Hi.I don't know how to opproach this to people but I'm here to tell little more about my experience in depression.The reason why I chosen this topic its because I'm currently living it for about 1 year now.After reading things about it on the internet, I realized that it was a problem and that I was not the only one out there that was in this situation.I believe by writing this mite give some hope to help myself and many others to understand how we are importent to others.

Things that I don't even know yet will be in this hubpages and hopefully change some of us that are living it.

First off.I want to give you the first 7 basic signs that made me believed that I had depression and actually made myself look into it more and specially if you see yourself in those signs.I would really recommend to search on Google about this subjects on depression for more information.It helped me in many ways and hopefully help some of us.

Don't be afraid to search about it as it can help you in many ways and meet people that are experiencing it in community forums.

• 1 you can’t sleep enough or you sleep too much

• 2 you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult

• 3 you feel worthless and hopeless

• 4 you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try

• 5 you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating

• 6 you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things – and this is new for you

• 7 you have thoughts that life is not worth living, or have a plan for how you would end it (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

Depression is just not a 1 day thing.It comes from a very long way and very emotional toward everything you did since the beginning of a drastic change in your life.The way I see it, its like a big mixed puzzle not finished and mostly every piece is lost and takes month's or even years to fix the puzzle.So deep and powerful that it would get you to the point of killing yourself or even trying or attempt to commit suicide.It can come from quiting a job that you really loved or leaving your loved one or by being physically and mentally abused.Let's say many things could cause this but for me I believe it was my Job and my personal life.

you don't have to read this If you don't want to but please listen to the video if you feel you are about to end things up, it may help you.The video's are there to make things easier.

I was searching the terms of "suicide" on google search and came across this amazing video from youtube talking about her current depression experience through her video, which really help me understand that I'm not the only one that as these drastic situation.

What I like about this video its how she's describing it and never give up hope.Also that people never talk about these things and ignore it like everything was perfect but my guess its because people don't want to involve there bad experience and scared us by influencing big emotions like depression or afraid to hurt us in some way because where younger then them.

It gets better every time I'm searching about depression but this time its based on everyone out there.please listen to this video.

I honestly believe what he says will happen...

That Global Depression video actually made me felt that I wanted to live till this happens and actually see this amazing opportunity to live this change or transformation.I always said to myself as a kid that I will die at 27 years old and I'm 25.2 years from now is 2011.

My grand mother that past away 2 in half years ago before she past away, she was in a home care center.

A year before she past away, I dreamed of her giving us numbers to win the lottery but didn't know how I would ask her the numbers because I was living in Montreal and she was in New Brunswick.A couple of days after I dreamed.From out of nowhere, my cousin Monique which she lived in New Brunswick, she ask her the most lucky and powerful numbers she could think of.The only numbers I remember that I eared of was 21 20 12 11.

Everyone is talking about the end of the world will take place around 2012.The lucky numbers ends up like this.....December 21 2011 and also ends up like November 21 2012.According to the Ancient Mayan calendar December 21 2012 is the end date.

What I believe about is.December 21 2011 is the beginning of a transformation that will end up on November 21 2012.

I always believed it will not be this exact date but around 2011 and 2012.What I can confirm is, it will be a big thing coming up because there so much people that are aware of 2012.

And one thing I forgot to say.I never dream or its really really rare that I do but when I do dream.It may sound stupid to others but somehow that dream actually happens the next day and I'm sure I am not the only one out there that have this because my grand mother had this too but she had more frequent ones that came true.

I believe people are afraid to share there beliefs with other because they think it may hurt others or somehow there against things out of the box that is not related to physical science.What I truly believe that what we forgetting about this world, is to share with each other.

I believe we are here for sharing our energy between a physical form to manifest miracles.Without this miracle, you wouldn't be here reading this text or me writing this text that I just did for others and not myself.It helps both and all of us and if you kill yourself or I do, we wouldn't see our miracles that may help me or someone else.

Regret.Its all about regret.Choosing something you will regret will hunt you forever untill you die.

what the hell happen with people out there.

Its all about what we want and not what the world wants.Think about the other side of life with no rushed out life.We would consider happiness as a disorder because we see everything as a sickness.Without this rush, this depression wouldn't exist.We studied the negatives of a greed because we rush things for what we want and we never studied the positive of not being greedy of not rushing things out.We never been patience.I think patience is a big word towards the world , no one use it in the public places.If we would be patience we would be studying the true positives.My true question is......Why did we kill Jesus?

To me, we never wanted to be patience about life and everyone kept there greed to themselves because of what they didn't want in life.What we chosen is, is to live the negative path of life.

I am losing all of my graceful thoughts about life because I quit a job that I loved for a job of nightmare.

