Dealing with your husbands ex-wife
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If you are married to a man who was once married and has children with his ex-wife, or your husband has a "baby mama", then you may relate to this kind of "baby mama drama."
My husband and I have been together for almost 2 years (married for 4 months). He has 3 children with his ex, ranging in ages from 4 to 9. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who is 8. We also have a son, together, who is almost 9 months old and another that is due in February.
This woman (his ex) is unbelievable! I think she may be bipolar, psychotic or something of that nature. When I first met her, it was okay. We were pleasant to each other. She also once told me in an email that she "liked and respected" me.
The pleasantness that I displayed was 1. For the sake of the children. 2. For the sake of her not giving my husband problems in seeing his children and 3. Just because I had no personal reasons not to be pleasant. (at first)
I'm still unsure of her motive in being pleasant. At first I thought that maybe it was genuine, but after a while, you've got to wonder.
Things were okay for a while. My husband was able to see his kids without problems. We would have them at least every other weekend. Sometimes we would have them every weekend for several weeks in a row and sometimes we would have them for 3-4 days at a time (this of course was during the summer months while school was out). Because my husband was working and since I had just had a baby and being pregnant again I'm not working, sometimes it would be just me with all the kids for several hours. It wasn't always easy (being pregnant and taking care of 5 kids ages 0-9) but I didn't mind because he has awesome kids and his oldest daughter and my daughter love to help out with the baby.
I guess I should just cut to the chase of the most recent events since the entire past year and a half could go on forever.
So, things were decent for a while. She and my husband were actually somewhat getting along for a while there (which was a huge surprise). But this is the type of woman that only does something for someone else if she's getting something in return. It's always her way, or no way. It's like, if it doesn't benefit her in anyway, then it's not worth it. She's the most selfish, spoiled brat I have ever met in my entire life! But it was always okay for her to call my husband anytime she needed something. Like once she called because something was wrong with her plumbing. Once she called him because she was having issues with her boyfriend of the week. It's like any little thing, he was the first person she would call! "Oh, you're at work and 45 mintues away from my house? But my car battery is dead and I need a jump. So, why can't you help me?" What?!?!?! Like this chick doesn't have neighbors or something?? Please!!
So the most recent event...
I had all of the kids, my husband was at work and me being pregnant, I wasn't feeling well. My husband had called his ex (this was like 9:00 in the morning) to ask her to come pick up the kids because I wasn't feeling well. She told him she would call him back. About an hour went by and she had never called him back. He called her again and this is what she said. Ready for this?? She said that she would not pick up the kids because she couldn't find the Au Pair (for those who don't know what an Au Pair is, it's a live-in nanny). That's right, this spoiled brat has a live in nanny. She said that it was the nanny's weekend off and that she had a bachelorette party to go to that night and that she would not pick them up.
Well, I was in a lot of pain (in my abdomen) so my husband had to call his mom to come watch all the kids so that he could take me to the emergency room. I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time and we were worried that it may have been an ectopic pregnancy (which obviously it isn't).
The next day, she sent him a text message asking how I was. Being pissed about the events the day before, he answered her text message with something like, "What do you care?" This started and huge texting war and she was taking a lot of shots at him calling him things and saying things. Now, she has been hot and cold the whole time I've known her and I had been biting my tongue for long enough. I was sick of it! Plus my hormones were moving full speed ahead. I grabbed my phone and sent her a text of my own. Basically I said something like this, "I'm so tired of your bull*&#^. Stop blaming my husband for all of your shortcomings." She fired back with something along the lines of, "Oh I've been in your shoes, sweetheart. You just wait." Blah, blah, blah. My last text to her went like this, "You've never been in my shoes because I'm not a f-ing c*&t." Apparently, according to my husband, that is her least favorite word. So, she calls him after that crying and saying that she's coming to get the kids and such. He tells her that she can come, but that no one would be there because we had plans to go to his dads house to go swimming. Which we did.
She calls the police and says that we're refusing to give her children to her and that she is afraid that we're going to take the kids and run. Okay, first of all, where are we going to go with all those kids?!!? Ha ha!
The police call my husbands cellphone and he told them that she knows were we are and that she can come pick them up from his dads house. This chick shows up with a State Trooper escort. Talk about a drama queen! Now, the only reason she did that was because she wanted a police report that she could take to court to use against my husband. He has a court date about 2-3 times a month because of her.
So, the kids don't want to go. They never want to go! They always tell us how they don't want to go home and how they want to live with us. The kids were all crying, tears streaming down their precious little faces as they were ripped away from their father. (This was about 3 months ago and that's the last time that we've seen them). About a week later, she filed a PFA (protection from abuse) stating that she didn't want me or him anywhere near her or the children. Until the court date, he can't have contact with the kids. Now, here's my question... Why did it take her a full week to file the PFA if she felt "threatened" and why would she need a police escort to pick of the kids because she thought we would run off with them, when just the day before, she REFUSED to pick them up when we requested her to??? I'll tell you why. The PFA will benefit her wants and needs and picking up the kids so that I could go to the hospital and have a break, wouldn't have benefited her.
On top of all that I've already said, she gets over half of my husbands paycheck every week. My husband doesn't make an extreme amount of money to begin with. We struggle constantly to pay our bills and here she is, getting her full salary, more than half of my husbands salary, she has an Au Pair, in the past 12 months, she's been to Italy, London and most recently she returned from a months vacation in Mexico. She had the money to do all of this, yet she continues to keep filing paperwork with the court to try and get MORE child support!! I'm not kidding!!
Everytime we see her, she's got new name brand clothes on, yet she sends her son over in flip flops that are falling apart as he's walking, telling the kids to ask daddy to buy them new shoes, etc. Can you say, obviously that child support money isn't supporting the children, but it's supporting her!
I don't buy myself anything! I make sure that my kids have what they need before I make sure that I have things. I mean, isn't that the way it should be? Shouldn't that be a REAL MOTHER'S instinct? Provide for your children FIRST!
Tell me, please, am I the only one that has witnessed this type of behavior from an ex?
Let's just hope all this stuff is over soon and that the kids will be back in our lives again.
I've done some research and read up of the subject. I think she may have something called PAS, or Parental Alienation Syndrome. Apparently, this type of behavior CAN be used against the offending parent, in court. Here are some links in case anyone would like to look into it further.
- Ex Wives Can Ruin Lives
Do you have an ex-wife who is trying to ruin your life? Is she vengeful, vindictive and just plain hard to get along with? Does she use the kids as leverage? Information available here. - PH.D PSYCHOLOGIST AND LAWYER SPEAKS OUT ON PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME IN BALWIN CUSTODY CASE
press release distribution, PH.D PSYCHOLOGIST AND LAWYER SPEAKS OUT ON PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME IN BALWIN CUSTODY CASE - Parental Alienation Syndrome - PAS
Parental Alienation Syndrome - PAS, how to recognise it and how to deal with it - PAS Help - Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parental Alienation Syndrome - by Jayne A. Major, Ph
Saving your children and yourself in difficult PAS cases. - Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It by J. Michael Bone and Michae
Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It by J. Michael Bone and Michael R. Walsh - Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome Home Page
Parental Alienation (PA), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) website, by Dr. Douglas Darnall PhD. Helpful articles for custodial parent and non-custodial parent, step-parents, and others who have children, are involved in custody or visitation d
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Comments
Yeah. Apparently, there is a lot more of these "mothers" out there than I even realized. I don't know what fuels them to be this way, it's just a shame that they don't want to put their kids first.
My Sister's boyfriend's ex wife is the same with his kids, but she has succeeded in poisoning them against him, at least until they want something!
