Dear Porno Guy,

I know that you have very little sexual outlet at home and feel that you are thoroughly repressed but I would really rather not tell you to get off the library computers because of your immediate need to be sexually satisfied in public. I can even understand your need to perform sexual acts upon yourself. What I can not understand is why you feel the need to go to public library to do these things.

Is it some sick fetish were you enjoy the possibility of getting caught. You want somebody to view you rubbing one out? You like the probability of being stumbled upon as view images of spread eagle vixens with bare pubic areas gyrating to an unheard soundtrack in the background? Are you awaiting the moment to spring your trouser beast upon some unsuspecting passer-by?

I can tell I have no interest in seeing a limp member thrust violently at me. In fact I'll admit the idea fills me with revulsion, pain and anger. If your fantasy is to have a public penis sword fight then I would recommend you scour the internet in the privacy of your own home. By the way a cheap laptop now retails for less than $600 and monthly internet costs less than $30 per month so this is an affordable option for all of your pornographic internet needs.

There is really no reason for you to come to your public library in view of children and satisfy your deviant sexual desires. Although I have no aversion to pornographic images as a general I do have strong feelings about viewing it in public for all to see. Subjecting unsuspecting adults, children and potentially animals to material that is deemed a social blight and offensive to boot is uncalled for.

So please next time you feel the need to wrestle with your one eyed trouser snake do us all a favor, keep it in your pants until you get to your own home. There you take part in any sexual practice that you see fit. Well actually only if it is legal. Oh wait, well just keep your activities to yourself and don't bring me into it in any. Really I don't want to know.

Sincerely

Joel Nash, Library Guy