It creeps upon you after observing you for so long. It knows who you are. It feeds on your weaknesses especially. It knows exactly how to disable and paralyze you from within. Like a shadow it stays close to you mimmicking your motions and yet when it is makes it's move the result is that of a stampede.

You find the weight of your own body almost too heavy to carry. Weeds of self hatred, doubt, fear, uncertainty, insecurity, grow rapidly choking the wonderful garden that used to flourish within your spirit. Trying to suffocate the beauty. Working forcefully to erase and replace the greatness therein. Sadness thick as tar sticking to your esteem stagnating the growth that you know now as a distant memory. Eroding your thoughts so that the easiest one's for you to accept are the ugly one's.

Longing for relief hurts so much that it just seems to be less painful to accept the deep holistic doom associated with the hostile take over. One thing that is quite plentiful are the tears that consistently and constantly flow down your face. Seemingly searing through your numb flesh raking the skin off, renduring you bare and vulnerable.

Each step you take is heavy as the tar that holds fast to the shoes on your feet like phlegm in the chest of someone ill with pneumonia making sure you are just out of reach of anything that might free you. All around there are smiling faces, sunshine, color, love, music, and joy. You can see it all around, but you just can't quite reach it. Your desire to do so you've been robbed of. The sounds of laughter so far away. The warmth of the sun just a distance away. There you stand, kidnapped and held prisoner in a world that consumes your energy your being.  A sad and lonely world. So cold and so sick. Only clouds exist in this world. Dead flowers and weeds are your garden. No birds sing here. There is no color only grey. Everyone feels poorly of you and when they speak it is the discouraging words that are the most clear in your ears. All the insights of others offered to your beaten brain are mangled into thoughts that are gross, self-depreciating, judgemental thoughts thus alienating you from connections to that place that you can only look at from your ugly world.

In this world all things negative make sense and all things positive are imagined, and unacceptable. Recieving implications that entrance into the world it hurts to long to be a part of are as painful as they are devastating.

A hung head and a heavy, unhappy existence. What would happen if you just reached out your hand to touch one of those flowers from beyond this dark world? Do you even dare think the thought and face the possibility of raising your expectations? And so with an unexplainable pull towards that bright fresh flower you reach and something you thought to be impossible occurs...