My Husband's ex was fine until I got pregnant, then she got jealous and complained to the Police about my Husband not having returned a 'Robbie Wiiliam's' CD etc to his Sons. Sadly I had a termination, and then she relaxed a bit, but it was still psycho to react like this !
It's crazy, isn't it?! More events have taken place since I wrote this hub. She's relentless! She acts like my husband cares or something. She's trying so hard to "hurt" him but she's only hurting her kids.
I swear I would believe that you were talking about my husband's ex. You just can not be nice to these kind of people. I was nice at first to her and then she did some very cruel things to my bio son, I mean extremely cruel, especially to a child. Every time I would try to get along with her, she would do something that would leave me dumbfounded, and I used to work in the legal system and saw some pretty horrible divorces and child custody situations. I would be just left in amazement that someone could be this greedy, manipulative and cruel. To this day (my hubby and I have been married 6-1/2 years), she is using her own children as pawns to get more money from my hubby and to run him around all over the place, of course, for the sake of the kids. It makes me sick!! Believe me, you are not alone.
Wow! I guess I was not the only one going throught this situation.I'm going through the same exact problem but little be more tense. I live with my inlaws until my husband gets back from deployment(navy) and its been a total mission. They have just a set of pictures when they got married and have it as an altar I should say. i asked why do they do that knowing that I'm here, yet they respond: she is the mother of my grandchildrens so she will always be there. I know that but knowing she is basically destroying our marriage and still have pitty for her. She is definatelly making my life so miserable and so are his parents.I'm really stressed out and considering talk to my hubbie for a solution or may be we shouldn't be together after all. i don't have her to hunting our life the rest of my existing
Worry wife,
Don't let her ruin your marriage to your husband. If you two love each other, that is all that should matter. I know it's difficult, believe me! More things have arisen since I wrote this hub and it's been difficult but I am not going anywhere. Don't let her win! Hang in there!
I'm in the same boat as you guys are!! When I first got with my husband, we had his little girl (at the time she had just turned 2) all the time! I was raising her while my husband was getting over his "addictions". Well when my SD was about 4, her mom decided she wanted to be a mother again and pretty much just came in and swooped her away after 2 years of living with us. My SD is now 5 and lives in North Carolina with her mother and goes to school there, so we will only get to see her in the summers if that. As for the whole bipolar thing and mental issues...it's all there. I just came home today from running errands and there was this nasty message on my voicemail stating that "she needs to talk to us, it's important, and she was glad it wasn't an emergency because we never answer the phone or call her back" SHE HAS NOT CALLED US IN 3 WEEKS. What is she talking about?!?! When she does call, she was calling to see if my husband had started his new job so we could send her money. This is when she makes DOUBLE what we bring home. We have so many past due bills and she wants US to pay her! To top all this off...she had got married to a military man..had a baby with him..now they are getting a divorce and he's getting the same treatments! She has both the kids, loads of money, in the navy, while the rest of us suffer. YOU GUYS AREN'T ALONE...I deal with it everyday myself. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US, dealing with these weird o people!
Right there with you! All of you for that matter!!! This is actually the first time I have even researched 'ex wife/ child support' etc. And I end up right here and find this article that paints the same ugly picture that many people are buying right now. And to be even more honest, the only reason I was searching around today just so happens to be because I had a run in with 'her' and this time I almost blew it. We get the kids in the Summer and don't have to pay child support. So when September 1 rolls around we have to pay child support and also alimony and also our school fees. So add it up here. $1800 in child support. $500 in alimony. and $8272 for school on SEPTEMBER 1!!!! Im sorry but that is not realistic so of course we skipped the alimony and decided to catch up next payment. This bitch gets so worked up and says that is unacceptable she has bills to pay.... Im sorry. Anyways I know all of you get my point. Well she called me today to gripe about the money since this month I decided to split the payment in half so I was to pay her $1150 on the first and $1150 on the 15th well I paid all of that and completely forgot about the last alimony payment we had to pass on, so she just called me about an hour ago...and now I am here talking to you lovely ladies. :) Oh and by the way, she doesn't work, she broke up with this guy last Christmas, met a new guy, got pregnant by him in April, and didn't tell us this until 2 weeks ago. YEAH lovely huh????
Have a good one.
I am so glad I found this website. But it's so diheartening to know there is no real solution.
My husband and his ex have 4 kids from ages 10-23. We took the 2 oldest for over 5 years before they each turned 18. Before that, we paid her $1600/month, often paid her car payment, bought all the kids clothes, took them every weekend, etc. etc...
Currently, she has 2 (10 and 14) still living with her. Since splitting from my husband, she has been through 1 ex husband, 3 ex fiances and numerous boyfriends..all the while looking for a meal ticket. She refuses to work. She moves from state to state exploiting welfare benefits until her time runs out. She has lived in 4 states in 6 years. My husband pays court ordered child support, but none goes to her because she gets state benefits. She is trying to use extortion-visitation for money. She is manipulating the children and impedes my husband's rights as a father. She uses her kids to live off of. Without them, she would get nothing.
My in-laws feel sorry for the children, I understand that, but their support of the kids is enabling the mother to do nothing. And here I am, the 2nd wife and I have 3 little ones all under 7. I live and do everything with my kids in mind. I am so conflicted about my husband's previous children and the entire family dynamic.
His previous children have learned how to manipulate and use just like their mother does. I feel like when they do come over, they are just spies from the enemy camp. We even get phone calls accusing us when their mother thinks we bought something we should't have with the money WE WORK FOR.
We get threats and worry constantly. Its gotten worse now that she has moved to the same state we live...right down the street from MY mother-in-law. The kids are always being dumped off on my in-laws. It makes me sick that they are allowing the ex to use them. Where is the loyalty to their son/brother? Even knowing that the ex is constantly threatening one of their own, they are all nice as pie to her and never confront her. And even though they were separated for several years before I was ever in the picture, the ex blames me for everything, says that my children don't have the right to exist. This situation has pretty much destroyed my relationship with my mother-in-law.
I just don't know how to take a deep breath and step back. I can't find peace with any of this. I just can't see how any good will come of any of this. I feel like moving...
WOW!!
OMG! I am just not use to this! My husband and I have let this woman come between our marriage and love for each other. Grrrr!
Honey, you are not alone. I have dealt with this type of crap x 10 for 8 yrs. Every time we take her to court for OBVIOUS contempts on her part. The court throws it out. This only reinforces that she is right in her mind. I am going to right a book. There is just too much to tell you on this blog but just know your not alone.
Oh wow! I am dealing with the same kind of stuff. His wife does have issues and takes meds for it but at the same time he has a hard time standing up to her. It irritates me to no end and I often wonder if it is even worth it to continue on. His kids have learned how to play off of them and we have to do the 50/50 custody... every other week because neither parent wants to give up rights. It is constant turmoil and I am at the end of my rope!!!!! She has continually caused problems and lives above the law. He is continually "nice" to her to keep he happy and I am fed up! When do I have a fair chance in this marriage to be number one????
