It all started back in my early childhood. My parents told me the first time I uttered a full sentence I said,  " I go McDonalds" That should have clued them into something. But alas, they just thought it was cute.

Now here I am, 37 and having to face surgery to overcome the big mac! Please, I hope you do understand it is not as though I blame my parents for any of it. And too it is not as though I have no will power. I just seem inclined to gain weight no matter what I do. And believe me I have tried all of the low-fat, no-carb, low-carb this and that and lets not forget, the other, diets.

Funny word there, diet. I find it ironic that the great majority of the letters comprising the word are d-i-e, because sometimes thats how I felt being on them, that I was just going to die! Man! Why can't it be that eating a cake pan full of Macaroni and Cheese will help you lose wieght? I would weigh about 110 lbs. if that were true!

This comes after years of research into Bariatric Surgery. I did not just get up one morning and say, "hmm, think I'll put down this doughnut and check into the hospital". Quite to the contrary. I thought about having the surgery several years back.

It was June of 2001, I had a visit with my doctor and spoke of an interest in the gastric bypass surgery. My doctor wrote me a referal and I went to attend the "class" the hospital was offering on the subject. While there, I met with my surgeon and felt extremely comfortable with making the decision to move forward.

The next step was a series of exams, full physical, and even a night stay at a sleep clinic to see if I had "sleep apnea". ( a common illness affecting many but primarily over weight individuals). after getting the all clear from the results of everything I had contacted my insurance provider who were I must say, very accomodating. I was surprised, pleasantly from this reaction and was given the word that they were fully willing and ready to pay. Yay!

I was so excited! I could not wait for the day. But first I had to go and have a consultation with my surgeon. The big day for that came aprox. 2 months after starting the whole process. So, there I was in the waiting room anxiously aware that in just a matter of days I would be having the surgery I was sure was going to save my life! About twenty minutes or so had passed and I had not been called to the front for my appointment. so I politely asked about it. Then it happened, the nurse told me that the surgeon had left the hospital. No, not for the day, for God knows how long! He was on his way to another hospital in another state to start a bariatric program there!

The nurse went on to say that they were stopping the program there until they were to find a replacement. My dream shattered, all I could do was cry. I cried all the way back home and then some.

But then about two weeks later I find out that the hospital had re-started the program and the best news was that my surgeons partner whom I also trusted very much was taking over. Again my hope started rising. So I called my insurance rep and explained the good news. Again I was given the go ahead. I was elated! I then called my surgeons office to schedule the appointment.

But then just as I was seeing the light at the end of my dark tunnel, the voice on the other line said " Oh, I am so sorry Miss Jones but, we don't seem to have record of you attending the seminar back in June" I yelled out "what? Thats impossible!" See, at the class we had to sign in and register which I had done. and not only that, but I could not have gotten the appointment unless they had record of it back then. So I explained all of this to her but she would not listen and in fact said I had to start the process all over again!

So, I gave up. I cried for a few days and then just gave up. I figured if God had wanted me to have it done, He would have supplied the way.

But this time is different. I have the all clear, just need to go for some test's and the like. Also, this time I have opted for the "lap band" surgery. It is a non-invasive form of surgery where they insert a band around the upper part of your stomach and make a small pouch to which food passes through. I opted for this as it is very safe and done lapriscopically so very little scarring if any. Too, I have talked with countless numbers of people who have had it done and the results are amazing.

I am so looking forward to the day when I can finally look at the "real" me which is hidden from view under all this weight.