Dealing With The Loss of A Pet
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Pets are a large part of the lives of many people today. I, for one, can say that my dogs, reptiles, and small animals, all play a part in my sanity at times. Having pets around will help your own health status. In many cases, it has been found that having a dog will lower your blood pressure. Having something that lives for the moment and doesn't hold grudges is a wonder to us humans who can't fathom the thought of not knowing what is to be or why someone had the nerve to do something.
People, today, spend millions of dollars on their pets in order to take care of them properly. Buying toys, food, bowls, leashes, collars, clothes, and having to pay for vet bills and other unexpected costs, is a large part of owning a pet (some of which are optional such as clothes). Most Americans, today, want nothing but the best they can provide for their pet, and become greatly saddened when something happens to them.
So, dealing with grief over the loss of a pet can be very hard to both adults and children and everyone in between.
Related Emotions
When dealing with the grief of a lost loved one, many emotions can surface. Shock, anger, and depression, are the most common emotions seen. But, many people will put blame on someone for the loss of the pet. They may begin to lash out at friends and family members. Usually, depending on the closeness between the pet parent and the pet, itself, largely determines the range of emotions that can be seen.
Many times the loss of a beloved family dog will create emense sadness and depression amongst the pet parent, whereas with the loss of a pet goldfish, the same emotions may not surface.
Stages of Grief
Grieving for the loss of a pet for any reason (run away, stolen, death) is the same for all cases. The grieving process goes something like:
- Shock and denial
- Anger
- Bargaining (with God to bring back the pet)
- Depression
- Acceptance and recovery
Not everyone will experience all five stages of grief or experience the stages equally. In general, most people will actually flip back and forth between stages before they are able to fully recover from the loss of the pet.
Recovering
There are many ways to help with grief:
- Speak to your church members or pastor.
- Counseling.
- Internet support groups.
- Friends and family.
- Volunteer at a rescue.
- Write down your emotions. Sometimes this will help you get everything you feel out. This is great for those who have a hard time expressing themselves speaking, writing down how you feel will allow you to get everything out.
- Have a proper funeral. This is particularly helpful with young children. Have all family participate. Get dressed up, and have a proper funeral/burial for the pet. Have everyone say something nice about the pet or something they will miss.
- Sometimes getting another pet will, also, aid in the recovery process. This does NOT replace the deceased pet, but it helps fill the void. This is something that is sort of a last resort. Not to be tried directly after loosing a pet.
Loss
The loss of a pet can be devastating to anyone. It can be even harder to recover the loss. But, getting the feelings out always helps. It's not the best idea to hold any feelings in. Cry. Scream. Punch pillows. Do what you have to do. Just get out the pent up emotion. Otherwise, it will build and build within you. Find the best way to recover the loss of you pet no matter how big or small. Dog or cat. Hamster or gecko.
Personal experience with loss
This year I have suffered many great pet losses. Some of which hurt more than others, but I was saddened none-the-less.
The first, and most severe loss is that of my pit bull puppy named Chance. Chance did not pass away. He did not run away. He was stolen. Chance was, and I believe is, a great dog, who knew no stranger. It has been a very rocky road since his disappearance late December of '06. I experience emotions of shock, anger, depression, and blame. Many nights I blamed myself for not doing anything prior to the incident. I blamed my boyfriend for not trying harder to find him. I played the "What if" game many nights, all of which ended in sleepless tears. After six months of tears, I was improving very slowly. At that point, I realized I needed something serious... I needed another puppy. After bringing MIA home, my life has changed greatly. I still think about Chance. I still have is pictures everywhere. I still love and miss him. And, I still believe I could have done more for him. But, I no longer cry myself to sleep. The void that he left behind, where my heart wanted to give love to him but couldn't, had been filled. No, I have not replaced Chance. I could NEVER replace him, but the hole has been filled.
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Pebbles, Rocky, and Roxy, three hamsters which have died this year. Their death, although sad and upsetting, did not affect me as did the loss of Chance, but by their loss, I have found ways to show that affection to my other small animals.
Chong and Chiko, two chinchillas. Now, both with different stories- Chong I found dead one morning without any signs of illness, and Chiko I found near death and tried to nurse him back to health (after seeing a vet of course), and found him dead the following morning. He died in between my hourly wake-ups. As Chong and I had our differences, his death saddened and worried me greatly, but in comparison Chiko and I had been very close. I had, had him since he was six weeks old. I could not help but shed many tears upon his death. Much less when the vet told me that he did not see anything visibly wrong with his body, that he had great fat tissues, skin color and coat. I knew I had taken care of him the best I could.
