My brother had died 2 weeks ago. A sudden and tragic death at work. My best friend and one true confidant was gone and I was in the beginning stages of grieving. "You need medication and counseling" my wife told me almost immediately. I responded, not everyone who loses someone needs depression medication and counseling. "Give me some time to grieve". She followed this up with "You were never there for him anyway". I couldn't believe she had actually just said that. "He knows why" I yelled. "I devote my time to my wife and my children". I did spend time with my brother. We had grown up together for 39 years. We had the same friends. We went through the same schools together. I missed him and I was learning how to deal with the pain.

As time went by it didn't really get any easier. I would go to work at 5 am and then get home around 6 pm. Then my wife would leave for work. I called going home after working my full time day job the second shift. When I got home it was time to clean out the sink. My wife constantly left the sink full of the days dishes. Then I would start supper. Clean up after the dinner and then tend to the kids. Change diapers, do homework, feed the dog, do laundry. Day after day and month after month of doing nothing but providing for and taking care of my family. The stress would get to me on occasion. One day I thought I would go crazy. My two year old would go to his room and ask me to put a video into his television. I'd do just that and three minutes later he'd be walking down the hall demanding that I put another video into the television. Sometimes this would go on for an hour. This went on every single day for months.

Soon my wife was telling people that since my brother had died I was a miserable fuck. Seemed to me that I was a normal man who was working by day and being a single dad by night. That I did the cooking and the laundry and just needed some me time. She never listened to my side of the situation though. All she knew was that she was depressed and it was all my fault. "You never do a thing" she would tell me constantly. The accusation alone was ridiculous. Her own friends would see me doing everything I could to help make the house a home for my family. I never went out for guys night out. I didn't go golfing every Saturday, first off we lived check to check. How could I afford to go golfing every week?

My Mother In Law was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I first met her I thought she was very nice and friendly. Years had gone by now and I learned that MIL was miserable and alone and the most selfish person I had ever met. She had driven away every single person in her life, even her own brothers and sisters. The one person in MIL's life was my wife, her daughter. MIL was evicted from her senior citizen housing for her own safety. She had been leaving her bathroom sink on and flooded out the people on the floor below several times. She had set the building fire alarm system off using her microwave oven a few times as well. She had no place to go other than a nursing home. My wife wanted to know if she could stay with us at our house. Against my better judgement I agreed.

Mother in law would go through the house in winter and open all the windows "we need fresh air". One day I felt a cold draft coming down the hall. As I approached my 6 month old son's bedroom it was outright freezing. I had just gotten home from work. I look and there's my son sleeping in his crib. He's right below a wide open window and the temperature outside is about five degrees. These kind of events happened regularly. The butcher knife was missing from the holder in the kitchen. I knew who most likely had taken it. MIL. I searched the house. I found the butcher knife on my son's bed. She had used it to open her mail and left the knife on a 4 year old's bed. When I would say to my wife "you have to watch what she is doing", my wife would roll her eyes at me. I'd usually let it go.

My wife never did watch what her mother was doing though. I'd come home from work and find all the windows open. The water would be running in the kitchen and her bathroom. Every television in the house would be on and the volume at full blast. When I would look for my wife I would find her on the computer on Ebay. She'd spend hours on there never watching what her mother was doing. Things burning on the stove, clothes hanging directly on the furnace, the electric dryer set to dry for 80 minutes with a single pair of MIL's panties in there.

Yes the stress level was high and on occasion I yelled. When I did show aggravation my wife would jump all over me. Ever since your brother died you have been depressed. I saw my depression. It stemmed from the fact that I worked days and nights and that my wife was never home when I was. I needed a break from the monotony. About a year after my brother died I went to my doctor. My wife always called me controlling when in fact she was the controlling party. She wanted me on medication.

That was always her and her mother's first choice for everything. Drugs and medication. I finally agreed to go to our doctor. My wife and I had been seeing the same doctor for years. My wife hated this doctor. My wife wanted to be on anti-depressants and the doctor told her she needed to go to a psychiatrist before she would prescribe her depression medication. I recall the day she came home "that doctor is a bitch, she wants me to go to counseling and see a shrink, she won't give me Zoloft". I thought this was the proper course of action for a patient seeking anti-depressants. In my opinion there are far to many people on mind altering medications.