I thought it would make me feel better to know that I wasn't alone on this issue but instead I feel more confused than ever. Confused for the fact that I don't know how much more I can take. My husband's ex went as far as to move the kids (#2) out of state. In their divorce it was actually stated that she was not able to move so many miles without a 90 day written notice. We received the written notice 30 days before she moved. We assumed we had 90 days to fight it We filed an emergency injunction for her to bring the kids back.(After she moved them in the middle of the night) The judge denied it and said that he would not force her to bring the kids back! What good are the rules when she doesn't have to follow them. That was 4 years ago and with may issues in between she has now turned the kids against us. I mean literally! We have not spoken to them since July 08. The kids are now 11 and 9. We have attempted many times with no prevail. The last time we did speak to them was back in July and they were very disrespectful. They said they hated us, never wanted to speak or see us again and they didn't have to. They even went as far as to say they would run away if they had to come visit. The ex wife tells them they don't have to see us or speak to us. She tells them we don't support them emotionally or financially. We finally told the kids that we payed child support to their mother to help take care of them. They did not believe it and then we get a nasty email from the "new husband" (#4) saying that what we did by telling the kids about the child support was very disturbing and was putting them in the middle! Are you kidding me! The ex wife also poisons both kids by saying we like one of them more than the other. That we "play" favorites. That we spend more money on one than the other. We get them things by what they ask for not how much money it costs. If this doesn't show the ex is money hungry....? What I realized in the last few months is that the kids are exactly like her. My husband said it best when he said they are like puppets with strings. They do, say and think exactly what she wants them to. The sad part is there is nothing we can do about it!
WOW I FEEL YOU SO VERY MUCH IM DEALING WITH AN EX JUST LIKE YOUR HUSBANDS SOMETIMES ITS SO HARD TO HOLD BACK AND SPEAK YOUR MIND BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND AND HIS KIDS
I feel better knowing that I am not the only one having to deal with my husband's ex-wife. Are all ex-wives bipolar? She just makes me so crazy. I can't stand to look at her. It is as if she thrives on pissing me off and making my life miserable. I am also 90% sure she still wants to be with my husband, so she calls him any chance he gets. I have another 9 years before my step-daughter turns 18, and I can't wait until I never have to hear from her mother again! I'm counting down!!!
I agree with you all as my husband's ex is exactly the same. I think she gets it from her mother as she is exactly the same. There's a good website called www.bullyonline.org which although is not about mad ex-wives gives good descriptions of bullies and basically states that they have personality disorders. That's what I thing about the pathetic excuse that is his ex. The sad outcome will be yet another child deprived of contact with its father and will be totally F****d up who will no doubt carry on perpetuating this diabolical behaviour towards friends, family and those in relationships with them (that's if they can sustain relationships). the courts and the Government need to sit up and take notice that this is one reason why society has deteriorated as the children caught up in this behaviour are taught to be everything that is abhorent to normal people all for the sake of getting one over on an ex partner that has had the audacity to walk away and not be controlled. We no longer see my stepson because of this behaviour and had Christmas cards returned to us. We don't know if my stepson has seen them and considering his behaviour up to 12mths prior to the ceasing of contact I don't know if his behaviour has deteriorated further and if the PAS mentality from his mother has set in. I feel very sorry for him as the brainwashing she is subjecting him too will at some point become apparent to him and the trouble will start all over again when she starts demanding that we have involvement to combat the result of her. I totally agree with the statement that she does things to suit her or what is best to support her stance. These people are experts on being deceitful and adept at pulling the wool over people's eyes and isolating the father from the child's life. That way they can say anything they want to anyone as they will never know the truth. I too can't wait until my stepson turns 18 because we won't pay any more CSA which means there is no longer any financial "punishment" or "control" in anyway from his ex. We have decided that losing contact is terrible but the lesser of 2 evils as it at least gives some stability. It prevents any manipulation by anyone and no stress from weekly tirade of text messages etc. My only hope is that my stepson has the best part of his father in him and asserts himself over the next few years to re-establish contact because that's what he wants rather than doing what his mother wants. All I want is for him to be a well balanced person who doesn't grow up to be spiteful and vindictive. You know what they have said about serial killers in the past having issues with their mother's which affects their relationships with females in particular!
Huney its the same way here. Except for my husbands child is handicap and that makes it worse
I have a similar problem to this. Everytime we go to his ex's house to get the kids i stand in the doorway waiting with him while she get's them ready. We always tell her when we are comming so they should be ready when we get there but they never are and i think she does this so she can throw cheap shots at me in the doorway while we wait.
She has a husban of 5yrs now and another kid on the way and she seems to love bringing up ols shit fromt he past where she specifically get's to say"my ex-husband" and on and on! He never married the bitch so what the hell? I hate it when we r on our way there and she say's for him to swing by tim's and pick hei up a coffee! i let it happen about 3 times before i yelled at him and said "are you f***ing kiddin me? If you get her that coffee and continue to let her control you then you better drop me off cuz i am not and will not put up with that bull**it! I was furious! So then things got better for me as he refused her order time and time again.
Then she got nasty about it and began to laugh with her friends infront of my husband and myself in the doorway about where my husband takes me for dinner! That was low but he thought is was all in fun which just made me even more upset so i said "I don't really mind where we go for dinner" and i walked out the door to wait in the car. He want's me to be a part of the kid's lives and i really love them but i told him never to ask me to enter that doorway again.
So he calls her up after i let him have it in the car for not defending me, he asked her waht her problem is with me and she said she has no problem as she plays miss inncoent and she asks why? what is her problem with me? She thinks she can make me look like i am tearing the family apart and trying to make things hell for my husband and the the kids! Newsflash! He left her 5yrs ago cuz she was sleeping around with the man she is married to now!
So i am completely at a loss with this and i'm afraid if i say anymore thaN i have allready than she will take the kids away all together.
I just wish he could see what she is doing and stop telling me that if i have a problem with her than to hash it out over coffee with her and leave him out of it. I really need sum kind of leg to stand on cuz i feel so alienated by him when she decides to act like a bi**h.
I wunder if my husband will ever defend me rite in the moment as she is doing this stuff? I makes me sorta wunder if maybe there is something between them or maybe i am just being stupid. I mean he didn't ask me what i think we should get his son for his birthday, he called her instead and that really hurt me. He want's me to do my best to get along and playnice and be involved with the boys but he didn't involve me with this. I think my husband needs to grow a backbone and do what he needs to do to save us or i think i'm going to just throw my hands up and leave.
well i can kind of relate .my fiance has been together for 3 yrs now and he has a 4 yr old by one of his ex girlfriends and she causes problems between us and just won't leave his family alone. like still coming over to visit them but sayin she is bringing the child to see them . but i think she does it to try to get to me . bc me and his parents really don't get alone too well. at first we did and me and the baby mama got alone to . and they really did'nt care too much for her but then they found out that we got alone ok with each other then they changed their attitude towards me as like they dont like me anymore and just loves the baby mama now . me and the baby mama gets alone ok i guess we have our times we argue a lil bit but we try to bare with each other for the child.now her and my fiance have problms more than most the time whivh really bothers me bc they still just treat her like she does no wrong when they should be like if you cant treat my son in good manner then were not you... but it different instead like i was saying they trreat me like that when im the one they should try to get alone with.. but if it was 'nt for me talking him into taking her to court he still would only get to see his child when the mother saaid so which that was nt ofton. now we got her every other wkend and more in the summer months.but we also now got our own child and were happy until somethin comes up with the inlaws or baby mama .. and she tries to find lil things to start arguments with us with which i think is just ridicolus..
god do i ever know what you mean. the worst part about situations like this is everyone thinks it' the other persons fault and the problems never get resolved.My husband is a wonderful man and father, but his xw makes him sound like the scum of the earth.You have to be hopeful that one day these girls will get whats coming to them,it's not like you even have anything against them at first, but after a while their true colors show and your stuck in the middle.Lets face it ladies, most of us end up picking up the pieces to our husbands first marriage and that truly sucks because then it becomes the battle of the bitches!