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Comments
I understand all what you said, I had to put down my jorkie female dog " Pita" this week 11/20, I got her when she was 11 years old. The previous owner didn't want to keep her because she had a disease in her throat and she can not drink water with out coughing, when I got her she was so light then she got better. for this 3 1/2 years I take care of her as a baby, wasn't easy but I love her so much, at nights I have to got up and cover her because she was coughing, now I feel so guilty because some times I didn't have enough patient. with the time she lost her vision, I couldn't take her out in the winter( she could get cold) or in summer if was so hot ( she could be stomach sick), 2 months ago she started to got more sick, and her column got curve, the doctor said she had arthritis some times I heard her moan like she was in pain. To cure the Arthritis he had to give a medicine could affected her eyes more. The doctor said that was time to put her down, but that day she was trying so hard to walk like showing to the vet that she still can be OK, PITA JUST LOVED BE ALIVE. I believe in Angels; I bury Pita in my back yard, and I went to buy a big Angel now I don't feel like she is cold outside because the Angel is covering her with his wins. But feeling guilty is my most feeling all the time, because I made the decision of put her down, some time I think I could do more for her but now its too late.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. At about 14.5 years, you dog lived a long life. It sounds like you did all that you could do, and there probably wasn't much less that you could do. She was trying to walk because in a way it's what you wanted, if she was in pain she is better off now that she is at rest.
i just lost my pet chinchilla montog sunday he was the best pet i could have ever asked for i have no idea how i am going to get through this i cant stop crying and noone seems to care anymore i think the article is really good and i hope it cant help me get through this
yet again another great hub, it's so sad that Chance was stolen.
My Dog is 14 years old and over the past 6 months he has really gone down hill, I dont think he is in pain as I would know but his hips, eye sight, and how his hearning is gone, it is breaking my heart to think that is time to put him to sleep and I dont know how to decide or make this heart breaking choice.
Thanks very much for this article, Whitney. My 18 year old kitty, Pokey, almost died this evening and we are definitely having her put down tomorrow morning (if she makes it through the night) She has become incredibly lame and lethargic over the last few days and we're worried she is in pain. She hasn't eaten or drank anything today, no matter how hard we've tried. She can't walk anymore and it's so hard to look at her lay on her bed, breathing laboriously. It's a hard decision to put her down, but it certainly seems to be the most humane for her. For a moment this evening, she stopped moving and breathing and we really thought she was dead. I started hyperventilating. Since she is so elderly, I have been preparing for this for some time, or so I thought. I am still in shock that I was actually hyperventilating! That has never happened before. I've thankfully never lost a close family member, except for my grandfather but that happened when I was four. I've never lost a pet, other than a fish (obviously, no comparison here!). Losing my 18 yr old cat that I've had since I was a toddler is absolutely a terrible experience, one that only a fellow pet lover could understand.
This article is really helpful to me right now, so thank you!
I would also like to add that as hard as it is, if you own other pets, definitely spend time with them, even though it almost hurts. My other cat, Bentley, who I am VERY thankful for, can sense something sad is going on and with the exception of a few instances, hasn't left my side today.
I put down my dog, Bailey, yesterday morning. She was ten. I can't stop crying. One addtional stage in the grieving process for pets is the guilt. Should I have paid for more expensive testing, exploratory surgery, chemo, etc. We did do testing, and tried lots of meds, but each only helped for a week or two than she got worse. The last night her breathing was so labored and she couldnt walk much. I just couldn't watch her in pain. She always loved to go for walks and couldn't do that the last 6 months or so. But still I wonder if I could have done more. She had moments in the last 6 months of happiness but overall seemed depressed, uncomfortable, and than in pain. It's so hard to know if it is time to let them go or keep trying other drugs, treatments. I didn't realize that it would be over so fast when they gave her the shot....It is so hard.
