I remember the day clearly, like my mind is equipped with a rewind button but not a erase button.  I was six months pregnant at the time that my whole life fell apart, never to go back to the person that I once was.  I will begin my story from the start and those who read this can make your own judgement on what may have happened to me.

It began on a morning that a winter storm advisory had been broadcasted, so I was preparing for the worst. Unknowing at that time that the worst was yet to come.  It was two days after Christmas and I was still trying to recover from the holiday festivities. I was excited because I had a ultra sound scheduled for the 28th of December to find out the sex of my baby. I was so excited that I could'nt hardly contain my emotions. My unborn baby was my life and I could'nt wait to hold this innocent and helpless life in my arms. I was going to be a Mother!

As evening drew near I was preparing to get ready for bed because the day of activities had exhausted my mind and body. I went to the bathroom to change into pajamas and that's my body was overcome with pain. A constant, non-stop pain in my stomach and pain that took my breath away.  I screamed in pain and fear over took me when I saw the blood.  I had never felt so scared and helpless in all my life.

On my way to the hospital, my sister tried to comfort me and talk me through the pain.  I tried to keep from pushing even though the pain was unbearable.  Upon arriving at the hospital, I was immediately examined and rushed to labor and delivery where my family came in one by one to sit with me until it was time for my baby to be born. There was no stopping the birth, no chance of my baby surviving.  I lay there trying to put together all the pieces of what was happening to me. I did'nt notice all the blood flowing from my bed onto the floor because of all the  people that were in the room preparing for the birth of my baby.  It was then that the doctor told me to try to push. I was so weak from all the blood that I had lost that I could hardly sit up, but I did push. It did'nt take but one push for my baby girl to be born. I still remember the doctor showing her to me and then rushing her out of the room.

I lay there quietly, not knowing how critical I was. So much was going on in that room, but all I was concerned about was my baby. Soon after my baby girl was born the doctor entered the room and told me that she had died. The nurse soon entered the room with my baby wrapped in a small pink blanket. She was placed on my chest where I then counted her fingers and toes. I then to her, a song that I sung to her when she was growing underneath my heart. The song was YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD , and then she was taking away while I was rushed to surgery to stop the bleeding.

After my surgery, I was taken to my room where a nurse entered to get me up and walk me to the bathroom. I remember sitting down and feeling a splash of water hit my legs. I looked at the nurse and said "I can't breathe," and I fell forward.  I could hear voices, but could'nt understand what was being said. It was like being under water and trying to understand what people are saying around you. My body felt light, I could'nt remember a thing that had happened to me or even who I was. I felt like I was floating, being drawn upward.  The next thing that I saw was a light, a light as bright as a freshly falling snow. It warmed my whole body to look at this light, but who is the person standing in the light? Suddenly the light was gone and I found myself standing under a tree in a empty field. I stood there looking into this field and that's when I saw a little girl running with open arms.  It was if she was running in slow motion, her long brown wavy hair bounced up and down with each step that she took. Suddenly, I stood in front of this little girl with open arms as she ran to me. I then picked her up, my arms around her waist and her arms around my neck. Her cheek pressed softly against my cheek,  I began to swing her around in a circle and she laughed a playful laugh. Her green eyes  looked deeply into my eyes like she was looking straight into my heart and she softly kissed my cheek,  She then spoke six words that I will carry with me until the day I die. Those words being " I love you so much Mommy!" That's when I felt my body jerk and she was no longer in my arms. I felt so much pain throughout my whole body. I opened my eyes and the words spoken to me were "We lost you honey, but now you're back."

I don't remember much after that, but some things I wish I could forget. I was told that I had an incompetent cervix and that's why I had lost my baby girl. I was told that I had gone into shock due to all the blood loss and required a transfusion where I received five units of blood. I still don't know exactly what happened to me. Did I die? I don't know, but if what I experienced was a small piece of what heaven is like, then I'm glad to have seen it and to know that my daughter will be there to welcome me when my time on earth is over.