I know and i came along years after they split up and had nothing to do with any of it and suddenly i get treated as though i caused these issues and her mental instability. His aunt is sort of a bitch too cuz she won't ask me for help, she phones the ex! At the dinner table she actually said "i wunder who will feed my pet's when i'm on vacation" before i opened my mouth she said "oh i bet **** will come and do it" I wanted to throw up! Please! Oh well they can have her! I have my husband and i'm sorry but a slut is a slut and once you see someone for who they really are "a nasty manipulative and trashy individual" I don't think she can redeem herself at all to say the least. To me she is just a uterus donor. I am mad and saying these things cuz i can't lash them out at my husband or he will think i'm loosing it! mabey i am. I just have to keep my feelings about this secret from the kids because one day i'm hoping things will get better.
I can relate totally, I'm from both sides of the fence. I have baby mama drama with my current husband's EX and I have and a EX husband who's wife seems to be the one that conceived my daughter with me. I am very nice to her because my love for my daughter is far greater then the hurt my ex has caused me. Either way you look at it....anytime you get involved with someone that has children, you have to have an enormous amount of patience and understanding. I did not always know this and was not always at peace with this concept, however through my growing relationship with god he has revealed this to me. If you desire peace in your heart and an everlasting marriage to your husband you need to turn to god, through him, all things are possible.
I think I am the first man to comment here. I was on the other side of this issue. I felt so sorry for my wife while she dealt with my ex. My stories would make the stories you tell pale in comparison. I am convinced that no one else would have stayed with me but my sweet lady. We are going on 11 years now and my youngest turned 21 last year. I am sorry for you women and for your husbands that straddle the line between baby momma and step momma. The concern that the kids will get the wrong idea about you and that maybe the new wife will get tired of it and just leave. My ex called for me once when I was not home and let my wife have it. My wife told her that she WILL respect her man and that she is the wife now. My children did indeed believe the worst about me from I was not loving them and holding back money from them, to stories that I was gay and having sex with animals. I tried everything to keep damage to a minimum but the kids pretty much stayed away from me all of their childhoods. There was nothing I could do because the kids themselves decided to stay away to keep their mom happy. They would not even talk to me even in the smallest way. When they got older they told me they eventually realized that their mom had problems but I'll never get back 10 years of them growing up and all of those important times I missed. They went from kids to adults that I had to learn all over again when they finally said they wanted to see me again. Their mom was none too happy but they stood their ground. I'm glad God keeps track of these things and I don't have to worry about payback. I feel for you all and will pray for all of you.
I feel deeply for all of you. I am going through the same thing with my husband's ex wife. I have a daughter froma previous marriage and one daughter with him. He has two daughters with his ex. I guess the whole thing is with child support. She always runs to him when she's in a problem and always asks for money in advanced and then asks again after 2 weeks of already asking for money. It is just so frustrating!!! He then gets angry with me because he gives her gas money and I ask why are you giving her gas money....Like I said he yells at me and throws in my face the my ex doesn't pay CS. He also says that why didn't I say anything when he filled up my sister's gas tank. I am very glad that there is this hub page and that I can vent with you all. Thanks for listening. :) I wish you all the best and wanted to say you are NOT alone.
It is so nice to see that others are dealing with crazy women also. I have had an ex-wife "natural mother" in my life for over 11 years. The only consulation I can give each of you is that the children eventually become adults. They have some of each of the parents and step parents traits after years of living with us all. After the children have left home we find them spending more and more time with us, the calm parents who love them unconditionally. It was hard though because things that came out of their mouths as they were growing up came straight from their mothers point of view. Try not to let that put a gap between you and them. They are only children. Try you best to let your husband deal with her and then just pray alot for your heart to be healed from the things she has said and done to your whole family. The constant fact that the children were being hurt broke my heart and made me very angry. Now I only have less than a year left with having to deal with her. Yeah. She is nuts and we are sane. Luckly she has not been able to kill our spirits. I wish all of you the best. I am currently writting a book on blended families also. What a mess it has been. Keep smiling and enjoy your kids.
I have been dealing with some of my own issues regarding the same type of behavior from an ex wife. It can be very damaging to a new relationship and to all involved. My 1st search online led me here and I plan to look into what was posted further. Thank you for sharing. It is a painful situation to be involved in but I now see I am not alone!
I am my husband's first wife, yet I am dealing with the psychology of being his second wife when it comes to matters of my husband's son with this woman. This woman is a lesbian and grew up with my husband as good friends. My husband agreed to donate his sperm to her, before he and I ever started dating. We began to date seriously about a month after she became pregnant with my husband's child. She always acted snidely and possessive, telling my husband that she does not want me around. But she has her lover. She demanded that he gives her a second child, but he was married to me by then, and I was pregnant with our first child together. She became very ugly behind my back, but every time I saw her face, she was too friendly to me. I should have known something was up. When my second daughter was born (both my first and second girls are 18 months apart) they came to my hospital room bearing gifts. I had no idea that they were very jealous and when my husband walked them out of my hospital room, she demanded that he donate sperm for their second child, and he refused. Then she blackmailed him by not letting their son come and stay with us for a week during Thanksgiving, and I was feeling so out of it from my c-section and a week in hospital for my 2nd daughter's jaundice. A couple weeks later, my husband confessed to me that he had been going over to her house to "donate sperm" ever since before we got married because she threatened him by not letting him see his son, so he spat in the cup and passed it off as his sperm and for two years, she was unable to get pregnant, so she went on clomid and pressured him even harder. I laughed when he told me that he spat in the cup, and told him he should have just ordered bull sperm and pass it off as his sperm. Anyway, I was reeling in shock that for the past three years, this bitch has been two-faced to me, acting all kind, and behind my back, ordering my husband over to her house every single time she's ovulating because she is using their kid as a tether to jerk him around. Because of that, I developed severe post partum depression because I felt he should have been able to tell me what was going on, and I could have helped him work through the problems. He has been helping out with everything financially, voluntarily. She had had the temerity to tell him that our marriage does not make sense. I have nothing against lesbians, but how dare she pass judgement on our marriage and thinking that she owns exclusive rights to his sperm. My husband has the right to marry the woman he loves and to create his own family. To throw a wrench in this whole mess, my in-laws know the troubles and yet they do talk to her and act as if there's nothing wrong with her. It just depresses me and makes me doubt my own place in this family. It is certainly unfair to me and my husband. Even if I do say a word, I am scolded. I feel as if I'm not allowed to have an opinion. But dammit, I am the first wife and yet, I'm being made to feel second-class. He married me, not her, and because of how she used their son, he has trouble loving his son, yet he feels so guilty about his feelings toward his son that he overcompensates and often ignores our daughters in his son's presence which only encouraged him to act out in such a selfish way. I don't know what else to do. I'm just thankful that we are moving away to another state, and hopefully just concentrate on our own little family.
i am very sorry for all the turmoil you ladies are dealing with.
i am an 'ex-wife' though, and sometimes it can be just as bad on the other side.
Yes, it can be just as bad on the other side. I'm speaking from both sides, as I am an ex-wife and a second wife... From my experience, the second wife experiences have been much worse than the ex-wife experience.
Thank you everyone, for all of your comments... please keep them coming!