Although I am a newbie I think for some reason I was meant to read your page. I just wrote a page on my dog and how much i loved her and how I miss her now. It took me 11 years to get another pet I didn't want to suffer the loss. I enjoyed your page. It's nice to know others also feel as much love for their pets as I do. thank you
Oh where do I begin? I had to put my 16year old best friend to sleep yesterday,to say I am sad is an understatement,I am destroyed.He had a good life,he has been my only,constant companion for the past 4years. 4years ago my husband and i got a divorce after 26year of marriage,I kept Barkley.he was a joy,he was my reason to get out of bed in the am.I do not work anylonger so it was him and me 24/7.due to his age he had trouble walking but other then that he was fine,that was up until 2weeks ago,then his back legs became more unsteady,but no problem,if I had to carry him i would,he was a toy poodle who at his best weighed 10lbs.His weight had dropped over the past couple of months,he was 7lbs but loved to eat,then a couple of days ago when he was laying in his bed i noticed i would plainly see his hip bones and when he sat up his spine was very visable so I knew he had lost more weight.Then last week his stomach became upset,i could hear it making noises.So 2days ago I called the vet,she started him on an antibiotic for his stomach,a pain pill for his legs ,meds for his diarrhea. I thought I could get him past this,I had to force feed him,it was at that time I remembered his demeaner had changed,all he seemed to want to do was sleep,he had no desire to eat and when i took him for a ride he would lay down on the seat,something he had never done. So yesterday the vet had wanted me to call and let her know how he was doing,long story short i suggested bringing him in so she could check him out. I DID NOT go here with any intention of putting him to sleep,that thought was not in my mind at all.SO she looked at him and he was only skin and bones,he had no body fat,and for a dog who hated going to the vet ,when i sat him on the table he just laid down,he never tried getting off the table,something else he would of never done in the past.So as she started talking she said we had 3 choices,she could keep him and try and give him fluids,or I could take him home so he could pass at home,when she said that I could not believe what i was hearing,after all I only took him to her so she could check him out.I asked her if she thought if I took him home his passing was going to be soon,she said yes.I NEVER thought he was that bad,sure he looked bad but not that bad,and the 3rd choice was to put him to sleep. Now I am having thoughts that maybe I should of brought him home,maybe I could of somehow made him better,but I opted to let him be free of his pain.So as she was getting the meds,I kissed his head,thanked him for being my best friend and told him to look for my brother(he passed away 2years ago) My fear is the reason why he did not try and get off that table is because he trusted me that I would not let anyone hurt him,now I think he was thinking ok ready to go home now.I held him and petted him while she gave the meds and then he was gone. I am sitting here looking at his empty bed beside me and I feel so lost and alone,a part of me wants to go back to the vet and bring his body home but I know I cant do that. I never thought yesterday am that i would be loosing my best friend later that day.I have lost pets before but I never felt like this,I dont want to be in this house but I have no wehre else to go.I keep smelling his blanket and crying.My heart is broken and i keep saying "I am not going to get thru this"how can I get thru this,he was my life,he was my daily routine,even if he just slept all day he was HERE and he was my only company. I cant sleep my eyes burn from crying and I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I keep saying I cant believe he is gone.I just cant believe he is gone.
Whitney05, A beautiful tribute to your animal friends. Thanks for this hub.
I am now having to face the decision of putting down my "baby boy". I have had max for 13 1/2yrs. (llasha apso) up until about 3 weeks ago he was pretty healthy, than we were dealing with a problem with his eyes and than he started this snorting thing. I took him back in to the vet thinking allergies and thats when she found the cancer in his mouth. His has spread to his gums and up to his nasal cavity. He is starting to have problems getting air through the one side and a couple days ago he was bleeding from the nose (not a huge amt.) he is hardly eating, I've been giving him pain meds...As much as it breaks my heart I think it is time but my husband doesn't. He seems to only see when Max seems to be alert and still able to walk. I have been in contact with an animal communicator and she tells me that Max seems to be at peace and that he knows he's going thru a process and is ok with that. I hope she really knows what she's talking about. We still need to decide though I don't want him to suffer...
I don't know what I'm going to do without him!!
WE do have another llasha, female..I don't know how she's going to handle it either.
Your honest words helped me so much. I had to put down
my 13 year old dog/companion today, it broke my heart. Yet
I knew it was the right time, the right thing to do. But
I still needed to hear some solace and I received comfort
from your writings. Thank you.
Tiffany says:
2 years ago
I have 2 doves now Bud (the dad) and Peckit (the baby ). The mother died on March 18,2007 . And it's very hard to deal with it. I cried for weeks ! lol :-( But that's the way of life and you'll keep going to get pets! Now I have 2 hamsters . I've had them for a year . Do you know when they die?