I find myself wondering exactly why people associate the word discipline with punishment. The true definitions of the words, using my interpretation of dictionary.com as the terminology relates to the topic of children tends to differ with many adults out there who have either no children or no experience with small children.

Discipline basically refers to behavior that is in line with the rules of conduct consisting of order being maintained by training and control.

Punishment refers to a penalty for an offense, fault or severe treatment.

As a parent, you have certain responsibilities in child rearing. I hear people after tragic accidents or simple inadequacies say "You have to pass a test to get a driver's license, but anyone can have a child."

Yes, this is true, and with that, parents have responsibilities in discipline that start way before the need arises. Some of those responsibilities are stay calm, be consistent, start early, avoid too much criticism, anticipate times when inappropriate behavior may occur, expect the child to behave, be reasonable and lastly, consider yourself the primary teacher for your child.

When the time comes that action is necessary, think through your options and remember to punish immediately, don't let the inappropriate behavior get out of hand before taking action, reveal the consequences ahead of time, use praise and reward for good behavior, impose less rules and the most important tactic that I've found is to give the child some prep time or warning before imposing any action. For instance, with my own children, telling them that it is "3 minutes to bed time", then "2 minutes", etc makes bedtime a much easier time of day for us. Along that same thought, we also count backwards to our children using 1-2-3 Magic as the premise. We give the child one warning for inappropriate behavior by stating, "that's 1". If the inappropriate behavior continues, "that's 2" is handed out. And, if you reach the point of "that's 3", it is time then to impose punishment.

When reaching the point of imposing the rules, be sure to remind the child of the rules in a calm manner (by looking them in the eyes preferably) and follow through with the punishment explaining to the child the complete punishment. The child needs to know what the punishment is, when it begins and when it ends. Personally I've found if I don't tell my children when the punishment ends, I have a child asking repeatedly when the punishment will be over and eventually this becomes a frustrating experience for everyone. This simple reminder of "when the punishment will end" can prevent further punishment.

At one time in my early public school teaching years and prior to my child rearing days, I thought it was polite to ask a child to do something just as you would another adult. I'm sure you understand my philosophy which is you have to give respect to be respected. With children, this simply isn't the case most of the time. Yes, you want to be respectful, however, if you ask a child "are you ready for bed", then expect the child to answer "no" and then you have no options. If you ask a child, "will you please pick up your toy room?", you can generally expect the answer to be no again. So be careful to give direction instead of choices when the matter is non-negotiable.

When you construct the rules for your child and family, remember that the less rules the child has to remember, the less problems you will encounter. So, first and for most, try to be reasonable, but at the same time, be flexible and consistent. Set your family rules and be prepared to enforce them.

Some of the most popular punishments handed down are time-out (which most of us handle inappropriately, see 1-2-3 Magic), grounding, taking away privileges and spanking. Remember, as I said earlier, be clear what the punishment is for, how it will be conducted and how long it will last or you very possibly may ended up frustrated and punishing more than necessary due to a nagging child asking "when do I get out of time-out? or "when can I have my jump-rope back".

Young children most often act or react out of reflex. For instance, someone takes the toy the child is playing with and the reflex is to either hit or snatch the toy back. So, as you go about learning to discipline without necessarily handing down a punishment on every occasion, remember to give children options. For instance, if the child in the above example chose to hit the thief of his toy, you could explain to the child that hands are for hugging and loving not hitting. Viewing your role as a teacher instead of a disciplinarian or punishment enforcer is key.

As the role of punishment enforcer, taking the time to evaluate the inappropriate behavior and then enforcing punishment which is equal to the inappropriate action is of utmost importance. For instance, in a child's life, the simple act of taking a toy from another child should not warrant the same punishment as biting another child or say hitting the adult. In the adult world this method is employed everyday. People who speed in an automobile normally receive a ticket for the first offense. However, people who partake in harming another person, for instance murder, do and should receive more strict punishment than the speeder. Remember, let the punishment fit the crime.

I mentioned above to keep the rules simple and you will be more successful. Within that same boundary, it is important to "pick your battles". For instance, if your child "demands" to wear her Mini Mouse costume to Mother's Day Out for three straight months, is it worth it to battle the child or just do the laundry more often? However, at the same time, if your child stands in a chair in a restaurant, it is time to become the teacher and enforcer. Hopefully suggestions one through nine will be helpful in this situation.