Dealing with Marriage Problems

Marriages are suffering greatly and many people choose to bail instead of work things out. If you are on the verge of walking out, I encourage you to stick it out and give it another chance.

Many couples just don't seem to understand the vital workings of a marriage. Either due to a lack of Role Models, Stubborn Sin, not Reading/Obeying the Word of God, just plain blind to their problem or whatever.

Since I am a woman this advice is based from a woman's perspective...

There seems to be a common thread in Marriage Issues and I will simply break it down based on what type of man you are married to.

1. The Sweetie
2. The Mover & the Shaker
3. The Commando

Hopefully this will help to simplify the matter and better sovle some issues.

The Sweetie is the type of man who is a pretty good guy. He works hard, pays the bills, goes to church, is kind to the kids and you. You really can't put your finger on something he is overtly doing wrong.

If left alone, this marriage usually lasts but no one is really happy or fulfilled. There is a common understanding between both the husband and wife but no improvement

He seems to lack decision making skills and just not have a strong vision for the family overall. There is probably not much laughter in the home but is relatively peaceful.

So what is a wife to do?

If you want your man to be a vital leader and passionately involved in your family's lives. It is really quite simple really...He needs Respect, Thanks and an opportunity to lead without Correction, Guilt or Fear.

You may find this hard to believe, but your husband may be afraid to lead.

It is impossible to lead when no one follows. So instead of fighting for the right to lead, they just step down and let you do it. They are nice guys and they will not "Fight" for the Right to be the Leader.

This may put them in danger of another woman stepping in and seeing him for all his "Sweetness" and sharing with him words of Affirmation his thirsty soul longs for.

What this means ladies is that...you need to let go...

Let go of your plans, agendas, rules and expectations.

Thank him daily, several times a day for his faithfullness, his goodness, his stability.

Let him make decisions...it will be very difficult at first because...he will be SCARED out of his mind to make you upset. Most decisions will be what he knows you want, not necessarily what he wants.

If he finally braves it and makes a decision that you don't agree with, don't confront him immediately. Pray about it. Give it a day or so. If the setting permits you may give your side...or better yet...let it go.

Allow him the opportunity to make mistakes without being afraid that he will be punished by his Wife.

Praise him for his efforts, encourage him that it will be Okay, and that next time he will be better prepared because of what he has learned.

One book that has been a wonderful help for wives who want to learn more of the fine art of being a Husbands Helpmeet instead of his conscience...is "Created to be his Helpmeet".

It really shows how Beautiful and Lovely a meek and quiet Spirit has on the home and marriage.

This man has a strong and dynamic personality. He is the life of the party. Everybody loves him. He makes people laugh and can basically make them do things for him because he is so charming. He may be very giving and caring and very emotional. Sad stories can make him cry.

Women are jealous that you have such a tender spark of life for a husband.

But on the downside, he is usually very undisciplined, money flows through his fingers like sand. He makes promises that he rarely if ever keeps. He may give money to others at the expense of your family.  Church attendance may be hit or miss as well as his time with the Lord.

You are most likely compelled to work outside the home to make ends meet. He won't really complain either, this allows him more time for...well him.

This type of man may or may not cross the line into an "Abusive" marriage. Being so emotional, he can easily go either way.

This type of husband works hard, is trustworthy, diligent and organized. He mainly keeps to himself, doesn't really have friends. Will follow through with a commitment at all costs. Normally very involved in church.

He usually has a set of ideals that he wants the family to adhere to. From how the wife should look, what the kids should be doing, to how the house needs to be run. Most noticeably is his desire for power and control.

He has high expectations and when they are not met...everyone is sorry.

Counseling may be forbidden by him, and he most likely will not read books given to him. Pray, Pray, Pray that he will be willing to get counseling.

If he finally agrees, have the counseling be done separately...not together...not at first anyway. He may get severely upset if you share anything that will make him "look" bad.

Becareful not to share with people who are unable to help the situation, it usually turns into husband bashing and raises a heart of bitterness.

Both the Mover/Shaker & the Commando are difficult marriages to be in as well as deal with. Though not at all impossible. The Lord makes all things beautiful in His time. Go through the Bible and seek His will in your reactions.

Let the Lord be your Husband, Provider, Counselor and Friend. Find your rest peace and Importance in Him.

Remember you are the daughter of the King of Kings...a true Princess...full of Value and Worth.  Go tell your daddy all your heart, seek His advice...and DO it.

In the mean time...

• Get in the Word-memorize appropriate scripture
  
• Get involved in Church
• Get a friend who will encourage you in the Lord and is Pro-Marriage
  
• Get friends/activities for the Kids-hopefully with the church
• Do Not...Repeat...Do Not Bad mouth your husband in front of the Children (Your Rebellion will breed their own Rebellion)
• Respect your Husband
• Be Thankful
• Be Courteous
• Be Gracious
• Be Forgiving
• Courageous
  
• Have him up-hold truth

By up holding truth, I mean, if he comes home and says that you are a lazy wife who does nothing around the house. But you have really worked your tail off. Be soft spoken yet to the point speaking Truth in Love.

ie."Today has actually been very productive, alot of chores have been completed. I know my work is not done, but that is ok".

If he twists the truth and makes up lies, gently raise your hand to speak and let him know (again in a quiet and respectful tone). "Could you please rephrase what you are trying to say, because ________ was not a truthful saying".

• The Wrath of Man does not work the Righteousness of God
• A Soft word breaks the bones, but angry words bring more strife
• A Meek and quite Spirit is in the sight of God of Great Price
  

May you find the Grace and Strength to Overcome and be Victorious in your Marriage. Don't give up, don't let Satan have the victory in your marriage.

Blessings,

Marmie