I can completely relate. It sounds eerily familiar to my situation. My husband has been divorced going on 3 years and has 3 kids (13, 11, 9) with his ex and I have one 4 year old with my ex and am pregnant with me and my husband's first. His ex is absolutely psycho. First off when he had his 6 weeks summer visitation, that was when it went downhill. The oldest ran out of welbutrin, a week before we were going to drop them off (by the way the ex only gave us what she thought was 2 weeks worth because she didn't expect they'd stay more than that...) Turned out the supply was 4 1/2 weeks worth so it almost lasted the whole time (we were only going to keep them 5 weeks because he ended up having to go out of town for work towards the end). I was going to take them home that weekend. Monday we went to the pharmacy to get a refill on meds but they had to transfer it and told me that would take 24 hours. So we went back the next day and they weren't ready. They were finally ready at 8 that night so we went to get them but then found out the pharmacy didn't take out of state medicaid and the meds would cost almost 150 bucks out of pocket. Obviously I didn't have that kind of money, and so I told my husband about the medicine problems. He said well I was taking them back that weekend anyways so it'd probably be ok till then. The child in question was not acting poorly or anything and even though I'm not a psychaitrist, it seemed that if she was ok after 2 days off of depression meds then she would be ok for the other 3 days of the week. Well the ex found out the next day that she was out and that we "weren't getting refills like we should have". So she demanded that I meet her halfway and drop them off. First off, halfway is a three hour drive there and a three hour drive back. Secondly, I work at home and wouldn't have been able to leave till 4 pm at the earliest. Third, they weren't packed, clothes hadn't been washed yet (I was trying to put it off till closer to time to go), and fourth I was pregnant and tired all the time and didn't really want to make a 6 hour car drive at 4 pm. Not to mention that the ex's "6 hour car trip" to our house actually took 10 hours. So there is no telling how long I'd have been waiting at the "halfway point". And finally I didn't get paid till the next day so I didn't even have the money for the road trip at that point anyways. I tried to explain that I couldn't just pick up and go like that but she got all pissy at me and said she was coming to get them and they better be ready. She comes at 2 in the morning with cops banging on the doors and such to get them, saying how she HAD to get the oldest her medicine. Note that she did not come WITH medicine and she could not purchase medicine until they got back home because I had their medicaid cards and the whole out of state medicaid issue. To excuse for why she had to come at 2 in the morning was her husband couldn't miss work the next day. Well I find out later that they stopped on the way home at a motel and slept and didn't get home till like 4 or 5 pm that day... So yeh she's insane. So fast forward to the most recent incident. My husband and myself have recently moved back to the same state and city where she is (his family lives here so that's the reason, not because of her). And we are currently staying with his mom while we look for a place of our own. Due to this fact and the fact that he and I have been sick for several days, he didn't want to get the kids for his weekend this weekend. A lot of the issue is the space issue. There just is not a lot of space at his mom's with us there. It's me, him, my daughter, his parents, and his brother, in a 2 bedroom house. So yeh it's cramped. He told her and 2 of his kids he wasn't going to get them this weekend. So today she drops them off anyways. Me and my husband weren't even in town. We were visiting my dad 2 hours away and getting the rest of my stuff from his house that I still had there. She didn't even come into the house either. She just dropped the kids off and left. For all she knew the kids were there alone. When we got back into town my husband tried to call the police to get her for abandonment but they said it was a civil matter. So now we're going to go see a lawyer and see what we can do to stop this nonsense. As an extra special kicker she thinks she's going to pick them up before Sunday at 6 because it's convenient for her. I will be happy to have this nonsense resolved.
I hope everything works out for you guys, Christian Mother... let me know how everything works out with the lawyer.
Oh Nikki,
*Sorry this is so long, I just couldn't leave any of it out......
You have my most sincere condolences, and my utmost support. I can only relate to you my personal experience with this situation.
My husband's ex-wife, I finally realized, after jumping through many of the same hoops that you have, especially the 'be nice to keep things okay and everything intact in my own family' hoop, and I finally realized that A. She was still holding a torch for him, B. there is a psych syndrome that dictates that it's okay for the first wife to leave their husbands, but once the husband gets involved seriously with someone else, it's not okay anymore (I didn't say that it was rational!), C. ESPECIALLY when we get married to them, as that is a very final, 'see ya' from our husbands to their former wives, and it becomes most clear to them that they have lost an element of their manipulative control that was for whatever reason MOST important to them, they tend to flip out in many major ways.
AND speaking of manipulation, you know how it takes a woman to really understand another woman, as in men don't get us the way that we get each other? Well, think about this, if she is, and SHE IS manipulative, chances are she always has been with him, and she is threatened by you on MANY levels, but this is probably the biggest one, YOU will be on to her crap and OH NO! You might TELL ON HER, blow it for her, and as she comes to realize that you have in at least SOME ways probably made him aware of her sneaky behavior, even if you haven't and he has figured it out for himself, she will try anything to hurt you and especially DO anything that she can think of to get between the two of you, her plumbing? That is such an old trite trick, so pathetic that it's almost funny, and really, really sad.
That one was just to freak YOU out, to try and see if she still-if in reality she ever did-has the power to make you jealous, to be the threat to you that she perceives that she was in her mind. At one point, she probably thought that she did, as women who act out like this tend to think of the world only as it exists around them, and they see themselves as special, and very, VERY powerful in that scenario. As far as they are concerned they have the right to any information, no matter how inappropriate, about anyone at all. But NO ONE, not even the courts, as far as these women are concerned, has the right to know anything like that about their personal business, and especially, no one has the right to doubt them or put them down. It's a legitimate form of mental illness. It's a personality disorder and it's called Narcissism.
And know this, the lesson that I and many of my pals who are also 'subsequent', but legitimate wives all the same, have learned is this: that WE actually hold all of the cards, because, in fact our husbands love us, they have divorced that other one, she thinks that she can still finagle a way to make you think that she still matters to him and she's right, IF you give it the attention that it doesn't deserve she WILL get to you and make you feel crazy, drive you crazy, so you have to pay ZERO attention to her. If you do and you succeed at maintaining that attitude toward her, you will fry her, make her really mad when she finally realizes it.
But she will also learn that you are not easy to intimidate and that you are confident of your husband's love for you if you ignore her pathetic attempts to get attention from him. She is the mother of his (in your case, you lucky girl, SOME OF) kids, and she is primarily as a last ditch effort going to USE her children (pretty sick huh?) to get to him to pay attention to her, and come between you guys.
BUT remember, YOU hold the cards.
NO is a complete sentence that you are in fact, capable of and allowed to use. As soon as my husband's ex wife realized (took a while) that he was listening to me, -and that was primarily because I wasn't saying a lot, just doing things differently than she did them, if she got pissed about having to do something, I'd just smile and do the opposite, or whatever I freaking felt like doing after a while!
I was quieter, not so much of a pain in the neck to him. I became clear with myself and then with my husband about what my boundaries were and why they were what they were AND that they WOULD NOT under MOST (and I ALONE made the decision regarding when they would, I didn't let her intimidate me into anything, simply by ignoring her) be negotiable, as I was his wife and I was the one who was trying for everyone's sake to make things work. Eventually, all I had to do was to point out one or three of her vindictive hijinks and what they were really about to him and he saw it, clearly, he even looked back into his marriage to her (without my having to ask) and realized that she'd been doing it to him and their kids for years and years!!
I also didn't let the money thing bother me as much as I could help it, and my husband saw me as a 'good sport', not whiny about what I couldn't have because of that 'spoiled witch'.
I tried HARD to look at it as though (even when I KNEW she wasn't using it for them, because I figured that the truth always comes out eventually) it was for his kids, who I love, and I just kept on working sincerely on my closeness to his kids, and all of the kids closeness to one another as siblings...they don't to this day (and they are all in their 20s now) call each other step or half anything, they say this is my sister...or this is my little brother....and they see it that way. I worked hard to achieve that.
