I think of myself as a "Mary Tyler Moore" party type person. In other words, I think that if I have a party or event, it will be a flop of no-shows. But I also have a funny feeling that this is just my belief, and not the truth. Because our perception of things is almost never the same as reality. And I have been challenging myself a lot recently on my beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions.

For instance, recently I was worried about my job. I kept thinking that I might get fired. So I asked my boss. Whereupon she said I was doing a great job. She had no problem with my work at all. It was just my age-old need to do everything perfectly- and to judge myself a failure if I was not perfect in every way.

So I am flying in the face of my perceptions by having a huge fundraising event to raise money for the non-profit I am creating. I am planning to have 200 friends and their friends at the event. And I am planning for big attractions and a blow-out success. I am setting a date in early December, and I will let you know how it goes.

Meanwhile, why don't you to jump on the bandwagon and start challenging your own thoughts and perceptions? Go ahead. You can do it. And you might find it fun and enlightening too.

If you have a breakthrough, then let us know in the comments.

In the 198os when I was a young adult hitting the dance floor, there was not a lot of what you would call ‘couples’ dancing. If you were a male and a female, and there was a song playing, you simply went to the floor and started to move around, each of you separately. Doing your own thing, but in the same vicinity to each other. And my dad, even though he used to teach dancing at an Arthur Murray studio when he was young, never imparted the skill on us. But I always wanted to learn how to dance with a man who knew what he was doing. And so I recently began the process.

I went to a Latin dance party. You may know the kind. They start the party with a lesson, then they go on to the dancing. And I was new, of course, without a clue what I was doing. And the problem was compounded by the fact that, in typical form, I arrived late and missed the lesson. Still, I was having a ball. Doing my thing. And at one point some generous soul was dancing with me. He was being very polite, trying to help me. He kept saying “Just follow the beat. 1,2,3 & 1,2,3 & Just follow the beat.” Then he stopped (it seemed abrupt) and said thank you, and left the floor.

As I walked off the floor, pondering this, I began to get melancholy. Clearly I was really bad at this stuff. After all, my last partner couldn’t even dance with me. I was so bad, he had to walk off the floor. And he had seemed so nice, I must have been really bad. Way off the beat. And with these thoughts, my mood went from good to bad, and I sat down. Convinced that I should save these poor men from having to dance with me.

The best thing about all of the training I have had in growth and development is that I have cultivated the skill of seeing through my own stupidity. I knew I was being ridiculous with these thoughts in my head. And I knew what I had to do about it so I could begin enjoying myself again. Then other good thing about the training I have done is that I now have the ability to say things to people that other people cannot say, and get away with it. So I went up to the man and asked him-in some kind of acceptable way " Did you stop dancing with me because I was way off the beat and stepping on your feet?"

He just laughed and said “No, my dear, the song ended.” Then we were both laughing, and all was right with the world again.

As human beings our Achilles’ heel is that we have thoughts, coming from our constantly working brain, and we believe our thoughts to be ‘true.’ Mostly they are completely made up. Our own single brain simply does not have the full picture. Then we live our lives out of made-up thoughts and assumptions- disempowering ourselves and others as we go along. And we can’t help it. It is a part of being human.

The only way I have found to get out of the trap is to notice when your thinking goes awry- to notice that it is negative. Then we must check, usually with an outsider, to see if we are correct in our negative thinking. Usually they say no. And at some point you may get good enough at this that you don’t need to check. You will just assume that you are wrong in your negative thoughts, and go on to dance and have fun again. And that, my friends, is the whole point of life... to enjoy the gift that it is.

Let's take a better look at the difference between perception and reality.

Have you ever had the experience of seeing someone at a party or event and being very interested. Perhaps you even felt that instant unseen energy of attraction. But then, just as you were about to approach him, he turned and looked at you with an icy stare. Whereupon your ego crumpled.

If you're like most people, you then made a beeline for the buffet and hung out there for the whole evening. You didn't mix, you didn't mingle. You just stood there feeling deflated, waiting for the evening to get done so you could go home and take off this dress- which was clearly a bad choice. Which was why he looked at you like that.

Now what you will never know is that Mr. handsome wasn't looking at you at all. He was in fact reacting to the sourness of the drink he had just taken a sip of. He was thinking he wanted to spit it out, but didn't want to offend the host.

Now suppose you were the man in this scenario. If you were, the truth is you never even saw this woman . You were too busy with what to do about your drink. But later at the buffet you saw her and you wanted to approach. But she was too aloof. She had that look. And you thought, why ask for rejection? So you didn't approach her.

I bet there have been times that you have been like this in your life. You have been 100% sure you knew the very thoughts in someone else's head. And you have been 100% sure this was reality. And, like this story, I'm sure you missed out on something. Perhaps it was the soulmate of your dreams that you never even met.

And I would venture to say that this is how most of us do life. We go on our merry way, doing and not doing, based on what we think. And what we think is hugely colored by our judgments and assessment, beliefs and past. But we don't think it is colored. We think we are seeing the world how it really is.

But really we are missing opportunities left and right. And we don't even know it.

In this and future articles we will look at the difference between perception and reality. We will look to see how setting aside limiting beliefs and assumptions can give us miracles in our lives- miracles in romance, career, finances, life-fulfillment, and every other are of life. So stick around, and enjoy the ride.

For more help in this area, click on my links above.