At the same time telling my boss that I wanted to quite, I already knew about the outside world and knew how people expressed themselves out there with no value(no offence).Specially grocery stores or any grocery store.It feels like a easy first deposit for garbage food supply because people can't stand themselves in living there nightmare.Where's the motivation in this world?How can someone be motivated in a place where people are not happy with there lives by working in these places.I would say 95% of the people in superstore drinks alcohol because they can't stand themselves because they think life can not be better then what they have.In these places you get many different sort of people...good emotion, bad , anger, hatred, greedy, jealous that you do not wont to interfere with in your life because it makes you unmotivated.even what I Think know is all brain wash from that place and I can't think strait or think wisely like before I started work there.I was very calm guy that was drawing and making music in a space of generosity, where the people environment was much more creative and joyful for there lives.It made me what I am today but the more I get into this public work I feel I lost 3/4 of my life and also losing a lot more time.The problem is, I could prevent this quit and kept my job and kept striving for a inspired life for others and not myself.Its so big to me that everything is gone and I can't fix it unless that a miracle happens in my life that I don't feel that I lost all my time for others.It also feels like I need to replace this beautiful emotion that I lost by something similar to make me feel that I have a value to live.

I know I can fix this but everything is taking over me.I am getting less motivated for giving grateful thoughts to warn others for not making mistakes like I did over something I loved.Knowing that you could had prevent it hunts me much more and makes me feel that everything you work hard for is gone in thin air.For me it as been a year now and can't stand much more unless a huge miracle happens to bring me back where I was.I used my spare time and I cherish it so much.Everything was about the freedom of expression to give to others.I didn't give a damn about myself.I have given a damn about giving myself and my artistic expression to others so that they believe that something can change.I am very patience in life but I believe that my present job will kill it because of what they want.I could care less for them but saying that makes me feels like there bad people but there not, they just chosen what they want in life.basically I think this thing is not for me because I am not in this stream of life since the beginning and I know I can change this for what gives motivation.

For this I can't even write or speak right and its all mixed up.You can see that by my writing.I get this "not caring for life feeling" and loose a big connection and by checking a hold writing about NGXmusical 2 3 years ago,you can see or feel the difference.I also have a hub page for my art work called The Arts of NGX

I know that the motion of life changes over time but working in these places where they do not care about you and even if they say they do.You know there heart does not and you can actually see that through there actions or spoken words.It feels like they don't realize the importance.It destroys you much faster and I believe feeling like this all the time will kill you much faster in life but maybe the reason why they do, they are living a bigger depression.....They never tell.

If you like me, loving to express yourself in a artistic way and see what this magic brings to you and to others.You would do anything to live as long as possible because you cherish your time every second of it.Specially when you only have one chance to live this time once.I always told myself that"He gave us one chance to live".That's one of the reasons why I strive for more in life and try to forget my regrets that I created over my actions and concentrate to give to others.

Seeing things like she does is very inspirational and very interesting to ear.People may think its crazy the way she thinks but I don't at all because what she says feels very important to all of us.You can actually see the emotion throughout her eye's.Its like a light with a depression and a huge beliefs over life, which I think brings honesty, gentleness, care and a amazing understanding of spirituality and acceptance of life within.Whatever the physical look or physical expressions or the way of speech.The emotion that she reflects on me is truly believable.I think our thoughts are not in our heads or minds but all our thoughts comes from the energy field, which is all around us.Our intelligence is not a intelligence but is a emotion that we already have since the beginning of all things.Universe to other universes within and we receive energy to our physical body from those universe but I also believed that those energy is spirits coming through our physical form to transfer important messages to people.This messages may be from ancient times telling us something which we must be warned about and correspond to them because what they are is what we are.The difference we have is that, we have a body, a physical form to be able to describe the energy of life through spoken words.Everyone is different with there descriptions but the weird thing is, everyone comes to the same conclusion at the end.

but what she says about why so much population.We have some much population on earth its because there some many spirit or souls waiting to be transferred into a body that wants to experience the change of 2012 with open eye's.This made me understand a big thing about life but not just that but how important we are and if I would kill myself, my soul wouldn't have a second chance to come back in a physical body to experience these moment of true miracles in the next change in the future life.I'm Very inspired by what she said.

The greed of our own greed effects everyone.This is exactly what I was saying on top of the hubpage, titled "What Happened???"before I have founded these video's.Its all about paper that we thought had a true value.Saying those words feels like "no hope for life".I guess it end up destroying our own life's and dreams to some people, which became a lie at a dead end.Homeless people could had a place to live if we did not value ourselves with paper but value ourselves with care.We would actually live without thief's in life because of the "I want it all for myself" or "I want to rule the world" mind set.Weird!"I want it all for myself" feels like so much stress and no generosity."I want to rule the world"feels like life is too boring so why not control it all and have it all....Its none sense.These 2 things becomes out of control eventually.We are living it today.

We hurt so much the world with our greed and this maybe why we are disoriented in life.The more we rush the world, the more stress we create to ourselves.I always said to myself that we are one in life with the earth and all living creature but we made ourselves become separated and that's why we are stress out because the world is stress out with our greed.Its all about what we want and not what the world wants.Think about the other side of life with no rushed out life.We would consider happiness as a disorder because we see everything as a sickness.Without this rush, this depression wouldn't exist.We study the negatives of a greed because we rush things for what we want and we never studied the positive of not being greedy of not rushing things out.We never been patience.I think patience is a big word towards the world.If we would be patience we would be studying the true positives.My true question is......Why did we kill Jesus?