Anyway, what ended up happening was because the kids felt safe with me, and close to me, because there was less animosity in our house than in their bitter mother's house, because I NEVER (mostly) said anything negative about her in front of them (althouh I'm sure that they overheard me saying plenty to my husband sometimes if we were talking about it in our room....kids!) and because she, being the bitter old prune that she is, never could help but carry on to anybody who would listen, I mean ANYBODY, if they were around her they heard it constantly, and she did it to them too.
WE ended up getting full custody (NOT that I necessarily wanted five kids on a daily basis, but I do love them, and HEY it's a good thing!) of her children at their request. Because when they finally got close enough to me and fed up enough with her mouth (I don't know if her bitterness was the exception, but she burned a lot of bridges and even lost a lot of 'their former friends whom she'd initially worked her BUTT OFF to 'win'.....) and the tension in that house. They went to the courts, with our help at their request, and told the court appointed shrink that they felt closer to me than to her etc... and the shrink told in her report that I was considered by the kids to be their 'emotional parent', which the judge read, and then hands down we won, she had to pay child support that was HIGHER than the amount of alimony he paid her, and get this, when she went back to court to try and have the alimony changed (raised) the court LOWERED it because our circumstances had changed and we now had FIVE kids to support, not two! SHE and her mouth, did that to herself!
She just got madder and madder and a lot nastier and pretty mouthy about it. So, finally the kids began to refuse to go to visitation, she tried to take us to court over that, claiming the usual, but the kids stood up and told the judge in chambers that they didn't want to go because they loved my husband and I, and couldn't STAND her badmouthing us constantly. Interestinly enough, she stabbed herself in the back again, because it turns out that in the state of California, where we were living at that time, it's considered CHILD ABUSE to make an attempt to alienate one parent from a child by the other parent, so she got nailed on those charges and it was better for the kids when they had visitation because the visitation became SUPERVISED at a location named by the court (county social services office), which the spoiled witch went crazy about IN COURT (she ended up getting lectured by the judge abo
Mona... I love it! I'm so glad everything worked out so well for you guys! I will take your advise and see how it works out for us. The kids always say they want to live with us and stay with us and that they don't want to go home. The youngest, one time, even said, "I hate Mommy!" What 4 year old (5 now) little girl says that about her mom?!?! That's gotta tell you something right there! Thank you so much for the comment... I love long comments, though I think yours got cut off at the bottom. Thanks again!
Well it kind of speaks for itself.
It ends up the way you'd expect. She's in her mid 60s now (a decade on me, and also older than my husband), alone, bitter and because she spent so much time obsessed with us, she is completely alone. She burned far too many bridges, even with 'friends' of long standing because she let her bitterness get the best of her. It's sad really, but her daughter, who is entering law school this year, doesn't care, she learned a lot about as she puts it 'how NOT to mother and what not to be as a woman'. She's a beautiful, brilliant young woman with a bright future and I deign to think what she might have turned out as growing up in a petrie dish of bitter....we just celebrated our tenth anniversary and we are truly still happy, we are all 7 of us a strong, happy family, we even have three grandbabies now, and the issues continue to be issues for the ex because she never really learned (my ex husband, same deal, he just found a woman just as vindictive as he is, and we treat them the same way-she attempted to villify me when she first came along about 5 years ago, and hasn't fizzled out yet), she's just now trying to figure out how we 'stole' the kids from HER HUSBAND!! I am now trying to figure out what it is about them that makes them so blood hungry that they'd ruin their own lives over such stuff, I'd love to write a book about it, but have a great deal more research to conquer prior to that happening!
You stay in touch with me and let me know how things are going, also know that I am a BIG believer in support, and I am here for you if the times get tough, they will, but you CAN do this, it works, and you will never ever regret it. Neither will your children. It's hard when a little child who probably only knows the WORD hate because he or she heard it from Mommy, expressing such a strongly negative emotion when what they really want is comfort and safety, so start there, be that little one's comfort zone, the place where she feels safest, she will never forget you or stop loving you for it, EVER! That much I can promise you.
Take care, and thanks for your kind words.
I'm a newlywed and his ex is pretty bad...but not that bad. I hope it never gets that bad either. Good luck!
I'm hoping someone can help me figure out whether I am doing the right thing or not. 2 years ago I met my boyfriend. He moved in right away into my home. I have a 10 year old boy and a 3 year old daughter from previous relationships. I thank god, I have a great job, and I have been working in my company for 17 years. I make a descent income and support both my kids without any child support. Anyhow, I met him and he apparently did not have a great relationship with his kids from his previous relationship. He has a 9 year old daughter and 13 year old boy and a 15 year old daughter that he left behind in another country. He met her when she was born and left to the US and never looked back. Never sent her a letter, never called, up until he met me and I found out about it. Being a mother I was heartbroken for this young girl and pushed until he finally touched base. Since he’s been with me he has reconnected with her and has seen her 3 times. His x wife the mother of his other 2 kids apparently didn’t have a good relationship with him and the kids didn’t have a consistent schedule with him. I also helped him in working on that and we have since scheduled every other weekend stays with his kids as well as half summer ,they live with us. I play my role as a part time mom to his kids. I purchased bunk bed furniture’s for the kids so that when they came over they would feel comfortable and at home. I treat all my kids equal. However, lately, his son has been giving his mother problems with school... such as he doesn’t complete his homework, he arrives late at school he has numerous absences ( this is her fault) . She is complaining that he doesn’t take out the trash , that he talks back at her and that he doesn’t get along with his 2 other sisters ( she has another daughter from a current relationship) . She is complaining that she arrives late from work and that she just can’t handle it anymore so she thinks its best that he comes live with us. I have to say, that I am somewhat in SHOCK at her quickness to give up on her kid and just send him off. I don't feel comfortable with the situation. WTF I deal with those issues day in and day out and the last thing on my mind is let me pass on the problem to my ex... These are my kids and I deal with their issues. I have also been a single mother and to me this is not enough of a problem for a mother to lose control over and give up on the responsibilty she has with her kids. I feel that she just just doesn’t want the stress. I'm bothered. I like my privacy. I love his son but I am not ready for that type of responsibility which belongs to her. Why should I have to carry her burden? I have 2 kids of my own to deal with. If I wanted 3 I would have had 3. I know it sounds selfish but I have already taken away from my kids to give to his and I don’t mind it but at the same time. I don’t think I have it in me to give his son the warmth that his mother should be giving him. My son is very quiet, he keeps to himself - he's very peaceful respectful, but when the kids come over the weekend- There is fighting arguing and what not... and I feel that now I will have that constant stress. My boyfriend has been laid off for the past month or so and is considering bringing his kid to live with us but I just don’t find it right and I don’t feel comfortable with him living with us for many, many reasons that I am not detailing here. I feel that by him living with us- MY Responsibilities will grow. I will have less time for me. I have my hands full with my kids and why should she let go of her kid so that she can have a stress free day and pass on more responsibilities to me?. Therefore she has 3 - and I have 2 and now she wants to send me her son so now I have 3 .I know I sound a bit nutty and selfish but I truly don’t feel that there is enough merit in her reasoning to send her son to my house for me to have to deal with. Not too long ago, my daughter threw a toy and it him on his head - he snapped and hit her. I told him not to ever hit my daughter - to keep his hands to himself. His sister told me that he hits his other little sister at their home. I explained to him that he cannot go around hitting people and less his sisters or any girl for that matter. I truly love him and we get along very well but I don’t once again feel that this is enough of a reason for me to have to carry that responsibility. God forbid something that his mother be sick or something would happen that my boyfriend would have to take on his kids- I swear that would not be a problem but I feel this lady is taking advantage of my situation. She probably see that my boyfriend now is in a stable relationship and has stable home and thinks its okay to make that decision. I don’t want to lose my relationship but I feel that if he accepts his son living with us I am considering having him then move out of the house. There is so much more to the story but I just don’t find peace in my heart with this scenario. I feel bad for I don’t want to reject anyone’s child but I also don’t think its right for her to give up on her kid. When I decided to have my kids - I made the decision based on that I would be able to raise them on my own as well. Please help me understand if I am wrong for feeling this way.