I went to the family doctor and told her about my life. All work, no play, bipolar mother in law, wife working nights, still greiving the loss of my brother. She told me "does your wife ever thank you for all the work you do in the home?" I said "NO", in fact she constantly tells me I do nothing. She then told me that she thought I was dealing with my grief and the stress in my life very normally and told me that she would not prescribe depressant medication at this time. When I went home that evening and told my wife "she says I am dealing with my stress healthily", my wife went ballistic.

It was mid winter and mother in law was still living with us. I got home one night and all the windows are open in the house again. The temperature outside is about 10 degrees and there's a blizzard going on. The sink was full of dishes. Clothes all over the kids rooms. Nothing made for supper. There's my wife. On the computer. She had been for hours. Now I started looking at the phone records too. She was spending 4 to 5 hours a day on the phone. The calls were over an hour long each. Her friends and her family. The bitch that was constantly telling me I never did anything was actually the one never doing anything.

Now I look back. I know in my heart that my ex-wife is bipolar. It was tough to ask her to go see a doctor and discuss the possibility. I had been reading about Bipolar Depression now for months and my wife exhibited many of the signs. Money? She couldn't spend it fast enough. Constant unexplained aches and pains. She was always complaining about something bothering her. I was five years older than ther but you'd think my wife was pushing 80 with the constant complaining of aches and pains she had. Flighty thoughts? Yes my wife had those. I had noticed these since I met her. At first it was endearing. Now all I saw was her mother and selfishness. I want this I want that. Why are you so cheap? We could hardly pay the bills we had, she always wanted more. I want to travel. I want to do things. I can't stand coming home to kids and a mess and clothes. "This is what parents do" I said. We made a choice to have kids and buy a home. This limites what we can do with our lives at the moment. It will get easier as time goes by I said. Not for her though. Finally I made an appointment with our doctor. I wanted to see if there was a way to get her to go in and be checked for BPD. The doctor told me that if I was being honest with her and that since BPD is hereditary that indeed it did sound like my wife was bipolar. She added "If she is bipolar she is on the wrong medication and the medication she is taking is making it worse". Plus throw in the fact that my wife was now drinking lots of alcohol daily. She drank even before she went to work.

It's your fault that I depressed she would scream at me. You are so anal about money. We never go anywhere, we never do anything. I'd point out that we had been to San Diego and a few other places over the last couple of years. She would not accept the logical part of the argument. "You need depression medication" she would scream at me.

She continued to tell people that I was an angry asshole and never smiled. One day I put together a swing set. (She bought it without telling me, and we already had one). As I put the swingset together with friends, we laughed and joked. My wife let the kids interrupt us as we worked. I asked her "can't you watch the kids so we can focus"? The rolling of the eyes again. Then when we walked the assembled swing set to the back yard she asked my neighbor "Has he smiled once all day"? Yes bitch. I had been smiling all day long. You just can't see my smiles anymore.

I was now convinced my wife was bipolar but she would not seek a medical opinion. She had told me several times while my mother in law lived with us "she's bipolar". When I pointed out that bipolar was hereditary she told me that her mother wasn't bipolar. I reminded her "you told me she was bipolar often". That was only one doctor she replied. Now she is denying even her mother's diagnosis of BPD. The grass was greener everywhere but on the home front. When I pointed out that we had 2 great kids and a great home and good jobs and our kids were healthy, she told me she knew all these things. "You've given me everything I could ask for, you're a good dad and a good husband. I NEED MORE THOUGH." Well now she has a new man in her life. He is an alcoholic. She lives in a basement apartment. Her youngest son cries when she comes to get him and she asks her son "why do you hate me".

The grass doesn't sound so green on the other side of the fence anymore. As the divorce opposer I can say this, I thought it was the end for me. I thought I would never truly recover. Now I know that living with a woman who suffered depression and blamed it all on me was going to be the real death of me. I am free of that now. I have two great boys and I do anything I can to keep some stability in their lives while their mom continues to try to find out what will make her happy.