The reason why I can truly see those problems its because when I was leaving school at 15 or 16 years old, I did not chose my passage but life did.It chose to put me in a place where I did not think and felt my life was controlled, trapped, boxed and I never touch the emotions and the thinking's that the major people have in the real world that everyone is talking about.I was not rushed out, I was very calm and controlled over my emotions, which brought me to a better thinker and better personality over the positives of spirituality and you know what, I wanted to live and actually believed that I would live for 900 years like the ancient people in the time of moses and Jesus Christ.I believe that these people whore magical because of what they felt and did but maybe its because it was in there time of age.Jesus Christ predicted this thing over 2000 years ago and he was not a mad scientist.He was a human being.We whore so calm and not rushed out in that time that we felt feelings that brought there intention so much that they saw the future in our time today.We are not just human being we are feelings, energy, emotion, whatever you may call it.All I say is, we are not controlled by facts of the physical life but living the emotions of life but the greed makes us angry and we put ourselves hatred, fear and most of all time limits and walls to block our human potential in our hearts for simply paper.I believe human shouldn't be rush like this, it keeps us away from a joyful emotion which is truly important for the future living and future life.It reflects on everything.

This is why I think animals acts like us.I believe everything that we do reflects on animals.Animals kill each other because we kill each other.Animals are greed we are greedy.You can actually see those animal actions when there eating and if other animal interrupt there meals they get frustrated and greedy.Humans are really powerful.We are not just human, we are the creator of emotions of life.We are that balance of emotions.We are one with everything.Again, if we didn't choose to be like we are today.We wouldn't have any fear and animals would be our best friends and not technology and computers.We would actually care more for the emotional life.

God or whatever we may call it because people think by saying God is weird or retarded or stupid.The weird thing is, by just saying this to people, they get frustrated over it, I guess it must means something big and very powerful because their emotion are very alert and many people if not everyone, knows about it.Its like there mind describes it negatively but there heart takes it positively but they do accept the word God because if your still alive you must believe in something.But for me.I like to use the word God because that's what I prefer to express myself with.I think it connects better for me to express and helps me to be more inspired to write my combinations of words.

God wanted us to be emotionally involve with love like we love our cats and dogs but with every living things, which is bigger and better.Think about having a lion or tiger as a loving friend and if you lost him after 10 years, you would probably be loving it till you die.Its not like technology like a Ipod that you actually love it ,which last for 1 year because there's a new one out.I always think and say to myself "where's the true value".Human kept us away from our friends or this loving emotion that God wanted us to be joyful for because they chosen to put thoughts and brain washed us with fear about everything except from humans itself because of there greed over paper.I'm thinking about....."what a twisted world here"

What does it mean when you don't see a greener side of life.Even if I think about a new job or new living or maybe win the lottery if I was lucky or getting a girlfriend or changing my sex life or going to see psychiatrist to fix my depression.

Does it mean that whatever you do, there's no inspiration or a palpitation of a joyful life for seeing your future life and achieving your goals.Without this greener side nothing exist because the only thing you see and feel can never be greener because my last job was such a miracle like winning the lottery if its not more rare or lets say 99.9 % would be getting a job like this.When I left I felt that I created a miracle nightmare, which I believe eventually that I'm going to kill myself at some point in the near future.The reason why I was still there after 4 years its because I loved this place like it was a miracle.I left and It created the reverse"A miracle Nightmare"Its like winning the lottery but in a nightmare way if I'm right

Think about this...

A job where it pays you 350$ a week for 8 hours a day but work probably 2 hours if not less and a 8 am to 5 pm Monday to Friday and weekends off.You have your own office with a powerful computer to make music on your spare time.Seems good right!

On top of this my boss called bill let all is employee not taken and treated like numbers but humans...let me repeat this "humans".Bill let us do whatever we wanted but the work had to be done first(and even some times it was not done).We didn't get any crap for being late what so ever.It didn't matter if we whore late but at-least we whore there everyday.Brakes...did I say brakes.15 minutes brakes feels so controlled and feels like time is money.We didn't have any brake, instead we had hours of brakes without the bullshit.During those brakes I took my precious time to create art and music because I felt like a human.In a place like this, hope is big and it makes you want to achieve greater things in life.Not only that but all my talent came from a calm place called fibretrade which that was my last job.Everyone treated us like people and this kind of treating motivates us in every achievements we wanted to get.Also after work which felt like a life and not boxed in like any other job like grocery store.After work I felt motivated to go workout in a positive stat of mind 5 times a week.I was focused.

So tell me if I can see a greener side of life or not.Maybe suffering like this all my life is nonsence and I should leave this world because I betrade gods will by leaving the miracle that god gave me.