JD5715, I was a terrible teenager. My mom and dad have been divorced for many many years now. When I was 15, my mom couldn't mentally handle the stress of what I was dishing out to her. She sent me to VA for a year to live with my father, his wife and her son. I was so mad and so upset because she didn't even tell me that he was coming for me, when I came home from a friends house one day, he was there for me and had already started packing my stuff into the back of his truck. I was even already enrolled in school, in VA! I did meet a lot of good friends there... some of which I still talk to on a regular basis. My behavior was also better there as well as my school work. My mom and I now have a great relationship and there are no hard feelings on either end anymore about the past.
I don't think you're wrong to not want the son to move in with you guys and I don't think you're being selfish by not wanting it. I do think that if he is being physical with people and having all those problems that he may have some underlying issues and should probably talk to some type of cousenlor or therapist. I don't know what your relationship is like with the mother but maybe you could suggest something like that to her. I don't think her sending him away is the answer. Hope all goes well... keep me posted!
Oh, and watch out for when the ex gets bored...it can come at anytime and anywhere. They can even remarry and all of a sudden you find out that all of those "important" calls to your husband came while the ex was creeping on their current husband. You know, and it still hurts the kids the most. They usually end up with the Mom, even when going through all those Daddies because Mom's a hoe is so unhealthy. Gotta feel sorry for the kids, all you can really hope for is that Dad's around and has a better family lifestyle that the kids get to experience than Mom is willing to commit to.
How comforting it is to know there are others like myself dealing with ex wives and ex lives. But how frustrating it is to read all the baby mama drama. I feel the need to vent about my situation with my man's ex and two kids. He is a good man and loves his kids as do I. The kids show great affection and respect towards us both. The problem is that the kids are dealing with extreme parenting measures between us and the ex-wife. And so, they act one way with us and completely opposite with their mother. We enforce rules, responsibilities, and mannerisms. Of course, aside from being serious we involve a fun, playful side too. As for their mother, she is the total opposite. She buys their love and lavishes them with whatever toys they want. She lets them behave and act in whatever manner they feel or say. Ultimately, no boundaries or rules set for the children and so they act like little spoiled kids when they are around their mother. When they are with us, they listen very attentively and are very well behaved. It's so conflicting for the kids and frustrating for us because we are all not on the same page about the kids. On top of that, my man can sometimes push me over the line with his over nicety acts with his ex. Such as giving her an extra key to our place (he says it's for the kids sake when she needs to drop them off), walking around in a towel because he thinks its okay, making useless talk over the phone with his ex when it should just be child related, extending invites to our place for xmas or whatnot. Mind you I have told him that all the above is not okay in my presence and that he needs to stop the over nicety acts and keep it like a business relationship and keep it short on the phone. He has adapted to my requests but the only thing that bothers me is when she still steps foot on my place every so often to drop or pick up the kids. I have made it a point to him that he needs to take it elsewhere and pick and drop off at another point because I can't stand seeing her face let alone in my house!
believe me this is only the begining of the rest of your life with her in the shadows of your life.get used to it the shit never ends .wait untill all those special moments in his and hers childrens life. either you go and fell uncomfortable the whole time or you choso to stay out of all the events which will make you feel left out . losing end. it sucks there is no braidy bunch. some times i wonder should of gotten a harley insted
LORD HELP US ALL ! I am going through the same stuff. Its so hard, cause we as loving people try to be the best Wife, Mother and Step-Mother. What the Ex's dont realize is just how many people that are out there that could be just for the Husbands and could care or less about the kids. I treat my Step-Children as if they were my own. They are mine in my eyes. I love them dearly. I have made several mistakes in this marriage. One, cause I have never been a Step-Mom before so you kinda have to learn as you go. My situation is all the same. She is jealous, misreable, and all the above. All I can really do is pray for her. I have two girls from my previous marriage. Me and my ex dont have these issues cause I tell myself I will not put him or my girls through all this mess and drama. I want them to enjoy their Dad and Me, and the Women that he is married to. I dont want my girls pulled. On the other hand its not like that on my Husbands side. They only got married cause she got pregnant and they never had what you would call a marriage. Its was together for the kids sake. They have a Son and Daughter. When he tried leaving her afther their son was born she tried killing herself so he went back and she got pregnant with their second child. There for the longest everyone kept telling him that she had messed around on him that the second child is more than likely not his. But, he being the GOOD MAN he is dont care if she is or not. He was there from day one and that is his baby girl regardless. These women are sad and I think that the courts need to look and research further when it comes to divorces and they automacially take the Womens side and that is what is wrong with this world and children today. These women mess with these babies. We are grown and know how to deal with things, its not easy and we make alot of mistakes dealing with issues but these poor kids that have no choice in the matter they are the ONES THAT SUFFER. I really like "Monawrites" advise. I was sitting here at work after having an issue with my Husbands ex this morning trying to work and worried about my step-son and what all he has to deal with and your article really helps me put things in perspective. THANK YOU !! We have the same money issues, her running her mouth constantly, bad mouthing us. The even sadder thing about this all is after her and my husband got a divorce. When he and I decided to get married a week after we did. She married a guy whos wife had died. She hadnt been gone one week and she moves into their house moves all of her stuff out. Would not let their grandmother being the wife that dieds mother have anything to do with the kids. She would not let the mother have any of her won daughters belonging. SAD !!He and his wife had 4 boys. They were married 13 years. She was a great women and mother. One of the boys was just a baby, she moves in while this man and his kids are grieving and uses them all. Pretends to be a SO CALLED Mother to his kids. She ruins his credit puts him through the same hell she did my husband. My husband and I both tried to warn him not to marry her but he did. He was a lonely father of four who needed a women to help out. Well he puts her through school, she had bad credit getting with him. Runs bills up in his name and yes puts bills in My Step-Sons name using his social and he was 11 at the time. Never paying the bills on time. He is now 13. She is a mess. When she gradutats school after being with this man 5 years. She ups and leaves him and his boys. Come to find out she never paid the bills and companys started repoing everything they owned. Now this man lives in a trailer with his 4 boys cause his once was good credit is shot because of her. The good lord will see that she pays. Thanks for all the good advise. GOD BLESS US ALL. Any feed back will be greatly appreciated.
Dear sammysays,
I completely hear you out! I had to suck it up on several occasions when their son would have special school nights and we had to attend with the ex wife and ex mother-in-law present. I totally hated it but had to put on my cordial face. However, one event stuck out. My man actually had the nerve to extend an invitation to this woman for Xmas. And she had the nerve and face to show up. It was the worst first xmas moment ever in my life because the LOSER that she is, she had NOBODY to spend Xmas with and my man had to carry on useless conversation with her until he felt "SORRY" for her and therefore invited her over without my approval *rolling eyes*. I'll just say I stayed in another room that day because we had already got into an argument. I may of lost out but I think I got my point across that she was NOT WANTED. However, this woman is so insanely dumb that she will never realize how much I hate her guts and that I don't ever wanna see her face much around my presence.
