No matter how far you go down the wrong road -- TURN AROUND!

Many times in my life hard times and adverse treatment by an abusive spouse served as a catalyst to dwell on negative aspects in life.  Some say self-pity and dwelling on the negative events in life cause more negative results. Over time, a great deal of time, I have had to learn how to deal with hardships and unfair treatment and many horrific obstacles.  It has been a year now since I was set free from an sadistic and violent husband, and I’ve begun to believe that one way to avoid failure and becoming successful again is to never give up, and stand tall with your shoulders back, no matter how much pain you feel on the inside. There are victims who never learn to deal with impediments and uncertainty, and are at risk of being held in a victim mode, will continuously be overwhelmed and therefore their efforts and life results will continue downhill. Habitual negative thinking is frequently core to persons who have been abused, feel unfulfilled, and are caught in a lifestyle lacking any direction.  These circumstances nearly always leave a person with a sense of being overwhelmed, depressed, frustrated, unsuccessful, and hopeless.

It is not exactly easy for a victim to stop being negative? After physical and emotional abuse over time, the person gradually comes to believe the awful things said about them.  Some people might have shallow advise such as “believe you can do it and staying focused on success will enable you to break free of the horrible environment you find yourself in.  Well, it is not quite that easy.  The path is a long and slow one to regain one’s self-esteem. There is more than just a little truth that one’s own thinking impacts our how we perceive our environment. But what is not common knowledge is that the forebrain, where our cognitive processes originate, is pales in comparison to the powerful imprint of the subconscious mind.

No amounts of willpower or positive thinking or can stop habitual negative thinking without seeking the causes for negativity in the subconscious mind. Attempting to make lasting change by only treating the forebrain and conscious mind is not sufficient to accomplish major change. Battles between willpower and the subconscious thoughts will result in the subconscious overpowering the conscious thought in most cases. For this reason, many victims of serious violent crime or abuse find it difficult to turn around chronic pessimistic thinking.

Does this mean that victims can never recover from whatever horrific trauma they experienced?  Actually no. However, you need to investigate the underlying causes of your negative thinking.

It is not the violence or abuse that breaks you but rather the manner in which you choose to respond to it.

Below is an excerpt from “On the Shoulders of Giants” that may be a good source to get back into a positive outlook on life.

1. When you encounter an obstacle, ensure you face it, and do not try to ignore it, hoping the abuse or violence will just stop.
2. Be aware of the meaning you attribute to the challenge or hindrance. Does the event empower or disempower you?
3. There will never be a time when there are no obstacles. Make sure once you have found your way on a path to recovery that you set goals to challenge and inspire.
4. Discuss solutions and don’t be a nay-sayer – be “pro” something as opposed to “anti-obstacle”.
5. Visit goals regularly – giving time each day to imagine what it will be like when you achieve one goal. 
6. It cannot be emphasized enough that you must surround yourself with people who are enthusiastic, passionate and inspired. breeds success.

Consistency and emotion are essential to real and lasting change. Don't let a days go by failing to practice suggestions listed. Get help from friends and colleagues that can help you keep to a list of paths to recovery—they can help keep you accountable. You'll be able to find your footing, recover from the abusive cycle you find yourself in and you can start to change your outcomes!