good. we must purely be actors in these situations. Your hub was helpful and will surely help thousands of frustrated employees - thanks.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

Thank you, Someone.

Thank you, Dawei. Well, I certainly hope so. It's hard to seperate ourselves sometimes from the worthless opinions of the "Dick's" in this world, but if we can do it, we're better off.

sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins  says:
7 months ago

Tom, I love this hub. The thing is Dick is having a problem with me. I am over qualified and under payed so I verbally abuse him when I am pissed off. You know when I am already walking the extra mile and he wants to over use the other skills that I have. The thing is the other skills also has a corresponding fee.

I will kick his ass off later.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

Savor this position, Sheena. Grill his ass over a slow fire. Wring every last dime out of his budget. Then take his job. Oooh, I'm so cruel LOL

sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins  says:
7 months ago

Hahahah. That is mean. Dick is my friend unfortunately, I might be leaving Dick real soon. Just receive a good offer yesterday. I'm still contemplating.

If you would be so kind to visit the forum I posted, I need a piece of your mind regarding this.

http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/13693#post161811

Thank you, Tom

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

Will do, but I gotta get to work first! See you in about an hour and a half...

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine  says:
7 months ago

Hey Tom, my boss's name is Dick and he is seriously a dick. actually, his name is Richard and we just call him Dick.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

Sounds like my brother LOL. I have GREAT bosses now, but I had my share of Dicks too, I assure you. Actually there is one Dick here, but there's one in every crowd, you know.

Share And Care profile image

Share And Care  says:
7 months ago

I left one day, after I took enough, but I went to a lawyers office instead of going home, I took him to court, and sued for my overtime, at court his attorneys stated to the judge that I was dum and could not perform the simplest tasks, and he managed there to call me through them stupid again, soon the judge was in my favour and justified me by telling them that he sees a very bright woman and that he would not mind if I worked for his office. From there I went home and accepted the miracles that GOD promised in exchange of faith, I am here and somehow despite the bad economy and the lack of jobs I am surviving and hopeful.

The battle between good and evil spilled from heaven and splashed on earth, No one should be abused, no one should be mistreated, and for those blind hearted evil and miserable ones, we are stronger and far more loving to ourselves to accept their abuse for any reason in the world. That day, I did not know were the next pay check was coming from, and how am I going to feed my kids, the truth is I thought, that anything would be better than enduring the mental and emotional stress, because with good moral and a clear mind I could invent and create a better destiny.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
7 months ago

And you were right!

Doreen  says:
4 months ago

Personally Tom, I think you are an idiot. Just like our Human Resources person you think people should stay and work for someone who is verbally abusive. Are you serious dude? You obviously have no pride in yourself. Well if you want to work for someone that throws the "F" bomb everyday then your an idiot. I will not stand for someone screaming and swearing at me for no reason. Sorry, can't do it. What I am trying to find out is how to report him. I tried the EEOC they were no help.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
4 months ago

First, constructive advice. You might try an attorney. I don't know about where you are, but in Massachusetts the Mass. Bar Association will refer you to an attorney for a initial consultation for very short money. You might check it out. Mr/Ms F Bomb might be violating some law or perhaps your civil rights.

Next, well, I'll allow I might be an idiot, but I've probably had a lot more jobs than you. I would point out that you have not left your job, but that you are dealing with the verbally abusive boss. Therefore while you remain at your job, you are in fact, proving that you will "stand for someone that throws the "F" bomb everyday." I guess, by your own definition, Doreen, the name you called me fits you just as well.

Carrie Bradshaw profile image

Carrie Bradshaw  says:
4 months ago

Yes, name calling sure puts a damper on things ~~ here we are talking about verbal and emotional abuse ~ lol

I wrote a hub, "When Personal Integrity Gets You Fired" because I worked for a company over seven years and received promotions they even created for me, raises, the whole nine yards.  New management came in and allowed chaos, and through "praise manipulation", I ended up fixing everybody's critical mistakes, burdening me to the point I just had to run to the doctor!  They gave me three weeks off and put me on an anti-depressant.

I trusted my position and value enough to bring the issues to light with managment, only to be told "You're not happy here; we're letting you go". The're "at will" and had me sign a waver not to seek legal action.  When I contacted an attorney (before signing the waver), he said these cases are "hard to prove ~ sign the waver and go".

I know about how this affects one's emotional ability to tolerate abuse because I only worked for my next employer just over a year.  They broke their vacation agreement with me three times and I told them I'd stay on board until I found another job or they found a replacement, whichever came first, but the boss fired me.  Again, I'd had no disciplinary action, was flourishing in my position, worked voluntary overtime.  I just knew my value and wouldn't put up with an employer that lacks ethics.

Now, I turned down a potential job because the lady that initially interviewed me thought I wouldn't get a second interview because of my salary requirements (which was $8,000 less p/year than my last job!).  I did get a second and third interview!  She tripped me up by causing me to take tests, not responding to my calls and I just knew she was going to be a problem from the get-go.  I don't want to put up with it.