Wow, I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has to deal with their husbands crazy ex-wife. When my husband and I first got married(we were pregnant as well) and his ex found out she told him that if he would leave me and go back to her that they would take the baby away from me and raise it as their own, lol. Which is really funny since she's the reason why her parents had to take their son away because while DH(her's at the time) was deployed(he's active military) she wasn't taking care of their son and leaving him in nasty diapers, not feeding him, not bathing him, he was a mess. She didn't even take care of their second child but DH(hers at the time) was around more to take care of the child.
His ex is crazy, she swears up and down that they are still legally married, and starts that crap everytime she knows I'm pregnant. She tells his family that they are still married and some of them believe her but it isn't true, the military would catch on very quickly if one of their members was trying to get benefits for a new wife when he wasn't divorced.
She has alienated him from his daughter and has kept their daughter away from most of his family, espcially his Mom. The ex uses that child, who is 13 as a pawn to get what she wants which is always money. She receives almost half of DH's paycheck, she's able to go to college and not work, while DH and I have to put our degree's on hold and sometimes have a hard time making ends meet.
DH and I have two girls together and the ex says that my children are not her daughter's sisters. She has also told me that she wants her daughter to have nothing to do with people like me because I'm a "husband stealer" which is crap, they had been divorced almost a year when I met him. She's jealous that he was able to move on and move on with someone 10 years younger than her, lmao.
I could go on and on about the things she has done and said to DH and myself but I don't feel like writing a novel.
I just know that, that woman is so selfish and vindictive and is a total beeotch. I can not stand her or the ground she walks on. You try to be civil but she's always got some nasty remark to make and it just makes me sick.
I married my husband almost 3 years ago I moved to the U.S. and give up everything I had in my country for him, I used to be business owner of a Engineer Contractor Company but I decided was time to love someone and enjoy my life with someone but and we have been going up and down in our marriage. When I meet him he was divoced for over 5 years ,he told me his relation with his ex-wife was a disaster swearing all time, she was in drugs for years and try to kill her self after that seems like now she wants to fix her life and be close to the kids she abandoned years ago.My husband rised the kids himself, he used to drop off 5 am in a daycare and pick up them around 4 pm, no guidence, no rules, no manners, he used to do everything for them and please them with everything they want. He didnt have good clothing or shoes because all the money he spend on the kids, he used to work a lot and the mother wasn't around. When I first meet the kids the house was so messy food , toys, clothes everywhere, the didn't make their beds, the never wear pijamas, etc The girl was 9 and the boy was 6 , and my daughter was 10.When I moved here I decide to help this kids give them some guidence, teach them a routine like brush their teeth, take shower, eat breakfast,etc and the didn't like because they never had to do anything, their mother wasnt around and my husband support me at that time, he realize they need structure and a lot of help. We used to work togheter and things were going OK, the kids grow now his kids are 13 and 10, my daughter is 14, and the kids's mom show up after rehab like a devoted god's daughter , she become Baptist and now my husband thinks is the best mother in the world, something is weird, he start acting different she demands many things and he let her do it, he is not taking decisions with me at all, like buying a cellphone for his daughter with unlimited minutes and texting and I have to help paying the bill. He is so concern his ex doesnt have a job so he has to pick up and drop the kids everytime she wants anytime, if we have any plans she call and demand something he just do it, and off course I complain so he says I am a difficult person he lost respect for me in front of the kids calling me names and making fun of me, I still loving him but I don't see him respecting me or loving me like his wife. I work from home and I travel once in a while and he is always jelous I get to go places and meet people, for me is my work when I go to conferences or business meetings , of course know different cultures.
Well now I make 40%more salary than my husband, we built a beutiful house bacuse I had savings, I feel he uses me and I am so blind, he and his kids and his ex are the same, disrespetful people, thinking in material posesions before feelings I dont know what to do???
Perhaps if you sit down and speak with your husband about what you are feeling and how he is making you feel. Also, ask him what he is feeling. Make sure it is just the two of you alone, no kids around. Maybe suggest trying to go out to dinner together and start talking then.
Nothing is going to get resolved or figured out until there is some talking and feelings from both you and him.
Once you have your talk, then you should be able to figure out where you should go from there.
I hope everything works out for you! Keep me posted on your progress!
I can not believe that other people experience the same...
I have been married to my husband for over 3 years. Together for 4. He has three children 6-9.
We have one together.
His Exwife is the most selfish and undeserving mother to have that title. A mother does not act the way she does. We spent 4500.00 in court fees this year and still are having her pull crazy stuff like. Our visitation time is all christmas break. She is trying to deny us the break time and say we are not allowing her kids to see her husbands parents for christmas. Every other year is the visitation time for Christmas. We live far away so we look forward to it. She is trying to be manipulative saying we can have them if we give her 5 days of our time. UGH! Since when does she not have to follow court orders.
Sad thing we lost one of the children this year he was 8. And my husband and I had life insurance on the child. So we of course ended up paying for the entire funeral. And all the medical bills. Sad thing she still continues to be rude. Court documents say also when she comes within a certian distance we are supposed to have time with the kids. She just doesnt tell us when she comes. UGh! again. Since when does punishing the kids right for them?
I am not sure what modivates her to act this way. My husband is so great we pay child support buy over 10 outfits a year for them. And pay for all the travel when we go and get them every year. Wierd that she moves and takes them out of the state and we pay....
MMM,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine losing a child.
These women are relentess. What can I say, I don't think there is too much that you can do. She's going to be the way she is, for what ever reason she's being that way. Hopefully she won't need to be dealt with once the kids are adults. Unfortunately, that will be a while but I guess all any of us can really do is wait it out...
Now I'm scared.
I am engaged to a lovely man with a daughter to his ex-wife. The daughter is lovely and she gets on beautifully with my daughter. She loves me and I love her. Sounds good? It's not. The ex-wife undermines us at every turn.
The ex threw my fiancee out 5 years ago as he'd given her a child and it was all she needed from him. But still it wasn't enough. She took the house, furniture, all assets etc which he happily handed over for the sake of his daughter. 5 years later and he's still paying off her house etc.
To make things worse she has driven a wedge between my fiancee and his family, by lying about him. He has never defended himself or his position as he doesn't want his daughter to experience any fighting or ugliness. His family barely speak to him and blame him for being a terrible husband and father. She claims that he left her broke, but we have the banking records to prove she's lying but still his wealthy parents pay for everything for their grandchild and also continue to pay off credit card debts she runs up. My fiancee pays $360 a week in child support plus any extra's his daughter needs, whilst we struggle financially. We can barely afford groceries most weeks and my daughter is suffering.
My relationship with my "in-laws" is compromised by the ex-wife always assessing my parenting skills and reporting on them and my motives are regularly being questioned.I have to perform perfectly at all times as does my daughter.
I treat the ex-wife kindly and respectfully as I don't want to be the bitchy-new-wife. My fiancee and I are excluded from all family functions and she goes in our place, to his family celebrations. His brother and sister in law refuse to meet me or have anything to do with me as I am the enemy. We've been living together for a year already and things are getting worse.
What do I do? I love this man but I don't know if I can live with his family situation the way it is. Too much time has gone past for a decent resolution and as my fiancee has never called her to account, no-one would be willing to listen. Anything we do would be seen to be nasty and having been driven by me. I feel sick over the situation and can't stop crying. Do I have to walk away from this man because of his ex-wife?
concerned says:
14 months ago
Oh my gosh...do you know my husbands ex wife...she is the EXACT same way...she is mad because I help her kids out with there homework..that she doesnt do...WOW!! There is really more of these"MOTHERS" as they like to call themselves out there huh...sad..