Dear Vall,

I work in an office.  I have the hugest crush on this lady who sits across from me. I mean I have not had one of these since high school. All I can do is stare and this is the only thing I have been able to do consistently since i met her. When she comes around me, I get dumb, stupid, and corny.

Yes its that bad.

I know she knows that I like her, but how do I get past these giddy feelings so i can really pursue.  Its been like this for a few months and I want to come at her.  I have tried, but I am just at a loss for words when I am around her. It is a shame because I have a mouth piece for days. 

A little background: she is older, but I do not know how much.  We saw each other last week at two seperate programs.  She was hosting one and I the other.  I had no clue she was there.  She came out of nowhere!  So I kind of dropped in on her program and surprised her.  She started stuttering and what not.  It was beautiful!  She is clever as well by the way she handled it.

I know for a fact the attraction is there but...this is really getting to me.  I am good with woman and great with older women, but she is something else.  How should I go about this? 

Ideas?


Dear Ideas?

I am not really a fan of office romances for the simple fact that there lies the strong possibility of the relationship not working.  After this happens, you two would still have to be around each other because you work at the same place and you have to pay your bills.  What if one of you decides to tell each other's business to coworkers around.  All Hell would break loose and one of you, maybe the both of you, could lose your jobs, if transferring to another location is not an option. 

With this being said, being that you two are around each other everyday, you have every opportunity to let this woman know how you feel.  If she indirectly directly knows that you have interest in her and, most importantly, shares the mutual attraction, it is best to directly tell her as soon as possible. 

To avoid embarrasement, check for signs that she really likes you.  When you talk to her, does she look you in the eye? Does she giggle at your jokes, even if there not funny?  When you get close to her, does she back up?  Has she ever tried to touch you in a playful manner?  Small gestures but huge in that, if she has given off the reaction to these questions, they all play into your favor.

When you tell her, however, use some creativity in doing this.  Since you are around her so much, you should be paying attention to some of her interest.  Use this knowledge to create a gameplan for how you will her.

Understand that since she is older and attractive, she may be view younger man as a waste of time, especially if he is not financially stable.  Again, you both work together so she already knows how much you bring in.  A big plus would be for you to be taking care of business at your job and doing this in front of her.  Are you being a leader right now or are you appearing as the struggling worker?  Are you striving to better yourself and does she see this and makes the observation that you are not the average worker?  This is a way of making a strong statement without having to say a word, but it works only if you can answer all these questions with the right answer.

I still caution you again.  When you approach her, and she turns you down, then accept rejection and move on.  Unless either of you finds another job in the near future, it is not worth the trouble play love games and risk losing professional credibility at your job.

Professionally Yours