So now, I'm on unemployment and fine through January, but I am going to counseling. The first company really caused some major emotional issues, where my tolerance is at zero, because....I'm innocent!  It's wrong!  It's like being a "prostitute" to do anything and endure anything for the paycheck.  I stand for integrity and pray and trust God to lead me into the right job for me.  Great issue ~ great hub!  Thank you, and I will practice what you wrote about, because I KNOW there's a DICK or Dickette in every company!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
4 months ago

Thank you for your very enlightening story, Carrie.

Carrie's hub can be found here:

http://hubpages.com/hub/When-Personal-Integrity-Ge

I say right up front that one should use the approaches I indicate in this article if they want to stay in the job. I did not say it, but one's best defense against an abusive boss is to quit. It's only when you can't quit that you might have to put up with this nonsense. Best of luck to you, Carrie. I wish you a bright and happy future.

sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso  says:
4 months ago

I have just re-read this and feel that it is excellent advice. We have very restrictive labour laws here and the boot here tends to sit on the employees foot. It is extremely difficult to fire someone in South Africa. What about abusive and wilful employees. I have had one or two of those in my life and what a handful they can be because of our labour laws.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
4 months ago

Hi Sixty. Abusive, difficult-to-terminate employees do sound like a nightmare. There are people in this world who just feel entitled, bosses and employees alike. Attitudes can be very difficult to change. I have had some luck inspiring employees to better performance through positive support and praise, incentives, and using gradual persuasion to show them that working for the company really benefits them. As long as it's true, it has a chance to work.

sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso  says:
4 months ago

Yes all true. I enjoyed your hub and your response to my take. I have also had great success by encouraging employees but then you get just that one (or two) ornery ones!

Jess  says:
4 months ago

I quit and my boss keeps sending me harrassing emails.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
4 months ago

Man, that's awful! I wonder if it's illegal? Maybe contact your state attorney general...

Reynolds_Writing profile image

Reynolds_Writing  says:
4 months ago

Great advice.. Interesting Hub Topic!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
4 months ago

Thanks, RW!

Harry Paul  says:
3 months ago

Thanks for sharing the information. I’m going to share this article in my network of friends and relatives….Your posts always make me think and give me good thoughts each day to continue to renew my brain.

Vizey profile image

Vizey  says:
2 months ago

first of all I would like to thank you for raising an important issue. Many organisation sometime hire officers who are unduly strict. thanks for advice.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
2 months ago

Thanks Harry and Vizey. Good luck.

sarmack profile image

sarmack  says:
2 months ago

You best bet is to Follow whomever/whatever is your god. For me, that is the Lord God Almighty. If He tells me to leave a situation, I am out the door. It is not my place to change any other person. God, alone, knows what is Right for my life. The actions of others are what can take a life from abundance to poverty. People allowing people to Follow their God and Trusting that God is in Control, leads to Abundance. There is a reason why that boss is abusive. And, in my experience the abusive ones are women, the majority of the time. Men surround themselves with abusive women.

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
2 months ago

Interesting! Thank you

Shayvonharris profile image

Shayvonharris  says:
2 months ago

Wow I love this hub. I laughed while reading it. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you For your very professional ways to handle an abusive boss. I went through many and I would get fed up and either argue back or cry. But now I know that you have act a part and let the words roll off your back. GREAT ADVICE........:)

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
2 months ago

I'm so glad you found it helpful, Shavon!

\Brenda Scully  says:
2 months ago

I am at last beginning to be educated....... have you ever written about what a child could do if the abusive person was her or his father, too late for me, but it needs to be written...

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
2 months ago

Thank you, Brenda. I didn't do so well in that situation myself. It would be worth researching. I may do so - thank you for the suggestion

Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus  says:
2 months ago

Hey Tom! Just found this hub and what a trip down memory lane. I had a boss named Barbara who insisted I change to my middle name, Jeanne, in order to avoid confusion- my first name is Barbara. Each time she called "Jeanne!" I ignored her. Not because I meant to be rude. I didn't realize she was talking to me. She was up against a tight deadline one day. That was the day I walked out. Not because I meant to be rude. I just wanted my name back.

I am taking your PP advice to heart in another venue- mothers in law. My personal experience in this area is similar to your first example with Dick. I will call her Jane. Jane is verbally abusive and tears down everyone except her do-no-wrong children. I believe taking on a Professional Persona will help me manage this situation less emotionally and I thank you for the GREAT IDEA!!!

Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff  says:
2 months ago

Great application, Storyteller. Anytime you have somebody you can't avoid who says offensive things to you - who cares what they think anyway? Just adopt some kind of bulletproof persona that will smile and non-react. They'll get tired of beating their head agaist the wall eventually. Thanks, Storyteller

victor  says:
4 weeks ago

see me

Sexy jonty profile image

Sexy jonty  says:
3 weeks ago

Very well written hub .....

very much informative ......

Thank you very much for your great hub, for good advice, good wishes and support. Thanks for sharing your experience with all of us.

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