Hello, welcome, congratulations, we are here, and we should be very proud. As I said earlier Dear Addict will take us where it is we need to go. So let’s go, together. My name is Kimberly Gray I am a recovering Heroin and Cocaine addict for the better part of 24 years in which 22 which I administered by needles. I understand addiction. Not because of my war stories, and I have many, too many. I understand feeling all alone incapable of stopping when all you do is promise yourself this is the last one. I understand being completely alone when your whole life you used so you could be social and never alone. I understand being completely alone, with a hole in your heart, no friends, no family, just drug dealers, thieves and Crack addicts. I understand the shame of sneaking out at night to pick up cigarette buts and pray it didn’t rain or feeling dirty from just finding out you have Hep C, taking shifts to sleep so someone always on guard and your best weapon was to make sure you had crack on you because if you could trade that for a beating, clothing, rape or even your life, they would choose the rock, smoke, then take what they desired anyways. I understand the need to lie because you don’t want to hurt your family. I mostly understand that everyone see’s not you, but your disease, a drug addict first, then a girl after that and those few pity reminders of your mental illness. The mental illness I was gifted with is bipolar rapid cycling, and I have a Borderline Personality Disorder so because of my ADD mix Ritalin with the crack which I was injecting, Heroin for the physical pain, methadone to try getting off the opiates, Lithium, a handful of other psych med’s, all of 87 pounds, electric shock therapy no laundry in a year, shaved head, all my teeth missing and no dentures, abscessed arms and track marks, post traumatic stress from a rape, and 2 suicide attempts back to back for a few reasons, two to be exact; I was born an addict, I am an addict and I will die a addict, and secondly I lost my daughter and I apologize but it’s just not something I can cope or know how to right now, maybe never. Certainly having started in ”behavioral mental” Therapy Psych wards at 14 I earned my frequent lock down miles. Some of this mix also led me to a divorce, loss of all my money, car, and my love of a producing job that took me traveling everywhere. Back then, when drugs worked for me, I felt I had purpose, dreams, faith, goals, health, confidence, hobbies, travel, always fearless, always happy. That there, is, and was my denial.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting the same result. Addiction is no doubt a disease of insanity. Right here right now, if I thought I could sneak something into me and a guarantee of no consequences, i would be so high I could see Heaven. I love dope, I love getting high, I love being numb, I love the rush, I am a 40 second rush girl which I talk about a little later. I am an addict, here’s one example I love chocolate eclairs, if there is 1 or 12 I will eat whatever is there because I like them, and that behavior has stood true my whole life. There was just not enough of anything, if I liked it. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting the same result. Addiction is no doubt a disease of insanity. Right here right now, if I thought I could sneak something into me and a guarantee of no consequences, i would be so high I could see Heaven. I love dope, I love getting high, I love being numb, I love the rush, I am a 40 second rush girl which I talk about a little later. I am an addict, here’s one example I love chocolate eclairs, if there is 1 or 12 I will eat whatever is there because I like them, and that behavior has stood true my whole life. There was just not enough of anything, if I liked it. I am telling you these things for a reason, not shock value or attention. See it has been these and many more experiences and suffering that had to have a purpose. I believe it does. You. I love people, I may get hurt a lot being so sensitive but to give something back by helping another person, unconditionally, whole heartedly, with the bet of intentions, in my opinion is simply the purpose ad meaning of life. We are never given more than we can handle, and while I would like to on a few occasions disagree with that :-) it just all made sense after my overdose. I am not different, have no special story, possess no special powers or hold anyone in judgement unless it is proven they are creating or inflicting pain on another for no reason. I cannot believe after so long of not believing that I am rebuilding my life, one step at a time. Dear Addict was created for that simple purpose. To help someone else. also to have some fun because if being sober is serious I am surely not interested and I might as well be high. And at this stage of my disease getting high is pretty much a guaranteed consequence of death.

Enough of that so we have created Dear Addict and not one of you ever have to feel alone. I need a huge favor and asking for help is very hard. I need comments and feedback, I need what you like/want/need. This publication (also going to print looks like October) lives through you. I have promised you I will work my hardest to protect and flourish it’s content, but I can’t without you. I also need to know if it’s worth it. Is it just another means to write and put pictures on the Internet and not able to help people? That is a critical question and don’t give your name if you want but Your feedback is huge to the success of Dear Addict. Also I laugh, we should name this Canada’s next top addict :-) because all there is are pictures of me given my resources were slim - which brings me to my next point; I will promote this in the manner I was taught in Advertising for 25 years and we will eventually have, if I have anything to say, a creative and supportive educational publication, This started based on the fact it is a write in article Q&A, thought I might just want to mention that now. And let’s give Dear Abby a plug for being the pioneer of making people feel safe enough to risk and trust a newspaper to answer very personal questions.

Okay swear we’re almost home. I want to mention this site is not by no means ready but we will have a tighter structure once we weed out the unnecessary content. I am still going to send this out and cost now because people are depending on promotional deadlines and need to get a feel for our purpose. Thank you for your patience while we finish constructing and thanking the many sites and people who are living in the solution. Also there are drug awareness sites for our youth. I wouldn’t recommend given the visual content alone anyone under 18 without parent supervision or parent permission to view this site. I would be happy to provide you with some sites for young youth and older youth. This issue and the issue on the 15th will contain usage of drugs and effects of mood altering substances in photo’s as (last point) a means on how I will be telling my story. So next issue-staying in the solution-what does recovery mean to you?-How do you stay clean? 2 speaker tapes, Q&A, Interviews with alcoholics and addicts who have good clean time and are happy an lastly you can get sober young - we will e talking to a gentleman who got sober at 16 and is still sober at 32. Lots of success stories but again here’s the deal INPUT NPUT INPUT on one of these topics or one of your own, just have all materials approved prior to submission. If we post on the 15 th all materials are due the day prior at noon. I am not just excited but am also grateful. I don’t believe in coincidences or self will but I do believe in the goodness in people and I do believe in you. This site will be reviing and fine tuning all week so thank you again or your patience and thank you to all the sites I will list this week, just thank you

Kimberly Gray

Editor/Writer/Producer